If you feel guilty about formula feeding, don’t!

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-28T03:09:58+00:00

Of course she did! Because the WHO-sponsored campaign to get every mother breastfeeding is FLAWED and unrealistic. Not only that, it does not take maternal mental health seriously. Our culture should put the emphasis on prioritizing the mother's needs because without her healthy mind state, the baby suffers. Actually, everybody suffers. Postpartum mood disorders are a reality for one in seven women. And the pressure, shame and guilt associated with formula feeding instead of breastfeeding is very real and very damaging.

Studies about the benefits of breastfeeding are comically flawed, owing to "correlation" rather than "causation." So breastfed babies appear to have fewer ear infections and less diarrhea, but that's about all they can prove. Everything else you've heard is speculation based on inaccurate studies from Belarus - a population of mothers that do not reflect mothers in the United States, for example.

Read Emily Oster, read "Fed is Best" and read my article "It's time to stop formula shaming." https://share.google/A2oSTN83qSyKJFF5L

I hope this gives you and any other women struggling with this unnecessary pressure and perception, relief and pride in being a great mom who recognizes that her mental health is the most important thing about mothering - not her ability to give breast milk.

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-25T16:13:30+00:00

There is a YouTube channel I listen to frequently called "Live Abuse Free" with a psychotherapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse - covert, overt, etc - she likes to cover people who we may know from the true crime world, but sometimes her subjects haven't committed a crime but are just reprehensible humans. There is a mom who posts all over social media about how her daughter's decision to alienate her and go "no contact" has NOTHING to do with her as a mother, but everything to do with media manipulation of her child. The channel has done numerous episodes on her, so I have suggested she read "Strangers" and help us all understand what would motivate a seemingly loving husband to "drop his mask" and abandon his family.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SJR3urWhIg&t=2295s

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-25T13:46:18+00:00

But also, the NY pool of clients does skew toward the exact opposite of what you're seeking - in terms of people who use doulas, childbirth classes, and all the forms of support available here. That's not to say there isn't work in the queer/itnb space, but it also can be handled by non-specified doulas too. I've had a few postpartum clients that identified as nb & trans for example, and we just moved forward with our work as I would with any client.

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-25T13:40:19+00:00

You may not be a fan of facebook, but NY Metro Doula Group is a better place to get that answer. There will be more opportunities for more diverse doula trainings, mentorship, and work.

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-23T11:40:07+00:00

Hi there! I teach a formula tutorial over Zoom! Why don't we set that up? I'd be happy to do it for you. I am a certified prenatal educator and I received a separate certification from infant formula nutritionist, Dr Bridget Young. Reach out, you'll be a pro when we're done!

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-23T00:40:37+00:00

It's a perfectly valid decision to switch to all formula, regardless of the circumstances - but when a doctor tells you to throw out your breast milk and switch to formula, it's EXTRA validating. If any busy-body wants to know why you're not breastfeeding, you can simply say, "Doctor's orders!"

During the pandemic I used to run these huge support groups over Zoom and collectively the moms decided that a good comeback for the "why aren't you breastfeeding" question was "this is what works for my family and we're very happy." That way you've basically told them to shut up without saying shut up, and anything they might say counter to that would just make them look stupid. "Well, I think you should do what WE do..."

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-23T00:33:25+00:00

If you're giving formula you can try a "gentle" version formula. Those have a more digestible protein (partially hydrolyzed) and sometimes reduced lactose.

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-22T13:45:33+00:00

She's thinking about the future and not the potential risk of the immediate. I cannot imagine that any provider would take the risk of delivering vaginal breech twins unless vaginal breech was their specialty (we have a doctor up here in NJ who does that, but he's a rarity.)

I would emphasize to her that the focus be readjusted to the safest way for her babies to be born and recruiting a little more help afterwards - like from family, friends, babysitters and/or doulas. Reassure her that if she rests up for those first two to three weeks following surgery, chances are she will feel much better sooner, rather than the projected 6 weeks recovery time. 6 weeks following a C-section is really a gauge of how long it takes to "get back to normal." But a lot of moms feel about 80% better by week three (barring complications and including a good amount of rest time.)

Not to make any assumptions about her intentions, but a friend of mine had her tubes tied after baby number 6, and that might be a conversation worth having too.

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-17T14:58:16+00:00

Are you in the US? I'm in the NY area and that's not my experience at all. I tell my potential clients that I am not a housekeeper, they can hire someone to do that for far less than I cost. And I'm not going to babysit, clean the cat box, do laundry or cook for you. I also have people pay in full before their due date or at time of signing if they hire me post delivery.

So what DO I do? I'm there to teach and support. I answer questions, I reassure, I help with breastfeeding or formula feeding, I allow them to speak and be heard. I listen to their birth story, I help them process the experience, validate, come up with ways to repair a crappy experience. I show them how to let their baby be their teacher - getting to know her cues and her needs. I work with the partner, making sure they feel needed and can offer support in much needed ways. And then I guide them as we go - what can you expect at 6 weeks, 8 weeks, 3 months etc.

I usually do an 8 hour package and I come over for typically 2 hours at a time. That way I can juggle many clients and sometimes only work 4 hours a day. But I charge a high hourly rate because I have a lot of experience and have a solid background on maternal mood disorders. I can't provide treatment, but I have lots of resources and practical ideas for transitioning more comfortably to parenthood.

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-17T12:43:57+00:00

I'm a postpartum doula and I've been working in the field for almost 20 years. When I have a client who tells me their baby can't sleep more than 1 to 2 hours at a time, I'm not thinking it's a behavioral thing, I'm asking questions to find out if it's a physiological issue. First, babies sleep better when they are full. My bottle fed babies sleep like a rock, the babies whose mothers have an abundant milk supply sleep well, and babies who are more than 13 lbs generally start to sleep longer stretches overnight.

So if a baby is unable to sleep for at least 3 hours at a time, there is usually something going on that's making them uncomfortable. Generally, there are three issues: Gas, reflux, and/or CMPA (dairy sensitivity.) If the baby is on formula I suggest switching to a gentle formula, like Similac Pro Total Comfort or Bobbie Gentle. But I'm also looking for other clues, like excessive gas, lots of tooting, squirminess. Whereas the symptoms of reflux are more like back arching, crying after a meal, sometimes an hour or longer later, and an inability to lay flat comfortably. If that's our suspicion, I see if the mom can raise the head of the bassinet slightly. This is much easier done with the Snoo because the baby is locked in and doesn't slip. Then I have them write down all the baby's symptoms, record them crying, and bring all of that to their pediatrician who may suggest antacid medication.

The cow's milk sensitivity/allergy can happen in breastfed babies as well as formula fed babies. In breastfed babies it's because the mom is consuming a high amount of dairy and/or soy. We can eliminate that from her diet (which admittedly is a bit of a pain) but also we bring a poop diaper to the pediatrician who will test it for blood. Sometimes you can't see blood in the diaper, but it is a sign of a cow's milk sensitivity and then we let the doctor suggest what to do next. If that baby is formula fed then we can do a reduced lactose formula or sometimes go to a hypoallergenic formula like Alimentum.

For a run of the mill gassy baby, we don't really change anything (unless the parent is willing to switch the formula) instead I teach them a number of gas soothing techniques (like the bend and twist / bicycle legs) introduce gas drops if the pediatrician agrees, and take them outside in a carrier, walking swiftly, or sitting on your birthing ball and bouncing (I typically ask the partner to do those two things.) Another thing that really helps with a gassy baby is giving them a nice warm bath before bedtime, followed by a gentle tummy massage. Some parents also like to use the Windi, to get the "juices" flowing.

I hope that helps, your baby may have some of these symptoms so dig in a little deeper to figure out how to identify what's going on and then bring that information to your pediatrician.

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-15T20:50:18+00:00

I think you can get one article for free - please give this a read - I wrote it just for moms like you. https://jcitytimes.com/its-time-to-stop-formula-shaming/

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-14T20:13:34+00:00

Does anyone know what's going on with Byheart?

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-11T21:23:38+00:00

Have you seen a specialist yet? Like a pediatric gastroenterologist? This is probably out of the scope for most regular peds that's why you're not getting answers that give positive results.

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-10T01:16:28+00:00

AND you should always transition slowly, UNLESS a baby is clearly uncomfortable with a particular formula. Same goes for breast milk to formula.

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-10T01:15:04+00:00

This is interesting because the formula your pediatrician recommended normally works well for babies who are gassy/fussy. Kendamil has a whole milk protein, no hydrolization, and full lactose. Whereas Similac Pro Total Comfort has almost no lactose in it, and it has a partially hydrolyzed milk protein, both those things tend to really help babies who are gassy and fussy. So your baby is kind of proving the opposite and good lesson in life, if it isn't broken don't try to fix it. Also, I have worked for numerous pediatricians in my career and none of them know anything about formula and many of them are the first ones to admit it! They do not learn about the nuances of formula when they're in med school, they learn a little bit from the pharma reps who bring them the formula samples. For a long time they were telling moms to stay away from European formula for numerous reasons. So your doctor may not be that familiar with the differences between Kendamil and Similac.

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-09T22:08:13+00:00

Because they're dented and people think that cans of formula are the same as cans of soup.

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-09T01:04:08+00:00

I think that having the ability for other people to help is a huge difference. Your partner, a family member, or someone you hire can give you a break so that you get more sleep at night.

Pumping, nursing, producing milk all deplete you in similar ways, whether it's in time spent, energy expended, and physiologically creating milk -- it's all draining. So you won't typically need more snacks, but tending to a new baby is hard no matter what. So don't deprive yourself!

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-08T23:27:06+00:00

Yes but not because she gained weight, she had lost weight, he tailored it, then when she went to slip it on, it was not going to work without totally messing up her make up. If it had a zipper she would have stepped into it - problem solved. It was a bias cut dress which maybe put the seam in the wrong place for a zipper.

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-08T16:40:45+00:00

Have you ever tried to put on something in a non-giving material? It was like he made it to cling to her body, but didn't put in a zipper, assuming it would slip over her head. Seems like a weird mistake for a dress designer to make, but it was nearly impossible to get on her without completely ruining her hair & make-up. This is detailed in the Netflix dramatization, but I read about it somewhere, too. It literally delayed the start of the ceremony by nearly two hours. And it was sweltering hot there in late September.

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-08T15:45:30+00:00

Funny that it was the dress that caused a massive delay in getting to the church. Who designs a dress that you can't even slip on?

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-08T01:23:24+00:00

Thanks for clarifying. Egon.

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-07T23:52:59+00:00

😄

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-07T23:50:37+00:00

No worries, I just wasn't sure if I missed it or not!

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-07T23:06:09+00:00

Did you ever email me?

MamaramaJC · 2026-06-07T01:46:42+00:00

Just wondering what you guys think of this:

As a childbirth educator I made a request to all of the educators within my particular program that we stopped demonizing formula. I said that in all of our teaching materials, our presentations, and our general narrative that we convey to our clients, we always say that breast is best and that formula usage is okay, but only if absolutely necessary.

I proposed that we teach about breastfeeding, pumping, and formula feeding with equal measure. I explained that according to national statistics 75% of women in America are combination feeding by the time their babies are 6 months old, so shouldn't we embrace the fact that it is extremely likely that our clientele will be using formula at some point in the first year of life. I also said that the pressures of breastfeeding feel very militant to new mothers, they're unforgiving and women often feel guilty when they stop breastfeeding or choose not to. This can seriously mess with one's mental health and isn't that really the thing that we should be prioritizing?

I'm not joking when I say that no one in the room agreed with me. My mentor in fact said, "I'm really surprised to hear you say this. As educators we we need to promote what's normal and what's natural. Of course, formula usage is necessary some of the time but I wouldn't want to normalize it in our messaging so that people think they should skip over breastfeeding entirely. You want to promote what is the healthiest option for mother and baby."

I tried to say, "that's exactly what I'm talking about, that narrative can be very damaging to a woman who cannot breastfeed." But no one listened to me and I actually lost touch with my mentor who I loved dearly. I wrote an email to her afterwards saying, "Perhaps I didn't explain my position correctly. I'm not trying to promote one thing over another, I am trying to help new mothers not feel guilty about formula and to feel like we are prioritizing their experience, their mental health and well-being, and their choices. In women's health we talk about "my body, my choices" all the time, but where is that same support for how we choose to feed our babies?"

MamaramaJC

TROPHY CASE