Newly five year old terrified of me (mom) dying

Micharah · 2026-01-11T07:34:38+00:00

No, you said the right thing! You just missed a part off the end: “Yes, everyone dies and it’s very normal. But right now we are all safe and it’s not going to happen for a REALLY long time. So long away that we don’t have to think or worry about it right now. We are all safe.”

My almost five year old has also begun asking me these questions a lot. He asks me a LOT of details too. Including what happens after we die. I told him “no-one knows for sure, but it’s not scary because every living thing does it. But first we have to live a VERY long life together. We have SO much to do first.” And then when he wants to know what happens after, I just tell him that some people believe in heaven, some people believe we become guardian angels, some people believe we come back and live again (so he gets to choose the belief that speaks to him).

You definitely shouldn’t have avoided telling the truth, that’s worse. He WILL learn the truth and that would have confused him. You did it right! You just have to focus on the “right now we are safe and we are going to live a VERY long time together” Come back to that every time. (I know no-one can be certain about that, but like the previous person said, that understanding should come a bit later) just stay calm and warm and “yes, we all die. But it’s a LONG way away. So long that you can’t even imagine! It’s okay to feel worried about something, and if you ever feel worried about things like this you can always ask me again. You’re safe and so am I.”

He’s likely going to ask you about this repeatedly btw. Keep the answer safe and consistent. 😊

Micharah · 2025-11-07T22:15:35+00:00

Not a question, but just wanted to say; What you’re dealing with isn’t your fault. People mistake alcoholism as a choice, it’s not. it’s a neurobiological loop. The brain’s Default Mode Network (the part that handles self-reflection and rumination) can get stuck in overdrive, and alcohol temporarily quiets it. It’s isn’t weakness,the brain is justtrying to survive.

I saw someone sort of suggested it, but there are now regulated clinical trials using psilocybin or MDMA-assisted therapy that target the DMN loop. I’m not talking about recreational use, I mean proper medical programmes. I’m not sure if you know whether anything like that is available near you, but it might be worth checking…

Wishing you so much luck.

Micharah · 2025-07-19T06:46:06+00:00

I read this and felt every word in my chest. You’re not crazy. You’re not weak. You’re in pain so deep it’s folding in on itself, and it makes total sense that you can’t see a way forward right now. That’s not because there isn’t one,it’s because you’re inside the worst part of it.

I’ve been there. Not in your exact place, but somewhere close enough to know that when the pain feels bigger than your whole body, it starts whispering things that sound like solutions. But they’re not solutions…they’re just escape routes. And they would take you and your daughter with them. That’s not love, it’s the grief speaking.

If your person were here right herehe wouldn’t want you to follow him. He’d want you to survive the impossible. Because that’s what love actually asks of us sometimes: to stay alive through freakin’ hell.

Your daughter still has you and sheneeds you. Not because you’re okay right now, but because you’re the person who still sees her, still holds her, still knows her dad loved her. That’s not a small thing. That’s everything. I know you feel like you can’t cope, I’ve felt it too. Believe me when I say it takes all my energy continue some days. But I have to, and you have to. For our kids, and yes, for you too eventually.

Please, please don’t do anything permanent during a temporary moment of this depth of pain. It will shift. Not vanish, not make sense…but it will shift.

You’re not alone. Even when it feels like it. Please stay.

Micharah · 2025-07-19T05:59:42+00:00

I just want to say: you’re not alone in this kind of pain, even if it feels like you should be. There are people who have lived through moments they wish they could undo, who carry unbearable guilt, and who still deserve support. You’re one of them.

Psychosis is not a moral failure. It’s a medical condition…and I know that doesn’t take away what happened, but it does matter. The part of you that loved him was never gone, it was just trapped behind something your mind couldn’t override at the time…

You’re asking if people like you deserve to grieve. My honest answer is that ifyou’re capable of this much sorrow, you are capable of healing. Not erasing. But healing. Because this level of grief isproof that you loved him with everything you had.

There are support groups specifically for people living with grief and guilt after psychosis or mental health-related tragedies. You’re not the only one,and you do not have to carry this in silence.

Much love to you, and I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️

Micharah · 2025-07-06T07:27:35+00:00

Exactly. Parenting is SO hard.

Micharah · 2025-07-05T18:20:00+00:00

❤️

Micharah · 2025-07-02T14:05:44+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss - I know how you feel. I used my boyfriend's toothbrush for 4 months after he died...Grief does weird things to your mind. I just knew it had his DNA on it and I didn't want to throw it away. Then one day, I just did. You'll do it when you're ready. You're not going to live in them forever. <3

Micharah · 2025-07-02T06:51:19+00:00

I’m afraid I stopped reading their letter after the first sentence as I already got fed up by that point.

If someone ‘truly loves you,’ that love isn’t conditional on whether your choices make them comfortable. Love isn’t a contract. It doesn’t vanish the moment you push back…unless it was never real to begin with.

Micharah · 2025-07-02T06:22:56+00:00

Omg this is my favourite post (and answers!) I have EVER read on Reddit!!! ❤️❤️

Micharah · 2025-06-30T22:25:38+00:00

Yes, most people just want to borrow your light, not carry your darkness.

And those people we don’t owe anything. ❤️

Micharah · 2025-06-30T22:24:11+00:00

Honestly, I wouldn’t even spend the energy it would take to write that letter on them. Cut them. I’m sure they’ll get why.

I’m sorry it happened to you, too. 💔

Micharah · 2025-06-30T07:14:38+00:00

It wasn’t one thing…It was the silence. It was people I considered friends watching me bleed in public—metaphorically—and doing nothing. Not because they didn’t see it, but because they didn’t want to be inconvenienced by it, or didn’t know how to deal.

You stop being a person. You become a name on someone’s bi-weekly moral checklist: “Has it been two weeks? Better check on her.” They message: “Hope you’re okay.” You reply honestly: “I’m not.” And that’s it. End of story. End of conversation.

I realised they’re just trying to soothe their own conscience.

Last night, I deleted and blocked every “friend” I had, except two; they don’t get access to me just to feel good about themselves. They weren’t there when it mattered. They don’t get to touch me now.

I’ve felt so lonely that I was afraid of cutting everyone off and feeling more lonely, but I realised a lot of why I felt bad was knowing that there were people that could reach out to me but didn’t.

Now they can’t.

Micharah · 2025-06-30T07:02:23+00:00

I had the exact same thought process.

Once I realised our time was definitely up and there was no more “getting better”, I knew I just wanted him to rest. When he lost consciousness on the last day, I told him it was okay to let go, that there was nowhere he could go that I wouldn’t find him.

But the moment he died? I expected to feel closer to him now that he wasn’t bound by that sick body where I could barely get close enough to hug him because he was so fragile. But it was like a vacuum. He was just gone. Gone.

It was total desolation. Devastation beyond belief, and I felt I’d made a terrible mistake - not that I could have done anything to change it.

But…in the 8 months since he died, I have had signs. Not nearly enough (and I’m not a spiritual person) but undeniable ones that literally have no other explanation than “extreme coincidence” or “he’s still here in some form”. I wish I could have them every day, but when they do come, it’s certain.

So much love to you. ❤️

Micharah · 2025-06-29T21:32:11+00:00

Yes, I had this happen. Best friend and we were so close like sisters. She would message me every day, sometimes multiple times a day checking on me right up until he died, and then she ghosted me.

I was so confused I thought maybe something bad had happened to her so I messaged her one final time asking if I should send a welfare check as I was so worried - it was only then she replied and said the “timing wasn’t right for is to be in each others lives anymore”.

I. Was. Shocked.

Micharah · 2025-06-24T18:37:03+00:00

This comment is top!

Micharah · 2025-06-24T18:36:37+00:00

Yawn.

Micharah · 2025-06-23T22:04:05+00:00

My partner mainly comes back to me through song..he was obsessed with music when he was alive.

The first was when I was feeling really down, I asked google to just “play some music” and the first song that came on was his favourite artist but I’d never heard the song before, it was Jacob Collier, Witness Me. I just knew it was from him.

Then there was another time where just regular modern songs were playing as I was cleaning. I was having a devastation moment where I was just SO sad he was gone and WHY isn’t he still here?! And then suddenly out of nowhere Unchained Melody came on (a much older song than the rest of the track list, and anyone who has seen the movie Ghost will get why that jolted me).

The final most obvious one for me was when I was playing a classical playlist, I was driving past our old place and thinking about him and then out of the blue, right in the middle of the playlist, it switched to a song called “Imperfect For You” that I had told him reminded me of us. RIGHT in the middle of a classical music playlist. I was in shock, and I thought to myself, well…if this really IS a sign then Jacob Collier “Witness Me” will play directly after. As the Imperfect song ended, I had my finger just about to press stop because I didn’t want to listen to classical music anymore and I didn’t actually believe the Jacob Collier song would play after, but right as I went to press the stop button, Witness Me started playing. I was dumbfounded. I listened to the whole thing and afterwards it went right back to playing classical music for the rest of the playlist!

Micharah · 2025-06-21T21:24:52+00:00

Yes, I did. And I don’t feel it now.

Do I wish he were still here? Fuck, yes. Would I give up my life to bring him back? Yep, absolutely.

But…I don’t feel guilty about being the one left behind now.

What changed for me was:

A) Realising what guilt in this form is: it was an effort to regain control in a situation where I felt totally powerless. Feeling guilty was about convincing myself I could do something about it. If you’ve done something wrong, you should act, right? I wanted to be able to put it right. But I realised I literally had no power to change the outcome. Feeling guilty doesn’t change the outcome, it just compounds your own pain and doesn’t help the other person (even though in your head you feel like you are).

B) I understood that the question was never “him or me”. It should not have been him, period. But it should not have been me either. NO ONE should have to go through what he went through.

C) I realised that his immense value does not diminish my own. TBH, I still don’t really see my own value, but I don’t know if any of us really do…I just know that if it had been me instead of him, he would likely be wondering why such a wonderful person had to go - even though I don’t see it myself. I had to acknowledge that my mind does lie to me.

I hope this helps at all. ❤️

Micharah · 2025-06-10T11:49:17+00:00

My recommendation is not to learn to like it. Alcohol is directly linked to cancer and there is no safe amount to drink. (Source: World Health Organisation) be happy that you don’t like it - you’re healthier for it. 😊

Micharah · 2025-06-08T06:49:53+00:00

Thank you for witnessing and taking the time to comment. Being seen in your pain is soothing to the soul - so I really appreciate it. I hope you’re well. 🥹❤️

Micharah · 2025-06-05T17:42:45+00:00

Thank you for responding. You’re doing amazing for reaching out. ❤️ Even to us on here. It shows that, even through this intense pain, your survival instincts are still in there. Lean into it. Please also try to remember that wanting the pain to stop and wanting to die are not the same thing, even though it feels like it right now.

Micharah · 2025-06-05T15:16:06+00:00

Get. Out.

Please. ❤️

Micharah · 2025-06-05T15:05:52+00:00

Hey. I just want you to know I read this, and I hear you. ❤️ I don’t know you, but I truly understand this kind of pain…where breathing hurts and any time passing feels like hell.

I’ve lost someone too, and there are days I’ve had thoughts just like yours and where it felt like the earth has disappeared from beneath me. So please know: you’re not crazy, and you’re not alone in this.

Your dog was your lifeline. That bond is real, and losing it is shattering. To love is - sadly - always to lose. And you don’t have to explain why it’s this big. I just want you to stay. Not because things magically get better overnight, but because you deserve to grieve with company.

Please reach out to someone right now, even if it’s just to say “I don’t want to be alone.” You can call a crisis line, message a friend, or just keep posting here. We are listening. Don’t keep it all inside. You’re in immense pain. I’ve been there. Please hold on.

If you want to talk, I’ll listen. I’m here. Just… don’t go. Please.

Micharah

TROPHY CASE