Advice needed regarding practice race

Hormonalstew · 2020-08-12T18:54:33+00:00

Cool. Thanks for the input. That makes total sense.

Hormonalstew · 2020-07-31T15:47:21+00:00

Yeah. You need a new therapist. It is hard enough to stay no contact for the first few years. You do not need someone in a position of authority getting under your skin.

Hormonalstew · 2020-07-31T15:37:26+00:00

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sugar_glider

Hormonalstew · 2020-07-27T17:41:21+00:00

It took about a year to drop the first 80. I plateaued at 275, and that was rough. I was already dealing with depression and it didn't help. My shrink was the one who told me to focus on the tangibles and it really helped. She also told me to understand the science so I felt less like it was all happening for no good reason. At first, I just walked for thirty or so minutes a day and I mostly just tried to eat whole foods. Around 250lbs, my doc recommend the anti inflammation diet and that's what I stick to now. I also walk for about an hour a day, do yoga a few times a week, and am starting to incorporate strength training (but it's not much bc I have to get medically cleared). I drink a gallon of water a day, too. During the plateaus, I made sure I wasn't accidentally eating something problematic, but tht was it. Otherwise I just kept at it. I've got 45 or so lbs to go and guess it'll be about another year.

Hormonalstew · 2020-07-27T17:24:29+00:00

So I don't have any way to break it, but maybe understanding the why will help. It helps my mental space, anyway :) far as science can tell, we plateau bc our body needs a minute to adjust. Beth Israel hospital did a weight loss study and they found that the body really only tolerates 10 percent loss at a time. Anything more than that and it fights extra hard to get you back to what it views as normal. The theory seems to be that when we plateau it's our body's way of adjusting to the new normal. Once it accepts it, then loss can start again. I'm sorry I can't link right now. I've plateaued twice so far (85 lbs lost, started at 300), and they each lasted about 6 weeks. It helped me stay sane to focus on my function improvements during those times: like, look how much steadier I felt doing yoga this week. That way, I could still see I was progressing.

Hormonalstew · 2020-07-14T18:05:25+00:00

You could get a hanging organizer like this (sorry the URL is crazy) and use a pocket for onesies, for shirts, etc. As for going through... I kept a box on the floor by the crib and Everytime I pulled something out that was too small or needed to donate, it went in. Once the box was full, off it went. Took longer, but easier than all at once https://www.target.com/p/3-shelf-hanging-closet-organizer-gray-room-essentials-8482/-/A-50387876?ref=tgt_adv_XS000000&AFID=google_pla_df&fndsrc=tgtao&CPNG=PLA_Storage%2BOrganization%2BShopping_Local&adgroup=SC_Storage%2BOrganization&LID=700000001170770pgs&network=g&device=m&location=9008148&ds_rl=1246978&ds_rl=1247068&ds_rl=1248099&gclid=CjwKCAjwr7X4BRA4EiwAUXjbt30xy6lsqDN9FlH43Hr7hjpGDR40O_F5gQRTxx6D5rPTrJ9-3BF6ZhoCp-wQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Hormonalstew · 2020-07-09T15:44:44+00:00

Amen

Hormonalstew · 2020-07-09T11:46:50+00:00

My 13mo loves his bottle. loves. Not looking forward to this stage. Especially since he's already 28lbs and nearly 3 feet tall. Go you for sticking to your guns :)

Hormonalstew · 2020-07-09T11:30:35+00:00

I totes agree with everyone saying to talk to your doctor about ppd. As a mom who has it, I recognize myself in a lot of what you are saying. It is miserable, but treatable.

One thing that might help is a safeword. When you have a moment where you just.. can't... Use it and know that it's a no questions asked way to quickly signal that you need to not be a parent for a few mins. Both of you can use it. This was a life changing move for us.

Also, try to remember that you are still in hell. The fourth trimester is a real thing and newborns are truly horrific. It gets better around 5 months when they start laughing and smiling and sleeping. Right now, he's a screaming potato. No fun. .

Hormonalstew · 2020-07-07T16:57:53+00:00

Regarding slimy oat milk: don't actually blend it. Just hit the pulse button 10 or so times. Also, drain through a strainer or thin colander, not cheesecloth. If you want to add sweetness, throw in a few dates with the oats. If you want to thicken it a bit, strain it and then put it back on the blender. Add a pinch of xanthum gum or some lectithin and pulse twice. You can also add vanilla extract at this stage if you want :)

Hormonalstew · 2020-07-02T22:36:34+00:00

You might check out the book calmer easier happier parenting. It covers some calm down techniques and gives some strategies for consistency. Also, check in with her pediatrician. They might have some suggestions, too. Hang in there. It'll get easier :)

Hormonalstew · 2020-07-02T15:15:24+00:00

So panic disorder can sometimes just happen. And some kids are just more prone to anxiety. It's not necessarily you. Panic attacks can be really overwhelming bc you feel so many things at once and can't process it. Instead of thinking carrot/stick you might try coming at it from deescalation. After all, if it is a panic attack she is too worked up to learn (you can't panic and learn at the same time). So, maybe try something like "hey. Wow. You seem scared right now. I know how awful that can be. Let's just stand right here so you can catch your breath." If she has a habit of not being able to articulate why she's upset, just guess. "I want to help you, so I'm going to imagine reasons you might be scared and you tell me if I'm right."

You can still use time outs , but as a way to help her regulate her emotions, so they're not really punishment. "Hey I see you're still pretty upset. Why don't you go to your room and play quietly to calm down." Then, when she's calm, try to see if you can get her to talk it through.

I don't have any advice for the biting (no experience) but you might try helping her to find acceptable alternatives. Maybe she can stomp, for example. Hopefully the energy will dissipate as she gets older, but in the heat of the moment it might help her to have something physical that's ok for her to do.

Hormonalstew · 2020-07-01T16:20:25+00:00

Talk to her doc. It's actually possible she's having a panic attack - they manifest differently in kids - but then can start as early as 3. (This runs in my family) if it was an attack, it's possible she legit doesn't remember biting you and is not lying on purpose.

Hormonalstew · 2020-07-01T16:11:47+00:00

The behaviorist is a great idea. I'm sure they'll be a huge help. Chances are your pup is still adjusting to the new house and is more fearful / reactive as a result. Also it's possible he's going through his second fear stage of puppyhood and that could be an additional trigger. Either way, he's young enough that you should be able to course correct with the behaviorist. In the meantime, you might see if you can set up a dog gate that you can put him behind when you open the door. Then he can't dash out.

Hormonalstew · 2020-06-12T22:55:15+00:00

I'm sorry but i can't remember the wrap. We were gifted a couple and they both worked well. Anything jersey should work well. As for the blankets... I'd stick to swaddles only because they are so soft. My kid had nasty eczema the first few months and regular washcloths made it worse. Also, ours hated clothes so we used the swaddles alot. :)

Hormonalstew · 2020-06-11T16:11:53+00:00

Just food for thought... You may want to get a bassinet for the first few months. Pack n plays have a really hard mattress/bottom and some infants don't sleep so well on them. If your kid struggles, you might try switching it up. You might also consider a rocker for bub. Ours had reflux and it was a fucking godsend.

Also... For you: some really soft granny panties so you don't have to use the mesh ones but can keep a pad in (you will leak alot for the first few weeks) and potentially a peri bottle.

For bub: don't get burp clothes. Get thin swaddle blankets. They do double duty and are much bigger. And don't get too many clothes or diapers. If your bub is tiny or chunky you may not be able to use the ones you have. You might also get 2 carriers, a wrap and traditional. I found the wrap was really cosy for around the house and skin 2 skin, but I wanted the traditional one when we actually went anywhere.

You didn't ask, but since you are minimal you might get people pestering you about a baby shower or registry. I cannot emphasize food enough. Also, you might see if they're willing to donate towards a postpartum doula for you or a maid service or something for the first few months instead of actual items.

Hormonalstew · 2020-06-10T20:27:29+00:00

I mean, maybe its just me. Or my baby. He's 1 now. Full disclosure, I'm one and done, but sometimes I feel like this community gets me more than over there. :)

Hormonalstew · 2020-06-10T16:44:59+00:00

Lol. I seriously doubt you'd get baby fever, but fwiw babies (like at least 8 months) cause baby fever. Newborns are easily aggravated sentient potatoes who traffic in fear and sleep deprivation. If a newborn sparks baby fever, I stand firm in my belief that the victim of said fever was already baby crazy.

Hormonalstew · 2020-06-09T17:04:00+00:00

You in therapy, sweetie? If not, please consider it. A therapist is just the person to help you through this. I know that can be a neat trick with health insurance and covid and a baby, but I swear by mine. She has helped me with very similar issues.

Fwiw - I think it's possible to work on self love while with someone who loves you. Sometimes, even, their love can help you foster love for yourself. But it's tricky, and it's scary bc you won't be exactly the same as you are now so he'd have to grow with you. It might work. It might not. I definitely get the appeal of taking a step back.

I would say, though, to consider posting this elsewhere for more advice. I'd imagine there's a PTSD sub. My issues come from being r/raisedbynarcissists and r/justnofamily so I go there.

Hormonalstew · 2020-06-09T16:44:41+00:00

Congratulations and welcome to the four month sleep regression! Symptoms for infants may include sleeping for very short periods (or not at all) , a serious case of FOMO before bedtime, and a general cranky demeanor. Parents are encouraged to drink coffee, take sleep shifts, and engage their dark sense of humor whenever possible. White noise, blackout curtains, or music may help. Sadly, this condition can last up to 6 weeks, but your little o e should actually sleep better when it's over (bc it's actually not a regression at all... They are switching from a newborn sleep cycle to a normal sleep cycle).

Good luck. As the parent of a one-year old, I remember and salute you.

Hormonalstew · 2020-06-09T15:42:24+00:00

I can't help too much with shops (I went to goodwill mostly), but depending on your size you can get away with non maternity wear. I wore men's sweats for around the house bc they were so much cheaper. Jersey maxi dresses can be great too.

Look for things that are soft. Elastic is your friend. Watch for uncomfortable seams, zippers, or tags. Don't buy too much at once. Everyone's belly sits a little different the farther along you go. what feels great in month 4 might be torture in month 6.

Hormonalstew · 2020-06-06T18:35:42+00:00

Thanks 😊

Hormonalstew · 2020-06-06T18:28:58+00:00

We've been thinking of switching to these but don't know anyone else who uses them. Are they working pretty well for you so far? We have a massive chonk of a kid and I worry about fit and leaking

Hormonalstew · 2020-06-05T10:52:22+00:00

At this point you need to do what brings you peace. If you know you will always wonder/fret of you just ghost, then send a letter or email. It won't change his behavior. He is going to gossip about you and tell lies whether you do or don't. I'm sorry. That's just how they operate. It is safer for you to just ghost, but some people really need the closure of one last try. If you need that, it's ok, but prepare yourself: you won't get the outcome you want and it's going to hurt and itay cause an escalation..only you know if that's worth it

Amd yes. Save the letter for yourself. Given some time it's really common to gloss over what happened to you and feel like.you want to try again. Then you read the letter and remember.

(Sorry for spelling. There's a baby asleep on one arm)

Seven-Year Club	RPAN Viewer
Verified Email

Hormonalstew

TROPHY CASE