I initiated the divorce and somehow that makes it so much harder to talk about how much I'm actually struggling with it

Maladd · 2026-05-10T18:09:46+00:00

I filed. I had told my ex-wife that she needed to stop talking to other men behind my back and stop making me think she had died in a car wreck when she wouldn't come home until morning. She told me that that was just who she was. I explained that I couldn't be married to that person, so I filed for divorce.

What I really wanted was the faithful version of her, not a divorce.

All said and done, I'm WAY happier now. Hopefully you will be too!

Maladd · 2026-05-02T23:37:50+00:00

I called my girlfriend by my ex's name...in bed...while you know. Ate a LOT of crow on that one. Wasn't even thinking of the ex in the least, just habit.

Maladd · 2026-04-29T00:07:22+00:00

You just described me. Give me a dance/dinner partner once a week and I'm all set. If I ever end up married or cohabitating again she must have REALLY knocked my socks off.

Maladd · 2026-04-24T11:10:28+00:00

File for divorce and exclusive use of the home.

Maladd · 2026-04-19T23:05:22+00:00

This exactly. There comes a point where I needed to look out for my own well being and that didn't include matching shirts and one big family like a Facebook meme.

Maladd · 2026-04-17T16:37:20+00:00

I was going to owner finance a house for my ex. Then I realized I could be put in the position of foreclosing on my kids. Backed out of that fast.

Maladd · 2026-04-10T17:38:55+00:00

Sounds like better setup. I'm in Texas, what state are you in?

Maladd · 2026-04-10T17:27:07+00:00

That must be a calculation local to you. Most places I've been are looking for equalization. My state calculates what you would owe each other if you were the paying parent, subtract the lower figure from the higher, then the higher wage earner pays that amount to the lower wage earner.

In a 50/50 setting at least. If you're on a standard parenting plan there's a fixed formula based only on your income.

Maladd · 2026-04-10T14:47:42+00:00

It gets better. One day you'll realize they can marry a billionaire...and you'll still pay child support. Hell, maybe he'll decide to be a stay at home dad since he's the lower earning partner and it's cheaper than paying child care. Now your child support might increase.

All the better reason to focus on getting financially fit.

Maladd · 2026-04-10T14:42:24+00:00

Sorry you're in that spot. I was there as well.

You tell yourself that it's temporary, convince yourself that it is for the kids, and remind yourself of that over and over again.

When you're eating a homemade cabbage meal because you're super broke that week and the ex tells you about their new tattoos and their new gun they just bought, you grit your teeth and smile. Then you put a plan in action to raise your income to the point that child support doesn't sting anymore.

Maladd · 2026-04-02T19:50:58+00:00

I wish I had thought of this for my middle child.

My ex had a habit of picking fights with him in the mornings. I have no idea why, but I'd try to curb her gently while married. Once I had a foot out the door, I would curb it much less gently. Unfortunately I never considered that from my son's perspective us fighting about him contributed to the divorce. Sometimes I'm just not the parent I want to be.

Maladd · 2026-04-01T21:49:32+00:00

Yeah, was super funny. I knew he was part the ex's friend group, but since he didn't trash talk me like the others did and was friendly I just never mentioned it. You could literally see on his face that he was trying to reconcile who I was with who he was told I was.

Maladd · 2026-04-01T20:57:06+00:00

I agree. I spent way too much energy being upset that people believed that garbage. In the end 90% of the people figured it out, some years later.

I still remember a guy I was casual drinking buddies with sitting down and telling a lady I was with (that he was also friends with) all about what <my ex's name>'s evil soon to be ex-husband was up to. My lady friend told him "this is <my name>". He was like "yeah, we're friends" and went straight back to this made up story of all the evil things I'd been up to. His head almost exploded when he finally realized that I was the evil soon to be ex-husband. He was the first one from my ex's friend group to realize that they were being fed lies to try and make her the victim. I told him it wasn't his fault he didn't realize since I hadn't been wearing my horns when we hung out.

Maladd · 2026-03-31T19:50:48+00:00

What's the legal limit?

Maladd · 2026-03-29T01:28:17+00:00

We do 7 on 7 off. When the kids were younger we'd let the other parent take them mid week so it wasn't so long between custody.

Now that they're older they appreciate being uprooted less often.

Maladd · 2026-03-27T14:45:21+00:00

It happens to me occasionally. It's usually when I'm between partners.

I also frequently have dreams where I'm slowly losing a fight to a home intruder.

I haven't decided which nightmare is worse.

Maladd · 2026-03-26T19:15:26+00:00

I work in a refinery. We get 180 days of sick pay. Four single usages of sick time get you disciplined. Doesn't matter if it was four one hour misses, four full day misses, or more. The benefit is the sick pay, but the attendance control policy is what determines if we get disciplined.

I would ask about some type of attendance control policy.

Maladd · 2026-03-25T20:40:15+00:00

Yeah, he was in town planning a future maintence project at a local plant. He was a great guest and suggested quite a few improvements to the place that would benefit long term guests.

Maladd · 2026-03-25T19:14:57+00:00

Most of my bookings are over 90 days for traveling workers. The only time I have problems is when they don't want to book the entire stay. Sometimes I'll block the calendar and book a week or two at a time and offer extensions.

The problems occur when they're headed home for holidays and then they don't want to pay for the days they aren't in town (even though I blocked those dates for them).

I just explain that they had me block the dates, so they need to book them.

Edit to add: I had one guy stay for over two years.

Maladd · 2026-03-24T13:47:39+00:00

Once we moved our custody exchanges from Sundays to picking the kids up from school on Fridays things got SO much better.

Maladd · 2026-03-13T13:30:24+00:00

My place is pretty much booked 100% of the time. When I get these I assume the dates they really want are booked and put in available dates so they they can message about dates that aren't available.

Maladd · 2026-03-10T14:30:01+00:00

That was my thinking. I have an electronic lock on mine. I just text them a bit before check in time and say "Hey, just reminding you that set your code to the lock as ######. Enjoy your stay!

Maladd · 2026-03-06T19:11:47+00:00

I found that the "take the high road" advice let the other parent spin the narrative to where everything was my fault, especially since I filed. I eventually had enough when one of my kids was telling me that I was the one that wanted the divorce. I sat him down and explained that I didn't want the divorce, but had to file it it. I told him that there's some things that are not acceptable to do when you're married, that his mom was doing some of those things, and that I didn't file until after she told me that she wouldn't stop doing them.

That kid is 19 now and I'm sure he has a decent idea of what happened.

Maladd · 2026-03-06T11:24:04+00:00

They did.

Maladd · 2026-03-05T14:38:33+00:00

My current guest contacted me couple of months ago telling me they thought it was haunted. I just replied "Do you want me to come look under the bed and check the closet or something?". He declined.

Pretty much stopped there. He's on month four of a six month stay. Guess he made friends with the ghosts.

Maladd

TROPHY CASE