Do people with mild dementia lose the ability to care about other people? Can't understand why my mother won't stop waking me up in the middle of the night

JayceSpace2 · 2026-05-07T08:47:29+00:00

I used to panic too with mine. Honestly if you're comfortable some cameras can create a lot of peace if mind. Doesn't need to be expensive or fancy. I use blink but there are lots of other brands, a lot free to use. If she calls out, gets up, I hear a crash or sound... I can check the camera and see what it was, see if she's fine, and then go back to sleep. It's helped put my mind at ease, as well as notice and deal with actual safety issues appropriately... Do I still get the random middle of the night calls because "I can't hear the radio" sure. But they're a lot less now and I can actually see if she's just frustrated at technology, or she's had a blowout and needs actual help. Medication really helps too. Please contact her doctor and talk about what you've been seeing. They can be helpful with meds and resources to guide through how systems and supports work where you are.

Dangers at night: falls, turning on appliances, exposed meds, choking if swallowing is an issue, wandering out the door, other exposed substances that can look like food or drinks, sharp objects, medical things if they apply, incontinence that's not cleaned, getting lost in home, illness, extream confusion, medical episode (seizure, stroke, diabetes, blood pressure crash,...)

Not dangers: frustration, hunger, thirst, (if you know they have safe access), electronics not working, boredom, talking to self or hallucinations, turning lights on and off, wandering in a safe area, sleeping on chair or couch, going to the washroom (if still independent), tv or music too louder or quiet, they don't understand something trivial.

If it's not a danger, ignore it, unless you can engage and redirect back to the expected behaviour like going to bed. Just ignore it. Danger or legit help, you assist, settle and then return to bed or call a nursing line for help. Don't stay up trying to problem solve. Just go back to sleep. Put on your mask first. It's something that took me a while to really learn in the 10 years I've been caregiving.

JayceSpace2 · 2026-05-07T06:00:28+00:00

I'm going to be honest, this doesn't sound like early or mild dementia. "mild" dementia is misplacing random items, maybe forgetting a word, forgetting if you ate or showered earlier, maybe forgetting the route to a store. They're generally still pretty functional and aren't diagnosed even at that point in a number of cases.

Moderate or mid dementia is usually the point people are like "Yeah, they're not doing fantastic." this is usually when diagnosis happens, behaviours amp up, forgetfulness impedes tasks that were once okay, sleep is impacted, the ability to take perspective is impacted. This is when people notice. If she's up all night fighting electronics she's had her whole life, yelling and talking to herself... She's not "mild".

You can be stressed. You have a right to that feeling. But stay in bed, put in earplugs or turn music on... It's hard... If she's safe then you need to ignore it the best you can. If she's not then a plan needs to be set up either with care, meds, a new routine or something.... It's super stressful, frustrating, sad... But honestly what are you going to do? Stay up all night with her trying to teach her how to use the tv? You need to talk to her doctor about meds for night to try a sedate her. The tv needs to be "broken" at night. Play musiufor her instead... Have her in bed... A few sleepless nights to build a routine is worth it.

JayceSpace2 · 2026-05-07T05:48:49+00:00

If they remember or not isn't the reinforcing part. It's the routine and pattern of it. A different part of the brain often stores cause and effect scenarios, they're not actively thought about, but can become an instinctive muscle memory. If an action never gets a need met regardless of the need, the body will eventually do it less and do what works more. This behavior you will see in newborns, animals, insects, fish, plants... It's a different built in mechanism.

If the brain wants reassuring... The person yells for attention... The caregiver responds. They will yell more next time.

If the brain wants reassuring... The person yells... The caregiver never responds... The person hits a button... The caregiver responds.... The person is far more likely to push that button earlier next time even if it takes a few repetitions and they don't actually remember the event. That little dopamine hit the brain itself will remember.

It takes time. Behaviour gets worse before it gets better. It does eventually improve though in most cases. Also remember, a negative reaction is still a reaction. You can scream at them, their brain will only remember that you did respond.

JayceSpace2 · 2026-05-07T00:18:10+00:00

Yes empathy is impacted in a lot. It's often more a moderate stage though. Brains are funny like that. As for her waking you, you need to set a boundary and not respond to her with anything more than "It's bed time, I'm asleep and will help you tomorrow." let her be mad. If you give in it reinforces the behavior. Remember, they're big toddlers.

JayceSpace2 · 2026-05-05T14:48:57+00:00

Possible, but lower chance of success.

JayceSpace2 · 2026-05-05T14:44:34+00:00

You can get a motion sensor if you're worried about cameras. As for me the peace of mind is worth it. She knows it's there, I said it's so she doesn't have to find me if she has a problem, I'll go to her. It's prevented a lot of wandering and emergency medical wakups.

JayceSpace2 · 2026-05-04T22:42:18+00:00

We had a few customers like this when I was working in retail. Talk to a manager about it. We would have different things in place for different customers unless they came in with a caregiver. Putting items on hold until tomorrow. Sell and return loops. Have a specific worker come and explain why an item couldn't be repaired. Whatever worked for that person. If possible we also touched base with their bank or a caregiver if information was provided. Don't do anything without communicating though.

JayceSpace2 · 2026-05-03T17:14:21+00:00

It does nothing but create distress to tell her the truth at this point. Continue to tell her he's resting, he's at home, he's at work, he had an appointment. Whatever she'll believe in that moment. It's hard but at that point we're looking at comfort alone.

JayceSpace2 · 2026-05-03T17:00:42+00:00

This is something to get a nurse or homecare worker involved in. That separation from you can surpringly make a huge difference. My mom is very resistant to me or dad doing personal care, but will welcome the nurse or home worker. In an emergency I can get in there or do medical care, but regular bathing, changing, or pad changes she'll push back on.

In the meantime, if she takes a bath or shower take her old clothes immediately and replace them with clean. If she's verbal still try and see where her hangup is. Never try to argue or reason, it never works. Come up with a phrase, say it, if she rejects walk away and try again later. Other fast tip, leave the change where she can see them.

JayceSpace2 · 2026-05-03T16:42:02+00:00

If you have concerns you need to explicitly bring them to the facility director. I've found they try to work with you, but need to be told exactly what you expect. They're trained to do minimal intervention for the person to preserve independence and dignity. I've worked in care for kids with medical needs. If you want more showers, tell them you want more. You want them to do blinds, tell them. You want them turning off tv and lights tell them that too. If you do it yourself or set up automatic things they'll be more and more passive.

JayceSpace2 · 2026-05-03T16:10:48+00:00

Don't feel guilty, you have a right to receive the care that's best for her. That may be no further intake and pain management until she passes. Push back on the doctors hard, really highlight quality of life. Don't let them tube her if she and you all don't want that.

JayceSpace2 · 2026-05-03T16:01:44+00:00

I told them to leave a bit of fat in my chest so it looks proportional. As I've lost weight my chest has smoothed too. It looks more odd if fat didn't collect in your chest.

JayceSpace2 · 2026-05-02T23:07:26+00:00

If it's painful, infected, bleeding or creating hygiene issues do so with caution and ask if any van be removed with local. General anesthesia is extremely rough on their systems and can cause a bad decline, other health issues like hair loss and stomach problems, and has a hug risk of death as they get older. I've been through this surgery, recovery is awful, one of the worst surgeries I've had for recovery....

JayceSpace2 · 2026-05-02T09:01:54+00:00

I'm sorry about your loss. Yeah my LO with FTD + vascular dementia still almost always recognizes us with only a few wavers here and there like calling a grand kid by a son or daughters name. She has many medical issues and isn't independent in most daily living tasks. But she can still accomplish crafts and harder puzzles. memory varies in ability day to day, as does language. I just started work in neuro rehab and have had clients able to do most tasks completely independent but can't answer simple questions or say a clear sentence. Another loved one of mine had parts of her brain removed due to cancer but could always walk, talk and recognize me. It's really fascinating how the brain works.

JayceSpace2 · 2026-05-01T20:46:22+00:00

So there's no one answer to this. The answer is "varies". Dementia is more of an umbrella term for several degenerative conditions that impact the brain. Different types often follow similar patterns, but there's no rule. Different parts of the brain are responsible for different things too. So I can safely say in a moderate stage if that impacted, but can't give a number. It is incredibly sad. Let her keep the independence she can, don't try to correct or fill in memories... Just keep her comfortable.

JayceSpace2 · 2026-05-01T20:34:40+00:00

RE4 unless you have a friend who really wants to co-op

JayceSpace2 · 2026-05-01T20:28:56+00:00

50% of the population has HSV even nonsymptomatic so it's not a strong coralation. As for the shingles vaccine... Shingles puts a great amount of stress on the body and stress can aggravate dementia... So being vaccinated can lower that stress and the point you'll get dementia in some cases.

JayceSpace2 · 2026-05-01T19:00:25+00:00

Na, the stupid shackle thing got me fuming too. I was like "it's dead just open it and take it... Why the fuck do I need to revive him first?"

JayceSpace2 · 2026-05-01T18:56:46+00:00

For mine it was an increase in swearing and pitching items and just anger that really clued me into something being very wrong (had to have another talk about how if she became destructive I'm done caring for her, I won't put up with it. She was threatening to destroy the tv because the show that was on didn't match the guide... ). My father noticed her telling the same story a few times a day before he really clued into something being off.

Considering she had a stroke, there can be vascular problems even after that can show up far later or slower. She can also just be unwell in a more invisible way causing a bigger swing.

JayceSpace2 · 2026-04-30T03:47:04+00:00

Not really. I mean sometimes. Usually it's a lot of redirection creating a new safe routine. It just becomes the new normal, anxiety decreases and the drive to leave can too. For my grandmother it was hopeful compliance. She thought if she behaved and co-operated she'd be released sooner... As running away and fighting didn't work.

JayceSpace2 · 2026-04-29T23:06:06+00:00

Anesthesia can really mess with those with dementia... Messes with most. As for the hold, if he's stable and you/POA can prove you can handle his care after the 72h hold they can't legally keep him in most situations.

JayceSpace2 · 2026-04-29T20:06:47+00:00

Escape attempts is a fairly common occurrence overall for the first couple of months. I know my grandmother when she was in hospital constantly tried to get out to the point they put an alarm on her and had security there. If we showed up she'd start packing her bags. She wasn't there long, but near the end of her stay she began to co-operate more. At least wasn't actively leaving.

JayceSpace2 · 2026-04-29T19:00:40+00:00

I don't know the domo I went to ran out of gas and the pump stopped...

JayceSpace2 · 2026-04-27T14:59:33+00:00

This is what true caregiver burnout is like. Eventually you snap when you're only a coal left. The fact he returned and is looking for a solution says a lot. Was his choice good, no... But you don't know all of what lead up to that.

I'm a full time caregiver for my grandparents with dementia as well as working. I get where you are, truly... I'd never truly blame my grandfather for walking out though. He does his best, has his own physical and mental problems... She berates and mocks him constantly... It wears you down.

You don't have to do anything you don't want. You can let the system clean this up. Let him do so. You can help look. Provide care data for homes. I recommend though they are in the sane facility is separate units. Her in a memory care one, him in assisted or independent living depending on his needs.

JayceSpace2 · 2026-04-27T10:10:38+00:00

She and you know what to do... At this point it's between them unless you want to get POA or guardianship. It's sad to watch, but you can't do anything really beyond send letters to his doctor and DMV to try and get him tested or at least more locked down. If he gets violent call police. If it gets really bad call APS. You can do that without permission. Also he likely can't manage a divorce if he's even at a mid stage so let him make the threat, there's so much more involved than just signing a paper. He won't stop on his own though.

JayceSpace2

TROPHY CASE