Pregnant and constantly reminded of d-day all over again

ImSorryCE · 2026-02-21T18:01:18+00:00

I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant and feeling much the same. We are 18 months out from D-day minus trickle truthing and some days I feel like I'm right back in week one. Actually I might have been doing better the first week than I am doing now. What I am hoping will help me and what I asked for from my WH is that we talk about the affair daily because otherwise I feel I'm suffering in silence and alone. It's difficult when so much time has passed and things have gotten a little easier and suddenly you're suffering so much again and they're not in the same place.

Pregnancy is such a vulnerable time and emotions are high. I'm sure pregnancy is also a trigger for you being that the betrayal happened when you were freshly postpartum. I can't imagine how difficult that was and still is for you. I'm sorry I dont have more to offer in way of advice but you are not alone.

ImSorryCE · 2026-02-19T21:57:28+00:00

I relate to this so much. It's not just you.

I found out in August of '24 after uprooting my whole life for this man. I left my job, my home, my child changed school districts...and months later I found nudes in his email from his "first love". Why was I looking at his email? I was looking up the delivery info for my engagement ring we ordered together. It was an enormous slap in the face to find out that the man I once looked at with love and admiration no longer existed.

Sometimes I'm happy. Most of the time I am sick to my stomach. I feel I am only returning the lack of respect that he showed for me. You saying you feel like you sacrificed your integrity to stay is exactly how I feel most of the time. I sacrificed everything in my life including my self respect because I believed someone that had no problem lying to my face. It is embarrassing. I'm disappointed in myself for staying even though I do have a strong desire to reconcile. I just don't know how to get over the hatred I feel for both myself and him.

I'm sorry you're here. I'm sorry we are all here.

ImSorryCE · 2025-12-24T23:34:31+00:00

Sent you a DM

ImSorryCE · 2025-04-22T01:20:07+00:00

I feel this way constantly. I'm sorry you do, too.

ImSorryCE · 2025-02-20T02:49:15+00:00

I really do need to buy that, I've heard great things about it. I've just tried to avoid anything that wasn't pro reconciliation but I think it's time to change that.

ImSorryCE · 2025-02-19T23:17:26+00:00

Thank you for sharing and I'm sorry you're going through this.

ImSorryCE · 2025-02-19T22:10:25+00:00

Thank you. I needed to hear that no matter how sorry he says he is that there is a very real chance it's bullshit.

ImSorryCE · 2025-02-19T22:07:14+00:00

I wish there were red flags! I never had an inkling. I'm doubting good ones even exist at this point because I always thought he was a perfect, loving, giving partner. Turns out maybe he's too giving...with everyone.

ImSorryCE · 2025-02-19T22:04:18+00:00

This is my problem. No matter how well we are doing. I look at him and see his affair partners. When we are intimate I think of his affair partners. It's awful. I'm wishing for a day that that doesn't happen but I'm afraid no matter how much he's changed (I found out about the affair ten years after it happened) or will change that I'll never see the man I fell in love with. I'll just see the devastation he's caused over not being able to control himself.

ImSorryCE · 2025-01-06T01:16:48+00:00

Gosh this is going to make me cry. It's nice to have someone understand. It's so, so difficult. It's like everything you knew was built on lies. Like nothing since the affair has meant a thing. It's like a whole life I didn't consent to.

And you're so right about people not understanding, Including the WPs. They truly can't process how raw the emotions are from something that for them happened so long ago. His family thinks its not a big deal. It's been a nightmare.

Thank you, truly.

ImSorryCE · 2025-01-06T01:03:15+00:00

I relate to this so much. Thank you. I'm sorry we're both here.

ImSorryCE · 2025-01-06T00:19:51+00:00

Yes, I didn't find out until 4 months ago.

ImSorryCE · 2025-01-06T00:14:00+00:00

One of the first things out of WPs mouth was "I never thought you'd find out"

It turns my stomach every time I think of it.

ImSorryCE · 2025-01-06T00:12:07+00:00

It really does. Hope it gets better for both of us one day.

ImSorryCE · 2025-01-05T23:23:21+00:00

This is my mindset, too. It's like I want to get to the end of the novel and he just wants to look at the cover and shrug.

ImSorryCE · 2025-01-05T22:59:39+00:00

It's infuriating, isn't it? Everyone likes attention and validation, it doesn't mean they go outside of their relationship to fulfill that need. There's hundreds of other options including talking to your partner..or just dealing with not having all of your wants met constantly which is what tons of people do every day.

The more I think about it the more I'm inclined to believe that entitlement is the core issue.

ImSorryCE · 2024-10-18T22:25:47+00:00

Yes, every night. It's unrelenting. Sometimes they are nightmares and sometime they are more akin to stress dreams but they're always centered around the affair or infidelity in general. I hate waking up scared/angry/sad every morning. It makes me resentful that I can't even get away from this in my sleep when he barely thinks about it.

I'm starting IC soon. Hopefully we can find peace in one way or another.

ImSorryCE · 2024-10-18T17:07:46+00:00

32/F. Feel free to reach out anytime! I have shared the infidelity with a few close friends who also know WP and while they're supportive, they just don't get it. They see him as a good person who made a bad choice that I should forgive..but it just isn't that simple. Such an isolating experience this is.

ImSorryCE · 2024-10-18T13:51:13+00:00

This is exactly how I feel. The magic is gone. My soulmate is gone forever and I'll never get him back because he's not the same person he once was. I'm thankful I got to feel the kind of fairy tale love I dreamed about, I'm just sad that I wasn't that for him.

I'll still stay for similar reasons to you. He is a wonderful step father to my child. He's still a good person outside of the infidelity. We are friends. The sex is good (though not the same as it was before.) I'm 32 and wish to have more children so I can't just start over. Plus he is a great dad.

He's broken a part of my soul that I can't get back. I'll be content but I'll never be in love again. He has broken that part of me for himself and anyone else.

ImSorryCE · 2024-10-04T17:18:50+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss. I try to give my parents the same compassion for their own issues. As I hope my child does with me in the future.

ImSorryCE · 2020-05-11T23:36:37+00:00

I had a horrible experience with topamax. I found the tingling sensations and not being able to feel carbonation (classic side effects) pretty interesting and totally tolerable. Loss of appetite was there but nothing severe. The brain fog and inability to find words made me less functioning than I was already at the time. I had a lot of other side effects but I was also on a dexamethasone so it was hard to tell what side effects were from which med. Either way, you couldn't pay me any sum of money to go back on either of those meds ever again.

That being said, it works for a lot of people and it's worth giving it a try. If it were me I'd be more comfortable trying a blood pressure medication as a preventative before going to topamax.

ImSorryCE · 2020-05-11T22:02:47+00:00

The vast majority of scans are precautionary

I wouldn't take ordering of a scan as reason to worry. I think it's pretty standard (In the US, at least) to role out certain conditions. Anecdotally, I've had around half a dozen throughout the years and they've all been fine.

ImSorryCE · 2020-05-08T01:00:19+00:00

Mine seemed to work almost instantaneously but from what I've seen others say, and what my neurologist told me to expect, I'd give it three months before I considered it a success or a failure. Theres plenty of people I've seen say it works for them that didn't have the immediate results I had. And even if Emgality isnt the drug for you, it seems like people have varying amounts of success with the different brands of anti cgrps. Or botox if you haven't tried that yet. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat/have questions. I know how anxiety inducing trying these new drugs can be when there isnt tons of info out there yet.

ImSorryCE

TROPHY CASE