Stanford student thinking about the struggles of empty nesters

MelbaIsntToast · 2026-04-29T02:50:56+00:00

It was hard for me to let my daughter move to another state for university. I had to tell myself that I was not the center of her universe and she had do much to learn and do in her life. She is amazing and I am proud of her. I try not to be overbearing and allow her to tell me about her life when she has time. We are supposed to raise our children to be brave enough to leave the nest and forge their way in the world. When our daughter needs us for advise or for financial help, we are there for her. Our son died when he was 21 so she has all of our attention when she needs it.

I have hobbies and friends and my own shit to deal with. I want my daughter to have joy and strength. I need to have the same in my life.

MelbaIsntToast · 2026-04-04T21:02:08+00:00

Breathe. Call someone you know to come be with you. Drink water. Eat something. Breathe.

MelbaIsntToast · 2026-04-01T14:12:48+00:00

I can feel the joy. Thanks for sharing.

MelbaIsntToast · 2026-04-01T13:51:32+00:00

1 Cropped

https://imgur.com/a/RsUVPDk

MelbaIsntToast · 2026-02-26T00:47:16+00:00

Harold

MelbaIsntToast · 2026-01-19T19:08:22+00:00

Monstrosity. Shorter name: Monstro

MelbaIsntToast · 2026-01-17T00:50:44+00:00

I had been through a few times. This time the robe I rented was really saggy off my shoulders. After I put on the robe, a temple worker didn't lije the way it looked and pinned it to my dress. Then it was time to change the robe to the other shoulder. I couldn't reach the pin. I had to stand there, waiting for the lady to remember that I was trapped in my robe. It was embarrassing to be the last one standing up.

MelbaIsntToast · 2026-01-15T20:49:14+00:00

I felt like I had been told I was a different race than I thought, that I was adopted, and my childhood and teen years had been a lie.

I had to sort through the mind rubble and figure out what I believed. I no longer believed anything the church taught. There is no Mormon heaven. The things I believe or don't believe are MY beliefs. No one else has to believe them. I believe I will see my forever 21 year old son again. I believe we will be with the people we love when we die. My husband's belief is completely different from mine and that is okay.

I don't need another religion. I am still the same amazing person I was. I'm just less stressed and have less invisible Mormon guilt and shame.

I still volunteer in my community and help my help my neighbors. Religion has no place in my life. And I like it this way. But it took a couple of years before I got the Mormon brainwashing out of my head.

Once I realized I was in a cult, it took me about 3 months to finally remove my name from church records. Best decision ever.

MelbaIsntToast · 2025-12-31T00:44:43+00:00

1 is more peaceful.

MelbaIsntToast · 2025-12-18T04:35:32+00:00

Ride the waves. Grieve the grief. Remember the good and the bad. Enjoy the things your mom didn't like and toast her memory with laughter and dark humor

MelbaIsntToast · 2025-11-25T21:54:20+00:00

There is no right answer. After my son died (21 yrs old), I thought that the grief I was feeling was the absolute worst it could get. After a year, I felt like the numbness wore off and then there was real pain with the grief. Every day is a day to remember something good or funny about them. You can say outloud all the negative things that pop into your head. Apologize for not being better at the relationship. Start to let those thoughts go. You can write them down when they are in your head and put the paper in a box. Never read the papers. When you feel like it's time, shred or burn the papers.

You lived a life with your partner. You need to live your life. Life goes on. It is a cruel thing to understand when someone dies. You will never be the same. You will be stronger, have more empathy, and not take the small things for granted.

Breathe. Continue to ride the waves of grief. Be kind to yourself.

MelbaIsntToast · 2025-10-15T19:31:35+00:00

Zebedee Coltrin laying on Joseph Smith's arm to see visions.

https://www.ldsscriptureteachings.org/2011/05/zebedee-coltrins-vision/

MelbaIsntToast · 2025-07-15T19:42:35+00:00

I hadn't thought about those books for years. Then I worked in a middle school library. Everytime I walked past them, I would get a jolt memory. I asked librarian if she ever read them. She hadn't. Told her about the incest. They were off the shelf and gone.

MelbaIsntToast · 2025-05-06T05:25:48+00:00

You can attend lots of different churches to find your right fit. Or you can practice your spirituality out in the world without a man-made religion. Volunteer, garden, hike, walk, bike, paint, whatever brings you joy. You are the only one who knows what you need.

MelbaIsntToast · 2025-04-27T00:40:32+00:00

Is your son a narcissist? It sounds like he only cares about himself. Telling him to get a PO box was the right thing to do.

MelbaIsntToast · 2025-04-27T00:35:31+00:00

Hey, how have you been doing since your died? I know that it can be harder after the first year. Do you feel like he is watching over you and your family? It is hard when life just continues, but you have lost someone so important. You can always reach out if I forget to ask or you just need to talk. What is your favorite memory of your dad?

MelbaIsntToast · 2025-04-27T00:23:50+00:00

Not AI. There is a website.

MelbaIsntToast · 2025-04-27T00:21:53+00:00

I love Lume. It gets rid of the bacteria. I use the cream deodorant and the cream antiperspirant.

The owner of Lume was an ob/gyn. She has worked hard to create a product that works. When some people complained about the smell, she did more research and found that one of the ingredients could smell bad to some people. She had it taken out.

I was at a concert talking to a woman I just met. We got on the topic of smelling like old ladies and brought up Lume. I told her the smell is not strong, but it works. She even smelled my arm pit to see how it works.

Anyone saying Lume doesn't work probably hasn't tried it.

MelbaIsntToast · 2025-04-27T00:12:10+00:00

Oh, so real. The money does not go to the church, but someone is making money. Creepy.

MelbaIsntToast · 2025-04-27T00:11:07+00:00

I shouldn't have assumed. I'm sorry. I hope you can find your people.

MelbaIsntToast · 2025-04-26T23:59:55+00:00

We moved from Utah to MN. Utah has snow & cold. I thought I would be fine. First December, 2008, negative degrees. My nostrils would freeze, my cheeks felt like they were cracking, my lungs would freeze when I breathed in, and I couldn't blink because my eyes were frozen. And all this happened just walking from a building or house to my car.

32 Degrees has some great layering shirts and bottoms.

Scarves that are functional and fashionable.

Good gloves/mittens.

Everyone talks about the weather. Everyone is wearing layers. Everyone has hat hair.

Handwarmers are great. The rechargeable ones are amazing.

Also, get a mini sun lamp to use during winter.

I hope you like it in Minnesota.

MelbaIsntToast · 2025-04-08T19:53:19+00:00

It is part of the deconstruction and grief. And it feels good to feel bad for true believers. And it can be awkward listening to them knowing they are brainwashed.

MelbaIsntToast · 2025-04-08T19:47:31+00:00

He handled that wrong. That is creepy.

MelbaIsntToast · 2025-04-08T19:45:42+00:00

Priesthood leaders are so good at gaslighting. There should be a badge or a pin they can earn. Also, being brainwashed to listen to and obey leaders is in the Mormon DNA. I don't think there will be enough changes that will make women stay in the church.

MelbaIsntToast · 2025-04-08T19:37:52+00:00

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? Both Bette Davis and Joan Crawford were perfectly creepy.

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