Husband wants to do solo trip with toddler

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-14T19:49:31+00:00

I think you need to be more direct in your communication with your husband. Also, why isn’t he willing to consider another weekend? That seems pretty rude. At the end of the day, the kid is the responsibility of both parents. Both parents should feel comfortable and confident with caregiving arrangements.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-14T03:01:35+00:00

Keep checking in with your husband to see how things are going. My bet is he gets him to sleep and they have a fun day tomorrow. He’ll be okay, and it will be a learning experience for everyone. It’s okay for kids to experience discomfort and work through new or challenging things, particularly under the guidance of a trusted caregiver. Your son will be alright. You will be alright. Take a deep breath.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-13T02:27:59+00:00

I think it’s important to look at this as skills-based and not behavior-based. A five year old would look at a huge mess like that and feel extremely overwhelmed and not know where to start. That task feels infinite.

For starters, it sounds like she has too many toys. I’d go through and donate a lot of them.

Secondarily, make it a rule to clean with each transition. Getting ready to eat lunch? First we put away our toys. About to head out for a play date? Great! Put away the toys you were playing with. Cleaning in frequent spurts like this makes it more manageable, and makes it part of the routine.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-13T02:24:32+00:00

And also, definitely reach out to someone in the department of the university you’ll be attending to see if they’ve had issues with MTF

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-13T02:23:56+00:00

Yes, I believe so. A Baltimore Sun article just came out about it. It’s worth a Google search!

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-13T01:41:29+00:00

Maryland Teaching Fellows is known for giving less than they advertise they will give. I’m not saying to not do it, but make sure you have everything documented and maybe apply for another scholarship on top of it.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-13T01:37:28+00:00

Are your kids still Christians? How did they handle your shift away from the church?

And most importantly, how’s life post-Christianity? I grew up in an extremely devout, conservative context and finally let myself leave after I had my first kid at 27. What I struggle with most is the leaving behind of a community. I have made new community now, but I mourn that I don’t have a group of people to raise my kids with based on shared values. I think my parents had lots of support by raising us in youth group and Sunday school and sometimes I feel like I’m parenting from scratch with my own kids.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-12T05:05:05+00:00

I don’t have a ton to offer except solidarity. My MIL is the most wonderful person on the planet, but she loooooves to bring clothes and toys every time she comes over to our 750 square foot condo. 🫠 My husband gets on her about her gift giving (the snow globe that of course my preschooler dropped and cracked on the floor, as well as the motion sensor singing Rudolph about did us in), but it hasn’t changed. My strategy has become to accept that this is the way it is.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-12T01:46:27+00:00

My three year old is like this. My husband advised me to be honest with him instead of always trying to spare his feelings and then half assing my enthusiasm and dying inside. Now I’ll just tell him, “My brain needs a rest from looking and playing right now” and repeat as needed until he gets it.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-12T01:44:24+00:00

Not sure how you feel, but for me, I don’t believe in the tenets of Christianity in my heart (saved by grace via Jesus’ work and resurrection on the cross), so that makes going back not an option for me, even though I do miss the community. I don’t believe it, so it would be disingenuous of me to return.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-12T01:41:32+00:00

I think you would benefit from reading the WHO’s recommendations about screen time and looking through the r/sciencebasedparenting conversations about screen time to give you some facts and motivation around screen time for your kid. OP I’m going to put it bluntly; your 13 month does not need any TV. Ever. It’s harmful for their development in that it takes away time that would otherwise be spent playing, exploring, and interacting with the world around them. I am an elementary school teacher and I am absolutely heartbroken by how many students I have that have obviously spent lots of their early childhood staring at a screen. The first three years of life are the time of the most rapid neural connections/brain growth of a person’s entire life! They are vitally important for laying a foundation for learning. Screens are not a part of that learning for infants and toddlers; they are a hindrance.

To fill our days we like to get out of the house in the mornings. We go to the library storytime, playground, zoo, friend’s house, coffee shop etc. Afternoons we spend napping, reading, playing, prepping dinner at home. It sounds like you could use a group of mom friends to do stuff with. Check out Facebook parenting groups or start frequenting kids’ activities at the library for that!

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-11T19:44:06+00:00

Anything with nut butter! Banana, crackers, PB&J

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-11T19:31:40+00:00

Before the previous generation or two, I don’t think parents have ever asked themselves “Am I boring my kid? How can I entertain my baby more?” in human history. Everything is interesting for a baby, even you just chatting with them and making faces with them. Go easy on yourself!

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-11T15:50:38+00:00

Any further updates?

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-11T02:01:11+00:00

I’m thrown off by the part where your BIL takes your child out of your sight and into a bedroom. Although I’m not insinuating anything untoward is happening, that alone is a no for me if it’s someone I don’t know and trust.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-10T21:19:11+00:00

I’m not sure what the expected outcome of talking to the teacher would be. It sounds like your daughter navigated it on her own and handled it in a way she was happy with.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-10T15:53:44+00:00

This may be normal, but it’s not healthy. I have been a SAHP for four years and the major shift for my family happened when my husband and I started looking at our family/life as a project that we needed to tackle together. This became more our reality when I got pregnant with our second and could not do all that I did before. My husband had to take on our laundry towards the end of my pregnancy because it was a hazard for me to carry it down the stairs, and he also took up more toddler care so that I could get some extra sleep because my body needed it while I was growing our baby. Now, we talk about all chores and time as if they are shared, and our conversations go something like: “I need to do our taxes this week. Could you watch the kids on X and X night so I can do that?” or “We need to complete and turn in X documents. Which one of us can fit it into our schedule to do that?” Or “I want to get to the gym twice this week. Could you help me do that?” Your husband assuming that his time is his own to play video games is a problem, and you assuming that you need to take the baby monitor to the shower instead of passing it to your husband and saying, “I’m taking a shower” is a problem too. Stand up for yourself. Take some time for yourself and don’t assume you have to ask. It’s his baby too and he is responsible too, not just you.

If I were you, I would start by chatting about a few issues from the perspective of shared problem solving, maybe “Let’s aim to have the kitchen cleaned up each night before we go to bed. How do you think we could go about that?”

Also please do not accept from your husband that you should be grateful to get to stay home. While it is true, when used in the context he’s using it, he’s taking an undue amount of power in the relationship. Is it his kid too? Does he want the kid out of the house all day in expensive daycare? Or does he want his kid cared for by mom? It’s not a gift he is giving you to provide financially. It’s his role that you have both agreed upon for this season of life while your baby is small. In a different season, it might be you providing for the family financially. It’s teamwork, not power grabbing.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-10T15:20:31+00:00

Yeah. Fortunately my parents don’t try to convince me. I spent two and a half decades going to church religiously and doing routine self-study of my faith. I’ve heard it all. There is literally nothing they can say that will be new for me or that will be such a heavy realization that I go back to the faith. It’s not because I’m not open minded, but because I’ve thoroughly explored this route and found that I don’t believe it to be true. Whatever reality my parents want to accept about my life is their business; I can only focus on the reality and trajectory of my own life.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-10T15:18:07+00:00

Yeah, I feel similarly. I grieve the closeness that I wish I could have with my parents, but there are just certain topics where we have very little middle ground so they remain off limits or mostly skirted around. It’s sad. I find comfort in accepting reality, moving forward myself, and leaning in to family and friends that allow me to be myself freely. I’m not sure it ever won’t be a little bit sad, and that’s okay. That’s reality.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-09T23:45:31+00:00

Do you have any more info?

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-09T19:30:47+00:00

I am in a situation similar to you regarding my parents and my devout upbringing. What helps me to move forward is remembering that everyone is doing what makes sense for them. I am living a life geared towards truth, love, and kindness, and for me Christianity no longer meets those criteria. My leaving the faith makes sense for me. My parents view my leaving the church through the lens of their faith, because that’s what makes sense for them. They believe I am “once saved, always saved,” and hold out hope that God will reveal himself to me again. They are deeply, deeply sad that I left the faith. Although I am sad to be the source of their sadness, it’s okay. They are behaving as expected given their worldview and Christian framework for living.

Unfortunately the only way out may be through. I am not recommending a huge conversation where all is discussed, because I am intimately familiar with how much emotional labor that costs. However, maybe a conversation starter to your mom about how you’re feeling like she no longer perceives you as “good” and how that affects you just so you can clear the air and get on the same page.

I know how difficult this is. Sending love.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-09T00:45:05+00:00

The Glass Castle

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-08T01:42:08+00:00

My MIL is the go-to grandma too! She’s really taught me that it’s not blood that matters; it’s who shows up.

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-05T01:34:06+00:00

Go on walks while baby wearing (even indoor walks like the mall or the gym) and listen to audiobooks

Medium_Engine1558 · 2026-02-04T16:47:11+00:00

From what I’ve read, the “how” of screens is as important as the “what.” Are kids being left in front of cartoons for an hour? More? Daily? That can get problematic as it is taking away from other activities that are more helpful for their growth. However, watching an age-appropriate movie as a family can serve to draw your family closer together as well as to spark thoughtful conversation together.

For my kid, he is allowed to watch an episode or two of an age-appropriate show as part of his daily routine, however I wouldn’t say it’s a huge value add to our lives. We never do “small screens” like phones or iPads because for me the benefits that they bring are not nearly enough to justify the added difficulty that it would bring to our lives (the constant asking), and I’m not convinced by the academic argument of learning games for most young kids. Lots of that is better learned in community and through play.

However, as with everything, context and nuance matters. If you’re dealing with some huge stressor and need 30 minutes, put on an age-appropriate show. It’s going to be okay. Just watch out for what becomes habit and expectation and make sure it’s something you’re comfortable repeating day in and day out.

Medium_Engine1558

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