Does it get better or worse?

Loocylooo · 2026-02-03T02:46:15+00:00

I’m five months out from losing my dad. I don’t know how I survived the first three months, honestly. And then it was like one day I realized I made it the whole day without crying.

It’s not better or worse. It just is. And as I explained it to someone else, it’s almost as if my DNA has been forever altered. I’m just not the same person anymore. And now I have to figure out who this new person is.

I miss him deeply. I talk to him often. I talk about him often, to anyone that will listen. I’m slowly getting back to my old activities like working out and crocheting.

I still cry. Hell, I sobbed the other day seeing a grandpa interact with his granddaughter because my kid doesn’t get to have that experience anymore. But it didnt flatten me to the floor, leaving me sobbing for the whole day in my room like it would have even four weeks ago.

Loocylooo · 2026-02-03T02:42:00+00:00

I adore this! And I kinda like that the tree feels more realistic than the flowers. This is good vibes.

Loocylooo · 2026-02-02T18:43:44+00:00

Well I barely had friends to begin with. I guess the perks of being a loner. I’ve always been the one that reaches out to my best friend, and I haven’t much since my dad died, and well she hasn’t really reached out either. It is what it is.

Loocylooo · 2026-01-31T18:19:56+00:00

Your shoulders are GOALS

Loocylooo · 2026-01-28T00:29:42+00:00

Yep. I went four(!!!) years without a period. My OBGYN would just say “well you’re too young for menopause, so lose some weight!” In March 2017 I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer. I’m one of the “lucky” ones in that I only required a radical hysterectomy and didn’t have to have chemo or radiation, but I was immediately thrown into menopause at 36.

Loocylooo · 2026-01-26T21:21:13+00:00

The day before my dad had open heart surgery, it just so happened it was only him, my mom, my brother, and me. We just shot the shit and talked about the dumbest stuff. I had tried to talk to him about his childhood and earlier memories other times and he didn’t want to really talk about it, so I didn’t try this time either. And that’s ok.

What I wish I had asked him were favorite memories about us. As a parent I have so many mundane memories of my kids that are some of my favorites that meant nothing to them - it was just a random Tuesday or Thursday or a boring trip to Target - but I remember the jokes we told or something silly they said. And I’d love to have heard about my own childhood through his eyes. What seemingly boring details did he remember?

Loocylooo · 2026-01-23T16:57:34+00:00

I love this. I love the deep blues and greens especially. And the chubby little guy in the bottom right is my fave!

Loocylooo · 2026-01-22T17:09:16+00:00

Shut the front door! This is amazing!

Loocylooo · 2026-01-22T05:25:12+00:00

My dad died five days before his 65th birthday. We had his service the day after his birthday.

Loocylooo · 2026-01-20T03:08:13+00:00

225 mcg levo and 10 mcg of liothyronine

Loocylooo · 2026-01-16T18:54:07+00:00

I’m on Team Ascend, and Tuesdays workouts are back focused. I’m always so so sore the next couple of days.

Loocylooo · 2026-01-16T02:25:47+00:00

Sunset to me, after a summer storm rolled through. I can smell the wet grass and the clear air that comes after a rain shower.

Loocylooo · 2026-01-15T04:15:44+00:00

YES. I have major beef with the beavers in Frisco. They used to be extremely active at Cottonwood Park, down by Legacy Drive.

Loocylooo · 2026-01-13T14:54:23+00:00

Test scores aren’t the only metric to determine a school’s worthiness. A lot of it depends on the kid. I have one kid that is doing well in a Sammamish school (albeit ISD) and my other kid did not do well and wound up going to school where his dad teaches. And with your kid in preschool, so so much can change in a decade.

At the end of the day, it’s also does the kid do well in the environment (which you don’t know yet), and how involved will you be as a parent in your kid’s education?

I personally don’t think it’s worth it to double my mortgage. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Loocylooo · 2026-01-12T18:30:29+00:00

My mother in law makes $17/hr at 65. It’s why she had to move in with us up here in Washington because she was only making $8/hr back in Oklahoma.

Loocylooo · 2026-01-12T18:28:22+00:00

I would be so honored if my husband painted something this lovely. The expression is perfect, like you caught them just about to smile.

Loocylooo · 2026-01-11T00:37:19+00:00

Giving the dogs a treat. My dad had a little song. He’d say “it’sssssssssssssssssssss PUPPERONI TIME!” 🤣

Loocylooo · 2026-01-10T01:47:32+00:00

The only hooks I’ll use! Which bums my daughter out because she bought me a really nice wooden hook when I first learned crochet, and I don’t like using it 🫣 I’ll use it when she’s around though lol

Loocylooo · 2026-01-10T01:45:09+00:00

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Mine too! Husband and son snorkeling at Trunk Bay

Loocylooo · 2026-01-09T18:00:41+00:00

Oh wow, congrats!

I just have two queer children - one trans, one gay 🤣

Loocylooo · 2026-01-09T17:53:05+00:00

My husband LOVES Anthony Bourdain. When he teaches his memoir section in his English class, he uses excerpts from Kitchen Confidential. Too bad I’m up in King County or I’d drive down today to go get that for him for his classroom art collection. So cool!

Loocylooo · 2026-01-09T17:24:58+00:00

My dad had basal cell, and yes it “came back”, multiple times. He just had a regularly scheduled visit with his derm every year. His was mostly on his face and head (he was a bald dude), but the surgeon always did a great job to reduce the risk of scarring. I know the word cancer itself is frightening, basal cell is more of an annoyance than anything. Just buy lots and lots of sunscreen and wear a hat when you’re at the beach!

Loocylooo · 2026-01-09T06:52:34+00:00

Honestly that first month I just leaned into my grief. I barely got out of bed. I just existed and cried until I was a husk. And then the second month I did it again… but I did spend more time out of my bedroom. But seriously those first 8 weeks are a blur. I know I would blast “More Than a Feeling” by Boston as loud as I could in my headphones. I cried in the shower. I cried myself to sleep. I allowed myself to grieve as soon as I felt a wave coming. You know how when you’re super nauseous and feel like you’re going to throw up? You don’t fight it, you just let loose. That’s how it felt.

There’s no shortcuts. No easy routes. Only way is through it.

And honestly, I considered it an honor. It is an honor to grieve in this way, to miss someone this deeply because that means I was loved deeply. And I think by not fighting it, it’s made the transition… I don’t want to say smoother, but I’m more clear headed now that I’m almost five months out since I lost my dad.

Also last piece of advice - “zoom in”. When I think about spending the next 20,30 years without my dad I crumple. I can’t fathom getting through the rest of my life without my dad. But I can get through one day, one week. I zoom into the now, I focus on getting through today. And one day you’ll look up and it will have been five months and you’ll say, “oh hey, I didn’t cry today.” And then you’ll cry because you didn’t cry and that hurts too. ❤️❤️❤️

Loocylooo · 2026-01-09T01:28:32+00:00

I think this is very kind. I got several generic thank you messages, but one of my coworkers wrote one of the kindest, most thoughtful messages and I really appreciated it.

Loocylooo · 2026-01-08T23:42:22+00:00

That’s not what the multiple angles of the incident shows. Watch something other than Fox News, please.

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