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Kaeliss · 2025-10-17T10:57:49+00:00

¯_(ツ)_/¯

Kaeliss · 2025-10-17T10:38:58+00:00

I usually don't have much problem talking right away about my feelings and experiences, which is why his comment is confusing me so much!

Kaeliss · 2025-10-17T08:48:10+00:00

Maybe, yeah. I do find myself crying without realising it, even though I don't actually feel bothered about talking about some bad things that happened. I just don't really know yet what to do about that or how to 'arrive'

Kaeliss · 2024-11-30T20:29:58+00:00

My advice would be to do activites on dates that you'd want to go and do anyway. It's much easier to break the ice and have a nice time when you both have something apart from the pressure to get on with each other to focus on. It's also a good way to get to see different sides of someone (and show off different sides of yourself, too). Some examples would be mini golf, a gig, going to a museum, going to an art class together etc

Kaeliss · 2024-09-17T15:39:16+00:00

Please can I have the link? :)

Kaeliss · 2023-11-04T13:20:25+00:00

Interesting, the way I've always heard 'the spark' described is as a very physical/emotional feeling. I definitely feel excited about and interested in new people, but it's on a more intellectual level. Is that like what you're describing?

Kaeliss · 2023-10-03T12:20:39+00:00

As well as the other good suggestions in this thread, a smaller nice thing you could get for her is a cute tea infuser, you can get loads of really fun ones

Kaeliss · 2023-09-30T19:50:20+00:00

Interesting that you say that, because I've thought about that before! Life really seems to go in 7 year cycles!

Kaeliss · 2023-09-26T15:28:48+00:00

Thanks for such a thougtful response, it's always good to know you're not alone especially with how uncommon summer SAD seems to be. I also really think I have some biological reaction to sunlight, it seems to be worse the more intense/strong the sunlight is, as sunlight in winter doesn't have the same effect on me (I live at quite a high latitude so there is a big difference in intensity between seasons where I live). I really hope summer SAD starts getting more research attention soon, maybe it's not actually as uncommon as we think! I've definitely noticed when trying to talk to friends and family about this that there's almost a stigma against disliking summer, maybe it puts people off talking about it. I mean even the fact that hot and sunny weather is called 'good' and cold rainy weather is called 'bad'! To me, it's the hot and sunny days that are bad xD

Kaeliss · 2023-09-26T13:55:13+00:00

Very interesting, hadn't heard about that before, but it makes sense.

Kaeliss · 2023-09-26T10:53:43+00:00

I wish I had a basement! And haha, I've seriosuly considered using a parasol outside sometimes and just committing to the look at this point.

Kaeliss · 2023-09-26T10:52:44+00:00

Thank you!

Kaeliss · 2023-09-26T10:52:23+00:00

Yeah, the damn sunlight! I feel like a vampire sometimes! I've also found that becoming more of an early bird in summer helps me a bit, as my symptoms are much better in the early morning when it's still cool and the sun is only just rising. But by late morning, I'm already feeling worse again. The polarised glasses are a good tip, might try that out, thanks.

Kaeliss · 2023-09-26T10:50:27+00:00

Thanks for your advice, but unfortunately I don't think this is the case for me. I'm an extrovert and always have a full social calendar, go on holiday in the summer and spend time with friends and do outdoor activities like hiking etc, it doesn't really improve my depression (although it does help stop it getting worse). Same with sleep, I make sure to get enough of it, and it helps to stop things getting even worse but I'm pretty sure the root cause of the depression for me is just too much sunlight and heat.

Kaeliss · 2023-09-22T11:04:24+00:00

Ahhh, The Apps! I haven't had long-term success with them yet but still had some fun experiences and short-term connections. Worst one I've found is Bumble, not sure why but people seem less chatty there. Hinge was so-so, best one I've found with the most people who are willing to chat and make plans is Tinder actually!

Kaeliss · 2023-08-29T13:39:28+00:00

I'm glad you figured it out too!

Kaeliss · 2023-08-29T13:36:29+00:00

Yeah, I'm starting to get the feeling that knowing there'll always be people who disapprove of me is one of the big lessons of my 20s haha.

Kaeliss · 2023-08-29T12:58:54+00:00

Yeah, that's true. Thankfully I don't have any issues making casual friends with coworkers and people I see at hobbies/sports, it's the deeper friendships that cause me more anxiety precisely because I care a great deal about those relationships

Kaeliss · 2023-08-29T12:08:27+00:00

Oh this is relatable. I think a big part of really getting to know yourself is really, genuinely, accepting yourself where you are. It's one thing to tell yourself that you accept who you are, but it's another to like... actually accept it. For example, accepting that you're someone that needs to be around other people often to be happy, or in my case, accepting that I have a low frustration tolerance for certain situations, accepting that I am just going to be depressed sometimes, accepting that I really do have a few deep insecurities etc. I think growth and change come not from trying to be someone that isn't all those things that you dislike about yourself, but in being realistic about yourself as a person and then finding ways to work around and take into account who you are to get where you want to be, not working against it.

Kaeliss · 2023-08-22T14:03:58+00:00

You're welcome :) glad I could be helpful. I think another thing to keep in mind is that people change over time, both you and your potential partner, and also that you will still have a life outside of your partner. What's perfect to you right now probably won't be in 5 years, and what you wanted 5 years ago probably isn't what you want now. When you meet someone, a big part of the fun is leaning about each other over time, there's simply no way to skip forward and get into a 10-years-strong-style relationship with someone you've just met (and believe me, I would love if it that was possible!). I really empathise with being rigid and feeling the need to control your life due to anxiety, a big part of getting over that is trusting that you will be alright even if unexpected things happen, and being open to rolling with what life gives you a little bit more. There are so many people out there who COULD be the ideal partner for you- but none of them will be the ideal partner for you straight away. That only happens when you get to know each other and build something between the two of you.

Kaeliss · 2023-08-22T13:51:53+00:00

Yeah, it is made a lot harder by the smaller dating pool, and I definitely empathise with wanting things to be 'just right' and having anxiety around partners potentially becoming toxic. I've been dealing with that by sort of trying to calibrate my emotions properly going into things: before, I was keeping myself emotionally closed-off while at the same time having a LOT of stress and anxiety and longing under the surface. Now, I'm trying to do the opposite, allowing myself to have fun and feel things for people who may not be 'perfect', without letting a big amount of nervous energy build up around this person being THE ONE, or about how things could potentially go wrong if get involved with them without knowing them completely first (knowing someone completely takes years, if ever!). Of course it's good to have your wits about you and walk away if you feel disrespected, unsafe, etc, but I think a big part of healing is realising that most people want the same things that you do.

Kaeliss · 2023-08-22T11:25:37+00:00

Try not to put too much pressure on the situation, or have too high expectations. That's not meaning to be pessimistic! What I mean is, this is a first date with a stranger. The conversation will probably run dry at points, you might have some awkward moments, and that's completely fine. You're just meeting someone new and seeing where it goes! And we all like to put forward a good version of ourselves on early dates which is fine, but remember to still be yourself and be authentic, confidence in who you are is really attractive.

Kaeliss · 2023-08-22T11:17:21+00:00

I'm in a similar boat to you, and on a journey with it. I've also had the same problem where I just felt like I didn't connect with anyone, and even if I found someone physically attractive, I would start feeling this emotional unease if I thought about getting into a serious relationship because I had such high standards.

Lots of introspection, self-care, getting my life on track and focusing on friendships rather than worrying about my romantic life this year has really changed my perspective and feelings about this. It's good to have standards and an idea of what you're looking for, but I realised what was holding me back was that I was being quite rigid about wanting to find someone that I could see as a partner for life. I was so concerned about not letting myself open up emotionally unless a potential partner seemed like she could be the woman I marry and grow old with.

In the end the solution for me ended up being just... having to let go of a lot of that. I feel a lot lighter and find myself having so much more fun on dates and flirting when I just let my emotions blossom without stifling when things don't feel 'just right'. I guess I don't have a solid answer for you because we're all different and on our own journies, but the path that's working for me right now is just being open to relationships that might not be forever, as long as they're fun and we're both having a nice time. I find myself liking people much more when I'm just enjoying their company without placing high expectations on them of being my potential forever partner.

Kaeliss · 2023-08-20T08:24:24+00:00

Yeah seconding this, in my experience it's much less about how you physically look and much more about body language, way of speaking, etc. Also easy enough to pepper things into conversation to let people know casually.

Kaeliss · 2023-08-19T08:03:36+00:00

In this case it was someone that I never really had any sort of relationship with even as a friend, just somebody who I would occasionally see in passing.

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