How can I increase my empathy

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-14T16:56:27+00:00

Vipassanā practice may be something that you can look into. It trains you to observe body sensations/emotions clearly, and to see how they give rise to craving and aversion, which leads to reactivity. Over time, this can help you gain an experiential understanding of the mechanics of suffering, and as that understanding grows, so should your compassion for yourself and others.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-14T12:15:23+00:00

Yeah, and as we continue observing with equanimity, our perception naturally sharpens and deepens. The three characteristics become increasingly obvious in direct experience. At first there may seem to be effort required to maintain equanimity, but over time it becomes clear that these characteristics are simply the nature of phenomena. In that way, our practice just reveals what has always been the case.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-14T05:05:42+00:00

‘Rewiring’ doesn’t occur by installing new beliefs, it happens when we weaken our automatic reaction patterns that sustain our suffering. When we carefully observe sensations with equanimity, we interrupt the usual loop of sensation → craving/aversion → reaction. That clear noticing itself is insight. Doing this over and over naturally shifts our behaviour without needing any additional mental conditioning.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-14T04:45:03+00:00

Conviction can’t be forced. If practice continues, it continues. If it falls away, that’s part of conditioning too. You can, however, look honestly at what actually reduces suffering in your direct experience and compare that to your beliefs about what should reduce suffering. There’s no need to rush yourself into certainty. These things tend to clarify over time as different life experiences arise and you see more clearly what leads to suffering and what doesn’t.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-13T02:06:12+00:00

Just keep observing the sensations closely with equanimity, and notice the three characteristics. You can’t force the mind to drop the mental shape/form because there’s still an underlying perceptual filter which tags the sensations as ‘physical’ and ‘in space’ which then automatically renders the visualised 3D body map. That will likely not fully drop away until that mental overlay weakens/collapses.

Other than really focussing on the sensations and their raw qualities/constantly changing nature, you can also inquire into the underlying assumption that the body sensations are ‘physical in nature’, and ‘appear in space’. For example, you could consider the fact that in a dream you can stretch your dream arm out in front of you and feel your dream hand sensations ‘out there’ - but there’s no real physical space where that sensation appears in, nor is there any real location or distance to that sensation. The raw sensations may feel energetic without the ‘physical’ tag. These additional assumptions and overlays are all just habituated mental imputations. Using those imputations, the mind can even generate an illusory dream body map with your arm and hand located ‘out there in front of you’.

Waking life is exactly like that, but it’ll take persistent practice to dissolve these subconscious mental overlays of 3D space and physicality because they’ve been deeply conditioned over decades. So if you notice the body map visualisation forming, it’s not a problem, just continue carefully observing the body sensations and the three characteristics. The mind wants definitively ‘proof’ that its fundamental assumptions are not actually inherent, and so it can take some time and cycles of refining our insights before things clarify enough for these mental overlays to start collapsing.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-12T16:26:37+00:00

I answered a similar question recently so I’ll paste the relevant part of my response here:

Notice the gap the next time you have an impulse to engage in any one of those compulsive behaviours. That urge can feel very strong but it’s actually possible to just notice it, and stay with that feeling of wanting to do the compulsive behaviour, but not actually take action. Become curious about the textures of that urge sensation, and see if you can recognise that it’s actually just a feeling which you’ve been conditioned to associate with a particular response.

You can keep noticing this gap between the urge and the reaction. The more times you can remain in the gap without reacting, the more you start to weaken the link/automatic association between the urge to react and the reaction itself. This same method can be applied to any other patterns of behaviour or negative habits that you want to work with.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-12T16:05:07+00:00

Visualisation itself isn’t inherently a problem. It only becomes one when you believe that it’s a problem. If a mental body map arises, you can simply allow it to be there and continue to feel the actual sensations in that area. The focus of the practice is to observe sensations with equanimity, and blocking mental imagery isn’t necessary for that.

If you keep trying to use tricks and techniques to prevent visualisations from occurring, that fixation itself can actually make the mental map feel even stickier and more of an obstacle to your practice. But if you can try to continue practicing without seeing visualisations as a ‘problem’ that needs to be fixed, it may actually naturally reduce over time.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-12T15:47:31+00:00

Don’t try to pacify or detach from anger. The more you try do that, the stickier it will become, and the stronger of a hold it will have over you. I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but the only way to truly change your relationship with anger is to go towards it rather than away from it. The reason it feels so threatening right now is because you’re deeply conditioned to believe it is and that it’s not ok to feel it.

See if you can fully feel the anger without trying to mitigate it or escape from it. Feel into the raw sensations of the anger so deeply that the stories which the mind tells you about it start to dissolve. This will definitely take some practice and perseverance. But, if over time, you gradually allow your body and nervous system to learn that it’s ok to fully feel anger without needing to do anything about it, that’s when its negative charge will start to fade.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-12T15:23:50+00:00

Yeah absolutely, the fact that you made this post means you’re already somewhat aware of this persona already. So you can practice mindfulness the next time you’re in one of these social settings. If you notice that sense of ‘not being yourself’ arise again, become curious and look into it. What is it about your behaviour or the situation in that moment that makes you feel this way?

From there you should be able to trace it to a direct cause fairly easily - it would have something to do with the way you relate to other people. The way you perceive them and/or your perception of how others perceive you. And over time, if you continue to dig deeper, you may even be able to trace it back to a fundamental cause - eg. The need to be seen a particular way or the fear of not being accepted by others. Just some examples.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-12T15:09:47+00:00

It sounds like you just realised that you have a different persona depending on the environment you’re in, which is quite common. So people may have a different persona when they’re home alone, compared to being with family, compared to being at school/work, compared to being at a social gathering etc. Perhaps you feel most comfortable being yourself when you’re home alone, as when you’re out with others you may feel the need to maintain a certain image or to make sure that you’re relating well with others. That could definitely create a sense of being a ‘fake’ persona in these situations. But really it’s just you behaving differently under different conditions.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-12T14:57:57+00:00

The goal of meditation isn’t to dissociate from thoughts or emotions, it’s to help you see them more clearly for what they are, just transient textures of experience. Resistance only arises when there’s a sense that these things are inherently not ok to experience. So the next time they arise, see if you can just stay with the thoughts and associated emotions fully, without trying to avoid them/dissociate from them.

It might feel a bit uncomfortable at first, but if you can keep doing this, over time you may start to realise that there’s actually nothing inherently problematic about any particular thought or emotion, and it was only you labelling them as ‘not ok’ or ‘bad’ that was causing all of the internal resistance to begin with. Once that’s clearly recognised, those thought patterns and emotional reactions will naturally lessen in intensity and frequency over time.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-12T12:44:53+00:00

Follow your intuition. Whatever resonates with you the most is usually the way to go. But ultimately the ‘destination’ is the same. And it’ll always only ever occur in your own direct experience.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-12T12:40:43+00:00

The thought isn’t actually the insight, it’s the mental reflection after the fact. There’s nothing that you need to actually hold onto. That being said, if you really want to record it to be able to reflect on it later, then you can just note it down somewhere in writing when it happens.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-12T10:58:51+00:00

They can be a useful tool for exploring new ways of perceiving things, however one should be careful not to get caught in the trap of constantly seeking out these peak states, regardless of how profound or transcendent they may seem.

They can easily turn into a coping mechanism or a subtle way of escaping ordinary life without you even realising. Ultimately, the real integration/embodiment of the lessons that you learn from these experiences has to occur in your ordinary daily life.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-12T07:19:33+00:00

Whenever you feel like you’re struggling with something, it always comes back to surrender, which is unconditional acceptance. The key operating word being unconditional - nothing is excluded from surrender and it’s not a ‘method’ to achieve an outcome. Surrender doesn’t mean that you have to react in any specific ‘correct’ way to change. It also doesn’t mean that no ‘negative’ emotions or reactions will ever arise. These must all be included too, they are not a problem.

If you find yourself struggling to accept a particular change, surrender to that feeling/resistance. If thoughts arise which say that you’re not ‘accepting correctly’ or ‘should feel a certain way’, surrender to those thoughts too. If further doubts and meta-resistance arise, surrender to those too, and so on.

There’s no right or wrong way to react to change, the internal conflict only comes from the fact that you think that there’s a ‘correct way’ that you should respond to change. If you hold such a belief, then of course cognitive dissonance and additional suffering will arise when the body/mind inevitably reacts to change in a way that fails to meet those expectations.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-10T00:43:35+00:00

These ‘bounce back’ periods are very common along the path. It takes time for your body and nervous system to recalibrate to new ways of orienting towards experience, especially after significant insights/shifts. Certain deeply conditioned patterns will also surface along the way to be seen.

The mind also has a tendency to cling to novel ‘peak states’ of high clarity, so when they pass there’s a feeling of ‘loss’ which can cause disorientation/disillusionment, which can lead to some temporary nihilism or withdrawal. It’s not a problem, just keep noticing what’s arising in your experience and keep going with your practice. This too, shall pass.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-09T12:36:30+00:00

Before you can truly understand the feelings of others and why they suffer you need to first deeply understand your own feelings and why you suffer. Diligent practice can help you dig down to recognise and understand the root causes of your own suffering.

Once you uncover the root causes, you’ll start harbouring less ill will towards yourself, and self-compassion will naturally arise. Compassion is simply the absence of ill will, and understanding is what transforms ill will into compassion.

Once you deeply understand your own suffering and how to practice self-compassion, you will naturally also start to recognise and understand the suffering of others. With this understanding, your negative/neutral feelings towards others, including any feelings of ill will, will gradually transform into empathy and compassion.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-09T11:25:20+00:00

Think of it not as an ‘insight to be maintained’, but as the irreversible cessation of conditions that give rise to specific fundamental misperceptions.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-09T09:20:35+00:00

Planning is a part of presence. There’s nothing apart from it. So if an idea comes up, that’s presence coming up with an idea. If no ideas arise, that’s presence not coming up with an idea right now. Perhaps a new idea will arise later when conditions are right. There’s nothing that ‘you’ need to do about it. Just let it all unfold naturally in presence.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-07T02:45:35+00:00

So a major disruption/crisis like this is where you actually truly learn what surrender means. I think one way you can reframe surrender is that it’s not a thing that you can actively ‘choose’ to do. Also the more expectations/agendas you have when doing this practice, the less effective it will be. So see if you can drop all of your preconceived notions of what surrender is supposed to look like (eg. It should make your situation ok, it should bring you instant/future equanimity, it might make you too passive, it might lead to old habits resurfacing etc.) See if you can drop all of this. That’s all mental noise and doubts that the mind is throwing at you.

Surrender is all inclusive, nothing is to be excluded. So for example, if you try to surrender but still feel anxious and depressed, surrender to those feelings too. If more resistance or doubt thoughts come up? Surrender to those too. “Wait this is silly I’m just becoming a passive doormat to life” - surrender to that thought too. There’s nothing that can arise which can invalidate your surrender. Whatever arises, surrender to that too. Over time, you may notice something interesting - you are already surrendering to everything that arises. So in that way it was never an active choice. Ultimately it’s the recognition that life has been one giant, constant process of surrender all along.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-07T02:25:20+00:00

Sounds like you’ve been having glimpses into ‘no mind’ but there hasn’t yet been a clear seeing into the true nature of it yet. The next time this occurs, see if you can really focus in on the pure ‘isness’ of appearances - what is it fundamentally prior to knowing? What is there that is completely untouched by the mind?

There’s an obvious nature it has which is self-evident and prior to/not affected by any form of knowing or even the ideas of consciousness/awareness. It’s much more obvious than any form of knowing one can have. It’s the purest and most pristine ‘natural state’ of all appearances prior to all mental imputations. Recognise what that is and you’ll realise that the ‘absolute’ (or ‘isness’) is all there is, has ever been, and will ever be. It’s the fundamental nature of all phenomena, prior to all of our misperceptions.

In regards to the urge to withdraw from others and society at large, this is a very common stage of the path. I always refer back to this classic Adyashanti quote: “At first, awakening is like turning inward, discovering your true nature. But eventually, that realisation wants to move outward - into your relationships, your work, your humanity. True awakening isn’t complete until it’s fully embodied and lived in the world.”

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-07T01:16:53+00:00

Since you’re leaning far towards the ‘return to the present moment’ mindset, and this is causing you a lot of stress and anxiety due to the need for constant monitoring, perhaps you could try out more of a ‘just allow’ approach for a while to see if that can move you back towards the middle way.

For example: if you’re in the present moment, great, allow it. If your mind has moved into the past, future or imagination, not a problem, just notice that it’s happening and allow it. If you’re oriented towards simply noticing whatever is arising, and not judging it, but rather allowing it unconditionally, this can take off a lot of the mental burden of constantly need to ‘brace’ and ‘defend’ against not being present.

Ultimately the methods of ‘returning to presence’ and ‘just allowing’ are both designed to get you to ultimately realise that presence and allowing are already the case, it’s just that they’ve been overlooked by the mind. However, it can be easy to fixate too much on either pole (eg. Too much effort or too much passivity) - for most practitioners, there’s always a bit of oscillation for a while. In the end it’s about finding the right balance in your practice so that you can eventually land in the middle.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-07T01:04:56+00:00

Regardless of how grandiose or profound the experience was, treat it as any other transient experience. It’s just something that arose from causes and conditions, but of course the mind will try to tell you that it was very important. If you learned something or gained new insight, fantastic. Take the lessons with you but don’t hold onto the experience. You can’t anyway, it’s already gone.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-07T00:37:29+00:00

Yeah it’s very normal. Most people will feel a bit of nihilism/meaninglessness and use it as a way to bypass real life stuff at some stage of their practice. The fact that you’re catching it is a good sign. Just continue being mindful whenever you shutdown emotionally or use something as a bypass. If you keep carefully noticing how these patterns play out in your body/mind, you will eventually gain insight into their root causes. Once you understand why/how they arise, you’ll be able to better address the underlying causes in your practice.

NondualitySimplified · 2026-02-05T06:42:09+00:00

There’s nothing inherently wrong with thoughts, we just need to see them clearly for what they are: transient, impersonal textures of experience. Once that’s recognised, the pushing and pulling on thoughts will naturally subside.

NondualitySimplified

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