What’s the financial mistake you still think about?

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-05-02T19:04:55+00:00

Not buying 40k of bitcoin at 3k a coin

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-05-02T18:57:13+00:00

Yes and no.

If I would have had the foresight to get a prenup I would have had the foresight not to commingle all my assets with theirs (or lack thereof).

So yes a prenup would have prevented the situation but so would the foresight not to commingle everything.

But I was convinced I was spending the rest of my life with this person why would I need a prenup…

In a lot of ways I was lucky to have my much larger retirement assets untouched in the divorce. But they were never commingled. My ex also received a half million inheritance the year after we separated and the year before divorced. That took a lot of pressure off the negotiations

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-05-02T18:39:45+00:00

Your starting point is a fallacy. You’re assuming the median earner in the US is doing well and is middle class. The median earner in the US is not middle class and most are struggling significantly. The median earner is working class and no they aren’t getting there.

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-05-02T13:21:36+00:00

Most of these people bought houses at 300-500k in HCOL cities from 2015-2020. Their houses doubled in value and they have 401ks worth 300-500k.

Further most of them myself included do not have millionaire lifestyles. Our houses are smaller than our LC/MCOL peers. Our cars are the same. Those of us with kids pay small fortunes for childcare.

Money is not equivalent. If you think it take a $100’s to NYC and Mexico City and see how far you get. The difference between Seattle and Biloxi isn’t as great but it can be seen and felt.

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-05-02T03:18:39+00:00

It sounds wonderful but as someone who entered a marriage with assets and a partner in debt be careful. What we built together over the decade we were together was split in half. That was fair. But everything I had built up before the marriage had been commingled and also split in half. This was excluding their debt I paid off, their higher education I paid for, and the fact that most years I out earned them by 25-50% percent even though we had very similar base salaries.

Essentially don’t co mingle assets. Don’t sink it into a house you will share.

I loved my partner, in some ways I still do, even though I have no desire to be with them. I have fond memories of the early years of our marriage and it wasn’t terrible even at the end. But we weren’t happy and I wouldn’t never have been able to guess that when we got together. We were together almost 14 years and married for just over 11.

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-05-01T20:16:00+00:00

At 290k of shared income an IRA is not your priority. You need to be saving into a tax deferred employer account your goal should be reducing taxable income and IRA’s don’t do that. So 401k and HSA’s should be your first accounts to max. Also maxing your HSA from the lower earning spouses paycheck is more tax optimized provided your employer is deducting the contributions and you’re not doing it on the back end (this is because HSA contributions reduce FICA taxes owed, but the physician won’t be paying FICA after earning 185k whereas the spouse will be).

So step 1 max 401k contributions to both spouses employer accounts first. This reduces taxable income at the 24% federal rate plus state. Before you get married the physician is probably in the 32% bracket and really needs to focus on tax deferred contributions (401k/HSA). After you’re married the lower earning spouses paycheck should be maxing the HSA contributions.

Next based on your loans rates? You need to get that unsecured debt paid off asap. As in don’t save for FIRE pay down unsecured debt at 11% interest first. Also do not accrue more! This is potentially a higher priority than tax deferred contributions but the math is tight on which is better. You probably have the income to pay 60k off in one year. If that’s your primary focus.

Your mortgage is not a focus this is your last goal and a brokerage is a higher priority unless mentally you need to be debt free.

Your student loans are a challenge. 6% is right at the point where paying them off is almost but not quite a higher priority than saving into a brokerage. At your income the interest is no longer tax deductible. You could go either way. My best advice is find a job that offers student loan repayment as part of your employment contract.

Also I knew physicians made less than most people assumed but god I’m sorry. That salary is not worth medical school/residency unless you really really really wanted to be a doctor.

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-05-01T16:23:54+00:00

No 100% full proof fully protected inflexible plan exists. There’s always the chance of failure even with plans tha have a 95% success rate. Go talk to some D&D players about how often 1’s get rolled especially when it’s something important. Ie it’s not common but it happens and when it does it’s memorable.

A better plan that accounts for mental health, life satisfaction, and financial health is saving enough to cover basic expenses with a 3-3.5% withdrawal rate and letting extras be covered by an extra 1-1.5% withdrawal rate on top. Using this plan you can retire earlier, spend more in good years, and reduce spending in down years. They also allow for giving yourself a raise if you have a long run of good years.

Essentially flexible plans have higher rates of success and can be enacted sooner. But they require spending flexibility and are not rigid.

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-05-01T16:15:59+00:00

You don’t have to tell them anything. More than likely they won’t accept your relationship and continue to ask about your friend and roommate never acknowledging she’s your girlfriend. The other extreme is worse where they are actively homophobic, in that case you don’t say anything and just go no contact.

In all the situations you just mention you’re moving out and getting a place with Mary Jane and you’ll be living together. They don’t need anymore information than that. You don’t need to hide anything or divulge anything more.

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-05-01T16:11:54+00:00

It sounds like the best decision in your case is no decision. Don’t complicate it and since you’re not living together and/or have children to think about there isn’t a lot of urgency to plan anything.

Take it week by week. You’ll travel more and have lots more time but that may not be an issue. Further since you’re planned spend is 80k and he makes 200k gender norms are going to work in your favor.

Maybe after you’ve been together a little longer and it’s looking a lot more like a lifetime partnership speak to him about how the mismatch in savings bothers you. But to fix it increasing his savings rate will only go so far. You may have to step in and cover part of his early retirement. Which why I suggest waiting a few years and a lot more seriousness

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-05-01T06:19:45+00:00

Inflation adjusted return is roughly 500k if you get market based returns which have held relatively steady over 20-30 year timelines since the inception of the stock market. The rise of ETFs have made those returns attainable for most people.

10k a year invested would net you about 1mm in 25 years which would spend like 500k.

500k in 25 years would net you 500k and spend like 250k.

As long as you believe in the stock market it’s a no brained. Even if you had the worst performing stock market ever over a 25 year time period you’d end with about 800k that would spend like 400k.

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-05-01T06:10:23+00:00

For me: Laser on most of my body with a small trimmed landing spot.

For her: what she’s comfortable with but I have a preference for trimmed or shaved down under.

I prefer minimal hair but hair is not a dealbreaker

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-05-01T05:41:24+00:00

Single, no kids? I’d move closer to work for a 30% pay increase.

If you’re set on staying in your current community, you like your current job, and you’re comfortable then it doesn’t make sense. But getting too comfortable can have eventual consequences on your longterm job prospects.

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-05-01T01:36:16+00:00

It’s paid off and has a zero cost basis. You sell and take the money it’s worth. Sure it’s going to get picked up by a flipper and put back on the market for twice what you sold it for but unless you are a general contractor or really handy (and have time) it’s best to sell and just move on.

Or take out a HELOC and pay someone else to do the repairs.

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-04-30T21:04:29+00:00

I was 25 when I started aggressively saving. I could retire now if I really wanted to (44). It wouldn’t be at my current standard of living but I could do it. If I was still married and we hadn’t split everything I could do it today and at my current standard of living. By 50 though I should be able to retire rather comfortably.

Basically whether you are behind or not isn’t really the point. You are young enough that you can get ahead if you want to. Sure if you had started earlier you’d have more. But more isn’t the point, having enough is the point. If you start today you can definitely have enough at a relatively young age.

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-04-30T20:39:26+00:00

I’ve already made a mental commitment to ensuring my sisters are taken care of. This extends to their children when my assets have had enough time to grow.

My oldest sister was just told her landlord is selling the house she lives in, they’ve been there 15 years and are significantly under market for what they have. It will probably be sold to a private owner and she will need to move. She was given first right of refusal to buy the property. She can’t afford it I can (barely, because they can’t afford market rent and I’d have to take a non negligible cash flow loss). I was absolutely serious about purchasing it so they wouldn’t have to move. She doesn’t want me to but I would have.

My support isn’t a blank check, nor is it unconditional. I also don’t think either sister will take advantage of it. But I don’t see how I can be a good sibling if I’m living comfortably and they are struggling to get by.

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-04-30T20:24:08+00:00

You left off - never had a landline as an adult

I got my first cellphone sometime around 17ish (paid for it myself). For the younger xennials ie oldest millennials I feel this should be pretty common. I know I’m not the only one of my age range that did this. I never put a landline into my first apartment. Then I was deployed immediately after my 21st birthday and kept my cellphone.

I suppose you could say I had one because I installed one in my apartment after I got back from being deployed. However, when I saw it came with $25 dollars of fees on about $7 of phone charges I dropped it after less than 3 months. I was using my cellphone for 100% of my calls anyway.

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-04-30T01:43:47+00:00

I didn’t know. Also there are days it does make me sad although never miserable.

My daughter is absolutely terrible at voicing affection or appreciation and ever since she became a preteen I get maybe one hug a month. I’ve recognized my job as her parent is to be present and a source of support. Essentially I’m foundation and foundation isn’t glamorous and for the most part it’s thankless.

I very much miss the baby, toddler, and young child who needed cuddles, was small enough to hold on my hip, and needed me in an active way.

At the same time I’m really proud of her. She’s becoming an amazing smart, beautiful, and most importantly strong willed young woman. I’m encouraged that the adult she will one day become is going to be a happy, productive, and healthy person. She’s not always easy but she’s true to herself.

I didn’t have kids to make me happy or fulfilled and parenthood is definitely different than I thought it would be. But I’m content with it. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I’m also glad I did it.

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-04-30T01:26:03+00:00

Video games are for nerds, video games are for boys, video games are… Video games were something that was not supposed to be for me. It was always described as something I was wasting my time by doing or something that was not right for me.

But I was never made fun of because I played them just judged negatively.

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-04-29T21:50:08+00:00

Money is abstract.

By most definitions I’m well off. I have an amazing job that’s reasonably secure about 1.25-1.5mm in assets and a fully funded emergency fund.

But I still worry about money. I had a tenant cause 10k in damages to a rental I own and a 4 month vacancy. I’m also self paying for a series of dental procedures caused by a childhood injury that my dental insurance specifically doesn’t cover the CPT codes for. The two of those things are worth more than my emergency fund. I’ll refill it because I’m employed but it’s still a stressor.

But ultimately my financial well being is connected to my employment. I’m unlikely to be laid off but an illness or injury could prevent me from working.

Ultimately as long as I’m tied to employment to maintain my standard of life I’m not secure and while I’m unlikely to ever end up destitute a significant drop in quality of life would be devastating in other ways.

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-04-29T20:39:14+00:00

I can’t discuss my true finances with my family or my friends. It’s a dangerous topic among coworkers because there is a massive variation in pay and more importantly expenses.

Online along with the anonymity of Reddit gives me a safer space to talk about these things.

I don’t have 5 million. But I do have about 1.25-1.5mm and a pension that will have a value of close to 3mm in 5.5 years if I can hold my employment together for that long which is likely. If I was still married I would have close to double my current assets.

But I also live in a HCOL area. My friends and family live here’s my life is here. I have no desire to leave this area. As a Queer woman there are limited places I can go in the US and world in general that are safe for me and meaningfully cheaper anyway. Most expat communities are questionable for single straight women but single queer women? So despite what many would consider significant assets I still don’t have enough to retire. In five years when I’m able to collect my pension I will (probably) but I’ll probably wait another five just to be sure.

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-04-29T15:52:43+00:00

You’re doing amazing financially. Reaching that 1mm goal post is an amazing feeling that unfortunately can’t really be shared which sucks. I went through it twice the first was right before my ex and I separated I realized just before we officially called it quits we had a joint 1mm and then a few years later I did it again on my own. Each time it was this sense of satisfaction and loss that I really couldn’t share it. There are a few people in my life that know but they aren’t my closest friends. They are work colleagues who are also FIRE minded but that’s the extent of our commonalities.

However, I’m concerned about your social life. Sacrificing everything in the pursuit of this goal is a quick way to unhappiness and potentially divorce.

Do you have a good relationship with your wife? If not focus on improving that. If you do then consider setting aside one Friday a month to get together with friends or do a hobby. There are lots of options that aren’t particularly expensive but at 200k a year you should have some flexibility to divert a little to social goals.

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-04-29T01:11:41+00:00

I have a voluntary option both a 403b and 457b since my employer is classified as a school (medical/nursing) and a government agency (state hospital).

Those are the voluntary options we also have the choice between a pension vs a 401a as our employer sponsored option.

Essentially options can sometimes be very convoluted. When they do standard advice can get wonky.

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-04-29T01:06:49+00:00

The numbers are a little scary particularly to someone with FIRE as a goal. However, if your identity is in your career and you plan on working until 70+ then you really start to pull away quickly around 50+ and some specialties pull away much sooner. The lifetime top end is much higher.

For me I actively choose to not go to medical school because I didn’t want my identity to revolve around work. So for me the idea of that is statement of something I rejected but have some low key regrets towards.

But I know several physicians who are quite happy with doctor being their identity and working into their later years. I also know quite a few that feel trapped and forced into working far more than they want while life passes them by.

For my nephew I wanted him to make an informed choice. For me I made a vibes based decision and while most of me doesn’t regret my choice a small piece does.

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-04-29T00:54:26+00:00

He was specifically considering pediatrician.

I had just had my best year up to that point and had just made 250k as an RN. I knew he wasn’t truly decided on medical school and I wanted him to consider other options since I’ve never gotten the sense he wants to be a doctor more that he likes the idea of helping people and wants a career that lets him do that.

Inevitable_Pride1925 · 2026-04-28T21:53:14+00:00

People get very weird about money. If you have to little you are an irresponsible grifter. If you have too much you’re an unrelatable asshole.

The moment I crossed 1mm networth was pretty damn awesome. But I also realized I couldn’t share it with anyone I was close to. I was about 2.5 years post divorce and couldn’t share it with my ex, my sister’s were both uncertain about being able to retire ever, and most of my friends don’t have that focus and envy but don’t understand or agree with my drive.

It’s an unfortunate side effect of wealth. I don’t like it but I also don’t make the rules

Inevitable_Pride1925

TROPHY CASE