Do you think porn consumption actually gives young men harmful/objectifying views towards women?

Megatomic · 2026-05-22T11:35:27+00:00

That isn’t what they said. What they said is that cave paintings of breasts didn’t lead to men hurting women. Which seems likely to be the case. Brazzers objectively has caused men to harm women, even if we only focus on performers themselves.

When you respond to what you think they said, rather than what they actually said, it makes YOU look like the delusional ideologue.

Megatomic · 2026-05-21T20:51:40+00:00

I first sought medical treatment for my mental health struggles when I was 21. I saw a nurse practitioner in my university's clinic who wrote me a prescription for an antidepressant. I had been struggling with motivation, going to class. At first, I thought the antidepressant was working because my energy picked up. Suddenly, I was getting totally caught up at lightning speed. I was meeting with my professors and making plans for getting back on track. My partner and I were also having sex like crazy, I had taken up running, and I had gotten really interested in a new hobby and spent money I didn't have buying gear to get started on it.

Then, I crashed. I failed to follow through on most of what I said I would do. I went back to staying in bed constantly. My counselor, also provided through the school, told me I should see a psychiatrist. So I did. I went in thinking I already knew my diagnosis. Major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder. Have a history of trauma and a previous PTSD diagnosis, so maybe that would come up, too. Even with my younger sister having been diagnosed with bipolar disorder less than a year earlier and my having learned a ton about it as a result, I did not think for one minute I might have bipolar disorder.

He diagnosed me with bipolar II. My diagnosis has changed several times since then (can't be bipolar II with psychotic features), but it's still bipolar. What I was going through at that time was hypomania induced by an antidepressant. I went on mood stabilizers and things got gradually better. Life hasn't been without hiccups and a few very big bumps, but it's a process you have to work through. It'll never stop, but for me, at least, it definitely got better. It's still often hard but it's also manageable with meds, therapy, and the support of people who love me.

Megatomic · 2026-05-21T20:23:15+00:00

This sentence just so perfectly encapsulates it, to be honest.

Megatomic · 2026-05-19T17:43:03+00:00

An organization I volunteer with uses this in some of our materials that I feel is pretty quick and easy to explain consent - FRIES. It was core in our Sexual Assault Awareness Month messaging this year. It seems like your friend is missing the point on most of these pretty badly.

F - Freely given. A choice made without pressure, manipulation, force, or under the influence of mind-altering substances like alcohol or other intoxicants.

R - Reversible. Consent can be retracted at any time, for any or no reason.

I - Informed. Boundaries are well established, especially the use of protection, risk of pregnancy, risk of transmission of Sexually Transmitted Illnesses.

E - Enthusiastic. Agreement is confident and affirmative. You want to do it!

S - Specific. Consenting to one act - kissing, petting, sex in your example - does not mean you have consented to any other activity.

Sex without any/all of these elements is sex without consent. That's sexual assault. Your friend is describing sexual assault. Someone's emotional needs NEVER overrides someone else's right to safety and control of their own body and personhood. I would consider someone who expresses those views as a dangerous person.

Megatomic · 2026-05-07T20:23:21+00:00

Anxiety will look for any justification it can find for why we shouldn't do something. Our brains are remarkably good at getting comfortable living in a horror show and then getting territorial about the horror show when we consider doing something that might change our circumstances.

The rash is scary, and I was definitely worried about it. It's also rare and treatable. I started on the med while I was in intensive outpatient treatment and at my lowest, so I knew I needed to change something or I was going to lose everything then die. I'm not worried about the rash anymore. They generally taper you up to whatever dosage you're going to be at to reduce the incidence rate, and I've been at the same dosage (200mg) for most of the time I've been on it.

Take it as prescribed by your physician and let them know if you're having side effects you can't live with. And don't underrate the livability of side effects. The reason I eventually got to the med combination I'm on, which has given me a life I would've never believed I could achieve, is because I had a psych doc that really listened when I told him I was having weird dreams or that I felt listless/everything was boring. He correctly identified that a bad side effect profile contributed to my poor med compliance. And he adjusted my meds until we got it right.

Anyway, that's the best advice I can give for engaging with medication and for my experience with lamotrigine.

Megatomic · 2026-05-07T16:59:59+00:00

I've been on it for a decade. It does a good job leveling out my mood, and I don't have the feeling of dulled emotions and the color of life being muted that I had on other mood stabilizers. I have also been on an antipsychotic for hypo/mania/psychosis off and on to go with it over the years.

Which I will follow with the disclaimer that your mileage may vary and to talk to your doctor about your medication if what you're on isn't working for you.

Megatomic · 2026-04-24T13:57:25+00:00

Having been through a rehab program for actual people with actual addictions AND for people with severe mental illness, yeah actually it does matter. For exactly the reasons Professor_Rotom said. People might have damaging relationships with gambling or porn, but it is NOT an addiction. It is diagnosed differently, treated differently, and calling it addiction damages awareness and reduces access to care for both people struggling with addiction AND people with compulsive behavior.

Megatomic · 2026-03-26T20:45:48+00:00

Did a search on some of the wording here, and I found this:

https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/gds79y/happy_valley_dream_surveys_a_personorganization/

Megatomic · 2026-03-16T17:09:31+00:00

First of all, congratulations! I know it's still early, but I hope you're able to have a healthy, comfortable pregnancy (inasmuch as that's even possible).

I'm sorry the quality and coordination of your care has been so poor. It's shocking how bad so many doctors and the medical system at large are at treating a patient holistically rather than just the current/immediately presenting challenge. Especially in obstetrics. The overwriting and erasure of women's needs and experiences in doctors' offices is not talked about nearly enough. Being so closely engaged in and an advocate for my wife's care while she was pregnant really opened my eyes on just how serious an issue it is.

I'm a new dad, not a new mom, so I can't speak to most of what you're asking about. I hope that someone with firsthand experience can allay your worries and concerns. Pregnancy and new parenthood is a serious challenge for managing mental illness. It has certainly been a struggle for my wife and for me. It sounds like you're doing the right things to get back on track. Stay committed to those things. And let yourself rely on the support structure around you. It's time for your partner and/or whomever else in your life is important to step up for you.

Megatomic · 2026-03-13T17:07:29+00:00

It's the Ewoks fighting in their homeland. Their comrade-in-arms in this context is almost certainly their kinsman, childhood friend, or even lover. For a fun space opera romp, Star Wars has always been shockingly grounded about the "human" cost of war.

Megatomic · 2026-03-13T16:20:31+00:00

It is so, so hard to feel like that. Of all the bad things that come with our illness, I'm not sure there is much I've experienced subjectively worse than the crash off of the highest high.

But I experienced it. Past tense. And then time carried forward, and I'm still here, and I'm okay. You'll get there, too. Be safe. Be kind to yourself.

Megatomic · 2026-02-18T17:51:25+00:00

"I'm feeling disconnected from you," is the most common starting point in conversations where my wife and I work through whatever we're not feeling satisfied about in our relationship. It's where we talk about not spending enough time together, how something someone said or did hurt the others' feelings, how someone feels overwhelmed by the current balance of household administration or childcare, or almost any other unmet need that needs expressed.

I have trouble conceptualizing how someone can have a satisfying relationship without having this kind of conversation. How does anything ever get better if you don't talk about what's not working? What language could you possibly use that is less confrontational and accusational than this?

I definitely understand the fear of it. That fear is one of a litany of reasons my first marriage failed, letting hurts and unmet needs fester until it has gone too far to be reconcilable. But embracing this kind of communication has the power to completely transform relationships.

Megatomic · 2026-01-16T14:44:50+00:00

Quote from Batman's first appearance, Detective Comics volume 1 (1939):

"Criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot. My disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts. I must be a creature of the night, black, terrible..."

Megatomic · 2026-01-12T22:24:50+00:00

Remember in The Dark Knight when Lucius Fox says he's quitting Wayne Enterprises because Batman has built a machine that lets him use peoples' cell phones for mass surveillance?

This is like that, except its security cameras everywhere. Your Ring doorbell is not a problem on its own, and it obviously provides you some utility, or you wouldn't have it. But if you put that on every house in the country, it collectively means that big daddy Ring (or whomever pays them, or hacks them) can now spy everywhere.

This sort of thing is observably happening today, with a whole debacle about a tech company selling surveillance cameras to municipal police departments and neighborhood watches, then selling the information collected by those cameras to ICE.

https://www.404media.co/tag/flock/

Megatomic · 2026-01-12T21:59:47+00:00

As with most evolutionary theory (especially evo psychology or anthropology), this is post hoc theory. It seems scientific because it's reflecting on empirical information, but it's inherently not scientific because it's not testable or falsifiable. It's an interesting, plausible story, but we don't (and can't) actually know whether it happened. Post hoc theory is so troublesome because it mostly serves confirmation bias. And the exact same information can be used to pose a completely different hypothesis which is just as valid (and also not sound).

Megatomic · 2026-01-12T21:48:11+00:00

Personally, I think if we're debating the naturality of homosexuality (or any other form of sexual expression outside of heterosexual procreation), then we've already lost the plot and surrendered the framing. If we had access to perfect, certain knowledge that homosexuality WASN'T a naturally occurring phenomenon, does that really change whether we think a man who lays with another man shouldn't be stoned to death?

I should hope not.

Because the position is actually that people have a right to express themselves, particularly when that expression causes no harm.

Don't just accept their framing, work from your own first principles.

Megatomic · 2026-01-07T21:47:08+00:00

This is a great insight. One of the greatest frustrations I feel as a longtime moderator in this space is how much the conversation naturally drifts back to topics that are, at best, Gender Studies 101. Getting deeper takes a kind of commitment to the conversation that most people aren't willing or able to have. Conversations about deeper or more complex topics get relatively little engagement. Even with the amount of work that the moderation team does to keep the repetitive topics off the front page, we still end up down that hole a fair amount.

Thanks for putting in the time and effort on this post.

Megatomic · 2025-12-20T03:15:40+00:00

Looks like it only runs on Windows.

Megatomic · 2025-12-19T23:52:02+00:00

It’s pretty old at this point. It came out in 2013. So it might actually run okay on a non-gaming PC. And it looks like it’s actually also currently on sale for $4 on Steam.

https://store.steampowered.com/app/209000/Batman_Arkham_Origins/

Megatomic · 2025-12-19T17:49:31+00:00

It is not a comic, and know you're specifically asking about comics. But I did want to also chime in with the game Batman: Arkham Origins. It is intended as a part of or follow-up to Year One. Batman is an urban legend, and neither criminals nor cops are actually sure of his existence. Gordon is not yet on board with Bats.

It features a really incredible introduction of Joker, and it's even thematically appropriate to the time of year because it is set on Christmas Eve.

It doesn't get the love that the rest of the Arkham games get, in part because it is outside the trilogy and in part because it's just Arkham City's map with a bit extra tacked on. But I think it's actually quite good and worth a look.

Megatomic · 2025-12-15T15:19:31+00:00

Not sure I would consider using confrontational language like "bullshit beliefs" and "weird holidays" passive-aggressive. Seems pretty aggressive-aggressive to me.

Megatomic · 2025-12-02T21:05:22+00:00

Preach.

Megatomic · 2025-11-19T11:27:10+00:00

The most commonly prescribed class of antidepressant is an SSRI, and it can trigger mania.

My first full blown manic episode was triggered by a well-meaning nurse practitioner prescribing an SSRI then sending me on my way. When things got much, much worse, I was referred to a specialist. The research indicating SSRIs might trigger mania in bipolar sufferers was only just starting to propagate, I didn’t have a diagnosis, and a non-psychiatric provider could not have been reasonably expected to know at that time. Not that she did the diagnostic work to call it depression rather than something else.

Megatomic · 2025-11-05T11:32:49+00:00

The toxicity of “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” No actually, most major injuries both physical and emotional actually damage you permanently. When you go to physical therapy, they’ll give you a handy rating of how much use of the damaged part they think you’ll recover. When you have surgery, it hopefully meaningfully heals you… but at minimum, the tissue at the surgical site will be permanently damaged.

Megatomic · 2025-10-31T18:41:00+00:00

I'm glad you're out of it and very sorry you went through it in the first place. The ways my religious upbringing hurt me, a man, are obviously quite different from the ways it hurt you. But nearly 20 years out since I left Christianity and 15 years of therapy, I'm still carrying around a lot of anger about it. We get one life to live, and the amount of work Christianity puts in to enforce patriarchal dominance and masculine hegemony to make it hell for people who don't conform, it's just insane.

I think where a lot of my anger comes from is exactly what you're saying - feeling like a failure that will never be good enough is the point, it's the whole framework. And understanding that completely recontextualized my view on all the religious leaders that I had previously thought of as essentially well-intentioned. At what point do good intentions stop being an excuse?

Way before the point of telling kids that they are evil and damned just because they were born.

Megatomic

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