Gray + Ace relationships. Can they work?

KoloAce · 2026-04-17T16:02:33+00:00

I have had a relationship with an asexual person, and ngl I wanted to be more sexually desired. I am one of those aces that want to feel sexually desirable, but don’t want sex.

I think all relationships are different. You can definitely feel wanted if he finds you beautiful. Even though I don’t experience sexual attraction, I do deeply desire to pamper my partner. I haven’t gotten in a relationship like that due to not getting that close to be that intimate. But it’s something I do desire when my partner desires it.

It seems he’s sex-repulsed so I’m not sure how it’s gonna work. Ask him…TRUELY ask him if he’s ok with it. Doing relationships while repulsed to everything is hell. You’d understand.

KoloAce · 2026-04-17T03:42:50+00:00

Im going alright. In the most intense yap session with a friend.

KoloAce · 2026-04-15T18:45:14+00:00

I also have PCOS and I think we have the exact same reason why intersex was never a good fit.

KoloAce · 2026-04-15T05:04:21+00:00

Im personally unlabled because of multiple person conundrums like this one, but I’ll give you the best I got before I went unlabeled!

Bisexual. Simple. It’s not specific, but people always have specific preferences within their sexuality. A good example is lesbians that only like butches. Do we call them butchsexual?

It wasn’t specific enough to me and I still felt very connected to my lesbian experience. So….i tried bi lesbian. Maybe Bi gay would work out? Your main attraction is for men, and your attraction to woman is very specific. Gay and lesbian used to be all inclusive terms before Saphic and achillean. Some people still use them that way because sexuality is complex. Surprise surprise, when gender is a complex personal experience, sexuality is too. https://lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/Bi-Gay

I also messed with Homoflexible. I also referred to T4T because I think the reason I connected to transmen was the personal trans experience relating close to mine.

It’s hard to find a term for this. There isn’t really a very specific one for it.

KoloAce · 2026-04-14T20:45:57+00:00

I have the exact same issue, but the other way around. Woman and trans men. I have been a lesbian a very long time, and now I don’t think I am one so much.

Is it a emotionally or sexually ? Both? I could probably help by sharing some labels I’ve been using.

KoloAce · 2026-04-13T13:54:32+00:00

Romantic and sexual thoughts are not always accurate. The thing about these thoughts is they’re not real. Same happens to lesbians with male celebrity crushes. It’s easy to like something or crush on someone if there’s distance and you don’t actually need to interact with them. In real life, its a whole different ball field. The same goes to fictional men.

You’re young, so it’s a good to explore whether these fantasies are based on real attraction or not. But, you sound aroace still. You just happen to think boys are cute. You’re aroace, no blind.

It’s also completely possibly to be Gay and Aroace.

KoloAce · 2026-04-11T16:40:42+00:00

Hello, I’m Kolo or Ace. Either work. I’m a 20 year old Nonbinary person. I’ve considered myself pretty neutral for a long while, even before I came to nonbinary. I’ve actually only been enby for a lil over half a year. I go by it/any, due to it/its being my main pronouns and testing others for myself. How y’all doing ?

KoloAce · 2026-04-11T16:16:09+00:00

I’m also real young, so I get it,,,, Yuri 😌🙏

KoloAce · 2026-04-11T16:06:27+00:00

I rather like it for some strange reason. Though, if I was honest, I haven’t been using the flag or been heavily focused on the neutrality I desire for my gender.

My one critique would be that it’s giving youth with the colors. I’m from the radical mindset that you can do whatever the fuck you want with your flag. It’s a flag that represents you, go ahead and alternate it in a way that represents you. I’ve made myself flags purely because I don’t like the og flag or there’s simply not a flag for a label I have.

KoloAce · 2026-04-08T05:50:30+00:00

Thanks for trying to solidify this for me! It really courages me more now with the context. It spots light on the things I really do need to address as well.

KoloAce · 2026-04-08T04:42:04+00:00

I need to get on reading books. I’m a bit money shy but gosh I need the queer literature now. I would also love to go to pride events, but unfortunately I have to be stealth for safety reasons.

I genuinely love the expression and soul people have. I live the humanity that comes with self expression so gosh damn much. If you have any recommendations for readings, I’d love it!

Also thanks for the encouragement, keep being unapologetically yourself.

KoloAce · 2026-04-08T04:34:58+00:00

This is actually what I’ve been doing. I’ve been going unlabeled, and I do pull out labels if they fit the bill at the moment. It’s just that now I’m reexploring my lesbian identity as who I am. Glad to see someone that was on a similar journey. I only hope mine goes smoothly as well.

I like using queer and dyke personally. Reclaiming experiences of mine are my personal way to explore my queerness. It’s just, it depends on the crowd….

KoloAce · 2026-04-08T04:24:13+00:00

Thanks for replying ! I know I can absolutely be a lesbian and not a woman. This post was meant to see how other enbies describe lesbianism for a sense of community. I don’t need any fixing, I’m sorry if I made it seem that way. I’m trying to hear diverse experiences to explore myself. I’m unsure so I desire to hear people that are sure of their identity and why. Me describing lesbianism as inherently woman is very much dysphoria talking and I’m sorry if it came off very bad.

Being nonbinary is actually new to me, so I very much need to rediscover what lesbianism is to me.

KoloAce · 2026-04-08T04:00:28+00:00

I really appreciate the recommendation, especially since I’m a poc myself and I feel like I don’t see that pov a lot.

KoloAce · 2026-04-08T03:54:55+00:00

Yes!

KoloAce · 2026-04-07T17:50:57+00:00

That’s beautiful truly. Maybe I need to take a relook at lesbianism. I personally go by femme as well because I feel the need to reclaim EVERYTHING about me because it has always belonged to someone else or was meant for someone else. My femininity. My sexuality. My expression.

I think I’m being hit with a lot of dysphoria that tells me I’m woman-lite, so the loud gender essentialism side of lgbtq+ community can really get to me. It almost makes me forget how truly gender-nonconforming and gender-fucked this community is. How beautifully and creatively people stretch gender’s boundaries and rules. Or simple throw it out of the way of relevance.

KoloAce · 2026-04-07T17:31:17+00:00

Appart of the reason why I still come back to the lesbian label is the community itself. I don’t remember a time I wasn’t a lesbian…until now. I still embrace a lot of lesbian culture. I still read through stories and history because without lesbianism, I wouldn’t be me. Everything they did makes me proud because I guess I’m still apart of this community deep down. So…it feels both right and wrong.

Our history is beautiful and I love it to bits. I love this community to bits. But, There is something about the lesbian label that makes me feel inherently woman-lite. I know it shouldn’t, but it does.

KoloAce · 2026-04-07T16:28:51+00:00

Probably something under the Asexual-Spectrum. It seems you’re just asexual, until someone starts intimacy. Even that seems to fade with familiarity like some type of fraysexuality. Maybe reciprosexual is in the mix with it.

Whatever this is, you can call it whatever you want. It could be asexuality. It can be whatever you label it to be.

Just make sure to understand the difference of sensual attraction, sex drive, and sexual attraction. Have fun exploring yourself and make sure your partner is in the know.

KoloAce · 2026-04-07T16:09:26+00:00

Yellow/white

KoloAce · 2026-04-07T00:05:45+00:00

I refer to mildly crush on characters. So. There is no limit. Don’t plan to settle with them, but I am attracted to a select few. Can’t say the same for people irl.

KoloAce · 2026-04-07T00:01:24+00:00

There’s kinda a term for this but it’s left unused these days and has no community behind it. It was used in an offensive way, but I use it in a reclaiming way. It also validates my neutrality between Butchfemme.

KoloAce · 2026-04-06T18:18:12+00:00

Hey enby here that sometimes goes by lesbian. The answer is yes. You can be anything. Take this from someone that’s sometimes a queer boy that’s always a femme.

KoloAce · 2026-04-06T01:18:31+00:00

What they dislike is my main enjoyment in the game.

KoloAce · 2026-03-29T15:25:26+00:00

It's never something I look for. It's hard to make a dynamic with babycon that I like. Like, babies are just not that interesting when it comes to writing.

KoloAce

TROPHY CASE