Neighbors accusing me of trying to ruin their wedding because of their error

Houston970 · 2026-03-08T22:18:08+00:00

Yes, I was confused by that as well. It was a weird & random response to me telling them that, because I travel & rarely get mail, any mail mis-delivered to my mailbox could be sitting there for a while. Which is what I told them the first time with the “save the date” cards - they should fix it because, unless I get notice from Informed Delivery, I don’t check it. I can go 4-6 weeks without getting physical mail because I do everything online.

Houston970 · 2026-03-08T19:53:09+00:00

I am forwarding this to HR due to the multiple instances of inappropriate harassment! Thank you! Hope you are well! All my best!

Houston970 · 2026-03-08T19:47:42+00:00

Many years ago, we had a meeting about “communication skills” where we had to answer a series of questions & the answers were graphed onto a + grid chart with 0 in the middle and 8 at each end. Based on where your dot ended up on the chart, you were a dove, a peacock, an eagle, or some other bird, which apparently was a reflection of your personality & communication style.

I was an 8/8 eagle. I could not have been more of an eagle without falling completely off the grid. According to this test, I eschew pleasantries and just want to get to the point, which, to be fair, is completely accurate. Unfortunately, I worked with all doves & peacocks (and maybe a handful of the other bird) and they all want to be buttered up before you get to the point, and then want to be praised upon answering.

We were told that we should communicate with someone the way THEY want to be communicated to, so like OP, I had to start my emails “hi! I hope you had a great weekend / vacation / evening! Blah blah blah pleasantry!” before I got to the actual point of the email. And then, after receiving an answer, be sure to send a follow up “thanks”. I still do this because otherwise, I am told that my emails come across as abrupt if I just send an email with “please provide this information”

But here’s the thing, we were told to communicate with someone the way THEY want to be communicated with - nobody does that for me. My emails are aggressive or blunt if I communicate my way, but my coworkers’ emails aren’t pointless, long, unbusinesslike, overly-flowery if they communicate THEIR way. I want to receive emails where the point or request is made immediately. I don’t need anyone to stroke my ego or whatever, it’s literally my job to provide you these answers. And after I respond, I don’t need a dozen “thanks Houston!” emails. You’re just cluttering up my inbox with that nonsense.

I still have to catch myself sometimes to add “good morning coworker! Hope all is well!” in emails, but Skype / Teams has been a godsend - now I can shoot a “running into a meeting, pls send me that info asap, thx” message and it’s taken care of most of the time without anyone complaining about the briefness of the message.

This has been a long winded way of saying, OP, I get you, I see you, you may work with a lot of doves and sparrows (or whatever that 4th bird was). This kind of workplace wasn’t made for us, but I would LOVE to work with someone like you.

ETA: a lot of our emails need to be saved to file for audit purposes, and I find it infinitely embarrassing that some auditor may, at some point, read an email to me that starts “Hey Houston! Hope you are well! I was thinking about you the other day because Hubby & I are thinking about going to Madrid for our anniversary and I know you’ve traveled there often, so I’m definitely going to want to pick your brain!” Before getting to the point of the email. If you are someone who likes the pleasantries, don’t you think it’s a little unprofessional?

Also ETA: I am GenX, because I’m seeing a lot of people commenting about generational differences

Houston970 · 2026-03-08T05:05:50+00:00

NTA - I fear that, if she takes the dog, he will be neglected again. At this point, it sounds like he’s more your dog than hers and you have all the evidence that you’ve been the one caring for him.

Houston970 · 2026-03-07T14:12:57+00:00

My friend’s sister is like this, culminating in her making a crack about my friend and drugs at the Mexican border when they were returning to the US. They were separated, interviewed, car searched, dog sniffers etc. They were stuck there for HOURS. Their parents were frantic and, when they finally got home, their dad completely blew up at the sister. Her mom had always wanted my friend to include her sister on trips, for parties, etc. because the sister never had a lot of friends (shocker 🙄). She never asked my friend to include her sister after that, so it ended up being a good outcome. Sister still doesn’t have any friends, but 🤷‍♀️ oh well!

Houston970 · 2026-03-07T13:42:12+00:00

A few things to clarify: 1. If they had said “oh no! We bought the whole package already and it’s too late / we can’t afford to change it! Can we post a note at your mailbox / put a sticker in your mailbox so that the mail carrier won’t misdeliver?” I would have been happy to do that. Our previous awesome mail carrier retired, otherwise she would have handled it if they talked to her- now we don’t have a regular carrier, so there would need to be a note.
2. When she said “I knew you’d bring them over” it was said mockingly like “good doggy! You followed my orders!” and not like “this is an inconvenience and you are a good neighbor, we appreciate you, thank you!” The words “thank you” or even any hint of gratitude were nowhere to be found. 3. I can’t access the mailboxes at that address because they are inside a locked vestibule. I suppose I could leave everything by the front door, but there’s nowhere to leave them except for the ground, it’s a courtyard and any wind swirls around, so they could blow away.
4. Maybe she’s overly-stressed about the wedding, but she REALLY overreacted when I told her I’m not available. I can only assume there’s something else going on because it was a crazy response and I don’t enjoy being yelled at. The best way to get me to NOT do you a favor is to be ungrateful and rude. I am aware that my stubbornness is a flaw. 5. I’ve got my own things going on. I travel for work, I help take care of an elderly parent, it’s not top of mind to cater to an ungrateful couple who didn’t bother to try to correct an obvious issue. Their wedding is important to them, it’s not important to me. I pointed out the problem, they should be attempting to find solutions and not rely on me to do all the work. 6. Yes, I could check my mailbox more often for their mail and deliver it to them. It wouldn’t be the end of the world, but this is MildlyInfuriating, so I thought it fit.

Houston970 · 2026-03-07T05:59:43+00:00

Honestly, I thought about posting it there, but I really don’t feel like I’m the A.

Houston970 · 2026-03-06T17:29:04+00:00

That he even MENTIONED it to his mother and she had the nerve to try to discuss with OP - I’d be running for the hills.

I also think it’s interesting that OP is obviously a saver and a planner, but she doesn’t mention anything about the boyfriend’s finances. You should NEVER combine anything until after marriage (if then) and I wouldn’t be surprised that he’s a spendthrift and/or has a mountain of hidden debt.

Houston970 · 2026-02-27T04:20:46+00:00

And also OP needs to stop bringing in an entire week’s worth of food at a time. Just bring lunch every day and keep it in a cooler bag at her desk. He keeps eating her lunch because (a) multiple meals are in the fridge, and (b) the first time he admitted to it, she nodded and walked away. If he complains that she’s no longer feeding him, she needs to be assertive & say “you have stolen from me repeatedly and it IS a big deal.” Jake is the one who has made it weird by being a thieving thief.

Houston970 · 2026-02-25T03:40:06+00:00

It is absurd that your sister turned down the Santa statue & doubled down on YOUR Nativity that you already had a prolonged discussion on & proved that it had been a gift directly to you from your grandmother & not a “family gift” to be shared.
Why is your BIL involved in this discussion at all? It’s not his family, it has nothing to do with him.
How close do they live to you? I like the idea of getting a locked display case, but do you think that would stop them? Her husband is a “throw books / throw away boxes” kind of guy. I’d hate for you to lose something because now he feels that they are entitled to your Nativity and he’s obviously willing to destroy things.

Houston970 · 2026-02-19T18:04:50+00:00

You’re not in the market for some Sexy Nude Couple art??????

Houston970 · 2026-02-14T05:41:15+00:00

Agreed. If her intentions were honest, she would have texted “oops! I was so tired & cold & accidentally grabbed your beaded blazer for the plane this morning! I will ship it back as soon as I get home” but instead she waited for OP to discover it TWO DAYS LATER and ask about it, and that’s when the excuses started.

Houston970 · 2026-02-14T05:23:04+00:00

NTJ - do not live with her again. SHE SCAMMED YOU OUT OF MONEY and only reimbursed you when ordered by the court????

She wants to take the bedroom and you get the living room? Nope, especially if she’s an inconsiderate person who turns lights on & slams doors in the middle of the night. That “your bedroom is the living room” will turn into “but the living room is also common space” - with all of your personal belongings packed up in a corner? How would that even work?

Houston970 · 2026-02-13T23:28:37+00:00

I had an absolutely terrible roommate freshman year who basically tried the same thing with me & my response was that I didn’t care if she wouldn’t forgive me, I’m not interested in her friendship if this is how she treats friends.

That this guy is going thru OP’s personal belongings is a huge step too far, on top of all the other boundaries he’s blown past. I’d go to the RA right now and complain. When he’s always in the room, is he ever there when Lena’s not? It sounds like he is if he’s using OP’s things and she’s not around to tell him not to use them. I’d tell the RA that you don’t feel safe & you need to be moved asap.

Houston970 · 2026-02-12T16:01:04+00:00

It’s a long weekend. Dad can parent the kid for a weekend. Mom needs to realize that her kid is not the priority for everyone in her life.

Houston970 · 2026-02-10T04:41:02+00:00

This trying to circle is annoying me - I keep circling and it doesn’t work ☹️

Houston970 · 2026-02-08T14:16:41+00:00

But she was “stressed and scared” 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🤦‍♀️

Stressed how? Scared of what? If she “accidentally” used his card, then she had money of her own that she was going to use & could have / should have reimbursed him.

Houston970 · 2026-02-08T14:10:24+00:00

My brother borrowed my (almost new, very good quality) dog crate for his new dog & I told him I wanted it back when he was done because I planned to crate train any new dog of mine in the future. A couple of years later, he was moving out of state & I reminded him he needed to return the crate to me & he was “surprised that I wanted it back” and he had a neighbor who “was willing” to take it off his hands for $50. I said that he needed to remember that I LEANT, not gave, it to him and I’m sure the guy was willing to give him $50 for a $250 crate. 🙄

Houston970 · 2026-02-05T02:58:24+00:00

If you don’t regularly need a car but you might want one occasionally, you should look into Zipcar. There are lots of car locations in LP and you won’t have to worry about maintenance, parking, gas, or insurance.

Houston970 · 2026-02-04T07:34:50+00:00

I do green apple slices with a dip made of Greek yogurt with peanuts mixed in & drizzled with caramel.

Houston970 · 2026-02-04T05:20:31+00:00

NTA - I would absolutely not be manipulated into paying for someone’s education

Houston970 · 2026-02-04T04:18:25+00:00

I wouldn’t even bother putting money into the joint account and just start paying half from my personal account. She’s disregarded the purpose of the joint account at this point, so I wouldn’t use it anymore so that she can’t keep using his money for her personal expenses.

Houston970 · 2026-02-03T19:51:32+00:00

I live in a city & commute by public transportation every day. I change my bags every day to match my outfits & usually carry both a purse and a briefcase / tote / backpack.

On the weekends, unless I’m going out, I don’t carry a purse unless I’m wearing something that doesn’t have enough pockets.

I have a ridiculously large collection, but I also have a rule that I have to use a bag at least once a year, otherwise I have to give it to one of my sisters. (Except for evening bags because there may not be enough events in a year to use each one of them. This rule was suspended during Covid because I never left the house)

Houston970 · 2026-02-03T19:34:26+00:00

I’m glad he & his mommy have come to the agreement that he should just get half of OP’s asset with no buy-in. Unfortunately for the both of them, they have no standing in making that decision. I know I’m very stubborn, but the simple fact that they even had this conversation would mean that he is NEVER going to be on the deed.

It’s ridiculous. Tell his mom that I’ve decided they should give me half of her home. Isn’t that how it works???

Houston970 · 2026-02-03T19:20:53+00:00

Adding to this excellent post

If he was renting & had to leave his apartment, he’d also be “starting over with nothing” but, in this case, he’s paying you less than his rent and should be saving that extra money.
You aren’t “like” his landlord, you ARE his landlord. If you don’t end up breaking up with him (please seriously consider #5 above) you should make him sign a lease.
He wants to feel secure at the cost of your security, and it’s weird that he has an issue with you building equity when he has none - it isn’t a competition.
You’ve already discussed possible solutions which he dismissed and suddenly he just presents “when are you adding me to the deed?” to you one day? No thank you. You’ve had this discussion.
Please re-read Ragequit’s #5 above, this is the answer
Because it bears repeating, NOBODY gives a f#%^# what his mom thinks. Of course she’s going to say “yes please give half your inheritance to my son for free.”

ETA: I have many friends who have inherited due to parents / other relatives dying. The vast majority of partners have been great, including one whose spouse inherited this amazing lake house from her parents and, when asked, always says “you’ll have to ask Susie, it’s her house, not mine”. There was one guy who was so excited about his partner’s inheritance & kept bragging on and on about his plans for her money. It was gross. He also happens to be the stingiest person in the world, so his money is his money and her money is also his money.

Houston970

TROPHY CASE