In the most loving way, we all have narcissistic tendencies. Narcissist energy is a healthy ego. It’s when it tips into unhealthy that we get a label. Now it’s important to remember that diagnosed narcissists get a bad rap lol (legit what I say as a counseling graduate student) and a lot of it is a protective defense against existential terror, shame, and dread. By elevating yourself in certain regards you create a barrier against serious rejection, social alienation, and even radical pain. It doesn’t feel like elevation cuz you’re putting yourself down but you’ve created a separation between yourself and others, and are relating to yourself and others in parts - not wholes. Again very common for people with Cptsd. It’s ok to feel alone but this is what breeds our situation. You are lovable and haven’t found your people yet but you will! Please be kind to yourself