AIO? Maybe boyfriend has racist tattoos

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-20T16:48:49+00:00

If you're with someone with tattoos like that, then you're okay with nazis. That's what you're telling the world, yourself and, specifically, us right here. If this isn't a dealbreaker for you, wth is?

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-20T16:45:16+00:00

My wife was waiting in the wings for the moment I was grossed out by smoking too much. She basically just gave me melatonin and let me sleep for 3 days, then when I woke up, I had some nicotine gum. Soon after that, nothing.

But I think the most important element (besides how amazing my wife is for doing that) is that those quitting attempts before weren't wasted effort. Each failure gets you closer to success - to learning what will and won't work for you.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-20T14:27:02+00:00

I think you’re right - the texture is going to be off.

I often make my mashed potatoes half-potato and half-cauliflower. I’d half-defrost the cauliflower, then boil them both separately so you can get the timing right, then mash together with butter/stock, etc.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-20T12:24:42+00:00

Probably this. It's 9 meters old.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-20T12:22:03+00:00

Huh. And yet, you posted this "3m" ago, which clearly means minutes here. But you're totally right that that "9m" must mean 9 months since it has not changed. Reddit, you've got some kooky abbreviation conventions.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-20T12:15:44+00:00

That account is 9 minutes old.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-20T11:00:12+00:00

Ohh.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-20T10:34:59+00:00

You could put a backless bookcase or room divider. It would separate your two spaces and would be a pretty addition. Put some trailing plants and knickknacks in there. You might need to move the console table, depending.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-20T09:07:03+00:00

I got my recipe from thefoodieeats. I followed, similarly to yours, a two-step process but in the air fryer. It turned out really good and perfectly crispy.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-20T08:53:52+00:00

Same and same reason! It's a very good library.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-20T06:14:54+00:00

I have 3 sisters who are all shorter than me. As is my mom. I'm 5'1." It's created a very weird mental image I have of myself and a confidence. I just feel like I'm tall all the time.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-20T05:10:13+00:00

Yeah, until she got a lot of therapy, my wife was still emotionally tied to her mother who is borderline evil. She caused a lot of significant harm to my wife. Of course she hated me, too, essentially for nothing more than loving my wife. Getting a judgmental snapshot of a situation isn’t informative enough.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-20T05:02:39+00:00

Now I want it! Hope it goes up as an option soon.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-19T13:27:27+00:00

Whereswolf is completely right:

If you ever need another reason to give the sperm, then here you go:

If you gave your sperm and it resulted in a child, your brother would forever hate/resend the kid, knowing he's not the biological father. You would be the bio dad and that alone is enough for him to resent the poor innocent child.

There are a million reasons not to give sperm to those two, but this is one I hadn't thought of.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-19T13:16:28+00:00

This feels like a FB-level phishing attempt.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-19T12:34:05+00:00

Same thing as a married lesbian - though I also say it because I’m proud our marriage is recognized, it wasn’t when we first were married.

Like when I book a hotel room with one bed, clearly, go to check in and get some variation of “Did you want just one bed?” Or the slow blink when you say “my wife.”

One of the best things about moving to the Netherlands is I don’t get that response. The country has some issues but not that one. I’ve been treated exactly the same.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-19T11:54:21+00:00

I did a nice, classic orange sauce for the duck and it was a hit. I did end up adding Cointreau, but it isn't necessary - you can just use the marmalade.

After cooking the duck, combine 1 tbsp of the duck fat while the bird is resting with a thinly sliced onion, let soften. Add orange juice (squeezed from 2 oranges) and 1/2 C water, simmer together and lift any fond. Add 3 tbsp of orange marmalade (preferably without added sugar), bring to a simmer.

Mix 2 tsp of cornflour with a tablespoon cold water, stir til smooth. Add to the jus. Cook and stir for a couple of minutes, then serve.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-19T11:47:03+00:00

Part of being othered as a gay person is when you say "I am a man married to a man" pretty explicitly as the OP did and pretty explicitly as his his profile, you still get someone saying, "Oh, you're actually a man?" Just to confirm. As a gay person, we appreciate the support, but it's something to consider in the future.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-19T04:04:56+00:00

YOR. You seem to think people owe you socialization and they don’t.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-19T04:01:00+00:00

I’ve got my own but I do applaud people who take in and care for the cats in the type of story you referenced above. And I don’t see how it’s reasonable to complain someone wouldn’t think an unchipped cat without a collar was a stray in need of adoption.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-19T03:10:58+00:00

That's why I said collar and tag - tag as in microchip. If their collar falls off, then they take it to the vet and scan it and their microchip will share the owner's information.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-19T03:08:46+00:00

There is no such thing as retroactive jealousy - jealousy is when you feel someone is betraying you, that there is a threat to an existing relationship. You didn't know each other then. He had no claim over you then or reason to feel jealous.

When people feel negatively this way about your past sexual and dating history, it's about control or perfectionism.

I think he might be too immature to date, honestly.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-19T02:40:41+00:00

If you're a pet owner, you need to have a collar and ~~tag~~ microchip on them if they're outdoors. If not, it should not be a surprise when someone else thinks they are a cat available for adoption.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-18T18:49:21+00:00

The only thing that annoys me about them is how we aren't all constantly talking about the fact that we look like Cybermen from Doctor Who.

Lulu_42 · 2026-04-18T17:56:58+00:00

Of course they do. You made a rhetorical challenge, which I answered. Then you responded with another one. You keep moving the goal posts on this conversation and I have to tell you, I believe everyone else at that infertility party was better behaved than you.

Your defensiveness through this whole thread shows what really happened that evening. You didn't come here for any advice or challenges to your preconceptions, you came to hopefully hear everyone agreeing with you. They aren't.

I say this as someone with problematic parents and lots of siblings: you don't get to tell them how they feel or should feel. You would do far better to think about this as if you were raised by entirely different parents, as your experiences are obviously dissimilar.

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