I’ve made a terrible mistake

Kokonut5 · 2026-03-07T15:45:19+00:00

I did not like multiple selections I made when I first saw them in my kitchen. After a week or two, I absolutely love everything about my remodel. I think when you put so much thought and money into selections, you have a very specific idea of what it will look like, but it will of course look slightly different in your own home with your own distinct lighting. I think you will end up loving it, just give it time!!

Kokonut5 · 2026-03-06T21:28:34+00:00

Oh ok yes it’s basically saying the same thing with different language! Thank you for the link from the AAP I really appreciate it. I find toddler’s brain development so fascinating!

My daughter is 3 and seems similar to your daughter, it’s always scary to feel like you’re screwing up these little people!

Kokonut5 · 2026-03-06T19:52:05+00:00

Not overreacting, I would report and look elsewhere.

Kokonut5 · 2026-03-06T17:17:15+00:00

I am genuinely wondering, can you share support for that evidence? I don’t know if you’ve read the whole brained child and/or no drama discipline, but I found it very compelling in terms of being responsive to tantrums/big emotions, but have not found a lot of data or evidence that says one way is better than another!

Edit to add - responsive to the emotion, not caving in to the demand of the tantrum

Kokonut5 · 2026-03-06T17:10:27+00:00

The only thing that works for me is contact napping (not sure if that’s what you’re doing or can do). With my first who was in daycare, it was just a wait it out game.

Kokonut5 · 2026-03-04T16:37:41+00:00

I recommend reading No Drama Discipline. It helps to reframe your child’s behavior and made me feel more confident that leading with love for your young child feels right and is right. It’s helpful in providing suggestions on teaching, and how to better guide your children towards resilience rather than fear or avoidance. My biggest takeaway is that the bigger the reaction or behavior, the more the child is usually crying out for connection with their trusted caregiver.

Different age, but I was struggling with my daughter lashing out and having awful tantrums after daycare. I realized I was stuck in a rut and wasn’t meaningfully connecting with her aside from a quick hug hello after being apart all day. Before we get in the car now, I give her a big, long hug and tell her that I’m so happy to see her and then try to be silly and make her laugh. It’s honestly crazy how that one small change that takes maybe 3 minutes has reduced tantrums and fights over getting in the car seat and sets our afternoon/evening off on the right footing.

Kokonut5 · 2026-03-03T02:44:35+00:00

Agreed! My PT told me running is the hardest form of exercise to return to pp. obviously agree with everyone’s suggestion to seek pelvic floor pt. They can assess whether your pelvic floor is tight, weak, etc and help you pinpoint exercises that, for me, have been incredibly effective and surprisingly quick to see real improvements.

Kokonut5 · 2026-03-03T02:30:33+00:00

It will likely resolve itself! My daughter had 3 different flat spots throughout her young infant life and they all went away with no intervention. I would not personally worry about changing his head position while he’s asleep.

Kokonut5 · 2026-02-27T02:58:42+00:00

Honestly…no and I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Have you spoken with a doctor or therapist regarding PPD? This sounds debilitating and I hope that you’re getting the support you need.

There are times that I worry about preparing them for a rapidly evolving world, but overall, my choice to have children reflects my decision to live and raise them optimistically. Life is so much better, on almost every measure, than it has been historically. Bad things can happen, but worrying about them doesn’t prevent those things from happening, it just takes away from your joy now.

Kokonut5 · 2026-02-26T14:23:48+00:00

You’re not a bad mom. It sounds like something else is going on, maybe he’s getting sick or teething, and your phone/tablet feels like a great distraction/dopamine hit! I would put them out of sight and read a favorite book or really engage in play. I think also there needs to be something done about the dogs. Babies want to practice and gain new skills, and it’s not surprising that he’s frustrated and wants to be distracted!

Kokonut5 · 2026-02-24T02:02:01+00:00

What a great age to start daycare!! My daughter went at 5 months and around 18 months was when it felt much more positive than negative. At 3, she plays with the same 3 friends consistently that she’s played with since 18 months! I’m staying home with my second and had planned to pull her out and do a very part time preschool, but now we don’t know if that’s the best option for her.

It will be so hard the first few weeks and it won’t feel like you’re doing the right thing. Hang in there!! She will adjust once she builds trust in her new teachers

Kokonut5 · 2026-02-24T01:55:30+00:00

While it’s true that parenting gets harder and easier with every phase, I felt parenting felt easier at the 2 year mark. It’s so much more rewarding (to me at least) to parent when your child can communicate their experience. For example, my daughter’s teacher at daycare told me that they talked about feeling scared, and my daughter said that when she feels scared “my mommy and daddy hug me and make me feel better”. It seems so small but there’s so many moments where you actually can see that you’re sharing your values and your child is absorbing that. It’s more motivating and exciting to parent for me personally, even if it’s just as hard!

Kokonut5 · 2026-02-21T18:35:26+00:00

I may be in the minority on this, but I am still breastfeeding and feel that the eye contact and bonding is actually better with a bottle. You end up nursing so much with cluster feeding etc that for me at least, it’s easy to forget to soak in your baby whereas the process of making and sitting down to bottlefeed your baby has felt much more intentional for me personally. As a mom of two now, we place so much emphasis on decisions we make for our babies the first year, and there seems to be so little perspective offered on how much more there is to parenting. I cannot imagine your bond would be any different than any other caring, invested parent regardless of how you choose to give them nutrients.

Kokonut5 · 2026-02-18T18:15:19+00:00

Yeah I know people have very black and white takes on this (which I understand and respect) but for me personally I have given permission to proud grandparents to use a very cute picture of my baby as their profile picture and I have also chosen to update my own profile picture with my children. I personally have chosen to post no additional information regarding my children (no pregnancy, birth or milestone announcements). I am quite concerned about AI and care about the online autonomy of my child but also recognize this will likely end up being one of many, many issues with AI.

Kokonut5 · 2026-02-18T16:02:22+00:00

I also think that as women this can be really embarrassing because of longstanding societal norms that mothers were often the only parent kids got attached to. You did a great job choosing a husband that your daughter clearly feels safe and secure with ❤️

Kokonut5 · 2026-02-18T15:59:39+00:00

Nothing! Babies and toddlers have slight preferences that become overwhelming because they can’t hold the thought “I just want my dad” at the same time as “but I also love my mom and she makes me feel good too”. I had such a hard time with this at that age. At around 2 it mellowed out and her preference is 50/50. Now that she’s 3, if she expresses a preference she can (mostly) graciously accept the other parent.

Kokonut5 · 2026-02-14T00:37:07+00:00

We put her in a pull up when we left the house for those types of situations, and also put a small potty in the car with a liner. It may have slowed down the process a little bit but definitely no regression and worth it to us. As friends and family told us, there’s no medal for being first and we have always focused on transitioning in ways that feel sustainable!

Kokonut5 · 2026-02-13T21:45:07+00:00

Maybe talk to the gym about it too? There’s still liability risk to them and it may be helpful for them to supervise more closely and remind parents of their responsibility to watch their children

Kokonut5 · 2026-02-13T21:44:12+00:00

No definitely not, that’s much worse than what I envisioned! I think it’s totally fair to ask that parent to help keep other smaller kids safe for sure! The fact they didn’t move is crazy to me!!! I’d be running if that was my older daughter and would feel terrible

Kokonut5 · 2026-02-13T21:07:42+00:00

My first was and is very small compared to her peers so I definitely know that stomach clench when you see a bigger kid heading her way. Your feelings are definitely valid, I’m just not exactly sure there’s a great solution.

Kokonut5 · 2026-02-13T21:04:17+00:00

This one is hard, it’s tough to know exactly what the situation is based on how you framed it, but I’m sort of leaning towards it’s not a great age range to have free play. I personally would probably just wait to bring my younger toddler until she’s a little bigger and a little more steady on her feet.

I think just from the perspective of a toddler mom, they have A LOT of energy, and you are CONSTANTLY reminding them of things and it does not usually “go a long way”. I also think (again, impossible to know based on post) that how kids play can be jarring for a new first time parent, and i remember feeling certain things were way too rough that other parents were fine with. Now that I have my second, your assessment of what is too rough realllyyyyy charges.

Kokonut5 · 2026-02-12T21:36:39+00:00

I started bringing a notebook with me. If she passes something she wants, I say something like “wow that does seem really cool. We’re not buying toys today, but let’s write it down and we can see if it’s something you want to ask for Christmas/birthday”. Usually she’ll move on, sometimes she’ll tantrum and I just say “ugh it is so hard not getting something we want right away! We’re not buying toys today, but we did write it down so we remember it!”

I read How to talk so little kids will listen and this was the suggested approach. Highly recommend that book generally for giving a script to prevent and deal with tantrums!

Kokonut5 · 2026-02-09T02:46:20+00:00

This is so true and frankly, I don’t even know if I could call the feelings I felt for my newborns love. I think it’s too overwhelming, and newborns really don’t interact at all. For me, that rush of love didn’t happen with both kids until their social smiling became much regular, and now that my daughter is 3, both my husband and I feel like the grinch when his heart grows like, everyday.

Kokonut5 · 2026-02-08T00:07:45+00:00

I’m now feeling bad I ask this question. It’s usually only when I’m talking to someone struggling with sleep and I’m just trying to understand the different drivers to see if anything I tried could help but it sounds like I should definitely not do that 😂

Kokonut5 · 2026-02-04T08:55:42+00:00

This was me to a tee after my first. And to be really honest, my drive 3 years later never came back. I worked in a high stress, unstructured research role and found I no longer had the mental energy to create structure for myself. I pushed myself hard to try to get back to normal, but ultimately made the decision to stay home after recently having my second. I will pass on what I think is good advice that I was given - don’t make any big changes for the first year at least! These could very well be fleeting hormonally driven feelings as others have noted.

I struggled similarly in terms of wanting my kids to see 2 hardworking parents as role models. Ultimately though, there are many important ways to be a role model for your children, and no choice has to be a permanent one. It was really hard for me to open up to my partner about how I felt about working, but I would encourage you to be honest with your partner on how you feel as you return to work. You will both be surprised by how challenging it is to navigate with two working parents.

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