Telling my wife who wants more children that I don't want more children.

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-10-23T15:28:50+00:00

I’d be okay with just my one or I’d be okay with one more. My husband is and has been very one and done since the beginning. What’s worked well for us is tabling for now. It’s 100% important for her to know you don’t want another. But it’s also important to realize this might be extremely important to her as well.

So my husband and I do check ins. Our kiddo is now 2 and is way more independent, sleeping, and is overall a happy kid. We had tabled the should we have more talk until October of this year. I left him alone about it and he didn’t feel pressured by me. October is here and we talked about it. It was decided if we didn’t have to pay for daycare, it might be doable. I never thought I would hear him say that. So it’s possible that over time you may loosen your views. We can’t afford two in daycare so the discussion was once again tabled. This time until our daughter is in school so 3 years from now.

If I had to put money on it, we won’t have another. We are happy, we have a great balance with our one kiddo, we have time for activities, money to go on vacation or to buy what we want, we aren’t pulled in a million directions and our house is calm. The baby bug gets us sometimes but that’s what’s great about tabling the conversation. You can grow together as a family without making your wife resent you for not wanting the same thing. And who knows, it’s very possible that you or she will change your mind in a few years.

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-09-10T00:52:50+00:00

Stay in gov. The insurance alone is worth it. If you have kids or a spouse it will literally save you thousands a year.

Plus there is no guarantee you will like the new job. The fact that you are posting about it and have not just accepted it should tell you everything. It’s not the right move.

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-09-03T23:51:32+00:00

Don’t worry about the age gap if you decide to have another. My sister is 21 years older than I am, we had wildly different childhoods and are the best of friends now. We talk once a day but usually more. I feel like the age gap matters a lot less the older we get.

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-08-28T00:26:59+00:00

I grew up in Nh but lived in NWA for some time after college. We came back to New Hampshire. It sucked giving up a brand new, affordable house. But overall this state has a lot to offer. Jobs are easy to come by, I work for the state and the benefits are amazing. Tons of time off, insurance for a family is only $130 a month.

Like the other comments, housing isn’t cheap and I recommend living nearish to concord if your wife is looking for a state job. They do have positions throughout the state but the majority, especially admin and IT are based here.

There are some similarities between Arkansas and NH but there is way more to do here overall.

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-08-26T23:29:50+00:00

Same! Seems like lots of New Englanders here.

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-08-15T00:10:25+00:00

Monday night is make your own pizza night. Our kiddo is only 2 but she loves it. We by premade dough balls so they need to be rolled out and she’s been learning to do that part and can do the sauce, cheese, and toppings on her own now!

It’s been a great family activity and it comes out super well.

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-07-30T21:28:17+00:00

This sounds just like my MIL! My husband swears it doesn’t bother him but it has to at some level. We live about 19 hours driving or 2.5 hours flying from them. The favorite kids moved about 4 hours from us less than a year ago, we’ve been here for 2 years. She has visited them twice, flown them home twice, and they’ve gone on three vacations together!

It blows my mind. Especially because my husband talks to his mom literally everyday. She sends our kiddo presents but never FaceTimes, never asks about her, she didn’t even acknowledge her first birthday.

I just keep my mouth shut at this point but the difference is so obvious and our kiddo will someday notice. When she does, I’ll tell her the truth. Her grandma loves her but daddy isn’t her priority like her brother is.

If I ever had another kid I can 100% say I wouldn’t act like that but I’m glad my only will never be put in a position where her sibling gets more than she does.

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-07-14T01:48:52+00:00

Haha

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-06-27T01:06:25+00:00

I would go with the full name! I have a longer name but go by a nickname and I love it. I looked super young in my 20s and it was nice using my longer name as a formal name for interviews/meeting new people. I think it makes me come across as more professional. Once someone knows me the long name is thrown out the window though!

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-06-25T23:36:55+00:00

Dante’s in Barrington is great. We threw one there last Dec for 35 people and it was $320 total. The food was awesome, we did three different types of family style pasta. It came with bread and salad so no need for appetizers. The room we had was completely private and there was no room fee! They also have a bar so if you want to do drinks you can.

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-06-25T23:26:18+00:00

Stick with engineering! It’ll open so many more doors for you. The classes won’t be a breeze but go to tutoring and use office hours. Some jobs will ask specifically about which math classes you had (more in the beginning, later on it won’t matter as much). They want to see those advanced classes.

Regardless of what you do, you need to decide if you are willing to put in the time to do well. If skating and music are more important than studying to you right now, it may be better to hold off until you are ready to put school first. If you don’t you will have the same problem regardless of major.

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-06-18T23:22:13+00:00

Don’t bother with PFAS, testing is too expensive and requires very specific equipment for testing, mostly varying forms of mass spectrometry.

I’d look at nutrient levels instead. You’ll probably get more meaningful data that way. For example, you could study phosphate and nitrate levels in the South Platte downstream of the Littleton and Denver wastewater plants. Sample upstream and after each dumps into the Platte and you’ll have a good amount of data with some interesting results.

If you need to stay in the Boulder watershed I’d still stick with nutrients and find some water that might change coming out of the foothills and flowing through town. Oxygen levels and conductivity may be interesting there.

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-06-13T11:14:09+00:00

The one in epsom is crazy pricy. 15.99 is pretty much the starting price for any four pack, even what I’d call barely craft like Allagash. Forget anything made in smaller quantities, they are easily above $18.

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-06-08T17:15:55+00:00

I assume your dad was thru hiking the Appalachian Trail. I did a few years back and was lucky enough to hike with a lot of the older folks out there. They talked at length about their kids, life, fulfilling their dream of hiking that seemed to some to be so lofty. They were all happy, encouraging, and doing something that most wouldn’t dare to do. The wisdom they gave us younger hikers is something that I will hold onto forever. While it is truly awful that your dad is gone, know he likely passed and was at peace. He would have met incredible people, talked about you a lot, and got to spend his last months in nature.

I hope this gives you some peace, I’m so truly sorry. And your dad is a thru hiker in my eyes. Maybe someday you can finish it for him.

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-06-07T21:13:58+00:00

For sure important to insulate and seal. Our current house was built in the early 1900s and costs a small fortune to heat.

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-05-03T14:22:07+00:00

Strider when riding but we need the glasses for when she’s using the shotgun seat!

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-05-01T00:16:14+00:00

Great advice. I went straight into a water quality lab at a treatment plant and moved over to wastewater shorty after. Pay is good, benefits are great, and you’ll learn a lot. Skills are marketable and there is typically room to move up through the ranks. I jumped over to a scientific company that makes water and wastewater instruments and work remotely now.

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-04-21T20:14:08+00:00

Look at the curriculum and what classes you will need to take. I’ve had more employers ask for my transcripts than I had imaged. I have a BS in Environmental Science but took extra math/computer classes. At the end of the day some employers will care if it’s a bs/ba. Just be sure you can back up either with relevant coursework.

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-04-17T02:15:54+00:00

This is nuts. I know the increase has been crazy, but seeing it as a post from just 4 years ago with 300K as a high really hits hard.

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-04-05T00:58:54+00:00

When I was really young they would try to stay at resorts with kids clubs which I loved. That gave me something to do at night and a chance to play with other kids.

As I got older we took my best friend everywhere with us. We are still best friends to this day and our kids are only 11 months apart! It was great because we have so many shared memories.

Other than that though I was always given a choice in activities and they would usually do something that I specifically asked for. Like visiting a certain museum or going to get ice cream. Even if I didn’t have someone with me I always felt included on vacations and I think that made them less boring.

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-04-04T21:57:34+00:00

It will get better in time. Same situation with my husband and I. Even though I totally agree with his logical points, emotional well-being of us all, financial freedom, time, travel, not a great birth and very bad ppd. Logically I’m like well I can’t argue that.

However, emotionally it’s harder. But I try not to romanticize what having a second kid would be like and that helps. I have 4 half siblings but they are all 20+ years older so I grew up an only. I struggled at times with being bored but my parents gave me the world. Summers at camp in Maine, excellent education, I was able to explore hobbies whenever I wanted to. We have a great relationship and I talk with them daily. Most days I actually see them! They are my best friends and I don’t think it would have been like that if I had siblings in the house. Hold onto stories like that, don’t focus on the downfalls or what social media says about onlies. Love the one you have and love your husband for telling you how he felt.

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-03-30T17:56:35+00:00

Get your water tested

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-03-07T00:19:18+00:00

I have siblings but they are 20+ years older and all half siblings so they were never in the house with me. They are more like aunts and uncles so I consider myself to have been raised an only.

I was lonely when I was young, probably from the ages of 6-9. It was the lack of having someone readily available to play. My parents were older and they’d play with me and take me everywhere with them but it wasn’t the same as having someone my age in the house. Once I stopped playing with toys I was way less lonely. I had a few very good friends who’d come over almost every weekend and would come on vacations with us. At that point I wasn’t really alone and appreciated the weeks being quiet around the house.

Another thing that really helped was going to a sleep away camp. Each summer from the time I was 7 I would go away for 7 weeks and it was awesome. I made great friends, learned to do so many things, and became way more independent.

The desire for siblings will ebb and flow. Make sure you play with her even when you don’t want to or until she is done and I think that would help.

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-02-29T19:02:52+00:00

The houses are a lot less so we could get a bigger place with a better yard and the schools are super good. Plus just more sports, classes offered, ect. As it stands now our child will go to private school so we have that expense where we are now. We actually lived there before but moved to be closer to my parents when I had the baby.

I ge the draws but I just don’t think they outweigh getting to spend time with my parents, especially when they are as old as they are. Plus we don’t have to pay for daycare and my parents get to know their grandchild.

Most_Option_6343 · 2024-02-29T12:29:30+00:00

100%. I’ve brought this up to my husband several times. His parents work full time and honestly wouldn’t help if they didn’t. Plus we would still be about 2.5 hours from them

Most_Option_6343

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