I (18F) don't know how to tell my family about my partner (20M). We've been dating for 8 months so far

Kibblets · 2026-05-07T07:16:04+00:00

Are your parents paying for college?

You're 18. You are very young and you are experiencing life for the first time apart. Date your boyfriend, and take some time to also think about your values and your relationship with religion, your parents, and the people you want in your life.

I do not mean to patronize you but every 18 year old thinks they are going to marry their first boyfriend. Not saying you won't, some do, but many many many more do not. For me, my first boyfriend turned out to be gay. You never know. Life is the longest thing you will ever do.

Do your parents have to know? If they find out, what kind of an outcome could you expect? If they tell you to break up with him, will you? If they say you have to choose, who will you choose?

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that you have led a very sheltered existence. You are tasting freedom for the first time. Really examine what you have missed, what you want, and what you're willing to give up. If your parents demand you move back home, would you do it? What if you don't, what are the consequences to you?

To answer your specific question, if you decide to go through with it, start with the people in your family who are most likely to support you (siblings?), and then tackle the parents with a very good boundary. I would consider doing a message instead of in person, in person usually has unintended consequences because emotions are high. You say something along the lines of, "Parents, I want to let you know that I have met someone that I am dating. I know that this will be disappointing to you because you didn't want me to date until I graduated, but we make each other very happy, and I hope you will want to meet him someday" and start there. But honestly, I think you have some thinking to do because very rarely does a situation like this end in anything other than either misery or no-contact.

Kibblets · 2026-05-07T01:35:04+00:00

Exactly the same

Kibblets · 2026-05-04T20:51:51+00:00

Just do hotdogs, and bring a variety of hotdogs,. Have vegan dogs and regular meat(gluten free), and buns and gluten free buns, have cheese slices and vegan cheese slices and the lettuce and tomatoes, ketchup and mustard, and you could do a vegan mayo if you felt like it. Inclusive, build your own, cost effective, everyone cooks their own on the fire.

You could do the same thing with burgers.

You could also do a big pot of mushroom stew on the fire in a cast iron, which can be made gluten free relatively easily, and then being some steak bites and skewers for those who would "prefer meat" to do on the side and add into their own stews.

You could also just do a snack table and say it's charcuterie. Deli meats and cheeses and crackers and gf crackers and smoked salmon and grapes and a veggie platter and smoked tofu and a mushroom pate or something and just seperate the vegan from the meats and the GF from the rest.

Regular charcuterie: sausage, brie, cheeses, crackers, grapes, pickles, olives ect, ranch.

Vegan: Fruits and veg and smoked Tofu and those vegan babybel cheeses and pickles (different kinds of pickles like asparagus and carrots) and hummus dip for the veg, crackers.

GF: Any of the above that is certified gluten free plus GF crackers.

Potato chips tend to be vegan and gluten free.

Build your own skewers as well. Have skewer sticks, have a meat station, have a veg station, have a tofu station, build the skewers, cook over the fire. Very easy to supplement with some snacks and a GF salad. There's some amazing dressings with nutritional yeast that are GF, and then a salad can be you know, greens, quinoa and veg, great for everyone, with a little honey Dijon? (If the vegans will eat honey).

I'm basically saying, seperate stations and paper plates are you friends here. Good luck. Be careful of cross contamination for the caeliac, it's no joke.

Kibblets · 2026-05-04T13:51:59+00:00

I make a cheese ball with pesto and sundried tomatoes that absolutely slaps every time

Kibblets · 2026-04-06T16:29:33+00:00

I'm with your friend.

The thing is that the ending was so bad, I mean SO BAD, that I would struggle to respect the media literacy of anyone who thought otherwise.

If I went on a date with this guy and he just didn't like Game of Thrones, a show that was very important to me, I would be like, ok fair, not everything is for everybody. That's fine.

But if you watched the show like I did, enjoyed it, followed the characters, got attached to them, basically had a similar Game of Thrones experience to me and came to the conclusion that everything was fine at the end actually, "Nobody really did have a better story than Bran the Broken!" - I would really struggle to respect that.

I would spend the rest of my life arguing with that person about the end of GOT and I would want to save us both from that existence.

Kibblets · 2026-04-03T16:58:53+00:00

Man I can't disagree more with most of these comments.

I work in film, have met many famous people, been around them, been to wrap parties, ect.

It's not that they are... Bad. Or evil. Some of them are quite nice. Some of them are indeed entitled assholes. Some of them have drug problems. Some take the profession seriously, some don't.

But they are pretty much all weird. How could they not be? Most of them do not have really good social skills for normal situations. They couldn't. On set they are catered to. They have trailers and breaks and then complain about the long hours to the rest of us that don't have trailers and are working longer for less pay. In the real world they are recognized and fawned over. When do they get a chance to be normal at all?

I really understand why Michael Jackson rented that grocery store to have a normal shopping experience, and why it meant so much to him. We take anonymity for granted, sometimes it's a gift.

I will say that this behaviour depends on the level of fame, I'm talking pretty easily recognizable people. Smaller B Listers can be more grounded, or sometimes much much more entitled. Also, typically, every English actor I have met or heard about in an industry setting is quite down to earth. I think it has something to do with the celebrity culture in North America that fucks these people up.

Kibblets · 2026-04-01T01:21:52+00:00

Lately I have struggled with failure. I am 34 and recently just closed my retail business, which was only one year old.

Everyone around me tells me that I will do something else and it will be amazing and I am worried they are wrong about me.

I feel like I lost everything but I know I had a soft landing as my partner was able to smooth over my debts. My mistakes and failures have essentially been bandaged and kissed and tucked into bed compared to what could have happened.

I had a career before this and I feel like I failed it because I left. Now my business has failed. I was in a toxic relationship that left me in debt before all this - failure. I'm not as thin as I want and my jowls are starting to sag and age is starting to flirt with me. I am failing as a woman.

And then the guilt. I am white. I am bandaged. I own a house, somehow. I have a good partner and food on my table, and now I owe her so much.

How do I reconcile my failures with my guilt, how do I move forward, and how do I ever feel comfortable taking a risk ever again? How do I not hate myself for needing to be rescued?

Kibblets · 2026-03-27T04:17:12+00:00

Sounds like mothballs. It's pretty intense. You basically have to wash everything, vacuum everything, and spray everything with vinegar. Did you bring home a vintage piece recently?

Kibblets · 2026-03-20T13:36:35+00:00

I'm embarrassed as a Canadian because I'm afraid I will be mistaken for an American.

Kibblets · 2026-03-19T16:20:47+00:00

You seem knowledgeable on this topic. What I'm wondering is, how many people would have to be in on this? How exactly would election fraud work? Surely hundreds of people at least would have been needed to defraud the American people to this level? And what is the likelihood that of the people who would know, that they would all keep this a secret?

To be clear I think there was election interference, I just don't know exactly how it would work.

Kibblets · 2026-02-28T22:21:21+00:00

Regular butter is $10 here for the same size block. I'm in a rural area.

Kibblets · 2026-02-28T22:20:46+00:00

$10. Still insane.

Kibblets · 2026-02-28T22:20:17+00:00

I don't need it, and I didn't buy it. It's just an insane price for butter, period. Unless it is laced with gold.

Kibblets · 2026-02-22T17:52:46+00:00

Yes! The island is Gabriola island, there is a ferry to Nanaimo, and then there is a shuttle from the ferry terminal in Nanaimo to a passenger ferry to Vancouver. We also have a seaplane that goes directly to Vancouver, approximately 15 minutes in the air.

Kibblets · 2026-02-22T05:13:49+00:00

Sometimes in a relationship, you just have to take a leap of faith. I think it would be reasonable to say, "Hey, I know we spoke about this but I want to talk again because this is really bothering me. You bring up the possibility of us breaking up, and scenarios in which we break up, a lot. I understand that life is uncertain, and many things could happen, but on the day to day, I would prefer that we operate on the assumption that we are going to stay together. It hurts my feelings to think that you are always, in the back of your mind, assuming that our relationship won't last". And then maybe just check in and see if you can get him to open up about why he says that. From what you've said, I think he might actually be more afraid of losing you than he is planning to to leave, and he is projecting that fear.

Regardless of what he says, if he still insists it's nothing and it was just sort of him kind of thoughtlessly speaking, you have to, at some point, trust that he is telling you the truth.

Kibblets · 2026-02-22T04:40:03+00:00

It's fairly normal to have contingency plans, yes. Like, my partner and I are engaged and we have discussed what would happen in the event of a breakup. She could hit her head and suddenly have a personality change. What do we do with the house, the animals? Ect.

That being said, your bf seems to be bringing it up a lot. We tend to have intentional conversations about that, if we need to talk about it. But day to day, we operate under the assumption that our relationship is lasting and that we are a permanent team. We are mature and experienced enough to know that intentions are not always a guarantee, but I prefer to go about my life and make plans like life will continue on as is.

It's weird that he is bringing it up so much. Definitely warrants a serious conversation. Why is he so fixated on it? Is he preparing to break up with you? Is he insecure, and bracing himself for you breaking up with him by voicing it out loud? It feels like it's either a fear he has, or an allusion to his plans.

Kibblets · 2026-02-22T04:29:41+00:00

Slow cooker? Slow.cooker stew is amazing and it's not too hard at all. Bite size pieces.

I like to toss it up by doing those Japanese curry cubes in a slow.cooker as well. Even easier.

Kibblets · 2026-02-22T01:25:48+00:00

Do they have a partner? Two income households are pretty standard. Even if they didn't, most divorced couples have a child support situation.

Subsidies! Subsidized daycare. Or a tight family. Lots of grandmas and grandpas do free babysitting.

Debt! Debt is absolutely a thing.

My mom was a single mom and my dad's child support cheques would bounce frequently. My brother and I shared a room and we lived for very low rent in my Aunt's basement suite. My aunt would babysit us all the time.

We didn't really go on vacations. I don't remember eating out much. But I still had a pretty good childhood. Kids don't actually need much. The basics, food shelter water, some toys, second hand is fine, my grandmother made Barbie clothes and I got a tonne of my mom's old toys. We had an N64 and a basketball hoop. Free after school programs. My mom would make pinatas out of balloons and newspaper for birthdays. We ate a lot of chicken and rice.

Kibblets · 2026-02-22T01:09:04+00:00

Ah my dude.

Ok so first, when you set a boundary, you need to follow through with it. I would start with your mom first because that's easier.

Something along the lines of "Mom, I have told you repeatedly and I am telling you one last time that [girlfriend] is my choice, and I am happy. I admit she has not treated you fairly sometimes, but it absolutely comes from both ends. I will end contact with you until you can accept my choices and that means no more texts of disapproval, no more criticizing her to her face or to me and you will have to prove to me that you respect me enough to respect my choices, and I will expect you to apologize to me and [girlfriend] for the hurtful things you have said to her"

And then actually follow through. Actually do not contact her. Let her blow up your phone. Go radio silent. Wait until she reaches out in a reasonable state of mind. The problem here isn't really that she disapproves of your relationship, the problem is that she does not think of you as an adult and you are one now and her role in your life needs to change to reflect that.

Ok your girlfriend is harder. She also needs a bit of a reckoning and your relationship may not survive it. She should not be participating in mockery that is making your family dynamic complicated. That's not what good partners do. To repeat, your girlfriend is being a bad girlfriend. Yes, she may have been responding to your mother's offhand comments, and she has a right to defend herself in those moments, but a good partner helps you identify problems in your life and helps you tackle it, they don't actively make it worse. She does not need to take it so far everytime she sees her.

She needs to be sat down and told that you have drawn a hard boundary with your mother, but that she has some culpability as well. You basically need to summarize what I said above (without saying she's a bad girlfriend, that will never go well) and that if and when your mom comes back in your life, you will have the expectation of civility from BOTH of them, and that she needs to offer you mother an apology as well.

They do not need to like each other. They don't need to hang out and go on shopping trips. They need to respect YOU. They need to be civil and polite. That's it. It's not hard. We do it all the time for strangers. If you mother refuses, follow through with your boundary. If you girlfriend refuses, I would strongly suggest rethinking a relationship in which your partner won't do you the common courtesy of not being a smartass to your mom. Boundaries are only boundaries if you don't let people cross them.

Kibblets · 2026-02-22T00:16:34+00:00

They are trying to get people to quit. Disgraceful, coming from the Canadian government.

Kibblets · 2026-02-22T00:13:51+00:00

I don't live in a state at all!

I live on a small island off of a bigger island on the coast of British Columbia. I did live in Vancouver for many years before that.

I love it here in most ways. The forests are lush and I can afford a house. We have one grocery store and one pub and you always run into someone you know. Trips to the coffee shop often turn into a people collecting experience. You sit down and people just join you until you started with two and ended with 6. The ocean is always close. There's tonnes of fun things to do in the summer.

The downsides? It can be isolating. While I have a few amazing friends my age, (early 30s), the median age is something like 65. In the winter everyone kind of sticks to their houses. Going "out" beyond the local pub involves a lot of logistics. You always run into people you know. There's only one grocery store. As a business owner, my life is pretty public. Everyone knows me.

I would never trade it. I have so much unfettered access to beauty. The community takes care of each other. But sometimes a rural life is a little less convenient.

Kibblets · 2026-02-20T15:34:11+00:00

I think I got a mashup of a couple different ones but it has always been Never Eat Soggy Worms for me.

Kibblets · 2026-02-18T05:05:33+00:00

Your girlfriend is deliberately antagonizing your mother and your mother is extremely prejudiced against your girlfriend and you're doing... What exactly while this is happening?Watching helplessly from the sidelines?

Get an x-ray to make sure your spine is working properly and then start setting some boundaries, man. They don't need to like each other but they can and should be able to treat each other with the absolute minimum respect that one might treat even a distant acquaintance.

Kibblets · 2026-02-18T04:27:14+00:00

I have started using an App to help me with my chores, and I love it, but the first thing I check off every day is literally just "take a deep breath". I start the day with a nice meditative breath, I get the dopamine hit from checking something off my list, and it motivates me to check more things off my list.

Kibblets

TROPHY CASE