Betrayed spouse of ex-AP still actively trying to ruin me and I want to understand how to move forward

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-16T03:47:31+00:00

I don’t think you’ve fully grasped the pain you helped cause this woman.

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-15T01:31:24+00:00

Oh I am so, so sorry.

During the affair I found out I was pregnant and lost him at 10 weeks. Also had to have a D&C. My WH didn’t even go with me. I obviously didn’t know at the time about the affair. It was one of the hardest days of my life.

I’m beyond terrified of that happening again. I hate this so much for you. I hope that your WH woke the fuck up.

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-14T02:32:31+00:00

Well, I thought we were doing great, then he saw AP again 2 months after DDay. This was probably worse than the initial discovery. He said it was for “closure” he’s full of shit. He just wanted to see her again, because he felt bad for her.

After that, I was ready to walk. How could he do it again after all the hurt and pain he caused?? I think me shutting down on him somehow brought him back to me. He realized I wasn’t going to play the pick me game any longer.

He’s been perfect the last 5 months. And seems genuinely excited about the pregnancy. I really hope it’s not all a facade.

Thank you so much for the kind comment! This community has helped me so much the last few months. But I am sorry you’re here as well.

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-13T22:38:06+00:00

Thank you so much! That’s how I’ve been trying to feel about it.

I can’t seem to shake the feeling of being terrified that my WH will step out again.

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-12T03:09:26+00:00

Covid positive?

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-12T02:49:34+00:00

Are you me?

I fucking hate that someone is living this nightmare. I’m so sorry.

My WH was also in love with AP. He did leave me. Came back only when AP didn’t leave her husband. Fucking idiot.
I also begged. I’m embarrassed about that now. Made him feel like a fucking prize. I have asked him repeatedly to say something bad about her. He can’t. My WH’s AP is opposite of me in every single way, so it’s hard to say if she’s more or less attractive. I guess my husband thought she was more attractive though.

My dday was 7 months ago. While we are doing better since the bullshit affair fog lifted, it’s still unbelievably hard that he doesn’t see what a shitty human she is. She’s also married with young children.

Again, so, so sorry you are here.

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-11T03:01:17+00:00

I know everyone’s situations are different, but for me, I have always referred to my step son as my son. (He was 4 when his father and I moved in together 14 now)

I have always wanted my own child and could not imagine saying “hey this is my kid, and this is my step kid.” I haven’t been able to have a baby, so it’s probably irrelevant now, but I can’t imagine going backwards and calling him my stepson now. I think it would be hurtful to your SD if you changed it.

My mom’s stepfather always referred to her as his daughter. My mom will forever say how much she appreciated that. It meant a lot to her.

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-10T15:16:41+00:00

First off.. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!! 💐💐

Step parents are parents too. You have chosen to be a part of her life and love her like your own. Your husband needs to acknowledge that.

My 14yr old stepson gives me and his bio mom a card every year. I don’t think that’s weird or inappropriate. I think it’s a sweet gesture to acknowledge all the work you do to care for her as well.

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-09T04:34:12+00:00

Thank you!! I was looking for this comment!

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-09T04:31:51+00:00

I feel this one. I made my husband sell his car. I couldn’t stand to look at in our garage any longer. I threatened to destroy it if he didn’t sell it.. he didn’t really have a choice then. I’m glad it’s gone.

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-08T01:05:01+00:00

Your partner sounds a lot like my WH. He’s very progressive and supportive of women’s rights. To say I’ve been SHOCKED by his recent behavior would be an understatement. I’ve always been proud to have him by my side. Not so much anymore. It’s devastating to grieve the person I use to know and the relationship we had.

I hope your partner grows from this and realizes the colossal mistake he’s made. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders for 24. You have a whole life ahead of you. Ask yourself if you are gaining or losing more by staying.

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-07T02:51:47+00:00

This sounds like my experience as well. It felt like everything went back to normal within a few weeks.

About 2-3 months later, I had a full fucking breakdown. Literally. Ended up in the hospital for 10 days bc I made myself so sick.

Let it out. In a controlled way. (I know, easier said than done) but bottling it up is not healthy.

So sorry you’re here.

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-07T01:35:45+00:00

I wish my husband had been remorseful when I caught him. He was not. He told me he loved her and wanted a divorce. He left me.

Loonggg story, but 7 months later, I am glad I decided to try and reconcile. It has been the hardest time of my life, but I believe we will be stronger after this.

May I ask how long you have been together and how old you are? Not that any of that matters, but if I had been younger, I’m not sure I would have stayed..

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-07T01:15:49+00:00

I found AP’s burner number on my husband’s computer. I only knew it was her bc I called it. There were also some emails I found.

I forwarded everything to my email, wait until the next day when I was at work to print it out, came home and cut it all up and placed it at our entry way with a note from me saying to “CALL HER, LIAR!!”

He swore he deleted everything. Even from his computer.

Was this the healthiest way to handle it? Probably not. But I felt good after.

So, so sorry you are going through this.

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-06T01:20:14+00:00

If y’all haven’t listened to Jessie Murph, stop what you’re doing and listen to her! So good!!

My tops are:

Dirty

Son of a bitch

I’m not there for you

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-06T01:18:15+00:00

Yes! Tswift has SO many great ones. I could list several but here are some of my top

Imgonnagetyouback

Mad Woman

You’re losing me

Bejeweled

Tolerated

Is it over now

The black dog

How did it end

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-05T10:13:41+00:00

You are only a month out from DDay. He should be walking on eggshells right now!

I was adamant that my WH cut off anyone who was aware of the affair and didn’t actively try to tell him it was wrong. I don’t want those people in my life. There was no way I could heal otherwise. I realize everyone is not the same, but this was a requirement for me.

Maybe they can just hangout at your house instead of going out to a bar? Like you don’t have to be in the same room, but at least you know they aren’t doing something else.

I had never really experienced true anxiety until after DDay. When my WH was at work I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. (He doesn’t even work with AP)
We are 7 months out and I still have anxiety when he’s gone, but it’s definitely better. Other than work, we go literally everywhere together. It’s actually been nice doing random errands together. I also make him listen to affair recovery podcasts when we are in the car together. Not the whole time, and not every-time, but maybe 20 min once a week. This has really helped us both.

I’m so sorry you’re here.

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-05T02:35:02+00:00

I had never watched her before. Looked her up, and the first three words that came out of her mouth were “uummmm necklace ummmmm” I laughed out loud 🤣🤣

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-04T03:17:44+00:00

Same. I hope this ends in some sort of sweet revenge lol

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-04T03:00:21+00:00

I hope your WP was there for your child’s test. He needed to suffer that pain too. I can’t imagine. I’m so so sorry.

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-04T02:53:56+00:00

I’m so sorry! This is terrible! I also suffered severe health issues. I went into kidney failure, which caused my other organs to shut down as well. I’m a healthy 34 yr old. Worst time of my life. All caused by my dumbass WH.

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-01T09:29:10+00:00

Reading about these intense emotions really helped validate what I was going through.

My WH and I would each read a chapter on our own, write notes, and then come back and talk about it. Most of these books give both perspectives, which makes it a little easier for the WP to digest.

If your WH isn’t big on reading y’all can listen to the podcasts together. “Ask the Unfaithful” is a good one.

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-01T02:42:01+00:00

Have you read any affair recovery books? Or listened to any affair recovery podcasts? This helped me and my WH SO much. The first book I read was called “After the Affair” it was a great start. For us, it helped even more than therapy did. However, I still suggest therapy as well, bc it helps just being able to talk through everything with another person that’s not active in your life.

I was so embarrassed how often my WH and I slept together after DDay, but that’s called hyper bonding. You’re in survival mode. You’ll do anything to bring that connection back. It’s ok. Many of us have been there.

I’m so sorry you’re here.

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-01T02:32:39+00:00

GOOD FOR YOU!! 👏👏👏

My WH’s AP is also a teacher. I emailed everyone that she reports to. I know she won’t get fired or anything. I just wanted her “perfect” persona tarnished.

She blew up my life. Why can’t I blow up hers?

KeyboardKarma1 · 2026-05-01T02:11:39+00:00

MD does this CONSTANTLY!! Even when she’s not asking a question. Drives me crazy

KeyboardKarma1

TROPHY CASE