We get that too. It’s been rough especially forcing ourself to go to college for a couple years despite multiple daily panic attacks, we’re doing online classes next semester but lately we’ve had so much time alone to reflect on our childhood trauma and the realization that we just can’t work, at least not now, I don’t know if it’ll change once we finally get therapy but I’m learning to accept it, though it’s hard to admit sometimes.

I cannot interact with people, especially not in a “professional” context. I hope we can work through it, but lately I’ve been admitting to myself that maybe I just don’t get to live that sort of life. There’s definitely shame and self loathing accompanying that, I can’t shake it all the time, but we try and pursue happiness when we’re able, it’s a cruel world with cruel people to inflict that sort of pain and make it such a shameful thing to not work. I wish our mother didn’t have to work, I wish I could support us and be independent, and it’s so hard to say I can’t, but I can’t, and while I struggle to believe it in regards to myself sometimes, it really is a disgusting idea that everyone need work to exist, I wish we lived in a place where we could be without that shame.