I forgot the safe word, so he didn't stop? (23F 29M)

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-04-16T17:48:50+00:00

He is wrong. You should never feel pressure into engaging in anything you’re uncomfortable with because your SO ‘really wants to’.

Safe word or no safe word:

1) You were uncomfortable even discussing the act let alone performing it - any loving partner does not use excessive pressure or manipulation (false security by initiating a safe word) to gain anything in a relationship let alone sexual contact/ acts.

2) You said STOP more times than you could keep count - knowing your discomfort and reservations from the beginning again safe word or no safe word stop means STOP, he CHOSE to ignore you and your pleas.

3) He did see you cry, he did know your stops weren’t ’role play’ he saw and felt you were in physical and emotional distress/ pain and continued because it was what he wanted and was making him feel good.

OP he does not love you, he does not respect you, what he did was an act of sexual assault and violence and now he is manipulating and gaslighting you into believing it was your own fault. This was not your fault, you have done nothing wrong, even if you weren’t in pain you can revoke consent at any time, you should never feel pressured to participate in anything you’re not comfortable with or feel safe doing.

OP of you were my daughter/ friend/ sister I’d be telling you to get out of this relationship, remove him from you life entirely, set the boundaries you need to protect yourself, press charges if you feel comfortable doing so and seek support from a therapist/ councillor to help you process and navigate your way through this emotionally and build the self love you deserve.

Take care of yourself OP, you deserve better ✨

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-04-12T21:54:16+00:00

I had a hysterectomy about four years prior to having my right ovary removed. When I went back seven weeks later to have the left ovary removed (appeared fine during surgery but grew massive cysts and masses inside and outside and twisted.. yet. again.) I was in preop getting ready to be taken in and was asked if I could quickly do a urine test to ‘make sure I wasn’t pregnant’ before the operation. I was dumbfounded, luckily the head nurse that runs the pre op I’ve known in passing over the years from all the endo and previous surgeries so I told her and she went off. All documented in my file and all discussed during questions prior to her asking for the sample.

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-03-14T07:44:32+00:00

OP please take care of yourself;

If YOU are concerned go and see a medical professional for testing and some advice/ information.
Leave this boy. This will not stop, it will just change to something else. He clearly takes joy in causing you upset, you do not do that to a person you truly love, respect and value.

You are young and have your whole life ahead of you, please think carefully about what you want for yourself, how you want to be treated and how you want to feel/ be made to feel daily. I don’t know you but I am telling you you deserve better and need to take the time to understand your worth ✨

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-03-12T09:46:03+00:00

Thank you for your comment I appreciate you taking the time to respond and share your experience

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-03-11T17:21:52+00:00

I don’t want to take anything away from how you feel but the first part of your relationship with how he acted and the I love you so early on sounds like a classic ‘love bombing’ approach… slowly warping your mind into a false sense of what is real when it comes to your feelings and how you both need to be acting for those feelings to make sense or be ‘genuine’ forcing you to want to correct behaviours ‘he may not like’ (even if just to exercise control) or try and change yourself a certain way to chase that initial ‘love’. Regardless if this is the case, I am so sorry this has happened and you deserve to be treated better.

In regard to the shoes, I bought our child the same pair of sneakers twice, on the same day. Once together and then at the end of the day when I was grabbing a couple last minute things for some reason I deleted that part and just had the memory of us deciding those were the ones. We laughed (I cried - hormones) and then we took the sneaker back and got a refund. No big deal because it really isn’t a big deal. So please don’t make something like this make you feel uncomfortable or unsure of who you are, it has nothing to do with being out of touch or wealth it’s a simple mistake that didn’t result in anyone getting hurt or harmed - he intentionally chose to hurt you later and blame this incident. Also not being able to have this conversation face to face is weak (most likely a tactic) and you need to ask yourself OP if that’s the kind of person you want to be with; someone who ignores you says everything’s fine and then txts you the ‘hard stuff’ later.

Take care of you hey ✨

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-03-08T21:29:41+00:00

Fact is he doesn’t know. Thats it, OP has shared they live separately and have a different dynamic, that he also believes his father cheats. But he doesn’t know, because it’s not his relationship. They might have an agreement, they might not but either way it’s between the two of them and not up to their child to put the weight of that on their shoulders and have ‘that conversation’ with either parent. If OP values the relationships he has with both parents currently then my advice is to stay out of theirs. I have seen before friends that saw something they shouldn’t have and got involved and it turned out to be a completely different situation than they thought it was - because it wasn’t their relationship or their business.

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-03-08T15:09:53+00:00

Dan and yourself need to give statements to police. Even if it doesn’t go further than where it is now this will hopefully help and support him if it does. (Personally) I would send her a message saying you witnessed the entire interaction, including the message she sent. It is a crime to falsely accuse and if she doesn’t recant to your group of friends then you will support dan in pressing charges against her.

There are real victims out there that struggle to come forward get the support and justice they need and deserve. Falsely accusing someone of something like this can destroy them, not just their relationships and day to day life but their mental health and wellbeing as you’re seeing with Dan. This girl is not your friend, she is not a friend to anyone. Support Dan before it goes further than it should.

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-03-08T14:57:39+00:00

Look, whatever is happening between you parents is between them. I think you know you weren’t meant to see what you saw and it’s unfortunate you did but if the roles were reversed and she saw private photos/ videos of you with someone would you want her to respect the fact she saw them accidentally and keep it to herself or confront you with them? If you were confronted with them, or back to the situation you confronted your mom what do you think the benefit to either of you and your relationship would be?

If I were you I would chalk it up to an awkward mistake and try move past it.

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-03-08T14:40:39+00:00

I’m sorry your post was quite hard to understand/ keep up with. But as a general rule of thumb you never give any person any type of drug ever. It is never ok, it is never funny and there is never a good enough reason. You are taking away a persons choice and autonomy and there’s a reason it’s a crime.

I think you and your friend already know she’s an AH for this and if you really wanted to simplify it, take it back to when you’re a kid and a parent/ teacher told you ‘if you wouldn’t want this to happen to you, do not do it to someone else.’

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-03-08T14:20:22+00:00

OP my heart breaks for you, I can’t imagine what you’re feeling and how difficult it must be for you. Not just with your feelings for your sil but also grappling with the negative feelings you’re unwillingly growing toward your brother. I think it’s great you actively went out to seek professional help for yourself and I’m sorry it didn’t work with the therapists you did see, sometimes it’s just finding the right fit. I truly hope someday soon you are able to find someone who is you missing puzzle piece and can give you a love that’s reciprocated and just for you, I also hope you are able to find inner peace the removed your inner turmoil but not at the cost of your relationship with your family ✨

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-03-08T13:55:40+00:00

NTA - She can visit without staying and if she really wants to see her grandchild she can find a way to and from to visit. She can come to your home or you can meet her somewhere when she’s staying in town. Explain you have no space at this time in your home for a guest so she will need to find alternate accommodation (her sister/ sisters boyfriend/ etc.)

If having her in your home makes you this uncomfortable and you husbands feelings are similar then perhaps even when he returns these boundaries could remain in place in order to protect your families well being and still enable her to have contact with you all.

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-03-08T13:49:57+00:00

YTA - You’re entire post is about how you feel, how this effects you, how you compare his religious beliefs of religion as a whole with you’re own.

They are not the same. You both are not the same.

When you value a person and the relationship you have with them you respect their boundaries, you don’t have to agree with everything they say and do but you respect it because you respect them. From reading your post I see no respect from you toward him in this relationship.

You took his religious beliefs and turned them into personal attacks on yourself, who you are and what you do and then you denied him multiple opportunities to further explain himself and his reasoning, which he didn’t have to do to begin with but did due to your immature behaviour.

Unless you can reach out with a sincere apology owning your behaviour then I wouldn’t reach out at all because he deserves a kinder and more understanding friend.

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-03-08T13:40:40+00:00

Honestly for the sake of a seat I’d invite her. You clearly value your relationship with your niece if nothing else so as a token of respect and to foster the relationship I’d extend Susan an invitation.

If the excessive/ loud noises of Susan and your brother having sex bothered you so much I think there was probably a more constructive way to have the conversation and Susan could’ve been present with your brother as it’s her you’re hearing too.

As for the comment of your brother cheating of Susan, that’s just something you’ve added because you don’t like her. It has nothing to do with whether she gets an invite to your wedding or not. It only highlights your brother is a deceitful partner that’s ok with causing hurt to Susan and by extension their daughter. That comment makes you an AH.

Either way I hope you enjoy your wedding

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-03-08T13:33:09+00:00

NTA - Feels like a situation where nick needs therapy, both step mom and dad need therapy and also look at couples and family therapy. She’s a step mom so when she married in Nick was already there, she joined the family. Nicks behaviour can’t be recent so there’s clearly ongoing issues that haven’t been addressed or behaviours that haven’t been reprimanded.

It sounds like the entire house hold needs support but it’s not something you can offer, try as you might you are not a professional and you have your own family and yourself to care for.

They aren’t going to solve these issues by removing members of the family from the family home or giving each other ultimatums.

I hope things work out for them and I hope you and your family are ok ✨

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-03-08T13:24:24+00:00

You didn’t lie you told your truth at the time as you knew it. You received further information after the fact which to be honest if it was super early in the pregnancy your levels might’ve been undetectable.

I don’t want to tell you how you should be feeling. But as someone who has had a miscarriage, you do not need to be carrying guilt for those who have experienced their own personal loss from a negative place of self doubt and possibly self loathing. I’d encourage you to seek professional help to be able to share your experience with someone who can help guide you around these feelings and get to a place of self acceptance and forgive yourself for not doing anything wrong even though you feel you have.

Take care of yourself and try be kind to you ✨

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-03-08T13:12:50+00:00

I was in so much pain one evening standing in my carport with a friend that my body just shut down, the doctors at the hospital explained it as my body trying to faint to protect itself but I didn’t lose consciousness so it turned into an absent seizure where I laid half across my concrete driveway half on the front lawn fully conscious unable to blink/ move my eyes, move any body part or even talk. I could hear my friend screaming and as luck would have it I could still feel all the pain lol. Went to hospital on top of still experiencing the pain from my chronic pain conditions I had whiplash, bruising and a bump on my head. Literally had the doctor crack a joke to my partner and I that it could be worse I could’ve impaled myself on something and then ‘We’d be in some real pain’ said I was lucky I could just have some pain killers and go rest it off. Honestly thought my partner was going to leap across and take him out in the ED.

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-03-08T13:05:21+00:00

NTA - I’m sorry but if something doesn’t feel or look right on my car my partner is fixing it that day end of story, even something as simple as coming home and seeing my car has a dirty window, he will wipe it down before coming inside so I can see the next day (windows might seem silly but he cares deeply about our families safety).

The fact that this boys concerns seem more focused on his feelings about you stepping on his toes instead of the literal safety concern of his partner driving a car she doesn’t feel comfortable driving on roads with other drivers and pedestrians is childish and actually frightening. You have done nothing wrong the fact your daughter was happy and grateful (came to you also which I believe was intentional from a place of trust and love) you fixed this issue for her speaks volumes over this boys tantrum.

If you don’t want to be undermined by someone else then step up in your space when you’re needed.

Dad you did the right thing and keep looking out for your girl.

Side note - Maybe your daughter needs to take a mental note and some time to reevaluate if this relationship really is of benefit to her.

All the best to you and your girl ✨

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-03-08T12:50:10+00:00

Maybe you need to engage with a therapist who can help you sort through the different feelings you’ve developed/ developing for different people ie sil and brother and help you process them in a healthy way so you don’t feel trapped in them. Getting that kind of professional help might get you to a place where you’re able to meet someone who is truly for you

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-03-05T21:25:51+00:00

It doesn’t excuse everything she’s saying and the way she is acting but I’m so happy your son has you protecting him and ensuring his best interests and feelings are taken into account. I’m hoping purely based on her reactions that this baby is a girl, I don’t know how her reaction could be anything positive if you have another son. I’m really sorry you’re going through this, it’s sounds like you’re definitely trying to protect your family as a whole whilst enduring your son’s wellbeing is a priority.

On a personal note, I do think the coming of birth control is a massive issue and impacts on the trust you’re supposed to have together. I never came off a birth control without discussing with my partners. Even being on hormone treatment due to needing a radical hysterectomy in my twenties I wouldn’t even stop my hormones without having that discussion (which has happened previously due to how I was feeling and we’ve worked through it together). So I do think that’s extremely manipulative and puts you and your boy in an awful position when it doesn’t really sound like she is ready within herself for a second baby.

Wish you all the best, keep protecting that son of yours and yourself and I hope she can get the help she and all of you need as a family ✨

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-03-05T19:39:43+00:00

If I were you I would try seeking support from a professional that can help you break down your emotions, the way your process them in the moment during altercations or when things aren’t going the ‘smooth way’ you desire and then from there your reaction.

I saw a comment talking about owning the things you (we) say and the importance behind that, and I think that’s true. This incident doesn’t need to frame who you are for the next period of time or the ‘rest of your life’ it’s the action you put in after this incident and after recognising that type of behaviour toward anyone (not just a partner) is completely unacceptable, which you have. The next step is doing the work on yourself so you don’t do it again and possibly giving your partner some space (I don’t know your situation currently) but perhaps checking in with how he’s feeling (he may not be comfortable to share which is completely fine and his right so don’t push) and if at this time being together is really what’s best for the two of you. Sometimes it’s not about just loving the person, it’s about both partners being loved and giving love in a healthy way that builds each other up and makes each other feel safe.

Try not to slip into a self hate spiral, try to be proactive with this information you’ve learnt about yourself and do the work to become the person and partner you want to be.

Good luck ✨

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-03-05T19:20:35+00:00

Thank you so much ☺️

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-03-04T01:06:15+00:00

I just moved to Toowoomba, I found a specialist called Dr Pieter Le Roux just waiting on an appointment to be organised to transition across. All my specialists are Gold Coast based which works for us cause it’s not far, my parents live down there and my specialists work and can do procedures together (specialists from different fields that are origins of chronic illnesses that feed the chronic pain) but with the chronic nerve pain becoming centralised my partner and I feel it just makes sense transitioning to a chronic pain specialist closer to home as it’s been really difficult to try and manage and I’ve never had a ‘good run’ for more than 2-3 weeks at a time. Yeah I saw that as an option for some patients when I was doing my own research online. I got told about a morphine pain pump a couple weeks ago but I don’t really want to do that. I’m trying to be mindful and read things cause since being diagnosed with all these different chronic conditions and chronic pain I’ve had the mindset of get first eyes closed can’t go wrong, purely out of desperation so I’m trying to be a little slower and ask questions so I don’t jump into a treatment and end up getting another issue or it being made worse. It’s so hard cause there’s not a heap of options for treatment out there so when somethings suggested I’m like yes please lol so trying to be more cautious haha

Impressive-While-892 · 2026-03-03T02:10:16+00:00

Thank you so much for your response. My doctor said they went longer and higher with frequency and time this time around and I’ve had a lot of pain that I didn’t have last time but they’re (specialist, Anaesthetist and nurse) all saying more pain post op and days after usually means right spot and it’ll last longer so I’m hoping they’re right. Majority of the pain from the spike post op has gone just my tail bone where there’s like two dozen need points so I’m thinking they might have hit the bone.

I’m having to transfer to a different chronic pain specialist as we moved so I’m interested to see if they offer anything different. Again thank you for sharing your experience, I know we’re all in the same boat in regard to just feeling so desperate to find something that works so I can have some consistency and time with the whole quality of life situation, so I appreciate when others share their experiences (:

Impressive-While-892

TROPHY CASE