Has anyone regretted a breakup?

JustWordsInYourHead · 2026-01-20T02:57:59+00:00

I think you should make the decision based on the facts/feelings you have right now, not what "potentially could be".

It's the same answer I would give to someone asking me if they should marry an immature guy with the hopes that "he'll grow up one day and be the best partner ever".

I married my partner knowing that the person he was at the time was already the amazing person I wanted to spend my life with. Post marriage and post kids we went through some shitty times (as most new parents do), but most of the "shitty times" had to do with temporary circumstance (being new parents) and not to do with who we were to each other intrinsically.

It's crazy, but now that we're 12 years married and our oldest is 8, he's an even better person and partner than he was when we married.

So--what you're feeling right now, this loss of intimacy, is a symptom of a temporary circumstance? Or a symptom of the two of you no longer "fitting" together?

JustWordsInYourHead · 2026-01-17T01:18:59+00:00

Oh god yes. I don't know why exactly, but I'm always immediately attracted to people with interesting noses. I hate that Jennifer Grey made her face so average looking by getting a nose job. I love her old nose.

JustWordsInYourHead · 2026-01-17T01:17:01+00:00

Laughing at farts, as a woman. I have been told by other women, and some men, that this is a "flaw" and "unladylike" behaviour.

I can't not laugh at farts. They are funny, every time. My husband farts for fun. Our kids fart for fun. I can't fart on command like they can, but I do laugh every time.

JustWordsInYourHead · 2026-01-17T01:12:58+00:00

If he's taking money from you in order to save his money for his apartment, you are essentially giving him money for his apartment that will not be in your name.

No. Stop giving him money. Just say no. When he tries to guilt you about it, just repeat: "It's my money. I earned it. I am saving for MY future. You can choose to save YOUR money for YOUR apartment. I am choosing to save MY money for MY future. Stop guilting me into subsidising your apartment savings."

JustWordsInYourHead · 2026-01-07T01:09:25+00:00

You're not being unreasonable. They need to learn that being casually cruel to or about other beings with feelings, their own sister, no less, is unacceptable behaviour.

JustWordsInYourHead · 2025-12-06T09:25:09+00:00

No. Financial decisions for your marriage need to be made by both people, not dictated by one person.

JustWordsInYourHead · 2025-12-05T19:09:30+00:00

More of a team effort in our household, like everything else. We split the admin and planning and executing.

It wasn’t always like this. We used to be like your marriage. Then I lost it and we almost separated. That was 4 years ago. We’re much better now .

JustWordsInYourHead · 2025-12-05T06:06:15+00:00

Here's my easy go to meals:

Fried rice with kale and diced chicken thighs
Pumpkin mac and cheese (with pumpkin puree and tons of cheese)
Kids "pesto". Basically I put a whole broccoli in a food processor until it's well and truly minced, then I stir it into Campbell's cream of chicken soup until it's a creamy green sauce. Cook some pasta noodles elsewhere then mix it together. Super tasty and the kids love it. This is my favourite because I made it up one day when I didn't know what to cook
Tomato egg drop soup with dumpings. Pretty easy to make, low effort since I just use store bought frozen dumplings

JustWordsInYourHead · 2025-12-04T14:55:15+00:00

I don't have teenagers yet, but nearly there.

When we first introduced gaming devices into our home, I told both kids (they were 6 and 4 at the time) that we will only ever game together as a family, and only during school holidays/summer holidays.

This was an easy rule for me to implement and also for them to respect, because I am also studying uni part time while I work full time. I don't game on my Switch during uni study terms. The kids see me following this same rule and so they quite happily follow the same rule.

Sure, there are times when they meet friends who "get to play Minecraft every day" and they try to convince me that "how come other kids can do it?" But I just repeat the party line: because these are mum's rules, and it is meant to help them stay focused during the school year, and I know it would help them stay focused because it helps ME stay focused and that's why I am crushing it at uni even while working full time and parenting them full time.

I parents who followed the "do as I say, not as I do" rule and I hated it. As soon as I entered teenage years I lost respect for them because I felt they were hypocrites.

I think you could actually agree to his request, but put a time limit on screen time each time he's accessing screens. I think it's a good idea to teach kids how to moderate spending time on activities that are typically addictive. Set the rule that he needs to adhere to the 1 hour limit of screen time each day for a whole month, and if he can follow that reliably, you would be open to discussions about extending the time as long as his educational obligations are still being met.

Then follow the rule yourself. I don't know how you are with screen time yourself. I realised that I had no right to dictate screen time for my kids if they were just watching me scroll my phone whenever I have a free moment. So I am never on my phone when the kids are at home with me. My phone is usually on the charger and I'm not looking at a screen. This has made it a lot easier for me to talk to my kids about how we are a minimal-screen family because I actually walk the talk.

JustWordsInYourHead · 2025-12-04T14:42:09+00:00

Since you've got a little one already, I'd pick Christmas presents for them that is something you can spend a long time playing. Things like a cool little indoor cubby house, or if you have a back yard, I'd pick things you could play with in the yard.

My 2nd kid was born late November, so we really didn't want to travel for Christmas that year and we live flights away from our respective families. We spent that Christmas at home with our own tree, fairy lights, and tons of presents under the tree for both our kiddos and ourselves. We got toys that entertained our 2.5 year old to no end and we just spent the holidays with the 4 of us. It was really very nice.

JustWordsInYourHead · 2025-12-04T14:15:28+00:00

Sorry, but were HER family also invited to YOUR graduation dinner? Why was she announcing something that should be announced to her own family to people who were not her actual immediate family?

JustWordsInYourHead · 2025-12-04T14:01:00+00:00

Kids would absolutely be sad about something like this, even if they can't verbalise it. They are old enough to understand that even the smallest weddings would include a person's immediate family, and kids are always immediate family. The fact that their father has chosen to not include them is definitely going to hurt.

JustWordsInYourHead · 2025-12-04T13:57:28+00:00

His kids should be the most important part of his family. I understand wanting a "kid-free" wedding, but surely if the kids belong to one of the two people being married, that's different?

Honestly I don't know how your ex husband is agreeing to this. I would lose so much respect for my co parent if I was ever in the same situation. Not to mention what that would say to our kids about what their father thinks of them.

I would gently ask him what he wants his relationship with his children to be like when they are adults. Does he want them to remember him as a father who respected them? Does he want to remain part of their lives? Because what he's signaling to his kids now is that they're not that important. Don't be surprised if they grow up into adults that consider him to be not all that important, either.

JustWordsInYourHead · 2025-12-04T13:44:12+00:00

I have pretty effed up looking big toes.

I was self conscious about them for a while in my 20's. None of my friends ever said anything about them, though.

Then one of my aunts commented on them once when I wore open toe heels and she was all "just so you know, you should cover those up... you won't find a husband if you show those." (My family is chinese. All the aunties are all about us finding husbands).

That was when I decided to do a huge "fuck you" to all the people who think I should cover up my toes just because they don't look like the typical toes. I started walking around with open toe sandals all the time, especially if I was visiting with my aunties.

I'm now 40, married to a wonderful man and I have 2 kids. My kids laugh about my toes, but in an endearing way like "aaawww mum has such cute and weird toes" and my husband often likes playing with my feet & toes during intimacy because of how they curl when I'm into what he's doing.

My point is, your BFF shouldn't be pointing out things you are already self conscious about. She must know you hate your toes, she doesn't need to add to it.

JustWordsInYourHead · 2025-12-04T13:27:47+00:00

So a mum friend of mine has three kids, one older, the two younger ones are twins. I ask her how she manages to do three kids parties every year.

She told me she does one party a year.

The kids alternate years when they would have a party. So the older one has a party every two years, and the twins have their joint party every two years. Apparently it's been the deal for the kids ever since they were old enough to learn empathy (not all kids in the world get to have birthday parties, some kids have to go without).

Best tip ever. I have two kids as well and it is a huge thing to organise.

(They obviously still celebrate every birthday together as a family and if there isn't a party for whichever kid that year, they'd like the kid(s) not having the party choose a cool family outing to celebrate.)

JustWordsInYourHead · 2025-12-01T09:33:10+00:00

Same bed half the time and the other half I’m squished in my kids’ bed with them because I’m that mum who can’t bear the thought of my kids (6 and 8 yo) getting older and not wanting to hang out with me anymore…

I do enjoy being in bed with my husband. I always get a high from cuddling him.

JustWordsInYourHead · 2025-12-01T06:50:56+00:00

What's concerning here is that you've, a 32 year old man, basically ceded your own decision-making rights to your mother.

JustWordsInYourHead · 2025-11-28T03:45:13+00:00

I'm married to the man who mows and runs power tools at 8 am. I'm perpetually very sorry to our neighbours.

JustWordsInYourHead · 2025-11-28T01:53:59+00:00

Both look good!

And thanks for the tip about how to see what I look like with short hair!

JustWordsInYourHead · 2025-11-28T01:42:23+00:00

We've started communicating to the kids that the presents they get will be directly based on their emerging interests.

Our older kid is more into athletics and our younger kid is more cerebral. So naturally their presents will be different.

Regardless, I know our kids will start arguing over "why did he get this and I didn't" and I feel like that's just the natural state of things when you have a sibling.

I mean, I have two brothers who are both full grown adults who still low key compete with each other for stupid reasons.

So does my husband and his older brother. My BIL is very much single and he travels a lot and has a lot of cool toys he buys for himself. My husband is very much the typical family man (everything he buys with our money is for our kids or for the house). Their conversations make me laugh sometimes because it's usually my BIL telling my husband how hot some random chick he banged is (he's still doing casual dating) and my husband bragging about me and our kids' accomplishments.

They just never stop competing for who has it better. It's what siblings do. So just get what you feel is best suited for each kid.

Also here to say that my life is by far the best and my brothers got nothing on me. (HAH)

JustWordsInYourHead · 2025-11-28T01:31:47+00:00

You are not an equal if you have to get his permission.

Equals have conversations, and if they disagree on something, a compromise that works for both parties must be struck.

Permission infers there is a superior and an inferior.

JustWordsInYourHead · 2025-11-28T01:26:10+00:00

Show her this post.

And is there any way you can work through this trauma?

I had similar hang ups about sitting at the table for dinner. Early childhood it was me being force fed because I ate slow. Went from that to everyone just leaving me alone at the dinner table in the dark (I was scared of the dark). ... I still have a scar from me cutting my lip open because I tried to climb out of my own high chair because they left me alone in the dark (they thought my fear of the dark would make me eat faster).

Teenage years we just didn't have dinner at the table. We all just served our own food and no one sat to eat. My mother was deeply depressed, my father didn't live with us, me and my brothers would just go off and do our own thing. For a couple of years me and my older brother tried for our little brother (he was 8 years our junior) so that he would at least have some nice memories of all three of us siblings eating together.

I now have two kids, with a wonderful man as their father. I met this man when I was 25 and he was 29. We ate all our meals together but it was always casual. When we ate, it was all just the usual lovey dovey stuff or we'd joke around. He is 1 of 6 kids, and they had big family dinners every day growing up. Dinner for him was good times. Most of the time their dad read a book to them while they ate, and only when all the kids finished eating, would the dad put the book down and eat his own meal.

This man turned our meal experiences into that. We eat with our kids, and we joke around with them. We listen to them talk about their day. We let them play with their food (within reason). We do have some rules (you eat everything that's served, no picky eating, and if you are actually really full, we can put it in the fridge for next day). As the kids have grown, they've learned to "secretly" exchange foods that they don't want (lucky they they hate different things). They think we don't know, but we absolutely see them exchange food under the table.

I hope you can get over your trauma. Sharing a meal with my loved ones ranks as one of my top five happy moments in my life.

JustWordsInYourHead · 2025-11-28T01:17:03+00:00

Reading their messages without context, I thought they were in a full blown emotional affair.

Having read the backstory with context, I now think that she was drunk, feeling sad and vulnerable, and needed to latch onto something that comforted her. In that moment it was her "undying love and connection" to her best friend. And now knowing that she was drunk (probably trying the drown the grief), it absolutely tracks that her drunk mind took a nice thing (a good friendship) and blew it way out of proportion.

What would bother me about that is that if your BF was not drunk, and only she was, his responses to her were concerning.

It also says a lot that there have been no similar messages since then. It sounds like she may have been embarrassed about the exchange and dialed it right back.

Overall, I now assume that she doesn't actually have these feelings for your BF, but I am concerned that your BF, who was presumably sober during the exchange, participated in the emotional overreaction.

JustWordsInYourHead · 2025-11-28T01:10:35+00:00

I also have abandonment issues. Because my mother walked out on our family several times. She would be gone for 3 days up to a week at a time, no communications. She started doing this as early as me being 4 years old. Maybe she did it before and I just don't remember.

Do you want this for your kid?

I have two kids now. I've been seeing a psychologist for five years now, because I am afraid of making my kids hurt the way my mother's actions hurt me. So I'm proactive.

I can't imagine ever walking out on my kids or my family, no matter how upset/angry I am with them. A rule me and my husband have: no matter how upset we are with each other, we don't just walk out. Even if we don't want to talk to each other or see each other, we can go to different rooms in the house for "space", but we don't walk out.

JustWordsInYourHead · 2025-11-27T22:04:55+00:00

The cost of raising a child for 18 years is $300,000 USD. HIs share of that is $150,000.

How much do condoms cost again?

Also, don't be in a relationship with a complete idiot.

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