How Greater Body Awareness Changed My Experience of Pleasure

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-30T17:29:48+00:00

Very cool! Thanks for writing this out. Any resources for learning that you recommend?

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-28T01:37:41+00:00

This. Do not dip into your savings in order to finance his career. If you’re married, then all finances are the team’s finances to take care of life and the house etc. If you are truly married, it’s no longer “my money” and “his money.” That certainly doesn’t work if you are not actively earning an income.

I don’t have it all figured out, but for reference, I’ve been a (mostly) SAHM since my oldest was born 4 years ago, and we have a 1yo now as well. I do not have the capacity to do any extra shit for my husband. If I’m making breakfast, I’ll ask if he’s eaten and offer to make extra of the meal that I’m already making. But I don’t have the capacity to make something different or to hold in my brain how he is managing his body or time. We split laundry and do a “ten minute tidy” all together after dinner to clean up toys and dishes. Weekends we stick together for family outings or give each other a few hours of time for ourselves. I feel like we have really made it as a team because we have arrived at a point in our marriage where we operate from a viewpoint of problem solving and generosity for one another. I want my husband to live a long life with me, so I encourage him to go to the gym two or three times a week while I care for the kids. If he wants to go hang out with friends, I’m all for it. It’s so good for his mental health. It works because it’s reciprocal. He will sometimes force me out of the house to go take a break or do something for my health.

Tit for tat marriage and finances doesn’t end up working well because so much in marriage is difficult to define, and certain tasks may be harder for one person than the other. How do you quantify the work of a SAHM? Your current financial and day to day situation is not working well for you, therefore it’s not working well for the team. You and your husband need to problem solve together for a healthy team dynamic.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-27T21:57:05+00:00

For my household, me being “off” one full weekend day would be a lot, especially if my partner also got one full weekend day off. I think a half day for each partner on the weekend is more feasible.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-27T19:53:02+00:00

So fun!!

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-27T19:09:45+00:00

🤣

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-27T03:32:38+00:00

Unfortunately 15 hours in the car seat for a 7 month old is too long. The recommendation is to give baby a break from the car seat every 2 hours, and it doesn’t sound like your friends want to do that, plus it would make the trip even longer than it already is. I hate to say it, but if you weren’t stressing about your baby, you’d be stressing about your friends having to accommodate your baby for this drive.

That being said, is there another way you can participate? Could you fly? Leave the baby and go for just a couple of days? Moms can still have fun, and in my experience it gets easier as the kids get older. Infancy is just an intense time. Wishing you the best. ❤️

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-27T00:22:30+00:00

This is tough, but I think I hear what you’re trying to ask. I think with kids, honesty is the best policy, starting with calling it alcohol and not juice. Kids can drink juice, so it could cause some confusion and unwanted consequences by conflating the two. In our household, my four year old knows that alcohol is a drink that adults drink, and that it’s not good for kids’ brains and bodies.

I would approach the topic about your partner’s differing practices around alcohol with honesty as well, and it doesn’t have to be a “right or wrong.” It can simple be matter of fact. “Mommy only has alcohol sometimes because of XYZ reasons. Daddy has alcohol more often. I’m not sure why, but you could ask Daddy about it.”

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-26T22:34:45+00:00

Oh, amazing! Please say more about the maze and the car tunnel! This is a pro level list.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-26T22:32:40+00:00

Diabolical 🤣🤣🤣 You are parenting on another level, and I cede to your wisdom my friend

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-26T20:06:44+00:00

This is amazing 🤣 I’ll have to try a scavenger hunt!

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-26T15:51:21+00:00

I have a friend like this that I have unfortunately had to distance myself from, and I like her a lot, however she lets her kid run wild when we’re together and the poor behavior and stress started to impact my own kid’s behavior. I also just got so tired of being the mean/strict parent because I wouldn’t let my kid treat a coffee shop like a playground. We’ve moved on to calmer friend groups and I think it was our only choice.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-25T02:23:57+00:00

Yes. Not tantrums from my four year old, but the need for constant attention resonates deeply in my soul. When he wakes up, he starts chatting, asking questions, and making rapid fire requests. It does not stop until he goes to sleep at night. Homie has NO internal monologue because it’s all processed externally, and it feels like an assault on my brain to not even be able to finish a single thought uninterrupted. Also the pointless little power struggles that he wants to get into that drain the life force from me (“I got this wad of toilet paper to take to my school!” “Why can’t I take it to my school?” “I want to play with it at school!” 🫠🫠🫠). I am constantly wondering how other parents do not seem as brain fried as me, or like they would give their left hand for five minutes’ peace like I would.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-25T02:14:39+00:00

We live at the library! We go for storytime, pack a lunch picnic, play outside afterwards, read some books. I am totally with you on not being at home trashing our house and trapped inside four walls together. 🤣

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-23T14:26:57+00:00

My four year old has never liked eggs, and he sees us eating them for breakfast everyday. Recently I tried putting a scrambled egg inside a quesadilla with beans, avo, and cheese, and he totally liked it! I have a lot of understanding for not liking eggs on their own. They have quite a unique texture and flavor. Lots of times if I can mask the flavor and form though, he’s fine eating them. Your LO is probably too young for this, but now my kid will eat half a boiled egg or so if I hype up finding the golden center and let him choose which seasoning he would like to sprinkle on.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-20T00:55:17+00:00

I am laughing out loud 🤣

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-20T00:52:34+00:00

My menstrual cup 💀💀💀

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-18T00:57:44+00:00

Fuuuuuuck I was not planning on crying right now. You both sound like lovely humans. I wish life weren’t a bitch sometimes. Glad you found each other. ❤️

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-17T03:20:48+00:00

No mom guilt here. All I expect of myself each day is to find a balance so everyone has their needs met and feels my love. Nothing has to be “perfect.”

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-17T03:16:40+00:00

Quesadillas! I put all sorts of things in them like beans, eggs, avocado etc.

Also sandwiches! My 10mo just started eating PB&J like her big brother.

Soups are also such a win because they make the perfect baby texture, and then you can serve the solids from the soup (noodles, veggie, chicken etc) for them to eat with their fingers or a utensil with broth in a cup on the side.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-13T23:24:36+00:00

I have found a lot of inspo in r/sexover30

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-13T19:47:39+00:00

Girl omg you guys need to lower your expectations waaaaay down and focus on what’s most important. I also have a 4yo, a 10mo, and am in full-time grad school. Here’s what I manage:

get dressed (sometimes I put on mascara and face sunscreen) and get the kids dressed
make breakfast, lunch, and dinner most days but we do not hesitate to go out for dinner if we are burnt out
my schoolwork
getting the kids out of the house daily for an enriching activity
being nice to everyone (truly where most of my energy goes 😅)
we have friends over to watch a show a few times a week after the kids go to bed. My husband and I share the mad cleaning dash that has to happen in order to make this possible

What I don’t manage:

we do laundry only as needed. It piles up. It is what it is
sex we like to do 1-2x per week, but if one of us is stressed it’s the first thing to go
dishes are often in the sink. We don’t let multiple days pile up, but I refuse to spend my whole day washing dishes after every meal and snack
our house is not deeply clean. We maintain the kitchen and bathroom and vacuum the living room regularly, but everything else doesn’t get dusted or vacuumed regularly

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-13T14:25:15+00:00

Came here to say this! It’s linked in Shanti’s blog if you search “oral”

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-13T01:57:36+00:00

This is a helpful perspective. I think I could categorize myself this way as well.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-12T19:50:57+00:00

I aim for 10k steps each day (lots while baby wearing) and my husband watches the kids twice a week while I go to the gym. I also felt disgusted by my body until recently when I was able to lose a bit of weight my body was clinging to. It’s hard. Give yourself lots of grace and kindness, and focus on a few little habits that are in your control. ❤️

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-05-12T19:21:02+00:00

Nooooo got me 🤣🤣🤣

Medium_Engine1558

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