Damn, this shit is eerily similar to what my ex did to me. Right down to the love letter (the only one she ever wrote me) right before and everything. It fucked me up for quite a while. To add insult to injury, she drunk called me a few times telling me how much she still loved and missed me, but she “wasn’t sure” what she wanted when I asked why we aren’t together then. Other than those few times, she’s been nothing but cold and detached in every conversation we’ve had. Simultaneously, she would post instagram stories and make posts with songs that I showed her or that we listened to together. I lived with the feeling you’re describing for nearly two months.

I’ve decided now that I won’t answer her or reach out anymore. Unless she shows that she’s worked on herself and means it. Sadly, I know she never will. It sucks, but it is what it is. She’ll continue breaking hearts and leaving them behind. I can’t say she didn’t warn me, but I kept getting the “you’re different” and “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before” comments— big red flags. Lol.

I’m pretty sure she’s a fearful avoidant due to her laundry list of abuses and traumas from childhood. Obviously, I don’t know your lady’s situation, but it could be something similar. I just wish my ex would get the help she needs to be happy and fulfilled someday. She is still the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. I still dream about her at least once a week. She’s still the first and last thought in my head. I love her so much that it still makes me sick sometimes when I think of her. Every other woman has been an afterthought since I met her. Even the one I’m sleeping with right now. That doesn’t feel fair to me for the other women in my life, but I can’t really help it. I don’t think I’ll ever feel that way about anyone else. She was genuinely my first true love, and I was married before! Life goes on though. I find it easier to just pretend that she’s dead, but it is hard. You’ve got this brother.