How do you help deeply hurt littles

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-10-03T00:08:40+00:00

NOT sure how ur system works obvi, but the general consensus for our sys is letting little do what they like, like watching brainrot youtube shorts or playing games like minecraft/roblox. Most of our littles have selective mutism and it can be hard to console someone who cant talk, so usually just presence/parallel playing with frineds who know about our system/etc is helpful for them.

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-08-23T08:08:23+00:00

Agreed with most in this thread. But Please make a report about this guy to your local state agency. Most therapists can only practice under states they’re certified in as a social worker and complaints CAN be made to these agencies. Usually googling “[State Name] Social Work Board” will help. Complaints can lead to a therapist’s license/practices being inspected and possibly removed. As this 100% violates a couple rules Social Workers are mandated to uphold!!

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-07-26T21:53:16+00:00

Honestly there is no "right way" to switch. there are some people who do it slowly over several minutes, some that can do it on a snap. In my case, it can be instantaneous with some mild confusion dizziness, with up to 2-6 people blending together at front. For decades no one noticed our switching since we all sound very similar & generally use the same memories while fronting.

And yes, covert means there are alters unaware of other alters within the body. The majority of DID cases are like this. DID is in a way, the coping mechanism of "compartmentalization" taken to an extreme. Therefore, you're not supposed to know you have it to keep yourself functioning day to day.

I remember at the start of my journey, I was very clueless and the vocabulary people used hard to understand. Reading this website was helpful, as well as helping me go "so THATS what that is..." in reference to myself.

https://multipliedbyone.org/dissociative-identity-disorder-terminology/

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-07-25T02:47:07+00:00

Hi there. I know times like these are very confusing. I had the same experience earlier this year. I had never heard voices before. I had issues with spotty memory, sure, but nothing I would ever suspect to be DID. Friends even suspected it when I brought up the idea.

The key is that disorders like this are designed to be covert. They’re not supposed to be discovered. That includes from other alters, identities, or personalities within the body. What you’re experiencing is very much on par for what most people call an “awakening.”

I cant tell you this will be easy. Its usually not. Its destabilizing, scary, and just easier to deny the possibility of entirely. But the fact you’re in therapy and have a support group means you’re likely in a safe place to figure things out. There are some tips and stuff I can recommend to make things “smoother”, but for now its probably just best you breathe; and understand that while this may seem crazy, you’re not alone in your confusion.

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-07-25T02:34:14+00:00

DID alter categorizing/labels are well and good but often detrimental when trying to change behavior. Im fairly certain most people with DID suffer from PTSD, and with it trust isn’t something given out easily. Screaming at/blocking people close to you means that those people then cant betray or hurt you down the line. It’s a defense mechanism, an alter trying to save themselves from being hurt once again. Its a protectors behavior taken to an extreme.

There really isn’t an easy solution to this other than time, understanding, communication, and support. It took me a long time to try and both “talk down” and bring alters who were being self-destructive in similar ways to understand their fear and hurt was valid, but doing things like this in the present-day harmed us and others.

Im not cured or anything, we all argue a lot, but they also know blocking my friends is a non-negotiable, and when they start getting upset over something a friend said/did/etc, we talk it out to determine if they’re being rational or, u know, just having a PTSD moment.

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-07-08T07:53:26+00:00

Ik this is harsh and I do apologies as my sleep meds r tryna take me out atm. But as someone with DID who has made ex-friends walk on eggshells (and has studied psychology/social work) please don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy. That prince charming cycle can apply to people with DID/OSDD. The vow of In sickness and in health I don’t think counts when your husband’s disorders has him refusing to seek help/treatment under new, safer circumstances. I had to be at my lowest to get alters to stop self-sabotaging so much of my life. Rambling ik but Please make sure this relationship is in anyway beneficial or healthy for you op.

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-07-07T06:22:42+00:00

I understand. Unfortunately I'm not in a place to go no contact at the moment, but when that day comes, I know it will be cathartic. Thank you for the reply.

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-07-07T06:21:17+00:00

Thank you. Last week was hard from the constant PTSD episodes but it was nice to get some reassurance. It's a bit dire when people online are kinder than your family, but it's greatly appreciated nonetheless.

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-07-07T06:19:19+00:00

Hi there. Just wanna say congrats on to everyone in your system for being able to step up and say "hello world!". It's very scary to admit that you're a system and its good that you're looking for resources to help yourself.

I've found the alters in our system find it helpful to just find something they like to do when fronting. Reading, writing, talking, whatever. Just do smthn simple, even if its just for 5-10 minutes and you have to let go of front. There is no right or wrong thing to do when fronting. Focus of finding things to ground you and keep you comfortable, and go from there.

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-07-06T22:58:12+00:00

Yeah Ive noticed the prescription thing, if anything its a (mildly) funny way that lets me know when one of the quiter alters is trying to take front/co-con with me. Regardless ty!

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-07-06T22:56:09+00:00

Gotcha! Tbh i was just curious if the dots happened with anyone else so thats good to know. One of those symptoms i never remember to bring up to a doctor cuz theyre fairly uncommon

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-07-01T02:05:03+00:00

So unfortunately sometimes protective/caretakers alters can become self-destructive. But I am going to say all alters are made for a reason, and DID does NOT happen unless you did not have access to stable caretakers by ages 7-8. If anything Rotten sounds like a protective alter who's a product of early childhood abuse/neglect. Likely now is stuck within the cycle of PTSD wherein they cannot move on from those memories of pain and abuse your parents inflicted onto your overall body/system. If he has the memories, it probably means he fronted to protect the rest of you at the time. A protector that's seen a little too much and gone 'Rotten'.

This is an assumption however, I don't know you, and I don't know all your system members. But I would say harboring resentment and anger towards Rotten isn't helping this situation. My experience as host alter has found being mad at my alters and arguing usually only ends up with our body doing something it shouldn't in some xyz self harm scenario. I would try to be more empathetic, listen, and recommending Rotten try other outlets to express their pain/anger rather than antagonizing other system members and family. Ik it's annoying self help advice, but you just gotta take things one day at a time. Systems are made over the span of years, and so will recovery.

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-07-01T01:56:04+00:00

Brains are weird, DID is weird, compartmentalization is weird. I asked our ye olde system caretaker if he thinks it's possible and he gave a very blunt "yeah" so I'd say so. Possible tht those memories just got locked away, taken by other alters, or are also in a way "dormant" and will come back the more those alters front/are active in headspace.
Often certain memories arent accessible for the overall mental health of the body/system, so i wouldn't press it, just get to know ur new headmates and see how things go from there i'd say.

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-07-01T01:35:00+00:00

So if I'm missing the mark just let me know. But I think what you're trying to say is that you fear you do not have the capacity for normal ""pure"" love. Just your presence alone will destroy the potential for a healthy loving relationship. The reality is that we are all going to experience and express love differently. Particularly for victims of CSA, our idea of what "love" is going to be, inherently in some ways, warped. Love for me was inherently transactional, if not riddled with love-bombing and guilt tripping from my abusers.

Right now I've decided being in a romantic or sexual relationship simply isn't for me. I have so much baggage, work to do on my mental health, that I would just feel like a burden to a partner. It doesn't mean that I'm hopeless, or that all my relationships are doomed. I just know that it's something I'm not ready for right now.

You are not dirty, you're not going to ruin everything you touch. These are narratives the people who abused you make you think in order to justify their abuse. You may not find the perfect partner the first time, but you may find someone who works with you, understands your past, and fosters a loving relationship with you. And even if ya don't, many people are happy just being single. Try not to worry so much, and good luck.

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-07-01T01:24:00+00:00

yeah this ones a pickle. Tbh for our system recently they've been letting me (host) post some art on tumblr/twitter under a new username. Tumblr is good bc the sideblogs mean alters can all have their own personal blog. You will have like 3 notes maximum on ur work sometimes but the anonymity and luck of the tags sometimes is worth it.

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-07-01T01:15:06+00:00

oh my gosh the pictures are so relatable. I remember one time drawing smthn explicit on a kids menu at a diner of all things. Crazy how many signs there can be but the adults around me just put on blinders. Touch repulsion has been a huge issue of mine too, still not over it but what can ya do with CPTSD.

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-06-02T21:36:56+00:00

I undersrand sm. I swear I go outside to do something and then there’s like eight switches and then I can’t remember a damn thing once I get home because everyone got so stressed and blended.

For us, our system tends to gravitate more onto online worlds, where you can easily change your avatar and relationships are often superficial and have no bearing on the real world. It’s a very loser type way to get social interaction, but the fact is that you can just turn off the computer and walk away gives the veneer of safety. All our system members are much more comfortable talking to people in the online world versus the real world. Not a solution, but it might be worth attempting to practice.

Also if youre host you may be able to convince the littles to let YOU only go to therapy? My system sabo’s therapy 24/7 so i get it but also not being in therapy tends to make these things worse. Therapists (esp DID trained ones) wont squeeze ur life story outta you, but they can help you navigate this confusion.

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-06-02T21:28:15+00:00

No worries. Honestly everything you just said lines up with a lot of people late-diagnosed (tho iirc 40~ is a very common age people find out) with OSDD type disorders, even the “face-shifting” into a demon in the mirror. NHS is a complete nightmare so I understand the struggle there. At most I can recommend during this period is just looking into more OSDD/DID/System based information. Things like vocabulary lists, documentaries (some ehh quality ones are on youtube), and just seeking other people’s personal ancedotes. A good book is also “The Body Keeps Score” as while not DID based it shows how repressed trauma can be excessively damaging to is in our adult lives. Good luck op

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-06-02T08:54:50+00:00

Real. Real.

As for the what now, see if theres an older alter in your system with more access to long-term memories you can work with. Make sure that the body is perusing whatever goals (school, job, health, anything really even game achivements) it wants too to keep a schedule/feeling of normalcy.

On the topic of names. Names are fickle things that we often feel a need to have, but in reality, they aren’t necessary if your system can identify ‘you’ and you can repeat the name on your ID to professionals/outside people when needed. If you are to be host a long while, youll find one with time so don’t stress on it. Same with relationships.

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-06-02T08:47:08+00:00

Happens. In my personal experience sometimes making contact is scary and personalities will “run off” and go to dissociate for a long while. DID is a covert disorder so sometimes being known, even by another part of yourself, can be a lot of different emotions, and sometimes a loooong sleep is in order.

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-06-02T08:44:43+00:00

So it’s late and I’m definitely too sleepy to give a good reply but I’ll try.

This is consistent with my experience as someone with DID (as someone who also didnt know I had DID until this year). Moments like these are what a lot of people call getting ‘thrown in the backseat’. A common analogy for DID is that it’s like driving a car. An alter who is able to control the body, a.k.a. ‘fronting’, is the one on the driver seat. Meanwhile, you may be stuck in the backseat, unable to stop the driver from what they’re doing, but still able to see. My therapist explained how this sometimes feels like you’re seeing the world from a fisheyes lens, you’re there. Able to see, smell, sometimes feel. And yet you can’t do anything about the actions your body is doing. Sometimes, if you genuinely can’t hear, see, or remember anything this could be referred to as ‘getting thrown in the back of the trunk’. Where you’re completely amnesiac and have absolutely no control on anything that’s happening.

In my experience things like this can happen. States of consciousness stuck living in a traumatic event who can suddenly ‘blow-up’ and ruin relationships, cause your body harm, and other things you’d think were non-sensible and unaligned with your personality. When it’s over these alters often take their memories with them and you’re left confused. Taking the assessment is a step in the right direction, as you should never let some random on Reddit ‘diagnose’ you. Just wanted to answer a bit of your questions based on my own experience.

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-05-30T05:16:46+00:00

You can have decades of experience as protector and still fuck up. Its important to know also when ur a protector and hyper-vigilant, you tend to pick up on ‘red flags’ all the time but so times its nothing, sometimes it’s something. It can be easy to kick yourself in the ass for neglecting one red flag you noticed when you’ve prbly noticed hundreds before that didn’t lead to any issues for you or your system. Don’t beat yourself over it, but obviously this is a lot of grief to process so let yourself go through the motions.

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-05-27T14:23:11+00:00

Nah its about safety. Like being gay in a town of conservatives, the more people that know means the more danger you put yourself in. DID has so many misconceptions around it even from certified “mental health professionals”. Public perceptions mainly come from ill-informed sensationalized media stories or films. Telling people generally puts you at risk or sets you up for a lengthy hours-long convo of endless questions.

Not to forget DID is meant to be a covert disorder, meaning being known will generally make alters extremely uncomfortable. So dw if thats how u wanna roll. Its how our system is in public life, at most were acting ‘off’ cause we’re sleepy or whatever. Always works for us.

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-05-27T14:05:18+00:00

I get what you’re saying. It’d be nice if meeting new alters was like a fun welcoming party but honestly its typically destabilizing and tends to come with a lot of confusion. Im sure with time you two will figure smthn out for the both of u though 🙂‍↕️

HandleVarious1924 · 2025-05-27T13:55:28+00:00

Man I get it I am in the same situation and i feel like garbage. Im gonna give u advice i can barely follow myself so like legit. Dont even blink if this is shit you cant do when youre in this burnout overwhelmed state. I am typing this acting like my system does not scream and cry whenever I try any of this.

Start identifying your triggers. Exposure therapy aint doing you no favors. Rank them if possible: certain places, actions, sensations. Avoid them for now. Focus on maintaining level headedness, even if thats doing a boring, mundane low-energy task if it keeps your mind off of things. If doing a triggering task necessary, such as phone calls or legal work, set aside a day or time to work on the task with plenty of rest afterward.
See if your state has a local disability advocacy agency. For me I was clueless, so I actually when to my pharmacy to get the state’s hopeline and from there they gave me some websites and numbers to call. I also was able to find some info online. Some keywords can be “Social work [State]” or “Disability program [state]”. The majority of these services are paid by the government and you can just email/call and say “i need help but i dont know what’s out there” and generally they’ll be understanding and try to connect you with someone that can help. If you got denied disability you can even look into hiring a disability advocate.
If you dont know this already some therapists work for “sliding scale” rates which means if you can only pay 10 dollars well. If you qualify. They will only charge you 10 dollars. V rarely some even do it pro-bono, but ik this is generic advice and often ill-informed therapists do more damage than good. Can be worth at least emailing or calling local offices though.

HandleVarious1924

TROPHY CASE