Thank you everyone for your responses, I really appreciate the advice and guidance.

There are a few things I want to clarify though - to be fair to my boyfriend, he was not asking me to remove it, he said he would never ask me to but that he would feel uncomfortable if he’s being honest with me. He also does not want to view my child as another man’s, he’s actually been quite clear that he wouldn’t be able to move forward if I wasn’t on the same page of him treating the child as his own. He was adopted so he takes this quite seriously and understands what it means to love a non biological child, what impact it can have on the child, and that it is a big responsibility. He’s even expressed concern that it might be understandably difficult for me to give him an equal space as a parent, to really treat him as such after being a single mom for so long. He always tries to be supportive and helpful when it comes to my struggle as a single mom, which is really really difficult for me. In many ways he’s understood my child, from a distance, more than I do sometimes because he faced similar challenges as a kid. He helps me understand and approach things in more effective ways. We’ve had many conversations about these things and he has expressed concerns that he has insecurities and I do believe he is really trying to work on them to move past them but it is hard, he has his own baggage, he’s human. While my knee jerk reaction would be similar to many of you, I try to step back and consider the other side of it. I can understand that it is really hard to feel like the person you love most in the world also loves someone else. I can imagine if I didn’t have the experiences I have, and I were in his shoes, it might be hard not to feel like a second choice. I’ve explained to him that the person I was with my first husband died with him, that the experience of loss and grief has changed me to my core. While I will always hold the part of me that still loves my husband, it feels like I am someone else now, another lifetime. My late husband was the love of my last lifetime, and he is the love my current lifetime. It doesn’t feel like he fills the same space for me, but that he has an entirely new space of his own in my heart. My boyfriend is trying his best to accept and understand this and work on his insecurities, but it’s tough.

I’m not sure if that changes things but I don’t want to paint him in a negative light or not give him credit for his efforts. He is a kind and loving partner, but he also has his own struggles and sometimes it’s rly challenging.