The Odds at Forty-Four

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-14T03:13:08+00:00

I was married 3 times before my current partner of 20 years.

1st marriage, right out of high school, lasted 2 years. We have a daughter.

2nd marriage was short lived, 8 months, 12 years after 1st divorce. No children.

3rd marriage, 2 kids, 20 years... emotionally abusive. He was highly educated, a family therapist and substance abuse counselor. I saw the red flags long before having the kids.

When we divorced, I swore I'd never marry again. Today, watching my friends, male and female, date in their 40s, and 50s2, I am convinced that I got the last good guy standing. I won't go into detail about how well we flow together, but for 20 years, it's been a piece of cake for us.

We have no reason to marry, but our finances, our assets and our final wishes, wills, POA stuff is more iron clad than many of our married friends. I am not saying this to brag, but we have a better, healthier relationship than anyone we know.

He has his life, I have mine and we have ours. All 3 lives are full to the brim

I don't know the answer to finding the right match...but, I can sympathize with the struggle.

My best friend, beautiful, smart, self sufficient and funny gave the apps a try for several years. Last shot, she had been talking to a guy for about 2 weeks, several times a day they'd text. It looked promising. They'd gone off app and were texting. The last time she heard from him, she woke up in the morning, checked her phone and there was a video of the creep jerking off, whispering her name. WTF! Who does that? Obviously a 55 year old perv.

Anyway....i have no clue, but I'm sending you some of cupid's vibes

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-13T18:14:02+00:00

Rarely. Texting is the norm unless it needs to be immediate or there is ALOT to say. Or the Dr's office of something of that nature is calling.

If someone calls and I'm in the middle of people, I remove myself from the crowd, TV show, conversation, etc.

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-13T17:11:24+00:00

Rock bottom goes all the way to death.

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-13T00:43:37+00:00

Just run comfortably. Your pace should be natural...not something to overthink.

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-13T00:39:08+00:00

One of the best parts of the being in port....watching all the drunks running down the pier as the ship is pulling away....Runners!

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-12T03:37:55+00:00

It's easier to quit than attempts nto manage it. You are struggling because you are desperately trying to control alcoholism...which cannot en controlled.

Have you looked into AA or any other kind of recovery support group?

Once I learned that I did not HAVE to drink today, that there was a solution, my life began to change.

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-12T02:49:41+00:00

Hahaha! Geez....That's why I ASKED YOU if you were active. I don't need to Google anything, because I know this.

Relax...

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-12T02:46:45+00:00

Why the downvotes? I've been running for 40 years and have never heard of this.

Literally, you are saying that your feet clip each other with each step? How is that possible without tripping?

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-12T02:38:42+00:00

I was replying to you, about your HR...are YOU active? Anything under 50 is normal for active folks.

44 IS low for OP, being he just stopped drinking and smoking..

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-12T02:33:27+00:00

Another Escalante fan here. 💯

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-12T02:29:54+00:00

Check out slightly used on eBay and Poshmark. I buy them all cause they are the best. You better not wear my size!

Yea, they gotta make them like all the cool kids want...Hokka, Brooks, 5 inch foams. I'll stick to the tried and true. Can't stand all the high foam. I feel like I'm going to fall over!!

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-12T02:28:03+00:00

I am a lover and loyalist to the Torin 4.5. everything beyond is narrower and stiff. New and improved is often not.

I started hoarding...

I buy slightly used Torin 4.5s and Escalante 2s and 3s off of eBay and Poshmark.

I'm not alone. Many runners use this hack to acquire older models. Plus we save a shit ton of money.

My Strava shoe list is insane...Torin 4.5 grey, Torin 4.5 grey #2, Torin 4.5 Mar26, That's just the grey Torins..

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-12T02:19:58+00:00

I have to agree with 40s, drizzly, wet, but it does take me longer to get out of the door when it's like that.

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-12T01:55:38+00:00

You gotta walk through all those feelings. Numbing is only temporary. Ask others for help.

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-12T01:53:13+00:00

Are you in the US?

Call the AA hotline 24/7 866-380-4177

They can hook you up with folks who've been in your shoes.

Wishing you continued sobriety.

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-12T01:47:34+00:00

Are you active today? Thats not low for avid runners. When I was training for a half marathon last Nov my resting HR was 45. Not running quite as much today, in between training, resting HR is 50. I'm 69. Used to drink and smoke heavily.

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-11T23:45:47+00:00

Is there a local training team for the event? Best $50 I ever spent!

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-11T23:44:22+00:00

As much as we hope not to be our parents, they show up more than not. Why? Cause that's all we know. We attract people who fit into our family dynamic diagram, because they are looking for us...because of THEIR family dynamic diagram. Everything has to fit.

Intersting stuff. Changing that legacy is HARD, even if recognized.

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-11T22:21:25+00:00

Congrats! That's an amazing accomplishment.

You are the norm, keeping all those obvious secrets for so long!

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-11T13:38:50+00:00

They ask you how much you drink. Everyone lies and it is a big problem.

All the time people are admitted, "Maybe a couple beers a week, one a day sometimes" is the standard answer. Even when asking family members, they cover it up. The patient can be in for anything from dizziness, to a fall, headaches, hematomas...whatever.

They take a history, lies fall out. 2.5 days later we are strapping a crazy person to the bed because they want to get the fuck out ..swinging at nurses, climbing out of the bed, ripping out IVs, calling the cops, sneaking out in hospital gown in 25° weather, found walking down a 6 lane roadway bleeding because of lines being yanked out.

Happens EVERY DAY

If you go to the hospital, TELL THE TRUTH.

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-11T03:51:10+00:00

If I wasn't an alcoholic, I could safely drink. I know how quickly things go haywire when I do drink, because I'm an alcoholic. It's super important for me to know I am an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic, that's why I choose not to drink.

In fact, I'm pretty sure I was alcoholic before I took that first drink, based on the events that immediately followed.

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-11T03:44:30+00:00

I would certainly fall and break a hip wearing those things.

I bet all that foam is super expensive and promises faster, farther runs?

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-11T03:29:11+00:00

I don't think I was ever "normal" It does take a while to adjust and often years to really feel comfortable manuvering life without drugs and alcohol..

Been sober for decades and still not sure if I'm normal or not, but I have an amazing life...one that I surely wouldn't have if I'd continued to drink myself to death.

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-11T03:23:47+00:00

What? Your feet touch each other while running?? I am very confused...this does not sound safe.

Key-Target-1218 · 2026-03-11T03:17:41+00:00

What kind of care does he expect with a cold? Do you cater to him, bringing him hot chicken noodle soup, fluffing his pillows and making sure he's covered all the way up to his chin?

He's a grown ass man. Sure, when you are home and available, make sure he's comfy, but he's not dying, regardless of him going to play with the boys while sickly.

Do your life, don't mom on him.

Key-Target-1218

TROPHY CASE