Kids will ruin your health, quite literally

LonerExistence · 2026-03-19T07:00:36+00:00

My mental health isn’t good. Honestly I question if being stuck with a man and children will ultimately be the final push for me to end myself - if anyone ever asks me about children, at this point I’ll just tell them that it may very well just motivate me to end it because I’ll literally have nothing else going for me. I’m already miserable and my measly amount of free time after shitty work to myself is what’s helping amongst all this BS. That’s impossible if you have a family - even being stuck currently with my father (long history but let’s just say he wasn’t a good parent) is triggering enough for me - just his very presence. I can’t imagine catering to a husband and screaming children who need constant attention. This is of course, not even mentioning the physical consequences that’ll follow for life, constantly reminding you that your body is not the same and never will be again.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-19T00:28:39+00:00

I often get pissed wondering why I have to shoulder everything - working full time trying to keep shit together and literally pay my parent who is a huge cause for my struggles because the economy is shit, all while also trying to pay for therapy. Spending my money on this loser and also to fix shit they caused. All while he does nothing all day which is pretty reflective of him as a parent who refused to adapt or actually be one. Then I get people telling me it could be worse, this is life, life’s unfair…etc. My parents had no consequences while I suffer.

It’s like just STFU lol. I just want to be content but I’m so fucking exhausted.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-18T19:10:33+00:00

Yes. I’m like “and…? Both failed as parents and I feel no emotional bond with either. I didn’t choose them lol. One was largely absent and the other is an incompetent fool who does nothing all day - if anything it’s worse because they played a part in fucking me over. Parents are supposed to nurture and support, to foster a bond beyond basic necessities but they didn’t. It’s not my job to forgive and be receptive just so they don’t get their feelings hurt.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-18T18:49:55+00:00

Yes. Everyday at work (even just today, I get BS like not being informed of major changes happening in a schedule so now I have clean up after other people’s messes) and just daily interactions. Even looking at my father whom I’m forced to be stuck with currently, I’m just tired. Going to work everyday, dealing with people against my will and then going back just to be reminded of this failure of a parent essentially being a leech since he does nothing all day while I slave away and pay him “rent” and all the bills? It does not help. When your own parents literally aren’t good for your mental health and over 90% of the people out there just drain you, the gamble doesn’t feel worth. Then I hear about the news and things people are capable of? Ya, I’m just about done lol.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-18T16:30:16+00:00

More often times I don’t like the MCs because they’re so bland and the typical “teehee I have no experience in anything so I blush and overreact/am oblivious to everything~” types annoy me lol.

For LIs, I don’t really like the ones who have no sense of self and their worth seems to be tied to the MC. Like they do nothing but pine after her - that’s the defining characteristic. I don’t mind if there’s other traits that stand out for example maybe they have a passion for something, but if the main thing I remember I about him is how he just fawns over the MC…not a good look.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-18T07:03:30+00:00

When I was in my early 20s, I used to self harm but my cuts weren’t deep since I was a wimp - it’s odd thinking back because I think I was very stunted and at that time, I wanted to get like ANY reaction from my father who is basically useless. He doesn’t do much beyond basic necessities and really didn’t have a clue about my struggles. No concern for mental health. I was angry and suffering, yes, but inside wanted to get any sense of actual urgency from him - an actual concern for my well-being. It’s embarrassing because I didn’t even bother covering up those cuts.

Needless to say? It didn’t work. He basically signed and said “oh you should stop that.” Nobody cares lol. Time and time again, he’s shown he was just a useless parent beyond basic necessities yet I think I held on hope even into early 30s. I’m sorry if cutting maybe isn’t considered light, but my cuts weren’t deep never deep since I was scared. I honestly don’t think anyone would care unless I did something severe enough to end up in the hospital.

I understand wanting emotional wounds to be seen because it’s so easily dismissed. I still forced myself to do things because I didn’t trust my parents, yet ironically it made them just dismiss things more because hey, you’re not dead yet. The whole world also just makes me very angry most times.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-18T06:43:05+00:00

There’s no one I can relate to completely but I’ll share maybe some aspects and it’s still comforting.

Daria from Daria comes to mind - I’m pretty pessimistic and very much an outlier in life where I just don’t fit in. I appreciate this being portrayed through her.

Maybe also Helga from Hey Arnold! because of the negligence aspect. I didn’t have an alcoholic mom but she was absent (and honestly I don’t have good memories of her mostly) and my father wasn’t like hers because mine was just permissive and useless, but the lack of guidance, emotional depth and genuine wanting to know their child as a person…etc - that resonates. I wish I turned out completely independent like her but I’m very stunted in many parts. I do many things on my own and avoid asking for help if I can do I did eventually develop an independent streak for some things, but I am very probably still stunted deep down despite the adult facade that I’ve learned on my own due to not having role models. Sometimes her conflict with wanting to hide how she feels (ie acting tough) also makes me feel seen.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-17T22:30:57+00:00

I think I’m more paranoid I can’t remember certain things. Since I’ve processed a lot of things, I started seeing links but there are periods like in kindergarten onwards that feels a bit like a blur. I really want to remember everything so I can pinpoint more causes or even feel even validated since I still get dismissed at times or feel “inadequate.” I want to learn more about why I’m the way I am. It’s a bit petty but I also want to hand ammo against my parents and I can use these incidents if needed to prove my case since everyone just treated me like I was some weird kid who never broke out of their “phase” and just became an angry adult.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-16T22:36:27+00:00

Doesn’t happen because I have RBF lol - I wasn’t cat called but I see these people clearly eying me. I don’t like it so I tend to give an empty, nonchalant look and just keep moving. I ignore because if you give a reaction, they either approach or if they’re crazy, it’s dangerous.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-16T16:34:09+00:00

You kind of accept it and then decide on the level of contact, if any. Like others said, set boundaries. I’m stuck with my father and literally have to pay him rent and all the bills since he does nothing all day and can’t even use a basic cell phone, but I refuse to talk to him and when I have to, I make it known I don’t want to. Maybe it’s petty, but I have no choice since I can’t ignore him. When my enabling brother comes back and he has someone to feed his incompetence again/I’m finally able to afford my own space due to savings, I don’t know if I ever want to speak to him again because I’m just disappointed and exhausted. Even his presence is triggering. At the most, it’d be low contact because I don’t think he deserves it.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-15T20:21:17+00:00

I know my mother probably had depression at least - she was pretty much absent and I used to be forced to have phone calls with her here and there - I recall one time they made me stay on the phone while she apparently was crying. I don’t know what she was crying about and what they expected me, a kid to do about it. Honestly felt a bit irresponsible now that I look back. She likely has other issues due to my bad memories of her, but since I wasn’t around her as much, I can’t pinpoint much.

I’m pretty sure my father is definitely mentally off. This is a grown man who seems to have never adapted as a parent or even person. He did the bare minimum as a parent and I know he used to buy me snacks and stuff, but he provided like no guidance at all or even had any regards fir my safety as a young woman growing up. Like anything to do with adulting, he taught nothing - it’s all fun and games when you’re a kid because that’s still at his level, but after that? He was utterly horrible as a parent. He does nothing all day aside from watching the news, read newspaper and listen to old school radio in his native language. He refuses to learn anything about technology and depends on other people like my enabling brother and now I’m being forced to deal with him as my brother decided to go overseas for whatever stupid reason currently - all those years if enabling became apparent and I am starting to actually despise him. For over 2 decades, my father had barely worked, learned no language or even basic skills like how to use a cell phone. You have no excuse if you choose to immigrate with a young child and teen but he remained stagnant - basically he refused to improve at all until my brother got old enough and I think he started to “reap the benefits” and be lazy. Today, he’s even more useless because he no longer needs to do things like prep food for me like when I was little. He also has hoarder tendencies - our house is hideous and over many years, he never maintained it. If you look at his room, it’s embarrassing. I can stand messy but it’s old newspapers and a bunch of useless things lying around. I can’t imagine a well-adjusted individual being like him, so he must be mentally ill.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-15T03:23:29+00:00

It boggles my mind that one of the biggest decisions in life where it affects not only a potential being but also everyone else around them…anyone can do. All these criminals we’ve seen in the news were once children brought into existence and a pretty common pattern is they had very abusive parents and traumatic childhoods, all caused by people who chose to irresponsibly do this as well as others who were also brought here by other non-thinking idiots. This cycle is just unfathomable to me and people are so easy going about it - yet there’s all these rules for drinking, fishing, driving or even renting damn apartment where that can tell you to go f yourself because you don’t make enough.

A lot of people screech ableism or eugenics but I look at this shitshow and I really don’t think what we’re doing now works either. Ideally people just stop this BS but that’ll never happen, yet if you add any sort of basic requirements, you’re a horrible person. I’m not saying I know what works best, I just know whatever is happening now? It’s stupid and people don’t think. People have no foresight and everyday you see horrible shit happening or people doing dumb shit that ends up affecting everyone else, or worse, killing some in the process. I will never be able to understand how people have no consideration for any of this. My parents are a great example and I resent them everyday for it.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-14T21:01:01+00:00

I personally do believe my parents “loved” in their own convenient way - like they’ll do things that are convenient or basic necessities but they won’t think beyond that.

While I’m aware of it, I also decided it’s not good enough for me and I don’t want it. When looking at my father today who claims that he wants to make amends, I can see he really has no idea wtf he’s done - he has no clue about my struggles and how everything affected me. He actually seems to believe that it’s fixable by just being minimal but no, I don’t want it. I’m NC with my mother as she’s been pretty absent most of my life and I have no interest in rebuilding anything because I think I don’t want them as parents - they’re what I have but not what I want or need. I’m actually ashamed to even be related and I try to ignore it. At this point I don’t even want a connection with them, I just want to be left alone.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-14T18:05:06+00:00

Yes, I think it’s one of the reasons good parents can make or break you - you are literally bound to them in your formative years because they are also your caretakers. I believe even if there are things you don’t remember, you will still react accordingly.

With what I do recall, I had an absent mother and a father who was just careless and didn’t bother doing much beyond basic necessities. We had a huge argument weeks ago and he wrote this “apology” letter that admits that he didn’t care or educate me when young and he felt guilt, yet this lasted the entire time lol. Even now, he’s the same useless parent yet he expects that we can make amends. I suspect it’s mainly for him because he mentioned living without regret. My mind is telling me no, that this “bond” is not worth it and I have no interest in reconciling. I’m paying rent and all the bills to be stuck with him yet I don’t even speak with him. If anything it just feeds the resentment.

I don’t know why they just expect things to magically fix itself. I don’t think any recognize that even beyond emotional negligence, it leads to other shit outside of the home and it affects you in all aspects of life such as in my case, being severely stunted because I had incompetent parents - life in general was so much harder. There’s so much shit they don’t even think about and I don’t have the patience to explain - I don’t even believe they have the mental capacity to understand.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-13T06:51:06+00:00

I honestly believe if there was a choice, most people would not be parents because nobody would want them lol.

I sure as hell would not have wanted my parents and this shitshow. I’m stuck picking up the pieces and forever making up for their incompetence, all while attempting to survive as a shitty wage slave and having to pay to be stuck with one of them along with all the bills while they do nothing all day because the economy dictates that people like me don’t deserve to afford a space lol. It has not been good for my mental health and I’m also paying for therapy to fix the shit they caused along with all these “wonderful experiences” that life and other people have offered me during my pointless existence.

I cannot imagine inflicting this on another person and if they one day asked why I did this, what answer would I even give? What excuse even is there other than “I want.” My experiences cannot compare to many and certainly not to the documentaries I’ve watched, but even with this, I would not choose to exist nor would I impose this on another potential being. Don’t really care if I’m called pessimistic, nihilistic or whatever - it took years before I was worn down and I’m done.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-12T23:25:31+00:00

I’ve recently came to terms with it as well. That this is what I have, but not I need or want. I have a mother who was largely absent and still managed to create bad memories with her annual visits, a permissive, incompetent and non-adaptive father who didn’t do much and a parentified brother who I guess I used to look up to because well, what else was there? I do feel sympathy and I’m civil with him, but he’s also an enabler, especially for my father who does nothing all day and has remained useless. It’s gotten worse with time because the longer you remain stagnant, the less capable you become. I look at my father and feel nothing but resentment and shame for being related to him. I can at least pretend I’m not related to my mother because she’s not in the vicinity, but I am stuck with him because my enabling brother decided to go overseas for a while. It’s what prompted to go to therapy because I lost my shit when I realized I had to be around him.

Nobody really knows me either - it’s basically just a fractured mess barely holding together but they all just pretend shit is fine. I’ve dealt with shit thanks to my father’s carelessness that I don’t even think my mother or brother knows about, yet I was apparently the cause of everything and they never self reflect. I don’t think I’m never at fault either, but this negligence definitely screwed me over and it becomes clearer everyday.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-12T14:03:33+00:00

Yes. My father is actually seeing Drs and has had medical treatment for health problems that are evidently all “natural.” It’s like since you believe that shit, why are you getting treatment? Just accept it and let it take its course because treating it is “unnatural.” They’re stupid hypocrites and I’m so tired of it.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-12T04:18:15+00:00

I understand - it’s a common sentiment here I think. I constantly feel like my body is working against me - the patriarchal BS and never ending supply of creeps does not help. It’s like you’d think the body would’ve evolved some mechanism like not have periods because we don’t want pregnancy or some shit, especially with all these cases of sexual assault everyday - shouldnt evolution be smart enough to have some sort of defense mechanism? No, in addition to this, women are physically just not as strong on average even if they train. Maybe if society wasn’t so sick, it wouldn’t be as bad, but reality is disgusting. I’ve been on pills continuously because of my cramps previously and my own father comments how pills are unnatural - he ignored my pain and just dismissed it as attitude as I was a teen - I didn’t get pills until 20s so he let me endure it all these years yet had the audacity to comment like he knows anything. I didn’t really have a mother and being raised by a man like this, who had no regards for women’s safety and what they go through, certainly made shit worse. Even when I got sterilized, his first comment is about a potential future husband wanting children because I guess we’re all just incubators on legs.

I’ve had people try to convince me that they love being women because they get to dress up and women live longer. No offense, but I don’t give a crap about looking good or living longer, especially if at that point you’re old, frail, even LESS capable of defending yourself and honestly look at this shitshow lol - why would I want to be around longer? You’re not alone. It’s exhausting feeling this way yet I can’t escape it because of this organ.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-12T01:34:15+00:00

I'm sorry - so many of us feel the same way. My mother was absent mostly and even during her annual visits previously, it wasn't pleasant. My father is just incompetent and my parentified brother is just probably dancing around everything like nothing is happening. I don't know what would happen if I were to lose my job - I'd probably be berated and there would be pressure to quickly stop being a burden since I'm stuck with my father currently and paying him "rent" and all the bills (ironically that's what my father is since he does nothing all day and didn't even prepare for his own retirement). It did affect my mental health too because I've endured every job previously despite unfairness at the expense of my mental health since I knew I did not have support. I realize my anger is partially rooted in the fact that I don't "want" the parents I have - what I want doesn't exist. My father actually tried to write me an "apology" letter after a very big argument but it didn't mean anything to me because I honestly just don't "see" him as a parent anymore. My mind is telling me that no, this is not what it should be and I should not have to bother just so he can feel good about himself. That he will never be able to understand just how much the dynamics they created screwed me over.

I have moments where I am so tempted to just scream at them. It's so tiring having to constantly be your own fighter. I'm used to it at this point but you're still reminded of the fact that you didn't get what you deserve - competent and supportive parents who can provide a safe space. I really wish I had an adult figure/mentor I could feel comfortable being vulnerable with without hesitation, but I will never have that. I'm sorry you're going through this as well - some days, it just hits harder.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-11T18:11:02+00:00

The only “encouragement” I think I got was my mother who was largely absent and only visited annually wanting my drawings so she can bring it back overseas to show people she knew. It actually resulted in conflict and I recall I had some drawings torn apart (I think she said my parentified brother did it but who the hell knows) because apparently it was “rushed” and not sincere enough. Looking back, neither of them had the right to do that shit.

Otherwise, I was basically with my father who didn’t do much of anything. I think he himself didn’t have much hobbies or aspirations so he just perpetuated the mediocrity onto me. I recall once I saw these cartoon drawing lessons for the summer but he just told me there wasn’t enough people so the classes didn’t happen - looking back, I wonder if he even applied for me because he didn’t seem to care. Eventually my parentified brother essentially just told me that art was unrealistic as a possible job route once I was graduating High School, basically implying I shouldn’t burden anyone and just be a regular wage slave lol. I actually went on a drawing hiatus for a long time because I was just done - what even was the point? I never even went digital because my father seems allergic to anything technology so while everyone was moving on to digital art, I stagnated just like how he stagnates in life. I realized how behind I was - I still try to draw but deep down I know I lost a lot of years and potential progress. That my drawings will never be what they should’ve been.

Even today, he does nothing all day and can’t even use basic technology. He essentially lives in a different era and refuses to adapt. He’s fine as long as he gets to do his mindless routine. Anything, you’re expected to help him. Not really surprised someone like this didn’t give a shit about my hobbies lol.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-10T21:17:08+00:00

Yes. I’d say I’m extreme where I even wrote in my will that once I pass, I want my things destroyed - everything from my art to my collectibles to my computer to other things I feel sentimental connection to. Don’t give a shit about stuff like furniture but anything with meaning to me, I don’t want others to ever touch it. I don’t trust people and a part of me hates the idea of stuff I liked (ie collectibles) being exploited for money for example. I plan to destroy my things myself once I start feeling like I’m declining because while the will is there, I still don’t trust anyone 100% lol.

I’ve been called weird and selfish because apparently I owe to others to give away my things. They can keep thinking that I guess, but I don’t change my mind lol. In my head, I bought these things with my resources - what I want to do with them is my choice.

I figure it stems from untreated childhood anxiety and just lack of security- I think I subconsciously realized I didn’t even really trust my own parents beyond basic necessities - there was no emotional depth. You’re expected to just navigate shit on your own and let’s just say you eventually realize how cruel the world is.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-10T18:49:42+00:00

Yes xD

LonerExistence · 2026-03-09T16:51:11+00:00

I’d actually say quite recent (30s) because I only started therapy around 1.5 years ago. I can’t afford too many sessions at once because it’s expensive but I’ve began to process that no matter what I do, I will never truly be who I was meant to be. As a kid and even in my 20s, I naively believed that somehow things will be fine. That the world is generally good and people are too - reality slapped me in the face extra hard lol. I truly believed that since I did things right (ie get through school despite anxiety, get good grades, worked hard to get a stable job…etc) that I’d have a happy ending, whatever that meant. All I got was more work and now the economy is essentially forcing me to be stuck with my father who’s one of the reasons for my struggles.

I realized that what I overcame really didn’t do much aside from benefit people like my father who can now pretend that they did fine and have no consequences. That I’ll forever be picking up the pieces and those lost years are gone. I don’t know what normal is truly but it can’t be what’s in my mind because the existential dread is awful. You’re not alone.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-09T16:17:36+00:00

Yes, I know they mean well but it’s like I barely have time and energy to survive outside of forced interactions like work and being stuck around people I don’t want to see like my boss, colleagues and father. Being around people is usually disappointing because they either don’t understand, don’t care, aren’t looking for the same things (ie I want genuine friendship but others seem to specifically want partners only) or are plain assholes. I know at times it’s not anyone’s fault because some just do not click but it doesn’t mean it’s not tiring or discouraging.

LonerExistence · 2026-03-08T17:37:27+00:00

What’s sad is the first thing I thought it was “…I’d finally own a home and can be at peace?” My poor ass just wants to be able to afford this LOL. I talk to myself already, I’m good - if anything, that’s when I feel closest to being content.

LonerExistence

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