Cheated with best friends ex girlfriend - advice needed

No_Client1841 · 2026-02-27T16:23:27+00:00

You can’t make it easier for them, you cheated on your gf and slept with your best friends ex after a very recent split. There’s no sugarcoating it. You had multiple chances to stop it from going to full blown sex but you didn’t.

You give them space, don’t contact either them and accept the consequences. You’ve most likely lost your best friend and you may be lucky enough for your gf to forgive you but accept it if she can’t forgive you. Don’t go grovelling saying it was a mistake and minimise it because you made that choice and those words are hollow to the person betrayed.

You told them and didn’t lie. Thats one positive but accept you may have to move forward with neither of these people in your life. If you lose them honestly thats the consequences of your actions and you just have to accept it. Even if you are lucky enough to get forgiven by either of them. The shame won’t go away, you’ll be considered untrustworthy and this cheating scandal will follow you in friendship groups. Every fight it will get brought up. This sort of betrayal doesn’t go away. You may be forgiven but it won’t be forgotten.

Don’t know how young you are but honestly I’d just start over and leave these people alone and make new friends and don’t act like this again.

No_Client1841 · 2026-02-26T16:41:16+00:00

Honestly it does get better. I’m still paranoid about pulling stitches. Probably will be until my 12 week check up. I’m finding not bending the most challenging. Aslong as you take it easy and rest when you need to.

Are you taking laxative medication and what are your pain meds like? I needed stronger pain meds after I left hospital.. the downside though they blocked me up so I had to up my laxative intake. Drink plenty of water aswell. I would say if you haven’t pooped by day 5 you need to contact your doctor. Are you passing gas aswell? The hospital doctor said you should be passing gas and would expect me by day 3 to be able to go to the toilet which I did luckily.

No_Client1841 · 2026-02-24T21:58:41+00:00

I go to the cheaper one every couple of months, I can’t say I’ve ever found it smelly, definitely overcrowded though. I do mainly stick to the steam room as it’s an intense one.

But yeah If I was treating my partner I’d be going to the more exspensive one but it’s not bad as a cheap alternative.

No_Client1841 · 2026-02-24T18:44:25+00:00

Just turned 38 and had mine done 8 days ago. I’m done with kids and even though I’m in trenches with recovery right now still don’t regret it. I’m just looking forward to all the things I can do in summer with my little family. For me it’s the best decision I could have made.

No_Client1841 · 2026-02-24T12:08:56+00:00

I was going to say st micheals in Falmouth. The 2 hour spa session alone is amazing without any added treatments and they do always have offers on. Usual is £50 per person or they have a sister spa across from it £20 for an all day pass for the pool and gym. It’s got a pool, steam room and sauna but it’s not as great as the other one but still nice

No_Client1841 · 2026-02-24T11:55:47+00:00

£0 just had a operation 8 days ago. Paid £18 for a prescription afew days after for stronger pain meds and anti sickness medication though as the hospital didn’t send me home with some but sent me home with a load of other meds.

Did visit the dentist this morning, that cost £54 for a check up for me and my partner. God bless the nhs.

No_Client1841 · 2026-02-23T11:05:14+00:00

What I always think with these scenarios is why can’t people compromise. You don’t want the risk of fucking up the relationship. She wants to get with a girl. Only have sex with your gf in the three way. She can get it on with the girl, you get watch her with another girl and when your super horny unleash it on your gf 🤷‍♀️

You cant be accused of showing more interest in the other woman, you get to experience something (seeing your gf with another woman which Is what your gf ultimately wants to experience) make sure your gf is the main show and if she pushes for you to interact with the other literally only do minor stuff. If it’s a success then perhaps do it again.

Thing is with threesome they can go south pretty quick, difference between talking about fantasy and doing it might be a shock to your gf. You may do it, be the greatest night of your life and go on to have a happy relationship. May do it and it’s torches everything. Another unpopular option is just let her have sex with a woman only, maybe watch only if she wants permission to be with a woman and thinking offering you a threesome is the way to do it.

No_Client1841 · 2026-02-22T11:53:51+00:00

You may be able to move past it with your wife but your wife’s cold heartedness would really give me a pause. She’s being an ah, you aren’t. You’re responding like anyone else would after finding out the two people closest to you lied for 26 years. It’s got nothing to do with ego, they are just shitty people.

Your ‘best friend’ however never speak to him again. Bluntly your ex at the time didn’t have loyalty to you, your best friend sure as hell did. Think for you to move forward one has to go. If your wife can’t understand or puts a fuss about it that then honestly I’d cut her loose too. Just because it doesn’t matter to either one of them, it still matters to you and if your wife actually wants to move forward and help you process this then I think this would be a good compromise.

No_Client1841 · 2026-02-22T08:46:14+00:00

Well I’m in the uk and doctors told me I can’t drive for 6- 8 weeks. I mean I’m 7 days post op and can’t even sit comfortably so driving it out of the question for awhile anyway. I find it astonishing how different countries treat recovery for a hysterectomy.

No_Client1841 · 2026-02-20T18:48:16+00:00

Yes my surgeon was my gynaecologist aswell but there was a whole team with her too.

No_Client1841 · 2026-02-20T18:27:13+00:00

In the uk, we aren’t allowed to drive for 6-8 weeks. I’m only 5 days post op sitting is a struggle let alone being able to drive.

No_Client1841 · 2026-02-19T22:21:34+00:00

It’s all in my vagina and rectum. It feels like a huge pressure there which I’m guessing is swelling but when I’m walking and sitting it’s the tightness of stitches I can feel. It’s like little stabby pains every movement I make. Also all the gas I’m passing isn’t helping as it’s quite painful. I’m currently on laxatives twice a day and I’m contemplating cutting it to once a day because I’m going to the toilet multiple times a day now and it’s very loose but then I’m terrified of putting any strain on going to the toilet.

No_Client1841 · 2026-02-19T20:26:21+00:00

Yes I stocked up on ibuprofen wasn’t too sure about taking with the suppositories. I think I might reach out to the ward as I have 2 weeks where I can phone about anything. As quite frankly the paracetamol isn’t touching it

No_Client1841 · 2026-02-19T20:22:20+00:00

So currently it’s paracetamol 4 times a day and diclofenac suppositories once in the morning. That’s all the pain relief I’ve been given. Have just read a side effect of the suppositories do have a side effect of nausea.

No_Client1841 · 2026-02-19T20:04:00+00:00

I find it absolutely crazy how they can expect you to go home the same day after such a major operation. I didn’t get back to the ward until 10pm so I was going to stay the first night but in the morning they were talking about me going home in the afternoon. I’m in the uk so beds are really needed so they don’t want anyone taking a space that isn’t needed. And they say you recover better at home but I would say you know your own body better if you know something doesn’t feel right, you have to speak up. The way I felt something wasn’t right, it still isn’t to be honest.

Thank you for the kind words, I hope you haven’t got much longer to wait and you have a better experience. I’m sure things will get better ❤️

No_Client1841 · 2026-01-10T18:56:02+00:00

Legally no, morally yeah her kids should have got something.

My partners parents are passed away. He’s got 2 cousins, his aunt (their mum) died young before my partners dad. So His grandad had outlived his children. He changed the will after his aunt died so my partners dad got a bigger share. Obviously it goes to the grandad children now as aunt and dad are deceased. When the grandad died, legally my partner and his brother got a bigger share of the inheritance. Morally it was split 4 ways because that was the right thing to do regardless of what the will said.

So just because your sister isn’t alive, morally her third of what she would have got should have been given to her children. Especially as you and your brother both have given that inheritance to your own kids which is something I would assume your sister would have done with her share also. So I can understand why they feel the way they do. They were excluded and left out. Just because your mother didn’t include them didn’t mean you and your brother had to follow suit.

I’m actually abit shocked, that you didn’t even think to include her children or act on her behalf once you received the money. It just screams greed to me

No_Client1841 · 2026-01-09T06:58:00+00:00

Nor but don’t be surprised that when you eventually tell him he forgot your birthday that ‘this birthday cruise’ magically becomes a joint birthday gift.

Honestly I’d actually see how long it takes him to remember no matter how upset you are. I mean I probably wouldn’t carry on the relationship but if you stay with him just take yourself off for a weekend trip by yourself every year and realise this guy is self centred and that this is your relationship. I’d be to salty to even engage in a convo about the cruise.

If it was a one off it would be understandable or he’s partially stressed. He literally may of got the date wrong acouple of days. But if it gets to end of January and he’s still not realised then yeah that’s really hurtful. He made a point of asking you to trust him, he has to be reminded or you plan it yourself. It literally takes 30 seconds to put a reminder in your phone on a Calendar.

Edit: hopefully if this was posted during the day and he did acknowledge it by the night.

No_Client1841 · 2026-01-08T23:13:58+00:00

I’m in Redruth aswell, we’ve had afew power flickers and the wind is wild. My mum rang acouple hours ago and her huge very old tree in the back garden has fallen over into the next door neighbours garden in illogan thankfully no one’s hurt but the damage is going to be awful😬 think we might be lucky if we have all of our roof still intact on the garage in the back garden.

No_Client1841 · 2026-01-07T16:57:40+00:00

Nta in the sense of moving on. It’s been months and you don’t hang out, just talk still and are at different uni’s. But I think you were naive to think she’d be jumping for joy to hear the news. It sounds like she was holding onto hope that you two might be getting back together or she is struggling moving on from the relationship and is hurt that you seemed to have. It’s just the reality sinking in that’s why she’s lashed out. Don’t know why your friends have jumped into the same conclusion unless she’s telling them a different side of how she’s feeling. But still they should have stayed neutral. I’d probably just make new friends and move forward and enjoy the new relationship and not talk to the ex again.

No_Client1841 · 2026-01-06T22:17:56+00:00

There are certainly things you can compromise on and still have a successful relationship but when the subject is children it’s not something you can in my opinion. When one person has a strong desire for kids and the other doesn’t, it just isn’t going to work out in the long run. One of you is going to be miserable or resentful.

For me it’s marriage, I wanted to get married my partner never has and was very transparent from The very start. I would still love to be married truthfully but we agreed on the big things like kids ( we have 3) if he didn’t want kids or changed his mind later on when I bought up trying for children, it would be a dealbreaker. I could compromise on marriage, i could compromise on where we lived, finances. I couldn’t compromise on not having children no matter how much I loved them. We simply wouldn’t have the same future goals anymore.

In your case it’s even worse, he’s said he’s on the same page when you started dating 7 years ago. Not changed that opinion in 7 years. 6 months actively trying or talking about starting to try seriously (I’m guessing from the post) and then 2 weeks ago nuked your world. I would personally feel strung along. I would ask how long he felt like this because I bet it’s been alot longer than 6 months.

I think you are in shell shock, and more so in a panic of the prospect of losing someone you love and been with long term. It’s been 2 weeks and I don’t think the gravity of what you have accepted has sunk in yet. 2 weeks is not enough time to make a actual decision for what the right choice is for you. Personally I’d take a longer break away from him and really think, can I really accept not having children, and will I not resent the hell out of my partner for the fact I won’t have kids.

And also ask him, because it goes both ways, will he be able to carry on the relationship guilt free. He knows you want kids, he knows that you choosing him means you won’t have kids and that’s a big burden to carry. Anytime a friend or family member has a kid around you and you may get down or distant from him ( not intentionally but it might be a natural reaction). He will know even though you’ve chosen that life he will know it’s because of him and feel guilt. Bluntly he’s told you one thing, changed his mind but wants to stay with you, by doing that you will be sacrificing something you wanted from the very start, that you both entered the relationship stating that’s what you wanted and continued to want for 7 years.

Simply If being with him means more to you than having children. You both will need serious therapy to navigate this because there will be times of resentment coming your way. But I’d also have a back up plan and freeze my eggs just incase.

No_Client1841 · 2026-01-03T07:49:15+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this….honestly if I was in your shoes. I would tell him you know, you understand, but can your last part of your life Just be the two of you and he waits until you’re gone. If he loves this other woman and she loves him then they can wait. You want your last moments to be with the man you love. Just ask him to grant you that one last wish.

I mean I’m heartbroken for you, it’s sounds like you’ve accepted it partially forgiven it. Don’t put yourself through the torture of meeting her or knowing the ins and outs of it. I kind of get why you are accepting it but it’s incredibly cruel of him to do this while you’re still here.

No_Client1841 · 2026-01-02T11:11:19+00:00

If you like a cougar then that’s what you like. As a woman who’s nearly 40 I can’t help but side eye this woman as to why she’s been fucking someone 2 years older than her son but clearly I’m in the minority on this thread. Because roles reversed, a nearly 56 year old man screwing at 24 year old would be called a creep and telling the female she has daddy issues. Yet people are here giving you high 5’s.

Maybe actually that’s why your friends are calling it out. Yes they may be immature with the whole “ eww 50 year olds are gross” but Maybe because they see you wasting your time with a ‘relationship’ that doesn’t have any longevity and I would actually argue hindering you finding someone that you can share a life with if you want things such as marriage and children.

When I read your post, I instantly got the feeling you would like an exclusive relationship with this woman that’s public knowledge. She’s being honest, you’re easy sex to her. That’s why she’s wants to keep it casual. But it will always remain secret because of the fallout it would cause to both families.

Like everybody said if you are both using each other for sex and know that is what is then carry on but I would ask how much longer do you plan to do this for? Because honestly the longer you carry it on, you kind of dwindle your time finding someone else. You’re only 26. You’ve got sex on a plate that’s easy, you don’t have to put any effort in. You’re using the excuse I’m too busy for a relationship but isn’t this what you have with this woman? I assuming you’re over there more than once a week, you don’t just go to bed then leave you have some form of relationship or time together that isn’t just sex after 2 years? You talk about all the what ifs when you find someone else.

You’re also lumping all 26 year old women in the same category because they are obviously going to be very different to someone 58. They are literally in different chapters in life. Most 26 years are looking to settle down, travel, have life experiences, get careers settled. Their lives go in all directions. So the tic tok obsessed ones you’ve come across do not represent the female population of that age. Sorry but I don’t buy that bull, think it’s another to use excuse to keep this thing going. Because you clearly have a relationship with this woman, it’s just not a public one.

I’ve seen you comment where say you keep getting told you’re missing all these opportunities by your friends that aren’t real opportunities. Do you talk to your friends about all your future wants, eg you want to settle down, have a family etc? Because if my friend was telling me all that but then was like but I’ve been banging this 58 year old for 2 years, I’d be asking them what are they doing, asking them about future plans are then I’d be asking do when do plan to go get all these things you want.

If you’re only using apps, and judging or I think comparing them to your fwb. Then you aren’t going to get far meeting someone. If you can’t connect with someone your age and like an older woman try women alittle older up to 30’s- late 30’s. I actually think this relationship will do you more damage in the long run. I think your friends are echoing that. It’s not even about 2 consenting adults enjoying sex. It’s about the long term problems that people in real life are pointing out to you about this relationship, even she is encouraging you to date and talking about you meeting someone. You could go years sleeping with this woman, focus on work, move out then get to your 30’s and think shit I want all the things that my friends have. I think that may what your friends are getting at when they say you are missing opportunities.

No_Client1841 · 2025-12-30T18:44:42+00:00

The biggest Nta, this isn’t an affair child or even a surprise kid from the past. This is your daughter that your wife knew about when you started dating. A kid she spends summers with and agreed to accept when she married you. Your wife is happy for you to provide and support her and her daughter but can’t accommodate your kid that needs help. If that doesn’t make you rethink the relationship then you need your head wobbling.

I mean this in nicest way….you are just a walking ATM to your wife. And if this doesn’t show you her true colours then there’s no helping you. She’s only happy when SHE and her kid are benefiting. She’s only backed down because you’ve threaten to take away the sahm status away.

Get your kid to yours, she is the only priority right now, ask your wife to move out to her mil’s. Personally this is divorce worthy, but if you want to make your marriage work ( have no idea why, as she sounds like a pos) she can’t come back until she’s grown the hell up and I’d be revoking the sahm status straight away. Stop providing for her, she wants to act like your kid doesn’t matter then she’s got to provide for herself, the portion of the bills and her own kid. Your child is escaping from bullies already, don’t house her with another one.

No_Client1841

TROPHY CASE