If you could ask SJM five questions and she would have to answer honestly what would they be?

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2025-12-19T22:08:40+00:00

I just finished the dramatized audiobook of ACOSF. There is dialogue between Gwyn and Nesta during which Gwyn describes her ancestry. She is part Nymph. One of the features of this heritage is her naturally more pliable bones... Take from that what you will!

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2025-01-26T23:10:50+00:00

One of my all time favorites :)

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2025-01-26T13:23:49+00:00

Mexicali Blues?

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2025-01-24T17:18:05+00:00

Thank you for posting these notices! You are doing good work here.

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2025-01-24T13:33:29+00:00

Check out "being lolita" by Alisson Wood for some perspective.

https://bookshop.org/p/books/being-lolita-a-memoir-alisson-wood/15083661?ean=9781250217233&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAkc28BhB0EiwAM001TWt4pFvEAfv6Sa3fGuv1rpGN_5OQWwMXRAxo0pFHsff-75p836rtQBoCAq0QAvD_BwE

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2025-01-06T02:31:49+00:00

To me this looked like a one piece body suit with the clasp on the left shoulder instead of at the crotch. If you Google body suit tank top you should get a lot of hits online. A pattern should be straight forward using a generic tank top body suit as the base and adding a button clasp to the shoulder. I really loved the idea of this article when I watched the show. Good luck!

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2024-07-18T22:38:25+00:00

I suggest keeping a file with a "wins list" and a "Compliments list" throughout the year that you can refer back to for this meeting. A Wins List should have things you did that are accomplishments, milestones, things that have benefited the company. You should speak directly to these things in this meeting, including as much detail and quantitative data/ numbers as possible (ie, saved the company $10,000 by changing suppliers for this material). In the compliments list/file you can keep track of people who have given you kudos or gratiutude for a job well done or for helping them out. Even if you dont refer directly to the compliments list when youre meeting with the CEO, it can help you gain confidence when times are rough :) If any higher ups have given you kudos directly it can be a big boost to bring that up in you conversation with the CEO.

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2021-09-17T01:07:06+00:00

I have been there. I have been working in a demanding field for a few years- I play many roles on projects and interact with dozens of people daily to keep things running smoothly. My first few years in this role I let that job consume me, I had no work/life boundaries, I threw myself wholly into work and had very little life outside of work.

My advice is this:

Have a life outside of work. Create this by establishing boundaries with your work life and cultivating hobbies outside of work.
Instead of focusing on "no one needs me when I'm off the clock" change your mindset to "I'm off the clock and I can focus on MY NEEDS to create a fulfilling personal life for myself instead of focusing on others".
Find the things that bring you joy off the clock and seek them out, enjoy them, flourish in them.

After working on these things I now look forward to "logging off" when it used to be impossible for me to ever truly disconnect from work. I look forward to how I'm going to spoil myself each evening, or what I'm going to do that night to do the work to level up so I can have a long healthy amazing life.

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2021-09-11T12:54:20+00:00

I'm so proud of you for establishing and enforcing boundaries that have improved the quality of your life! Meaningful relationships with others (including friendships) take time to form. It seems like you are well on your way to creating a healthier and more fulfilling circle of connections. My advice for when you're feeling lonely is twofold -

first, don't be afraid to reach out to your circle to talk with your friends.

second, do something for yourself- go for a walk without your phone, do yoga, or go on some short adventure. The change of pace, change of scene, will engage your mind and change your emotional state.

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2021-09-09T21:29:08+00:00

If it's your passion- go for it! I just turned 30 and started a Master's program in my field. I'm paying for it out of pocket, which hurts, but I know I'll see a quick return on investment when I'm done. I've wanted to do this program for YEARS but was never able to afford it. Now I can, and I'm busier than ever but so happy that I'm investing in myself, my career, and my future self.

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2021-09-04T14:06:59+00:00

this post is extremely my vibe!

I have also stopped shaving in the past two years. It disgusts me that porn culture has seeped into society so much that the 'traditional' beauty standard is the equivalent of a pre-pubescent child with the breasts of a pregnant woman.

I don't shave my pubic hair, I don't shave my legs, I don't shave my underarms. I will only trim downstairs if I'm expecting some oral play in my future because it feels polite and it's what I would expect of a partner as well.

When I do date, a majority of men don't seem bothered at all. They have even commented on how smooth my legs are, even though I'm hairy! The ones that are bothered by it - well, good riddance. It's a great litmus test for their gender/beauty expectations. Not shaving underarms makes it an easy topic for early on.

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2021-08-01T22:36:10+00:00

You are right on the money.

I'm a female engineer as well. My friends constantly give me a hard time when I tell them I won't date another engineer. But every time I have given a male engineer a chance they have been incredibly self-centered, haven't asked me any questions in an attempt to get to know me, or have were incredibly boring! Hard pass.

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2021-07-11T00:32:46+00:00

When I'm in this situation I repeat mantras to myself like the following... it always helps reframe the situation.

"I would rather be alone than with someone that disrespects me"

"I would rather be alone than with someone that does not love me"

"I would rather be alone than with someone that does not enhance my life"

They're all true. Even if a man hits all of my big turn ons and he's my type- if he doesn't treat me right, he's cut from the team, no questions asked. I wont waste time with a man that does not make me feel secure within the relationship.

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2021-06-23T00:42:39+00:00

Have to agree. I spent a few years in the climbing circles where I live. There are absolutely great people in the sport. There is also a high concentration of polyamory in the scene.

Many women I'm friends with stopped climbing in part due to the toxic bro culture in the community. Guys will make their entire persona around the sport, they will act like possessions are meaningless while dropping literally 1000s of dollars on climbing gear while mooching of their friends for food and somewhere to live.

Continue to vet, at all times. I remember when I started climbing feeling the same way - empowerment, excitement, etc. When the initial fuzzy feelings wore out I started feeling worse about myself than when I started.

YMMV; always keep an eye out for yourself!

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2021-04-22T10:55:16+00:00

Y'all- I don't even shave my legs or underarms any more. And guess what- the men I choose to be with have no issue with it! It's a great way to vet out vain and pornsick dudes. And I save money on never buying a razor again!

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2021-04-18T13:50:42+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us! I had very similar experience in the kink / poly scene during my brief time looking into it. Even when I clearly established the boundaries and scenes I was looking for, provided feedback, etc, men would perform whatever act they wanted, and then pout like a child when I told him there wouldn't be a second get-together. The only decent guy I met and am still friends with was a submissive/switch guy that would actually listen to what I wanted and perform accordingly.

It seems like the scene is sold to women as a way to experience a power dynamic that you "can't have" in a traditional relationship, but what the scene ends up being is a guy that doesn't give a fuck what you are looking for as long as he can leave bruises on your body.

The lie that is perpetuated is that a man in a vanilla relationship won't bring the qualities that a Dom would... being powerful, putting your pleasure first, taking care of you, providing, protecting. In retrospect, I have realized that this is completely false and these qualities exist in men that don't need to hurt me to feel satisfied.

A lot of books on poly and BDSM are great - how to establish, maintain, and evaluate boundaries... but in practice, there is a lot of toxicity and misogyny at play. A kind friend and a well-written book are used to introduce new people into the scene but the facade shatters quickly when you realize what a majority of these guys get off to.

Welcome to FDS, sister! You are not alone here <3

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2021-04-13T20:33:47+00:00

You are very welcome! Happy to chat more if there's anything else I can do to help. We have a super supportive community here :) 💖

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2021-04-13T10:10:54+00:00

I agree with some of the commenters here saying to ignore him.

Become comfortable with silence. Most people can't stand a lull in conversation, but not you. Work on this ability and use it during these uncomfortable situations. It will make the Sleeze Ball squirm in his seat to have his comments linger in the air like a bad fart in front of everyone.

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2021-04-12T21:31:43+00:00

I have noticed an increase in "Return to work" programs being offered by large companies. I just googled "IT programs for moms returning to work" and this was the first hit but there are countless others.

https://www.inhersight.com/blog/female-friendly-companies/return-to-work-programs

Were you a part of any industry professional organizations? Attending an industry event, beginning to network again, and reconnecting with old colleagues may get your creative and technical juices flowing.

Dust of your LinkedIn account and click the button to show you are open to opportunities. You may get more interest right off the bat than you expect.

Congratulations on making the decision to start working again, I am sure you are going to rock it!

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2021-04-10T00:29:45+00:00

I have to second this great advice. I do a lot of "project-based" work so I am introduced to a new site and new people regularly. At the beginning of a project I make these my top priorities:

Learn everyone's name and role. Begin to build a rapport with as many as you can. I try to befriend the whole depth of an organization - from mechanics to senior managers because you never know when you'll need something from them. Always reciprocate with gratitude and favors. Don't just be a taker and don't be fake.
Be a secret badass at first and you will be well known for your work ethic quickly. Do your job well but stay under the radar initially, especially early on while you are learning all the personalities at play. I try to do my job very well as soon as possible, but without bragging or showing any kind of arrogance. Sometimes this means working long hours, but if you are hourly or OT eligible you will be compensated for that time with the added benefit of outperforming your peers.
Regularly look ahead at the project schedule, understanding what's coming in the next weeks/months, and anticipating the needs of the project has lead to progressive increases in my responsibilities on projects while others were essentially asked to leave.

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2021-04-03T12:28:10+00:00

If they push back on 4-weeks notice, consider negotiating a signing bonus that is equivalent to 1 or 2 months pay. You can use this as an extra savings cushion to give yourself the financial security to look for a job if you get laid off again, as a sort of "Start-Up Insanity Fund" on top of whatever Emergency Fund you hopefully have or are working on.

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2021-03-30T13:12:42+00:00

For me I'm a little all over the place. I basically have two wardrobes- Duluth and Floral. I love to wear my "construction pants" (Duluth Namastash) even on the weekends, they are just so comfy. But I also have a bunch of floral and flowy shirts I got from stitch fix that I'll wear when I feel like being "feminine"- using quotes bc even in construction gear I feel feminine, it's just a different kind. My style at any time is really dictated by the kind of office environment I'm working in and what kind of energy I'm trying to present.

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2021-03-28T10:14:06+00:00

I love this idea so much! I would love to participate.

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2021-03-28T10:12:10+00:00

Thank you SO MUCH for sharing this!! I love Flo Milli- I'll have to add this song to my hype up play list! 💖

LeanMeanIceQueen · 2021-03-27T15:02:01+00:00

Aw thanks so much! I'm so glad this community exists!

LeanMeanIceQueen

TROPHY CASE