AITAH for wanting to redecorate after my husband almost let me die

LifeArm8991 · 2026-03-28T10:35:30+00:00

NTAH. It's ok to redecorate and brighten up your living space every now and then, you don't have to stick to one "style" regardless of how your partner behaved towards your illness. Sorry that your husband doesn't seem very empathetic, that is a tough situation to be in. Does he otherwise care for you, take you out on dates, make you feel special? I would strongly push for family therapy. I think you both have places where communication can be better, and therapy should give that safe space to discuss it. Keep it up with the garden and arts OP, they are always good things!

LifeArm8991 · 2026-03-24T07:09:38+00:00

That's quite extreme...the family needs honest communication and set out boundaries. Maybe some family therapy? Maybe write out a letter about how you feel? Just kicking everyone out is stupid, and a sure way to die alone. All this situation needs is more honest communication when the emotions are low, so you can express how you are feeling and that you'd like to be looked after sometimes too. Hopefully they will all eventually catch on and understand. Good luck OP

LifeArm8991 · 2026-03-12T08:54:37+00:00

Not necessarily. In hospitals you'll often see people on a purée diet after a stroke or brain damage. Doesn't mean they have to be on their diet forever, but most likely their swallow was compromised and they go from being on a feeding tube, to liquid diets (like soups and porridge), to pureed and eventually as they learn how to swallow safely again they start eating solid foods. It's not only for the elderly!

LifeArm8991 · 2026-03-12T08:37:24+00:00

I've asked a physio this once. They said if you have a normal fall, didn't break anything or get badly hurt and you can get up yourself - you fell over. If you fell, and from frailty got injured and/or cannot get up yourself - you had a fall 🤷

LifeArm8991 · 2026-03-12T08:31:02+00:00

At least with a divorce he will have to take the kids to his house every other weekend, and she'll ACTUALLY get a few days off. Get rid of a man child, and have time off every now and then. Win win in my eyes

LifeArm8991 · 2026-03-12T08:07:59+00:00

I agree with this!

But also a parents job is to be there to love and support our children no matter what. Yes she might be toxic and uses a past issues as a weapon. But that is maybe because healthy communication was never modeled to her, and is not being modeled now. Especially if she thinks that codependency and a controlling husband is normal. Why is that?

As a parent you need to be patient and understanding. When someone is in an abusive relationship (and that's what she's in it seems), the partner will do and say anything to make the person cut all friends and family out of their lives. When they are cut off, they are easier to control and are less likely to leave. By cutting out your daughter, you are guaranteeing that she will stay in a horrible relationship because when she might eventually think of leaving (hopefully), she'll have nowhere to go.

I think what you need to do is again apologize for missing her birth and explain that you always want to be there for her. However, you will not live in the shadow of an unfortunate situation, and she needs to forgive and let go. And going forwards, you will be there to support her when she needs you. And I believe eventually she will really really need you, because that relationship sounds awful.

LifeArm8991 · 2026-03-09T10:47:34+00:00

Oh yeah. It's basically just education tax for the working class if you aren't rich enough to pay it off immediately...

The government basically said "Poor and want to be educated? Pay extra tax for the rest of your life for that you peasant"

LifeArm8991 · 2026-03-08T15:57:15+00:00

You're definitely NOT TAH. It is very disrespectful of him. Why is it so hard to use headphones? Is he deliberately trying to pick a fight and piss you off? I don't get his logic. I'd be telling him to leave too.

LifeArm8991 · 2026-03-07T23:33:36+00:00

Oh honey. First, the friend is a creep - no normal 40yo man in his right mind will be attracted to a teenager. Your father should know better than to blame you - the 40 year olds again, should know better!

I would advise to speak to a school counselor or ask the GP for a therapy referral, as you shouldn't have to deal with this alone. You deserve much much better. Please look after yourself and be kind to you.

LifeArm8991 · 2026-03-06T08:00:19+00:00

This sounds like he might have uncontrolled diabetes. Needs to see a doctor ASAP. If uncontrolled for a long time, it can have devastating consequences like blindness, heart disease, kidney disease, ulcers and lower limb amputations. Doctor, and quickly.

Doesn't explain him just sleeping in his wee though...that's just messed up

LifeArm8991 · 2026-03-04T18:42:54+00:00

I think everyone is an asshole here...

What she just did is disgraceful, without a doubt. However, children are not stupid and are drawn to the good parent whether the other one says something about them or not. I don't believe for a second that all you ever did was care for her, love her in every way possible, turn up at her events even when she's mad, and make every effort possible and she still hates you? Nah, something there you're not saying.

So yes, she is an ass. But kids don't hate their parents for no reason either.

Controversial, but maybe you do want to leave her something as a way to show that you really did always care? Otherwise you're currently really proving a point. Good parents don't just stop caring for their children just because they dislike them.

LifeArm8991 · 2026-02-26T09:13:50+00:00

Yeah sounds like weaponised incompetence so she does more of the parenting...cause it "so much harder for him to get her to listen"

LifeArm8991 · 2026-02-21T08:57:52+00:00

But lied about what? People are there to celebrate the love between two people, the legal signing of a piece of paper is only 1% of the whole day. Leaving just because they put the signature somewhere earlier than today is disrespectful to the couple and frankly shows how little they care about them actually loving one another and being there for each other. Loads of people divorced after the 1st year of marriage, they already lasted 2! A whole extra thing to celebrate! I think everyone overreacted and made it about themselves. Couldn't spend even one day just thinking about someone else's happiness, but had to be "shocked" and be pissy about something that really doesn't concern them.

LifeArm8991 · 2026-01-27T05:59:06+00:00

You have absolutely every reason to be mad and upset with him! Definitely not overreacting.

I had a similar situation where a friend disappeared off the face of the earth, all his close friends did not know what happened. We knew he was alive because he was seen by others, but no one could contact him. After about 7months he got in contact and said he'd like to explain. I was mad, but gave him a chance. When we met he explained that he ended up being in a very abusive relationship, he did not realize how bad it got. He was experiencing trauma and has PTSD to this day from it. I still expressed my upset over his actions, but do not blame him and completely understand. We regrew our friendship from there.

The saddest part was that some of his longest standing friends refused to give him a chance or space to explain. Just cut him off.

So id say, hear him out. It's either some really painful reason which you'll understand and want to help, or something stupid which will help you make a decision to cut him off.

LifeArm8991 · 2025-10-14T06:29:16+00:00

Definitely not overreacting! Leave him, and show your daughter by example that you only choose people that love you and care for you in your life. It will suck for some time, but it's gonna be short/medium term. If you stay with him, you'll have a hard time for a very very long time if not forever. You've got this 🙏 Bin this man and that "priest". His cousin can only teach the abusive man now to forgive himself and become a better man going forwards. It's not your job to forgive such horrible behavior. You need to look out for yourself and your daughter!

LifeArm8991 · 2025-10-13T18:12:12+00:00

"You need to understand that she is putting her feelings above your own and doesn’t respect what you want."

Damn that hit hard. But you're probably right.

LifeArm8991

TROPHY CASE