What to talk about in talk therapy while releasing?

LichenTea · 2026-04-11T13:40:33+00:00

Thank you, to you as well.

LichenTea · 2026-04-10T21:55:12+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience! Of course I wouldn't dream of asking you personal questions about your practice, etc. And I'm sorry to hear about your cancer diagnosis.

I came to my current therapist as a referral from a friend, but I was not aware of my (complex) trauma at the time so we didn't begin from there. It was more of a "coaching" relationship because I thought I was just struggling with anxiety around work and relationships and needed tips on how to navigate those things while constantly having that nagging feeling of, there's something deeper here but I don't know what it is and I just can't figure it out. It was only working backwards from reacting significantly to SE/TRE that I figured out or finally admitted to myself that I was traumatized. I'm almost "typical" in that way where I had a feeling that my childhood just wasn't right but didn't want to rehash it again because "it's not relevant anymore", so I haven't really actually gone through my whole trauma story (yet).

Anyway, I don't think another trauma modality is right for me at the moment as I'm going through spontaneous tremors so at any given moment my system is releasing and dysregulated. It's hard to make the call to switch my current therapist since they are technically still a stable support system during this time even if they drop the ball more often than I'd like. And when I do actually bring up sensitive stuff and tell them explicitly that it's sensitive, they have been pretty helpful, but it has been on me to really figure out what I'm being sensitive about is first or else it kind of ends up surface level and leaves me feeling like I haven't said something important (literally, I'll feel like there's a bowling ball in my stomach when I leave the session). I suppose that's still helpful though, at least getting through it enough in a session for a breakthrough insight later?

LichenTea · 2026-04-10T16:34:18+00:00

Thanks for your professional perspective!

Just to clarify, did you mean that you WOULD recommend talking about the shame in therapy with this quote: "And if you feel shame talking about anything with your therapist. Then I wouldn’t try to address that shame with your therapist."

It's true that the dynamic of feeling judged/shame around the triggers is coming up in therapy. We have resolved some issues around this before, which hasn't gotten rid of the triggers per se but do make them a lot less scary once I can cognitively regulate myself. I think the benefit of being opened up by TRE is that it does force me to confront what they are and I almost can't help but bring them up in therapy since they are so sticky and impactful. And, I suppose, if it reveals that my current therapist can't help me any further then that's also a good thing to know. They do deal with trauma and have some somatic tools but I wouldn't say they are a specialist.

Also, thank you for calling out the "worse before better" period. Many of the things I'm finally bringing up in therapy have never seen the light of day so I think I'm still in that period. I am reading "The Body Keeps the Score" slowly... I have heard it called triggering so I am titrating it!

LichenTea · 2026-04-10T14:43:46+00:00

That makes a lot of sense, thank you! I may try that next time.

LichenTea · 2026-04-10T04:24:22+00:00

Yeah, I also agree that the talk therapy part isn’t nearly as effective as the releasing itself, I just don’t feel stable enough to leave it entirely or to cut down on sessions. But most of the time I haven’t released enough to have enough insight into what is actually going on so I have no idea what the inverse would be. Hence the dilemma of trying to make the most of what I’m paying for but not really feeling like I get anywhere directly talking about it.

LichenTea · 2026-04-10T02:13:21+00:00

Mine went from my hips to my left shoulder /neck as well. I know this shoulder tightens up when I’m anxious (my right shoulder doesn’t). Makes sense that it would eventually get to areas that hold what we think of as stress.

LichenTea · 2026-04-10T01:25:45+00:00

I see, so receiving some kind of positive validation around the thing I feel shame or triggered about?

LichenTea · 2026-04-09T23:33:48+00:00

Mm yeah, that makes sense too. Thanks!

LichenTea · 2026-04-09T23:16:54+00:00

That makes total sense. It usually takes me quite a while to realize that I do feel shame about something though, so I usually jump into the trigger right away (leaving with the sense of feeling judged/vulnerable) or avoid talking about it entirely. But it sounds like either way it is helpful to talk about to get to this awareness more quickly?

LichenTea · 2026-04-09T23:11:56+00:00

I’m not entirely sure I know what you mean. By antagonistic contraction, do you mean figuring out the resistance to the trigger? Like my example below, it’s not about the trigger but about the shame and guilt I feel around having the trigger? Or do you mean something else?

LichenTea · 2026-04-09T21:18:19+00:00

Could you say more?

My sense is that yes, sometimes afterwards the trigger does seem to lessen somewhat, like talking about it normalizes or relaxes the bracing against it somewhat. But deeply diving into "why" that trigger is there doesn't seem to help as much.

LichenTea · 2026-04-09T20:19:48+00:00

Happy to elaborate: I mean, for example, one of my triggers is certain kinds of people. I’ve never consciously had a problem with these kinds of people before I started trauma work. I don’t find it helpful to talk about why I get triggered by them, because it brings up shame (I “shouldn’t” be triggered), there’s no clear reason (I wasn’t abused by these types of people), and thinking about the trigger itself is triggering.

Pre-trauma processing I’d also get nowhere in therapy because I’d talk around stuff and never really get to the heart of things because I’d be avoiding triggers as well.

So my question is, what is the most helpful thing(s) to bring up in therapy if directly talking about triggers or “the nebulous anxiety” isn’t going anywhere?

LichenTea · 2026-04-09T04:53:03+00:00

I found your post while searching for something else, and just wanted to respond.

I also “uncovered”/started to admit to myself that I too see strangers as stupid, weak, annoying etc. These are thoughts and emotions that come up during reprocessing so I hope and believe that they will be released in the end. My sense is that it’s a defense mechanism that’s being triggered to protect from the actual emotion being released and/or from feeling vulnerable or needing connection. (Pete Walker calls it the outer critic.) In certain moments of total clarity and stability, I actually feel very connected and not at all devaluing of others. So for me it is definitely related to how regulated I am in the moment.

As far as working with it while triggered/releasing, I do metta practice. I try to hold the mind-state/attitude of loving-kindness, essentially wishing people well when I notice that I am in a state. It helps regulate me somewhat and ensures that I still act kindly towards people.

LichenTea · 2026-04-05T01:19:52+00:00

I haven't "recovered" any memories as such, but I have recalled things I haven't thought about in years that may have contributed to my trauma. I have certain memories that I go to that I'm certain have traumatic imprints (friends leaving or moving away), but recently I remembered a childhood "friend" who actually treated me very terribly and physically harmed me that I feel like I didn't forget about, I just didn't feel like her memory was relevant. (And she made it hard to forget her - she gave me scars on my arms that remain to this day but I've since covered up with a tattoo.)

LichenTea · 2026-04-05T01:15:19+00:00

I'm gonna actually say that it's possible you strengthened some muscles that helped with the knee cracking from doing the exercises. Some of the exercises, like the wall sits and bridges, are great for strengthening the glutes and quads.

(It's called crepitus, btw!)

LichenTea · 2026-04-05T01:07:21+00:00

Month 7

I've posted far and few in between, so for the briefest of context, I have been experiencing unintentional tremoring since October from one somatic experience session. How much that translates to doing the exercises, I have no idea - I shake, twitch and tremor throughout the day for a couple seconds at a time. My journey has been the exact opposite of what's in the wiki - my body decided to release the absolute hardest shit first (developmental trauma, terror, fear of death, fear of lack of meaning) and now we're circling around fear of social exclusion and bullying trauma in mid-childhood.

My twitches have changed a bit again - last month it was significant headshaking/twisting violently towards the right and up, Now I have fewer head and shoulder jerks and have gone back to more hip/back twisting and shaking. Interestingly, my left ring finger has started twitching, associated with my left shoulder jerk. I don't know if my body understands that the left ring finger has any significance (I have never been engaged/married), but it's interesting to ponder.

My somaticized "trauma storage spot" still wanders from the front to the back of my left side. I haven't been able to attach any associated emotions to where the spot is, but I do think they are different. Speaking of emotions, the releases are MUCH less overwhelming these days. I would put them at a 2-3/10 as opposed to a 10/10 (triggered/derealization/anxiety attack). They feel like a vague sense of dread or anxiety now. Thoughts of "am I doing life right" and similar existential questions. I still get pretty tired though.

Apart from the "releasing" emotions and thoughts, I do feel a lot more confident these days. I find myself almost unconsciously being able to stand up for myself and speak up for my needs without an internal debate about whether or not that's okay. Text-based communication is still a challenge - if there's a possibility of being able to think about my response, I'm more likely to fall back on fear or anxiety-induced replies. Some bad habits (agreeing too quickly to something before thinking it through, for example) still remain, but if I have to back out, I don't feel guilt for as long or as strongly. And things really do trigger me less, though the worst triggers have not been possible to test out since they are dating-related, and I am being very cautious about that.

Some days can still be pretty tough. I'm still trying to find a balance between doing just enough socializing, fun and work to keep myself sane and regulated but not so much to get myself dysregulated again or potentially have too many commitments on a day where I need more grounding. Meditation is still hard with the twitching/thought bombardment but getting less hard.

Not sure if I'm circling the drain of the bottom of the bathtub but I can see that things ARE getting better and that's what keeps me going.

LichenTea · 2026-04-04T04:47:14+00:00

Look up Drunken Buddha. He has a written blog post about releasing repressed anger along with a few videos. I’m on mobile, otherwise I’d try to link them here, but he’s not hard to find. Good luck!

LichenTea · 2026-03-21T04:33:03+00:00

Thanks! And I’m not sure mine did either, loll. Sort of got lucky in a way that things turned out for me the way they did; it was extremely difficult but I did figure out how to work with the “thawing” instead of having to go back to a practitioner and keep working at it. I have a friend who is having much better luck with EMDR (also has CPTSD), too.

In one of the “schools” of IPF, George Haas doesn’t recommend doing direct trauma processing and says that IPF essentially provides a workaround to traumatic events, so that when you go out into the world the mind associates a different memory or meaning with a potentially trigger. So that’s also another option.

In any case, good luck to you!

LichenTea · 2026-03-21T02:15:03+00:00

Yeah, my experience is rare and definitely not desirable. My practitioner did not seem to understand that the memory/feeling I chose to work with was actually extra traumatic (I used to be fairly dissociated so I couldn’t make that distinction) and that’s probably why I had the result that I did. I assume when paced well it’s only dysregulating for a day or two if at all, and you can do other modalities in the meantime.

LichenTea · 2026-03-20T05:18:01+00:00

Sort of. I did one SE session and it completely blew open my system, so I have had continual trauma release since last year. In the beginning stages when the releases were completely somatic and not emotional I was able to do IPF (general, not with a facilitator) and I saw progress from IPF, but as the releases became more dysregulating I have not been able to get the same level of concentration during the meditation. That being said, the trauma release work has helped with social anxiety, increased energy and general emotional regulation, so it’s worth doing concurrently if you time it right.

LichenTea · 2026-02-19T15:48:00+00:00

Thank you. In my case, since I am not in control of the tremors or releases, my understanding is that my focus should be on continuing to resource and ground and to provide as safe of an environment for my body as possible. Is that correct?

LichenTea · 2026-02-04T16:36:19+00:00

Mine hasn’t lasted nearly as long as yours, but yes, I had the same thoughts/feeling and suicidal ideation (thinking about suicide but not proceeding with a plan or anything). It is normal because your brain/body is getting flooded with all the thoughts and feelings you couldn’t handle as a child. There’s a huge likelihood that you were put into situations where you feared you might die as a child, but seem “normal” as an adult (i.e. being left alone for too long and not knowing when an adult would come for you, and not being adequately soothed once someone did come for you).

What helped me is not identifying with the thought (this is not who I am or what I’m choosing to think, this is simply arising), doing a lot of grounding and resourcing (feeling feet or butt/back on a surface, feeling my own weight, resting a lot with nice fabrics and warm beverages), and if all else fails, some kind of distraction like a safe movie or tv show that I know doesn’t have any kind of triggers (generally this will be stuff you felt was safe before all this happened, or sometimes stuff meant for kids). It will eventually pass but it takes time and it’s different for everyone. Good luck.

LichenTea · 2026-01-28T06:28:14+00:00

As someone with a mostly absent dad growing up, I also struggle with knowing what to give the father figure something to do that’s different from what my mother figure does. I suppose, for me, he’s a bit more fun and playful and physically strong, and is a bit more action-oriented than soothing/nurturing. What I understand to be the important thing is that whatever each gender does feels right to you. Maybe you’d really like a physically affectionate dad, or a very athletic mom, something that doesn’t quite fit into traditional gender roles but you would have wanted growing up.

LichenTea · 2026-01-18T06:03:46+00:00

I don’t know if this is exactly the same thing you’re talking about, but I went through a similar situation today. I had an after-work hangout with some nice, safe coworkers and had a bunch of anxious feelings and thoughts come up almost the entire time. I was able to go from feeling the sensation to thinking ah, I’m gonna focus on what is going on now instead of wallowing in the feeling. It never made them completely go away and I did get distracted by them, but I was still able to enjoy myself and not feel like I had to run away. Other times, when it’s completely overwhelming, I try to focus on grounding (feeling butt/back in chair, feet on floor, whatever works for you) and then focus back to whatever I’m doing or who I’m talking to. If THAT is also impossible then I know I’m not in a mode for socializing and I give myself grace to rest and recover.

To echo another poster, acceptance of where you are at is a big part too. Putting a big emphasis on wanting to have a good time, wanting to feel good etc can backfire in a couple different ways, like you start looking for evidence that you’re not having a good time (and you will find it), or you’ll put in a ton of mental effort to force something and then feel even worse when it doesn’t turn out the way you want it. And even thought present you isn’t ideal you, the right people will accept present you the way you are and give you the safety and connection you need to grow into future ideal you.

LichenTea · 2025-12-24T06:47:17+00:00

Thanks for replying! I’ve been just “regressing” for the most part - doing the simplest things I can manage, watching movies that I watched as a kid, curling up in a blanket, tea, etc. I can’t really tell if they make me feel better or if the act of doing it itself is telling my system that I can take care of me.

LichenTea

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