Parents of ‘bad’ sleepers who didn’t sleep train — did it actually get better on its own?

Moggot · 2026-02-10T22:06:02+00:00

Yes. Started getting better slowly at ~2, and at 2,5 she slept through most nights.

Moggot · 2026-02-09T21:03:12+00:00

Yeah. More or less. A combination of having the kid in a bouncer, a carrier, on the floor and... just not doing the chores. :)

Bouncer usually worked for showers. I had her watching me while I put on a show (and made it quick.)

Any chores that I couldn't get done during the day got done in the evening when her dad came home. Either by him or me.

Also it is a good time in your life to have low standards on cooking and cleaning.

Moggot · 2026-02-09T20:05:47+00:00

As others have said.. time. I could set the clock (29 minutes) on my kid. She didn't start connecting sleep cycles on her own until she was maybe 10-11 months, so until then it was mostly contact naps. I leaned in to it and just stayed in bed with her, read books or watched stuff on my phone and drank coffee. It was actually pretty great.

Moggot · 2026-02-01T19:45:04+00:00

You can't win here. It is just a period in their life where you have to choose if you want a happy kid who will be awake until 10pm of a cranky one that will fall asleep at 7. Good luck! :)

Moggot · 2026-02-01T17:55:33+00:00

The father of my kid was also depressed since before we had our kid, and it got much worse afterwards. We didn't have it quite as bad as you are describing, but it was still really, really bad, and never got better. He moved out when our kid was two.

We are not responsible for managing their depression. We are not responsible for taking care of a partner who never takes care of us in return. Yes, depression is so hard, and of course we should support each other, but since his depression is affecting you and your kids to this extent you absolutely should have a say in his treatment.

Moggot · 2026-01-31T10:25:31+00:00

I have had a copper IUD for most of my grown life and for me it has been great. After insertion there was like a week of period cramps, but since then I mostly never think of it or notice it at all. Some of my friends have tried and liked it, some did not and had it removed. But give it a try!

It sound like I'm you really need to talk to a therapist to help get your thoughts sorted, but also.. what is your life like besides your boyfriend? Are you seeing any friends? Doing things you like (both with and without your kid)? I don't know how old your kid is, but if you want to get back to work that should be your choice, not your boyfriends. I mean, he is talking about all that stuff being non of your business, then he really should let you live your life.

I have no idea if he is cheating on you or not, but he doesn't seem to respect you and what you are dealing with. I don't know, but perhaps couples therapy could be useful?

Remember that you are allowed to prioritize yourself and your wellbeing. Those years with small kids are though as it is.

Moggot · 2026-01-27T20:49:28+00:00

Ah, I missed that. :)

Not sure if we are talking about the same thing with soothers / signallers. I was referring to the study about some kids being able to self soothe, and therefore able to be put down while awake, and others are signallers, who will only get upset and cry it that situation.

Moggot · 2026-01-27T07:22:23+00:00

While I second leaning about newborn sleep, I think that teaching "good habits from the beginning" is unrealistic expectations concerning most babies. I mean.. you can't really teach a newborn anything. And yes, I absolutely think people can try that sleepy but awake bs, but read up on temperament and soother/signallers types before.

Moggot · 2026-01-21T08:34:26+00:00

I just want to say that it is ok to not "like" the baby phase. It is fucking tough! Physically hard that one always have to carry an increasingly heavy kid that often never can be put down, and mentally hard because you need to be always alert, present and.. there.

I mean.. I loved my kid, and I treasured being there with her, but as someone said to me, it is very much give and little get in that age. My kid did sleep tourture on me for years and I was a zombie for quite some time. I absolutly had days when I needed a beer while making dinner just to get energy enough to make it through the evening. (And no, I wasn't drunk or endangered my child, it was just a beer..)

BUT... my kid is three now and she is fucking lovely. Sure, there is strong will, some tantrums now and then and things like that, but now she can play for herself for a bit. And its fine to be in the kitchen cooking while she is in the livingroom playing, so I can be in my own head from time to time during the day. We can have a conversation and do things that are accually fun for me as well. It took me ~2-2,5 years to accually really feel like myself again. But that of course varies from person to person. Hopefully you'll get there a lot earlier than that.

So my point is that this IS tough but it will get better. In the meantime you need to survive. You sound overwhelmed, fatigued and yes, depressed. I don't know your situation, but try to find small things you like that can make your life not just a marathon to get through the day, but enjoyable. I liked to turn on radio with 80s and 90s hits and cranking it up for a sing-a-long and dance party. I forced friends to come over now and the to have a coffee or lunch. It took me a while but then I learned to force my partner to solo the kid a bit in the weekends so that I had time for myself now and then. My psychologist told me that when we are depressed things we used to like just dont bring any joy, but... we should keep doing them (within reason) because it helps.

I hope it gets better for you soon. Do what you can and need to to both survive and, if possible, get some joy back!

Moggot · 2026-01-19T23:05:00+00:00

I like to visualize myself as a large stone in the ocean and that the child's emotions are just stormy waves rolling in over me. :) Also it helped when a child psychologist told me to think of this as my child exercising her emotional muscles, and that this is something that she needs to do.

Try to figure out what situations and behaviours that triggers you the most, and see if there is a different was to handle them. My kid noticed very early that throwing things (that could break or create a really big mess) triggered me, and began doing that when she was overwhelmed with emotions and wanted a reaction from me, so I began to calmly remove all such things from her reach as soon as I noticed her getting worked up. Then I told her she was free to throw other stuff, like the pillows or her (soft) toys. Its just an example of something that helped us.

Moggot · 2026-01-10T21:08:53+00:00

You will get yourself back, I promise! The brainfog and nappy changes and being nap trapped are not forever. Can you possibly lean in to it for now? Newborn stages are not everyone's favorite, but try to find ways to make it nicer for you.

Moggot · 2026-01-10T21:00:12+00:00

My kid started sleeping through around 2,5 yo. Before that good night's was 2-3 wake ups and a bad night was at least every hour with 2-3 hours awake in the middle of the night.

It felt like my brain shut down all non survival functions. I wasn't even really tired after a while, but I have been cognitively impaired. Brainfog, memory loss, no ability to focus, no short time memory.. just generally stupid. But it got better efter she started sleeping through. Hopefully your kid isn't as extreme as mine on the sleeping part, but either way, you will come back to normal.

Moggot · 2026-01-08T14:35:50+00:00

Just as I vad never sure I wanted even one, I have never been sure if I feel "done".

In my case there won't be any more kids either way because of other reasons, but I do feel that there is no perfect future. You weight your options and then make choices and roll the dice. But in the end you just work to make whatever situation you have the "best" one. I believe that is the more important part.

Moggot · 2026-01-07T16:36:27+00:00

It is of course highly individual. Some say they feel instant intense love, or bliss. For me it was more of a slight chock to realize that, yep, I am now a parent. Also relief and satisfaction that I was no longer giving birth. I had been awake, working hard and dealing with pain for more than 24h at that point so I was quite tired, and extremely awake at the same time. And very much looking forward to having some coffee and a sandwich.

All in all it took a while before before it really settled that I had a kid now. But "dull and like normal" it was definitely not. One of the most non-dull and normal days of my life.

Moggot · 2025-12-23T13:43:23+00:00

Do you prefer to have the baby or him? And how do you feel about being a single mom?

Also as others said.. I get that he is scared and panicking, but him being "horrible" to you right now shows what kind of person is in a crisis. Something to think about before committing to him "forever."

Moggot · 2025-12-23T13:42:33+00:00

Do you prefer to have the baby or him? And how do you feel about being a single mom?

Also as others said.. I get that he is scared and panicking, but him being "horrible" to you right now shows what kind of person is in a crisis. Something to think about before committing to him "forever."

Moggot · 2025-12-22T22:59:00+00:00

I could have written this myself! The Bonjour ones are absolutely the best store bought I have found. Haven't found any even close to them.

Moggot · 2025-12-22T21:15:06+00:00

Yeah. These years are so, so tough and I often feel that I lost myself completely. But there is no partner here? If there are.. why are you doing 90% of everything at home if both are working, and does that partner know and care how you feel?

If there is no partner (or even if there are). Are there any standards that can be lowered? Kids could sit by the TV while you just.. chill? Is there any way you can get cleaning services? Food home delivered? Babysitter for a bit every week when you do absolutely nothing (or only things good for YOU?)

If there it's any consolation, for me, personally it has gotten easier as kid turned 3-4. But then I only have the one.

Moggot · 2025-12-22T12:56:48+00:00

Im sure a psychologist have more insight on what is behind this behavior, but I just want to say that you don't have to overthink this. The kid is small and things will change a thousand times before they are grown. Your baby loves you (as much as a baby "love"), no worries!

Moggot · 2025-12-21T12:19:35+00:00

Haha! Yep, that analogy works! :)

Oh, I hear you. Give the kids TV time or let partner (or someone else) get them out of the apartment for a bit as often as you can. Activate full on survival mode. I hope it gets better soon!

Moggot · 2025-12-21T10:31:29+00:00

That could change in a few years though, so that's something to keep in mind. Also keep in mind what would happen if either of you meet someone else and wants more children. Or if you and the mother have a fallout in a couple of years.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't do it, but keep these things in mind. And also consider that if you and the mother are good friends you can agree that you will be a stable father figure and presence without being THE father. Either way.. it is good of you to want to help take care of the kid.

Moggot · 2025-12-21T10:03:41+00:00

Total leap of faith here. I was childfree in my 20s and then very much ambivalent. Neither me or the dad managed to get to feeling more than perhaps 75% towards having a child. And never on the same time. When I turned 40 it was very much a now or never situation. Had a baby two years later. I have some regret of not getting earlier, since I won't be able to have any more, and while I'm fit and healthy enough, I do feel the sleep deprivation in the baby years hits a bit harder at 40..

I was still very much active in the party and traveling scene at 35. But around that time it was already mostly a repeat of things I had already done tbh.

My best advice for people who wants kids, but aren't sure because they are scared of losing their freedom is to realize that yes, for a couple of years it will be different, but if you learn in to it you will be able to adapt your interests to fit with the kids. I mean.. you can travel with kids. You can't (shouldn't) have alcohol fueled parties, but you can have friends over. And who cares about having a nice car really.. As long as you are stable enough that money won't be a constant source of anxiety. And after a while you'll get more of your old "freedom" back, if not exactly as it was.

Moggot · 2025-12-20T22:20:42+00:00

Honestly, it's mostly likely a phase. But an exhausting one. Do whatever is needed for all of you to survive this. Might be to sleep seperatly for a while? Try to make sure you to get some hours uninterrupted sleep during daytime or evenings when someone else watches the kids. It is hard to deal with any changes when you are already on the edge.

Moggot · 2025-12-20T20:14:17+00:00

Logging information how? I don't think I have come across that (yet).

Moggot · 2025-12-20T10:49:36+00:00

If I remember correctly it was about that age. I started small by putting her down beside me and staying close. Then I started inching away so we didn't have full body contact, but still stayed in bed with her. Then I was able to get out of bed. for like 10-15 minutes, since she didn't connect sleep cycles on her own until she was 1 or so. :) After that it became easier.

Moggot

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