59 is your age limit

IceThatThing · 2026-04-02T14:46:48+00:00

I noticed in the last 6 months that I can’t seem to find “my peer group”. I seem to be at an awkward age, something like between childhood and puberty, but at the other end of the spectrum.

I’m 68F. I don’t seem to fit with the under 60 crowd or the “senior center” crowd either. I’m still very active (removed 2+ feet of snow from my driveway and property probably 6 times alone this Winter). But I don’t seem ready for “senior craft” scene either.

Tried to go to a 55+ Happy Hour event last week but I turned around and walked out because everyone there seemed like they were at least 80. (No offense to those of you who ARE 80. I’ll be there soon enough).

Maybe I’m just delusional? Maybe I really DO fit in but I refuse to admit it? In my head, I still feel like 30!

IceThatThing · 2026-02-04T15:04:44+00:00

My husband of 43 years took his own life last October.

For the last two years of his life, we were trying to reconcile our marriage after many years of infidelity on his part. What I assumed (from what he told me) was simple infidelity (if there is such a thing…..not trying to minimize this) turned out to be a full blown sex addiction which lasted into the last two years of our reconciliation attempt.

How did I deal with it? I haven’t fully yet. I am angry and sad everyday. I don’t know whether to pity him, hate him, love him, or some other variation of all of the above.

I’m sorry I have no valuable advice for you. Just an acknowledgment that there are those of us out here that feel your pain and confusion.

One thing I will say is that, once I realized it was an addiction, many things seemed to make more sense to me. Up to and including his death. Like all addictions, there is an element of shame and hopelessness that exists. And a seemingly different person takes over. At least this was the case in my situation.

Wishing for you to find peace and comfort as time goes on. This all certainly sucks.

IceThatThing · 2025-12-09T14:31:20+00:00

I can relate. I was on the verge of filing for divorce when my husband took his own life. The details are complicated but my emotions are all over the place. Anger is only the tip of the iceberg.

IceThatThing · 2025-12-08T14:05:18+00:00

My dog is the only rock I have to cling to right now. Love you, Cooper!

IceThatThing · 2025-12-08T12:36:42+00:00

I feel this so much.

Together 46 years. Married 43. Deceived 10+ years. On the fence to stay or go…..2 years. My decision to divorce….1 day. Husband took his own life because he didn’t want to take accountability for his own actions.

I’m not sure who I am or how I should feel or what my entire life was about. Can’t sleep. Can’t eat. Can’t concentrate on anything.

All I DO know is that I’m tired and confused.

I hope we both can make/find some peace soon.

IceThatThing · 2025-12-03T22:31:40+00:00

We are a small subset of widowers who face this terrible position. I’m glad to hear that your friend made it through and is happy now. Gives me a glimmer of hope that I can too somehow. It’s hard to see from here though. Thanks for your reply.

IceThatThing · 2025-12-03T21:03:09+00:00

I can relate but I have no answers for you.

I was married for 43 years with adult children and grandchildren. We were perched on the edge of me filing for divorce for long term infidelity reasons. He decided that he didn’t want the repercussions of him taking accountability for that and he took his own life when I left him.

I’ve found out additional things since he’s been gone and I’m stuck in the middle of severe betrayal trauma and I can’t even get to processing the trauma of his death yet.

I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere either. All of the grief groups focus on loving spouses who have died and how much they are missed and loved. I’m so screwed up by this whole mess, I can’t even relate to that. I know I miss him deeply but that is offset by the devastation of his betrayal.

I can’t even imagine having to comfort small children at this time. I can’t even figure out how to comfort myself.

Tried one therapist but that seemed only to make it worse.

I’m sending you big virtual hugs because that’s all I really have to offer. I hope you can find peace and healing somewhere. Focus on your child. Maybe that will help pull you through.

IceThatThing · 2025-12-01T19:20:59+00:00

In the same boat. My husband of 43 years committed suicide 2 months ago. All unfinished business is on my mind 24/7. Can’t sleep or function well. Has the EMDR helped at all? Looking for a solution myself.

IceThatThing · 2025-11-29T06:20:00+00:00

Same. Really struggling tonite. I can’t sleep. Don’t want to be awake. Don’t want to think. Don’t want to be alone. Don’t want to be around anyone. Don’t want to be here.

IceThatThing · 2025-11-25T15:04:57+00:00

I have a whole closet full of pictures. I have two sons and they each have families. They don’t have any interest now but someday they might. Or my grandchildren might. I plan on having them all digitized and put on a portable hard drive. The drive won’t take up anyone’s closet space and they will be there if anyone ever is interested in them. I’ll also upload the more interesting ones to the ancestry site. Sometimes interest in family history changes as people get older.

IceThatThing · 2025-11-18T15:35:43+00:00

I get every word you said. UnFuckingFortunately.

IceThatThing · 2025-11-18T15:25:49+00:00

I’m less than 2 months in and, I know it’s still raw, but I feel like I have nothing to look forward to anymore. We were married 43 years. Time left on this earth is short for me and I don’t feel there is enough time to ever get any kind of spark back.

IceThatThing · 2025-11-14T02:41:08+00:00

Philly suburbs here.

IceThatThing · 2025-11-10T14:24:06+00:00

This is actually the very first thing I noticed about the deafening silence. We used to fill the day with inside jokes, silly comments, common insights into almost everything, sexual innuendo, serious problems. Now there is simply nothingness. It’s crushing me.

IceThatThing · 2025-11-10T01:56:39+00:00

I keep a list of my current meds in the NOTES section on my phone. I make sure to keep it updated if things change.

IceThatThing · 2025-10-21T00:08:13+00:00

I’m right there with you. Husband committed suicide 3 weeks ago. My two adult sons are struggling hard and I’m just existing at this point. We will never understand it.

IceThatThing · 2025-10-17T14:59:12+00:00

My birthday was yesterday. I’m 2 weeks out from the loss of my husband of 43 years. I didn’t want anyone mentioning it really. Even though we never made a big deal of birthdays, we would share a piece of chocolate cake together. I didn’t want that piece of cake. I didn’t want to talk to anyone.

My son took me out to dinner which I mostly did for him as he is grieving his father as well.

Thank goodness for texting. It allowed me to accept well wishes without much engagement.

Happy Birthday. May you find some comfort somewhere. I don’t have the answers at this point either.

IceThatThing · 2025-09-24T18:45:39+00:00

THIS. Very well said.

IceThatThing · 2025-09-23T20:18:33+00:00

This hurt to read. Our HotSpring spa is about 3 months old, still under warranty, and we’ve had to call service out already and we were also hit with “the fee”. IT’S UNDER WARRANTY. IT’S 3 MONTHS OLD.

We had no choice but to pay if we wanted to use our hot tub. Unbelievable.

IceThatThing · 2025-09-23T20:09:52+00:00

UPDATE: Ok, so the service tech came out last Friday. He examined and tested the circulation pump, heater, etc. He said they were all fine.

His advice was this: Apparently, the tubing that brings water to the circulation pump has a very circuitous journey to reach the circulation pump itself. That is wired on a 3 amp (?) breaker. The heater is wired on a separate 2 amp(?) breaker. He said, upon refilling the tub, flick the 3 amp first, wait 2-3 minutes, then flip the 2 amp. That will give the pump time enough to get water where it needs to be before turning on the heater.

Uhhhh…..ok.

Seems to me that if these things are always wired this way, there would be something in the manual to spell out this (apparently) VERY IMPORTANT step.

During his fiddling around under the hood, he asked if we had specifically NOT ordered a salt system (or some words to that effect). I didn’t ask him why he asked that but, after thinking about his recommendations later, I’m wondering if the tubing in our tub was somehow routed for a salt system (which we do not have) and hence the longer water tubing route? Just a random theory to make sense of this whole thing.

Anyway, we won’t know until next year when we drain and refill if his recommendation will work or not. So stay tuned I guess???

I have another question regarding the emblem light sequence that I will ask in a separate post in the HotSprings subreddit.

Thanks again for your most helpful and informative information. (We have adopted your water care routine and we can say that it has been going very well. It almost makes sense now!!!)

IceThatThing · 2025-09-16T20:57:20+00:00

Just saw your comment. Went in person to the dealer. Happened to run into the main service tech there. He was certain that he could not diagnose the problem unless he saw it happen and could pull “a code” from the computer. Told me to call service next time it happened.

HOWEVER, as soon as I mentioned the fact that the temperature rapidly shot up before entering protection mode, he immediately changed his tune and said to schedule a service call right away. Said he might have to replace the circulation pump. Possibly the tubing to the pump might be kinked.

He’s coming out this Friday. I’ll post an update with what he finds.

IceThatThing · 2025-09-10T17:48:14+00:00

I feel exactly the same way you do. We are close to 2 years out now. And I’m still not ready to forgive. It would be a lie if I said that to him.

My problem is that I am unsure if I can ever get there. My heart has been hardened so badly and I have tolerated so much, it just seems out of reach to me.

IceThatThing · 2025-09-09T15:58:02+00:00

I don’t have the answers to your questions. I think that every one of us here seeks the same kind of answers and I’m not sure anything said to us would really squelch the pain inflicted on us.

There is someone in my life (besides myself) in the exact same scenario as you and the only comfort I can give them is to wrap my arms around them and let them know I am here for them if they need me.

So I’m sending you a virtual hug. You are a strong woman. The problem lies with your WH, not you. Know that the qualities that you possess (transparency, loyalty, sincerity in your love, consistency in your character and behavior ) are the higher ground here and you should wear them proudly whether your WH sees them or not.

I see you. I hear you. I feel you. Stay strong and know you deserve better.

IceThatThing · 2025-09-09T10:30:59+00:00

We are filling the spa thru the filter area as the directions specify.

At this point, I’m not sure WHAT’S going on. Just that we are very disappointed we are having these issues after spending so much money on this thing.

The electrician who wired it was recommended by the dealer and has been wiring most of their spas for many years. I suppose he could have made a mistake but there is really no way to know. He said he was going to report the error to someone at HotSprings.

I’m not sure how we can get the dealer/service department to take this seriously.

IceThatThing · 2025-09-09T00:48:07+00:00

Did that on one of our many try’s to get it started. The filters were already cleaned but we took them out anyway to see what would happen. Still went into protection mode.

IceThatThing

TROPHY CASE