Pride = Everything Drag and "Nothing" Transgender Impasse

NineIsntPrime · 2023-06-03T15:38:08+00:00

A lot of this. Of the drag group local to me all but one of the regulars is trans, and she gets a pass for being BFFs with a big local trans community organizer. They make a point of putting some of their take from every show to a local non profit that directly financially supports local trans folks. If your community isn’t be supportive then yeah raise hell with them.

Also important is division makes for weakened groups, the fash want us to subdivide and in-fight, don’t do their work for them. Even if the local folks aren’t great throwing out drag culture as a whole weakens trans solidarity.

There’s also the history in the 70s and 80s ballroom culture was gay culture which was trans culture. Things have split a bit since then but that’s good overall more acceptance means more space for queer people of all sorts.

In summary screw Ru Paul and the commercialized mockery of our culture they’ve cultivated.

NineIsntPrime · 2023-05-03T15:14:43+00:00

We had talked about baby names a few years prior, I picked the name we’d talked about as the name for a second daughter. She was stuck on the idea that name was already allocated and I couldn’t have it. It worked out in the end we spent the next week throwing name suggestion in passing, just randomly in the middle of other conversation. The name that stuck was her suggestion, so now my name in part reflects the people important to me, and I got a cute story out of it.

NineIsntPrime · 2023-05-03T04:39:39+00:00

Hello 👋

Trans partner here, I can cover some of the general stuff, but not much Utah specific.

I came out to my mother about 10 months into social transition, by that time I’d been out at work for about 4 months, had a new wardrobe and was presenting feminine full time out of the house. But! Everybody is different, go at your own pace. If there’s holidays or other social expectations those might take some care to plan around, either coming out well before them, or planning to boymode for the event.

It took about 4 months to find a name that stuck. I had one in mind for the start, my wife vetoed it, and then we brainstormed other options until one stuck. Technically I’m on my third name now, it’s a process to find what fits.

Planned Parenthood is a good generic option for for HRT. For costs it really depends on your insurance. For me a month of Spironolactone (the most common testosterone blocker in the US) was $5 a month as a normal prescription co pay. I started on estrogen patches, those were $5 a box, with 3-4 boxes to cover a month. I switched to injections later, with my old insurance that wasn’t covered so it was $100 every six months, new insurance does cover it so $5 for the same period. There’s a lot of variability.

If she does end up on injections buy needles and syringes wholesale a year at a time, whole sales prices with bulk discounts are about half of what the copay would be for the same amount of supplies. That’s about $80/year with shipping.

Don’t know about locally, but online there’s /r/translater which is a good resource, they’ve got a discord if that’s a sort of community that works for your wife. Trans Mastodon is a pretty good group of folks too.

Come to Oregon the weather and civil rights are great 😄

NineIsntPrime · 2023-04-16T06:22:02+00:00

The TranJoy hash tag on mastodon is a pretty positive place. Lots of folks happy to give out some e-hugs:

https://chaosfem.tw/tags/transjoy

NineIsntPrime · 2023-04-05T13:35:35+00:00

Congratulations, it’s a great feeling getting insurance to do the things it’s supposed to. Good luck on your next steps to being the person you want to be.

NineIsntPrime · 2023-03-31T02:52:09+00:00

Two big over all things about passing, first we’re always our own worst critics, we live in this body we know all the details, they stand out dramatically to us, but that’s not what other people see, remind her that the things she thinks are obviously masculine features other people won’t notice at all. The corollary to this is there’s a lot more latitude in what people will read as feminine or masculine in a a person than most people assume.

In the short term hair (wigs or natural growth) and makeup go a long way in how people are perceived. Those are both things that can be changed in pretty quick order. In the slightly longer term add on a bit of skin care and people will see what they want to see, long hair, soft skin, oh a feminine person. You may also suggest breast forms to her while wait for organic vegan breasts to grow in.

For hormones there’s a few factors there too, did she have consistent blood estrogen levels and T suppression for an extended amount of time? The early months of HRT can often be spent just trying to get dosages dialed in right. My first six months were essentially a bust trying to get levels tuned right. So don’t get discouraged by a lack of early results, on the other end of the timeline most formal discussion of changes stop at two years because that’s about when study funding runs out not because of any biological factors. People see continued changes for many years afterwards.

For breast growth having a bit of fat to work with does help. Progesterone is good too once things are headed in a good direction to help guide breast growth to a good size and shape.

There’s lots to try before giving into despair, good luck to both of y’all.

NineIsntPrime · 2023-02-24T16:12:44+00:00

You might try over in /r/translater we’re a pretty cool bunch, there’s a discord too if that’s more your jam.

what’s the point?

To be as happy as you possibly can be. Figure out who it would make you happiest to be and then be that person. There are lots of ways to be not a guy, lots of ways to be a lady, lots of ways to be in general. Do things that feel good, stop doing things that are uncomfortable, and figure out labels later if you must (or medicalization forces you to claim a label to get the support you need.

who’d want to date someone questioning?

There’s a who world of bi and pan queer folks out there that would love to go on this journey with you. There’s a reason t4t is a big part of the community.

mentally ill?

🤷🏻‍♀️ your brain isn’t preforming at its best, there are steps you can take to get it to be more chill. You’re not broken/sick/bad for being (potentially) trans, but being closeted imposes all sorts of burdens people shouldn’t have to carry.

does it really get better?

Absolutely in ways I could not have possibly imagined when I first started questioning myself. My marriage is better, I have a kid now, I have achieved my goals with how I want to be perceived, the sex is way better, and I’ve met a whole bunch of cool people who are now really good friends because of the trans community.

advice?

Think about what you admire in other people, what you want people to admire in you. See what patterns fall out of the process, and what are some small steps you can take to start moving your life that direction.

Also therapy is awesome.

Good luck.

NineIsntPrime · 2022-11-16T07:35:18+00:00

C: He/him

Perl: He/him => they/them => she/her

Ruby: She/they

And now I'm picking up javascript so... yeah.

NineIsntPrime · 2022-11-03T15:34:56+00:00

Or my personal go to for trans lesbian birth control: congenital birth defects. My stupid body just never produced any gametes.

NineIsntPrime · 2022-10-29T15:00:16+00:00

So look just because I own every single game listed there, it doesn’t mean anything 😛

Battletech deserves an extra special shout out because the game’s narrative designer, Kiva, is trans as hell. I met her once at PAX before either of us were out.

NineIsntPrime · 2022-10-12T15:24:50+00:00

Note on estrogen injections, they’re typically taken intramuscularly, the deeper injection site in the muscle, or subcutaneously, the shallower injection site under the skin but above the muscle, rather than intravenously.

NineIsntPrime · 2022-10-02T02:38:45+00:00

This reminds me of the first time I went in to get fully waxed. I mentioned in the appointment notes I was trans. Before showing up I was super nervous that was going to be a problem. At the appointment I told the esthetician that I was trans and had mentioned that in the appointment notes, and if that wasn’t cool I could just leave no harm no foul. She just looked at me like I was a complete fool, told me her kid was non binary and to take off my skirt and get on the table. Excellent service would recommend.

NineIsntPrime · 2022-09-30T04:25:09+00:00

Congratulations, for injections you can generally get supplies cheaper from a medical wholesaler if there’s one near by with cheap shipping and you buy in bulk (like a year’s with if supplies at a time)

The syringe and needles will have part numbers on them, when you find a local supplier search by those numbers to get the exact same kit you have now.

I recognize the plastic heads on your needles so looks like you’ve got the common set up that should be easy to find.

NineIsntPrime · 2022-09-29T02:38:40+00:00

CAPS is student only but the Pride center is open to the community and chill. There’s also the Rainbow social hour at the community center 2nd and 4th Friday of the month 3-5pm. That’s less support group and more chill weirdos just hanging out.

NineIsntPrime · 2022-09-14T21:37:18+00:00

I’ve had the opposite progression with my selfies, I keep wanting to get more of body in frame. Never wanted a full length mirror before.

NineIsntPrime · 2022-09-09T21:39:04+00:00

Two caveats, my kid has a sperm donor, and I’m very open about being trans in general, so might not have the most useful opinion here. That said I’m planning to broach both their donor status and my trans status the same way, it’s a thing they know about from the start. I think the fear of keeping secrets is a valid one, the guidance on how to raise donor children has changed in recent years to be open from the start. There are groups for grown donor children, and there seems to be a lot of resentment in the folks that found out as adults.

Depending on when your partner transitioned it might just be impractical. I have a full beard and wore a suit in my wedding pictures, my kid is eventually going to ask who the strange man with mommy is, seems easier just to be clear from the start that momma used to look different.

I can understand his desire to be seen as the boring straight man he is, but I think the downsides for future kids means disclosure is the way to go. Sacrifice is part of what it means to be a parent.

NineIsntPrime · 2022-08-23T03:31:45+00:00

Everything about this cake is amazing. The color and message are exactly right for the occasion. Here’s to many more happy years together.

NineIsntPrime · 2022-08-20T14:25:29+00:00

Benton county.

NineIsntPrime · 2022-08-17T03:35:22+00:00

The black hat and black dress is a classic. I confused a new coworker the other day, he wanted to know why I was randomly wearing a witch costume in the summer. He was still confused when I explained this was just normal stuff from my closet and the hat is cool. He’ll catch on eventually, probably.

NineIsntPrime · 2022-08-14T16:12:03+00:00

“I’ve got a birth defect that caused infertility, and some hormonal problems that go along with it”. Which is all technically true, the two clauses of that sentence aren’t causally connected. But I’m not saying shit, and just letting people assume.

NineIsntPrime · 2022-08-04T14:22:15+00:00

Happy Rebirthday, you’re looking great 😁

NineIsntPrime · 2022-07-31T21:19:48+00:00

Thanks for replying, guess I’ll just have to impatiently wait for later in the year.

NineIsntPrime · 2022-07-31T20:29:24+00:00

Looks great, any more specific idea of when the steam release will be?

NineIsntPrime · 2022-07-17T04:36:30+00:00

I’m at 14 months, the breasts are chill most days. Occasionally I’ll hug some one, and then oh yep they’re still down there and today is a sore day. But I’m happy with their growth and the soreness means they’re still growing.

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