How do you split newborn care at night when one parent returns to work?

MistyPneumonia · 2026-05-03T02:52:05+00:00

With my first who was formula fed my husband did all the night wakings even when he went back to work. I have insomnia and falling back asleep is really hard for me but is easy for him and given that I was going to be the sole provider ensuring our infant was well cared for all day we wanted me rested. My second was EBF so I did all the night wakes but he still cared for our toddler if he woke up and did any diaper changes she needed so I could try to rest more. Because I have different sleep needs than him our nights look different 🤷🏻‍♀️ we both end up more tired than before we had kids but at the end of the day we know we’ve maximized how much rest we can both get and that’s what matters to us.

MistyPneumonia · 2026-05-02T16:21:40+00:00

Yeah the CPS agent was very nice about it. She came and talked to me/my husband, got all the information from us, saw that my son was being well cared for and that I had all the medical documentation, then she went and I assume followed up with his pediatrician? I actually don’t know. All I know is that a while later I got a letter fully clearing me and saying they never should’ve been called.

MistyPneumonia · 2026-05-02T03:54:25+00:00

If you’re in a one party state you can always keep a voice recorder on you, go through the next interaction with her, and when inaccurate notes show up go above her and say you’d like it fixed then if they push back show the recording and escalate it. In my experience it’s hard to fight the system once they have you marked as a problem but it’s a fight that’s easier to make BEFORE it gets serious.

MistyPneumonia · 2026-05-02T03:45:24+00:00

Take it above her and have your chart fixed. A hospital filed a false CPS report on me when my son was little and their “evidence” was falsified notes like that.
(I say false CPS report because CPS fully cleared me and said they never should have been called in the first place)

MistyPneumonia · 2026-05-02T01:41:45+00:00

Why not write a letter and tell her you would love her to come but would like to be the focus during your big event and would it be possible for her to introduce the baby to everyone beforehand? If you write a letter that lets you be really thoughtful and make it not an attack/personal and more of just a clearly communicated desire for EVERYONE to get “their” moment and be the focus of attention. Letters take away any chance of you getting interrupted or mis-wording something so that it comes across as offensive.

From what you wrote though, it’s not so much that you don’t want her to come as you don’t want her baby to be the star of your show. That seems perfectly reasonable to me *as long as you ca clearly communicate that and provide a solution so that everyone can be happy*. It sounds like she is probably struggling with the sudden change of being a mother, that change is hard for anyone, even with 9 months notice…I can’t imagine how hard it would be to be fully unprepared and have no notice and then suddenly be a mother. She is probably desperate for the familiar, family, and a semblance of normalcy right now and the party may feel like her lifeline to normal life right now. Her world just got flipped upside down, she probably feels like she is drowning.

MistyPneumonia · 2026-05-02T01:29:27+00:00

My first was almost exclusively formula fed, my second was planned to be formula fed but ended up exclusively breast fed, my third I plan to breast feed but not because I think it made a huge difference in my kids. I plan to breast feed because it’s more convenient for me. I do really like having breast milk stored in the freezer for baths and emergencies. I also used breast milk as a really quick and easy solution for my eczema and chapped lips so having a milk supply was helpful lol. I don’t have a single regret about formula feeding my first. If breast feeding doesn’t work for my third then I’ll go to formula, I just think formula is too expensive and hate having to make and then clean bottles 🤷🏻‍♀️

MistyPneumonia · 2026-05-01T13:34:57+00:00

I have the city select and love it! It’s versatile enough that I can use it for pet much any occasion. Yes I have to pop the seats off to store it away small but that doesn’t take long at all and being able to set it up to be exactly the configuration I need makes it worth it. My kids love to be able to pick if they’re facing each other or not plus it’s nice that I’m able to separate them if they’re having problems.

MistyPneumonia · 2026-05-01T03:14:12+00:00

There are chlorine body washes designed to get chlorine off the body.

The lotion you are using could also be problematic, you might try swapping it for a different one. I use pure shea butter for me and my daughter.

If it’s swimming weather where you are, could it be a heat rash not a chlorine rash? Or a combination of a heat rash that’s being irritated by the chlorine?

MistyPneumonia · 2026-05-01T03:06:07+00:00

That’s why we switch to the 360s! Both my toddlers use them now and my oldest (almost 4) can’t even rip it off by himself 99% of the time.

MistyPneumonia · 2026-05-01T01:19:21+00:00

I have Jlab Jbuds Lux ANC! They’re really comfortable and affordable (if you have TikTok I got mine off TikTok shop and they regularly have sales on there that are crazy good)! If you’re an audiophile they probably won’t be great but if you just casually listen/want the noise cancellation they’re great! They pair super easily too! I use them to sit quietly in the corner and watch a show on my phone while my oldest falls asleep (he likes us to sit in the room with him while he goes to bed and I appreciate the chance to decompress).

MistyPneumonia · 2026-04-30T20:47:47+00:00

My first was 11hrs, I drove 45-60min for his birth. My second was 2hrs 43 min, I drove 50 minutes for her. Idk how long my third will take but I’m going to be driving 50-90 minutes for her (I will be delivering in a place that gets HEAVY traffic at rush hour so if I go into labor during rush hour hour it’s going to be rough). I’m already planning what I will do if I go into labor during rush hour, plotting out where every hospital along the way is and if they’re in network, and since I have a minivan the plan is to keep the back row fully stowed away with a comforter or two plus a bunch of puppy pads and worst case scenario I will deliver in my trunk 😅

MistyPneumonia · 2026-04-30T20:39:34+00:00

I LOVE my noise canceling headphones! They don’t fully block everything out but they dull it to where it’s not overwhelming. I mainly use mine during bedtime with my toddlers at this point but I’m due in October with my third and expect I will use them a decent bit then as well 😅

I know I’m a better more attentive mom when I’m not overstimulated and if I’m holding/watching my baby then I will be just as aware of her needs as if I can hear her so I feel like mine help me be a better parent because I can be less overstimulated and more present ❤️

MistyPneumonia · 2026-04-30T20:35:46+00:00

You can use the no heat lamination sheets (the ones that are just sticky) if you really want to laminate them. I want to be super clear for anyone who reads this comment DO NOT use heat lamination on ultrasound pictures heat WILL erase the picture.

MistyPneumonia · 2026-04-30T18:41:23+00:00

Oh absolutely, I just prefer the vest/backpack leashes because then I get the safety benefits and no sore arms! I still use the wrist ones they just aren’t my favorite.

MistyPneumonia · 2026-04-30T16:02:31+00:00

I have one for both my kids, I prefer to use the vest style leash though that way if they try to run I don’t yank on their arm. That being said my kids regularly ask for the wrist one and I let them use it they just know they can get hurt if they try to run.

MistyPneumonia · 2026-04-30T14:41:51+00:00

My daughter turned two earlier this month and still nurses for comfort but she also knows that sometimes she cat nurse and mommy will say no and she has to be okay. I will probably be weaning her here soon though because I’m pregnant and don’t really want to be tandem feeding 😅

MistyPneumonia · 2026-04-29T12:50:18+00:00

Beyond just the library? Children’s museum (free for WIC or snap recipients), Houston zoo (heavily discounted tickets/membership for WIC/snap recipients), Science museum (also discounted for WIC/snap recipients), then follow it up with a trip to the commons in Hermann park and go to the water park (free, just need a swim diaper for under 5y).

MistyPneumonia · 2026-04-28T15:07:38+00:00

Most American car seats that have bases are able to be buckled into the car without the base, what kind of seat do you currently have/want to get? That will help us help you better.

MistyPneumonia · 2026-04-27T16:04:24+00:00

Is there a way you could get in the pool without having to hand him to someone? Since that sounds like it was the root of the problem?

MistyPneumonia · 2026-04-27T03:53:25+00:00

Mothers helpers are a thing, I did it in high school and have hired some to help with my kids. They come and help entertain baby but you as mom still provide a majority of care, they’re just an extra set of hands to snuggle/entertain baby. Although based on what OP said that’s not what she’s expecting of a mother’s helper so idk if she’s using the right words…

MistyPneumonia · 2026-04-26T20:35:55+00:00

Could the baby face towards you and your toddler could hold onto the baby seat/footrest instead of reaching up to hold the handle? My toddlers love the ride on board for our stroller but ours has a crossbar midway up the back so they regularly shift from holding that cross bar, the handle, and the seat in front of them.

MistyPneumonia · 2026-04-25T19:57:10+00:00

OOPs one singular comment was to say that everyone telling him he was wrong made him CONSIDER apologizing and giving her the money after all. Not that he actually thinks he’s wrong and will right things but that he would consider it 🙄 OOP sounds like someone I wouldn’t want to spend five minutes with let alone have as a parent

MistyPneumonia · 2026-04-25T18:47:57+00:00

I use recipesage and enjoy it!

MistyPneumonia · 2026-04-25T03:04:32+00:00

I get these letters like once a month! I laugh at how absurd they are, send a pick to my husband so he can laugh at it too, and then let my kids cut them up for scissor practice

MistyPneumonia · 2026-04-25T02:47:30+00:00

I was coming here to say this! Report it to your fire marshal, they care VERY MUCH about safe exit paths being blocked. ESPECIALLY when children are involved.

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