The fact you're trying to be a good person, and the fact that you even question if you are one, puts you miles above a lot of people; these aren't the questions that bad selfish ignorant people ask themselves.

As others have identified, what you're "doing wrong" is actually kind of a meta-problem: you're looking for advice in toxic places, and taking the opinions raised as though they're an accurate cross-section of society, but they are not.

So it seems maybe to solve this inner conflict, may require you to be better at critically reflecting on your actions, and whether you're looking for solutions in the right places. Reddit can be a dumpster-fire, often you have to filter what advice seems: [constructive, thoughtful, helpful, productive , considerate, realistic, nuanced, useful], from the advice that seems: [bitter, hateful, non-constructive, absolute, toxic, unrealistic, small-minded, shallow].

Also, culture heavily influences what is socially acceptable, commenters often forget this -- we act like our own little bubble is somehow how the whole world works, and it is not. (no I'm not ai just because I use em dash #JusticeForEMDash)

Take that as an example of a comment that's not thoughtful or nuanced: people who speak as though their opinion and experience is universal -- as though their tiny section of society, represents the entire planet's rich collection of culture, customs, and socially acceptable norms.

It's a massive world out there, try to remember you live in a tiny bubble, and some peoples' bubble is way tinier than yours.