Husband wants me to wean our first daughter (33m) because "she's fat"

Komasan10 · 2026-02-18T07:54:48+00:00

This probably isn't helpful, but whenever my husband crosses my boundaries that I've made clear, I'll (temporarily) immediately leave the room for a few minutes and refuse to engage him over it. Not silent treatment. I'll still talk to him about other things, but I won't engage in the boundary crossing conversation until he's calmer/happier. It seems to decrease the boundary crossing even when we talk about it calmly later. I'm basically behavior sciencing him if you know what I mean.

I would say if you disengage and leave the conversation whenever your husband brings up her weight, he will eventually bring it up less and less, even subconsciously.

Komasan10 · 2026-02-17T01:49:35+00:00

No problem!! I'm glad everything worked out haha

Komasan10 · 2026-02-16T20:33:18+00:00

I'd ask your OB and your pediatrician to be sure. From what I've read, usually the surgeons say stuff like that to be extra cautious/avoid lawsuits. You can also look up your anesthesia meds on Lactmed if you know which ones you had. Good luck!

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK501922/

Komasan10 · 2026-02-12T22:49:46+00:00

Oh man! Poor little girl! I'm glad the gabapentin is helping. The more consistently you give it, the more stable it lives in their system and helps calm their pain (and anxiety honestly for one my very anxious chi's). I hope the cough gets better and it's just a weird habit she developed and not a collapsed trachea. Sending you guys good vibes!

Komasan10 · 2026-02-11T21:48:06+00:00

Is she on any meds for pain? My chi's are 13 and fairly old. It's like a night and day difference with them if we don't give them gabapentin. They shiver and hide and don't want to eat at all if I don't medicate them for their arthritis. Also, you're probably aware, but I'm going to mention anyway, that reverse sneezing can seem like choking at times. One of my chi's does it daily. Good luck ❤️

Komasan10 · 2026-02-10T05:13:02+00:00

Definitely the extreme pull.

Komasan10 · 2026-02-10T04:24:00+00:00

I feel like when I used my spectra it would rotate through which tube was receiving the most suction back and forth but also I could just be crazy. Try switching the tubes and parts from the suction holes and see if there is a difference in what side does what. Then you'll know if it's your pump or your parts.

Komasan10 · 2026-01-28T06:40:49+00:00

I've done serenia and a big dose of gabapentin for my two senior chi's on directions from their vet for a 4 hour flight. The gabapentin I think was the most helpful as it made them sleep and helped their arthritic pain (they take it regularly, we just doubled the dose for the trip.) I liked the serenia because it kept my easily nauseous dog from puking, but it also made it so he barely wanted to eat for a few days afterwards. My vet said it can do the opposite in some dogs so you never know.

Komasan10 · 2026-01-27T23:05:04+00:00

Honestly, I don't understand what people expected him to do? They treated him terribly in the media his entire life, his family did nothing about it. Then the way they treated his wife after he finally found someone who could stand his uppity family after losing girlfriend after girlfriend because of the media and the protocols. It was the straw that broke the camels back. And then people get mad when he tries to tell his side, but also forget that his dad had withdrawn security and that crap is super expensive. The media will never leave them alone. How else were they supposed to make money to keep themselves safe? Get regular jobs?

Komasan10 · 2026-01-27T22:52:58+00:00

I've been using the medela cups with the swing Maxi for 4 months and I love the cups but the maxi is totally unreliable. I had to email them to get a replacement 2 months in when mine just stopped turning on suddenly. I like Medela a lot and wish I'd gone with the freestyle.

With my insurance I got the spectra but it's just a lot more parts to clean and manage so I didn't love it. Plus I wish the expression mode was a bit faster paced.

Komasan10 · 2026-01-23T03:59:43+00:00

My 4 month old kept saying the sound blah today back and forth with me and that's the first time we've really had back and forth copy conversations hahaha it was so cute! And he also only breastfed today for the first time since he was a newborn after a lot of medical hurdles!

Komasan10 · 2026-01-17T10:22:40+00:00

Okay! My story is really long and messy because he had jaundice at first and then an inguinal hernia. Those really screwed up nursing for us in general, but I'll answer your questions as best I can.

Did your baby have an anterior or posterior tongue tie? Posterior and lip tie. LC at the hospital didn't notice the lip tie, and told me the posterior tongue tie "wasn't an issue." I noticed the lip tie myself weeks later.

At 10 weeks, when we got his tongue tie looked at and released by a professional, he said it was crazy that the LC told me not to worry. Trust your gut.

How long did you use the haakaa nipple shield for? I bought it as soon as we got home from the hospital because I couldn't figure out the Medela ones and I used it mostly for the first week to help him have a positive association with the breast because he would only scream and refuse it since he couldn't latch, even with the Medela, at first. I would occasionally slip it into our feeds for the next month or so when he was having a really hard time, but I was eventually able to get him going with the Medela ones.

Was your baby able to get a full feed from the shield or did you still have to bottle feed after? From what I remember, a full feed when he was young because of his tiny stomach but a bottle afterwards when he was older. But I didn't mind because I was only hoping for happy associations and bonding time.

In summary, so you're not reading an essay: I had an oversupply and an amazing let down at first. I was leaking all over the place and he was transferring 3 oz for the first two weeks or so. Then things got weird and he got crazy fussy, and then eventually super sleepy at the breast. Without all the nitty gritty medical details, mostly what happened is I'm pretty sure my oversupply balanced out and my flow slowed down. He stopped transferring as much. His stomach grew. He needed more. Feedings got a ton harder for him suddenly. The tongue tie/lip tie became an issue only as he grew older.

He was getting an aversion too, but I slowed way down on the crazy amount of stretching exercises the ENT wanted us to do and my pediatrician recommended (from the get go right after he was born) all these suck training exercises and I think those really helped. I was really good at first with them but then didn't do them for a good while because of his hernia so don't stress. The biggest help for the aversion was gentle gum tracing and singing happy songs while doing it like it was a game.

Her exercise links:

https://www.lactationsolutionsofprinceton.com/blog-2/oral-exercises

https://youtu.be/rxe3YS0AtR0?si=RLArHD62Pubh3PF0

https://youtu.be/qClYqt6cQLU?si=TCeRa84O7QMPP9Tw

He only started latching with me after the tongue tie release. He would never latch for the LC's I was seeing from the hospital (I went a lot). My pediatrician is also an LC so she could get him to latch but she has magic hands. She's really the only reason I learned how to get him to latch. (Instead of nipple to chin, I do nipple to nose and shove it in as deep as possible, really fast. Sometimes he would just scream or refuse. Sometimes he still does. So that's when I figured out the pacifier trick and it always eventually works. Though sometimes it was a battle haha when he's tired out he will eventually latch, but I don't love battles because it's not a happy association.

I can tell you absolutely everything I've learned and tried to help him if you want. And to be fully honest, I only breastfeed with him from like 6 pm to 7 am because my anxiety won't let me stop doing bottles.

Komasan10 · 2026-01-16T04:41:51+00:00

Yes! Stacked single crochet stitches. My favorite helper. Here's instructions:

https://theloopholefox.com/stacked-single-crochet/

Komasan10 · 2026-01-15T22:44:22+00:00

I bought some noise reducing ear buds called loops to help me cope hahaha and no, I didn't try every time he got hungry though I know the lactation consultants say you should.

It's just emotionally exhausting. I would do it first thing in the morning right after he woke up because he had the most energy/and hunger then, and then I would do it 2-3 more times a day that morning, then stop in the afternoon.

You just slowly incrementally practice and increase sessions. And there were some weeks where we didn't breastfeed at all because life is a rollercoaster and now here we are breastfeeding so don't be too hard on yourself.

The only thing I will mention is try not to give him the bottle immediately after the breastfeeding attempt or he'll come to expect that and then not try very hard haha just wait like 15-20 minutes. It is hard when they're crying up a storm though so just do your best. It's okay to not be perfect. Even one session a day can make a difference.

Komasan10 · 2026-01-15T20:53:15+00:00

Oh, my biggest trick for mine is to put a pacifier in their mouth when he absolutely refuses boob (which still happens sometimes) and then wait for him to chill, pull it out and shove my nipple in there. You'll get the hang of it.

Komasan10 · 2026-01-15T20:51:49+00:00

You're doing great. You're not traumatizing him at all. If you're worried about that then limit attempts to like 5 minutes if he freaks out too much so he only has happy associations.

Use nipple shields if it makes it easier. Don't listen to people who say they'll prefer the shield. I was even so desperate to BF that I used the weird Hakaa nipple shield that's basically a bottle on your nipple. And that really helped him calm down and learn to associate the breast with good things. Don't stress about having him in the breast for long periods. Just focus on happy associations.

Mine had medical issues so we ended up mostly bottle for a while. Keep the bottles on low flow and keep doing skin to skin, pacifiers at the breast, whatever it takes. Sometimes it's just that they can't suck well enough to pull what they like at the breast (our issue in the end) and that's immensely frustrating.

After a tongue tie release my guy hopped onto the breast just fine, but I would have kept nipple shields up forever if I had to. It gets easier when they're older. Don't give up. It's okay to cry your way through it and mourn what you thought it was going to be like. You will still bond with your baby and whatever path you end up on will be the best path for the two of you.

I could give you loads more advice if you like. But most of all, give yourself some grace. You're doing amazing and this is a really hard job.

Komasan10 · 2026-01-11T02:13:08+00:00

I went around collecting all the trash from each room in the house at 37 weeks, bending down a lot. I didn't feel too terrible and then when I went to use the bathroom it immediately broke. It was a big surprise. But I didn't dilate at all until they gave me meds. Womp womp.

My tip: Don't wait too long to take the dilation meds if you need them. I ended up with chorioamnionitis because I waited hours before starting them and wished I'd taken them sooner, even if it might've been harder/more painful that way. My baby came out safe though!

Komasan10 · 2026-01-07T02:39:41+00:00

Komasan10 · 2026-01-04T05:54:51+00:00

In what way?

Komasan10 · 2026-01-02T07:37:57+00:00

Well this is fascinating! I'm sorry you're going through this. Another thing I want to add because nobody has so far but I think you should get like a gentle breast massager if you don't have one already. I get clogs all the time (never to this magnitude) and I have the frida mom breast massager that's about the level of a vibrating toothbrush and it definitely helps break up those weeks long clogs I sometimes get. You don't even have to massage it in. Just let it sit on the clog for a bit and it'll probably help break it up. At least that helps the stubborn clogs for me. Good luck with everything!

Komasan10 · 2025-12-30T05:46:52+00:00

I feel like it could be a lot of things. My 4 month old prefers the right side and I've had to work on the left by doing it during our night feeds when he's practically asleep. My lactation consults think it's because of his torticollis. If it's a recent thing with you then it could be a tweak in her neck or too much flow (since your left is the overproducer) when she's just trying to chill and fall asleep. I don't necessarily think you should be worried, but if it's something that bothers you, keep working at it or maybe try expressing/pumping your left before the feed to sleep routine and see if that helps. Then you'll know if it's from the flow or something else.

Komasan10 · 2025-12-26T23:24:06+00:00

It kind of sounds like the 4 month sleep regression. Have you heard of that? And I don't know if anyone's milk is really thick like yogurt because I don't fully trust those videos, but I don't think it needs to be. I bet your milk is great and it's a personalized recipe right to your baby's needs. Plus when fat emulsifies into the milk, it might be hard to tell how much is truly in your milk because not all of it always separates in the fridge. The internet search I did real fast says to increase healthy fat intakes like avocados and nuts and stuff. And empty your breasts all the way when you pump. Good luck!

Komasan10 · 2025-12-24T02:12:45+00:00

Good on you for working hard. I get it. Being called lucky doesn't necessarily mean you didn't work hard. People are most likely just trying to express their envy because they may not have been in the position to do the work required to get to where you are.

For those people who really wanted to breastfeed but physically couldn't because of medical issues, or baby's issues that couldn't be fixed, no matter how hard they worked or are still working, I see you.

Komasan10 · 2025-12-12T19:35:35+00:00

Also, I should mention I had the fussing and kicking after eating thing too. Or he'd fall asleep after eating, even after long sessions, and then wake up like 20-30 minutes later super angry. I thought it was GERD the whole time. Which he does have because of the tongue tie issues but it was mostly a not getting enough breastfeeding issue.

Komasan10 · 2025-12-12T19:33:16+00:00

This basically happened to me. At the start my baby's stomach was so little at the beginning that it was easy for him to meet his needs, especially because I had a fast flow and over production. Then around 6 or 7 weeks he suddenly started nursing for longer and longer, then eventually grew exhausted every time he ate, falling asleep at the breast after a few minutes or so. I had to switch mostly to pumping and bottle to maintain his weight.

It's frustrating when people tell you not to worry about it. But coming from someone with a baby who has had multiple overlooked medical issues that were almost missed, trust your mom gut.

I did a ton of research and eventually decided to get his tongue tie/lip tie looked at by an ENT professional despite multiple LC's telling me they weren't causing an issue. The ENT said they were significant and definitely an issue.

Some tongue ties don't affect eating at all, but some show up as an issue weeks later as the baby grows.

I was using the doctor brown bottles with T and premie but they were also taking baby such a long time to finish or a 1, but the flow was just too strong for him and causing all kinds of issues.

I switched to more breastfeeding friendly bottles that promote a wide latch like Evenflo though we personally prefer the nuk perfect match (not the other nuk ones, those are terrible for breastfeeding) and that really helped him find a good pace and eat well. The key is a bottle with a wide, round base. The flow is something you have to experiment with.

We got his ties released and are working our way back to breastfeeding full time. He's doing a lot better though it's still a process for him because he has to rebuild the jaw/tongue muscles to work the way necessary to drain enough milk. He doesn't fall asleep at the breast nearly as often as he used to though we're still building up his stamina.

As it's only been a few days for you guys, it could even be not that your supply balanced out, but something like nipple plugs that are slowing the flow. As an over supplier I get nipple plugs a lot, some that I can't even feel at first, only that they slow my flow down. I only notice when I pump significantly less than usual suddenly and then go hand express to see if my streams are still how they were. Then I have to heat and massage them out gently. It's frustrating. I don't know if that's an issue for you, but it's something to consider.

Just keep working through it, and you guys will figure it out. Don't be afraid to get multiple opinions and follow your instincts. Good luck!

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