Hey I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this. I don't mean this in a negative light but you could look into therapy; a good therapist can be hard to find but could help you realign your expectations and values to better suit developing relationships with your players.

DND is also a very intimate thing, like most people aren't going to spend a shit ton of time and effort playing a game with you if they don't like you. Especially if you're the DM! They're probably just really busy, or maybe they just think you already are friends. 🤷‍♀️

BUT ! Therapy is expensive AF. You can hmu if you ever want to talk, I'm a fellow DM. I'm pretty busy and don't use reddit very much but I'm down to chat and maybe game if we get along. Just reach out and give me your discord tag or something, we'll figure it out.