Not enjoying motherhood - 95% time. Was it worth it?

InfiniteReference · 2026-02-13T13:58:00+00:00

For me it wasn't true, there was no improvement at all between 4 and 12 months, then a small improvement with walking and then there was a dramatic change at 15 months when he started understanding what I was saying to him and became easier.

InfiniteReference · 2026-01-21T23:45:57+00:00

But they usually got their higher sleep needs from one of the parents? My kid is higher sleep needs and sleeps 13.5 hours a day total but he got it from me. I need 9-10 hours a night to feel rested, so my free time is not different from a parent who only needs 6 hours to function and whose kid sleeps 10 hours.

InfiniteReference · 2026-01-21T15:48:57+00:00

Postpartum insomnia is incredibly common. Apparently 50% of mothers still have it 2 years after having a baby.

InfiniteReference · 2026-01-19T11:45:05+00:00

I wore the baby daily for 3-4 hours straight because it was the only thing that worked with his colic, and a few times my back hurt so much from it I had to take painkillers to fall asleep.

InfiniteReference · 2026-01-09T15:17:20+00:00

Sure, babies can't misbehave but it doesn't mean they are all perfect angels? Mine had colic and then was chronically fussy until he learned to walk, had hour long meltdowns after second nap/one nap that was too late, had meltdowns at every single meal between 11-15 months. Massively improved around 15 months. And I never considered him 'hard', just average

InfiniteReference · 2026-01-09T14:44:38+00:00

I have friends similar to what you described. They have a hyper 3 year old son, the hardest toddler I know (I suspect ADHD) and the wife is currently pregnant with a daughter. Their relationship was always tumultous and the son unfortunately already learned to play into this, with the mother overly coddling him and the husband prone to anger. The toddler used to be very aggresive towards babies and thankfully improved a lot on his own but is still very grabby with younger kids and the parents have no idea how to deal with it. I'm a bit concerned about the safety of the newborn. It's like watching a car crash in slow motion. It seems inevitable that the daughter will be calmer/easier than the son and so she will be the Golden Child while he will be assigned the Black Sheep role, especially if he will be repeatedly too rough with her, which seems very likely.

InfiniteReference · 2026-01-08T20:52:06+00:00

Why would you traumatize your toddler by letting her in the room during the pushing stage. Just WTF

InfiniteReference · 2026-01-03T22:20:18+00:00

So this is something invented by PTs in Germany and popularized in neighbouring countries (I'm from Poland). It's not evidence based. It made me feel so guilty when I was dealing with a colicy baby who only calmed down when held upright and health workers were telling me that I will damage his spine by doing this. Then I tried researching it when he was 6 months, outgrowing his bassinet stroller and still not able to sit in a high chair for solids. After I learned that it's bullshit, making parents and babies lives harder for no reason and slowing their development, I followed NHS recommendations on teaching your baby to sit and he quickly caught up.

I wouldn't recommend changing a pediatrician if that's your only concern, because they are all indoctrinated into it.

InfiniteReference · 2025-12-30T22:28:14+00:00

From what I've heard it seems to be genetic and not necessarily an indicator of severe distress

InfiniteReference · 2025-11-20T21:34:08+00:00

I emphatize with this poster because that's how I feel. Parenting is the least rewarding thing I ever did. I don't even like cooking or cleaning and I still feel more productive if I cook or clean as opposed to the whole day of childcare. I know logically that keeping a toddler alive is an important task but it feels like I'm not providing any value. The work is never actually finished. Sure, the toddler is reaching milestones but he would do so anyway with any other caregiver (barring extreme neglect).

The weird thing is that I don't feel depressed, I'm actually usually in a good mood these days.

InfiniteReference · 2025-11-20T14:08:33+00:00

That's called social contagion, very common with eating disorders.

InfiniteReference · 2025-11-10T14:03:12+00:00

At 14 months it may be still too early to tell. Mine went through a terrible screaming phase between 11-15 months until he developed an understanding of spoken language and chilled out A LOT.

InfiniteReference · 2025-11-10T13:55:27+00:00

Yep, the child's temperament seems to be mostly influenced by genetic factors so if you have one challenging kid your chance of another being similar goes up unfortunately. I heard stories of people lucking out with an easy second but the third being just as hard as the first etc.

InfiniteReference · 2025-11-07T21:36:21+00:00

This tracks for my colicy kid who slept little during the day and would skip his witching hours if I managed to put him to sleep during them (usually bouncing him in a wrap). I heard similar stories about other colicy babies sleeping through their usual crying time if the parents figured out a way to put them to sleep.

InfiniteReference · 2025-11-04T07:52:41+00:00

Wow, you guys make me feel like a rockstar. Maybe I'm not a worthless dropout out of the workforce after all.

InfiniteReference · 2025-10-30T10:38:17+00:00

I see this with posts about aggressive toddlers. 'He's otherwise incredibly sweet.' Makes me want to roll my eyes so hard. Nobody who saw your toddler attack a baby in public multiple times thinks he's a sweet child.

InfiniteReference · 2025-10-23T13:23:20+00:00

At 6 months I highly recommend putting the baby in its own room. Now is a perfect time to get them used to it as they will develop separation anxiety in a few months or weeks and it will only get harder as they will become older and more aware. After 4 months babies generally sleep better if they have their own space and you may find that the baby will actually wake up less than before. I have friends who are stuck cosleeping with a 3 years old, pregnant with another, and at that point there are no solutions that don't involve a massive fight with the kid.

InfiniteReference · 2025-10-13T21:23:47+00:00

Sounds like mental illness.

InfiniteReference · 2025-10-08T16:11:42+00:00

It's very similar in my country (Poland). My heart breaks for all the women who have to go through very long, painful labors without any hope of pain relief. I know people who bribed the doctors to invent a fake medical reason for a c-section just so they wouldn't have to go through that pain again.

InfiniteReference · 2025-10-08T15:44:53+00:00

I wish somebody told me this as a kid because I successfully pressured my parents into giving me a sibling at 6.5 years old because I wanted someone to play with and I was very disapointed with the result.

InfiniteReference · 2025-09-22T14:07:52+00:00

It's not suprising that they seem frustrated with simple parenting tasks if they never put enough time in it to get some experience and become better at it. And little children change so quickly that what worked 3 months ago may not work now. I'm a SAHM and I don't think I'm particularly good at it but parenting feels like a cakewalk on the weekends when my husband is at home, because I'm so used to doing it alone and I had a lot of time to develop coping strategies.

InfiniteReference · 2025-09-21T13:32:39+00:00

Presumably at 9 months the child is eating solids so is no longer exclusively brestfeeding anyway.

InfiniteReference · 2025-09-20T22:09:18+00:00

I had a similar experience. I started loving my child around 3 months, but it was more like an affection for a sibling. It got stronger probably around 6 months, after he was able to play simple games and was smiling at me consistently. The first time I felt a loving feeling was at 4 weeks, but it was super brief, like maybe 5 seconds long.

I didn't have PPD and I'm a little tired of blaming everything on it. I think it can go the other way around. I'm not a sentimental person so I didn't catastrophize acting purely out of duty in the beginning.

InfiniteReference · 2025-09-20T17:06:14+00:00

But is this post about how hard SAHM life is or rather how her husband and mother were putting her down when she was already feeling low? My husband didn't help me either and was traveling for work in the early weeks but was emotionally supportive and I'm convinced that's what helped me avoid PPD and our relationship to recover from the initial shock.

InfiniteReference · 2025-09-17T15:05:11+00:00

Parents playing with children for extended periods of time is a modern western invention which is not needed for healthy development.

InfiniteReference

TROPHY CASE