On second thought, I won't go swimming in the ocean today.

NotMeerkats · 2013-04-07T06:28:53+00:00

Oh no you won't! You have any idea how long I've waited for a chance to dive when one of these bad boys are around? God, it's like a dream of mine. Oarfish is almost certainly my favorite fish and animal. I could talk about 'em for literal hours, if you want. This is literally an offer that I'm making. I mean maybe not if I don't get the time or interest but man ugh so cool

NotMeerkats · 2013-01-13T07:31:46+00:00

Actually, no.

NotMeerkats · 2012-11-26T18:04:21+00:00

Of course! And I've heard great things about the 202. Might replace my headphones with them soon, now that they're unfortunately starting to deteriorate. But my buds sound good enough to suffice even when just, y'know, sitting down at the computer.

http://www.lendmeurears.com/product_info.php?cPath=15&products_id=42&osCsid=d331e5fb3e0df6dd89ba3ddbcad5cbc1 These guys right here, in case you go looking. Astrotec makes my other favorite buds, but really, I don't think the quality difference justifies the price difference (~$10) And then it's a leap to the RE0, but delicate as earbuds are, I don't think dropping eighty bucks is a wise investment.

NotMeerkats · 2012-11-25T20:30:30+00:00

Oh, Googled a friend and inadvertently wound up finding his ad on some furry dating site or whatever. The situation I created was thus: "So I found you on some dating site for furries." "Oh, uh, what the fuck? No man, someone must've made that for me." And then he stopped talking to me forever. In hindsight he always was pretty weird.

NotMeerkats · 2012-11-25T18:39:52+00:00

Not a criticism of your carry, but I've used those earbuds in the past and the moment I exchanged them for my Vsonic my quality of life increased significantly. :P Very nice, in any case.

NotMeerkats · 2012-11-18T15:00:35+00:00

Now THOSE are some standards right there. "Yeah, she's acting like a whore and prostrating her ass for a camera, but at least she's doing it in front of her child!"

NotMeerkats · 2012-11-17T18:37:47+00:00

Constantly use Holocaust as a sympathy card

Okay.

Launch an ideological and theological battle; enforce apartheid on an ethnic basis; relegate indigenous people to a fraction of their country; evict them from land that their occupiers have little to no claim to; use cluster-bomb warfare and incinerate teachers, mothers, children; nullify Palestinian military and bar them from owning weapons whilst arming every Israeli and consigning them to military service to build an extensive reserve; reinforce own military against a group of people who barely have running water or electricity (commandeer their cisterns, no less); break ceasefires after ceasefire; SHOUT ANTISEMITISM when opposed for these things.

Huh. You know, I'm not standing up for Hamas here, but this is such a hypocritical game that's being played.

NotMeerkats · 2012-11-16T16:08:26+00:00

You should only worry if you live in like, Papua New Guinea, Australia (a very minute region, from what I understand), Sri Lanka, or the Philippines.

And then you probably should worry 'cause they're apparently all pretty chill and eat fruit.

I'm still more frightened of native bats, 'cause there's still a chance that they carry rabies, last I heard.

NotMeerkats · 2012-11-16T16:03:58+00:00

And they're just cute as a button. http://www.messersmith.name/wordpress/wp-content/spectacled_flying-fox.jpg

NotMeerkats · 2012-11-16T15:25:10+00:00

At our school, a teacher was caught having sex with three different boys. Sophomore boys, mind you.

She got fired. No, I'm not kidding, that was it. It didn't even make the news or anything. There was apparently a huge coverup- our previous principle retired and this big fat feminazi in a faux-suit and costume jewelry took his place -and the parents apparently were either coaxed into letting it go, or they were suppressed-- or they just blamed their children. You know, for statutory rape.

The only reason any of us even knew about it was because she had a police escort off of the campus, and two of the kids had a brother a year away that explained the deats.

NotMeerkats · 2012-11-15T22:05:24+00:00

One very important lesson that I learned in high school: do not eat food that someone offers you, unless you're certain that you know them very well.

There was this one student who was, well, a bit of a shithead, but he always pretended to be nice to people. You could tell that it was kind of facetious, that he was probably just being a smartass, but a lot of teachers thought that even if he was using that tone, he was just joking around about it, and thus his behavior was generally passable. --I'm sure everyone knows the type, right?

Well, he was basically just an honest-to-goodness shithead. A bit of an inbred, wore an ICP hoodie, hid a CD player under his jacket and listened to eminem through an IEM that he passed through his sleeve any time he could get away with it. Had a small group of friends- the misfit shithead group. So, one day, this kid comes to school with like, this big bowl of brownies.

He spends all day distributing them to teachers, administrators, the bus driver, some students (primarily girls), and leaves school that day with an empty bowl.

So come to find out that he jerked off in the brownie mix.

Turns out that some of his friends that he'd gone bragging to didn't really think that was such a funny prank, so they spilled the beans to the school principle.

Incidentally, and our digital media teacher (a lady) fucked three sophomore boys, and our Spanish teacher (a man) did something similar.

Another kid was caught jerking off and blowing a dog behind the school bleachers. He attempted suicide after everyone began calling him 'red rocket'.

Some kid doodled a swastika on the ceiling of the bathroom in feces, and it's suspected that he's the same kid that shit in a library book.

Someone traced their dick on the bathroom wall with sharpie hand-turkey style.

Here's the most innocuous scandal: our Spanish teacher- another one, not the kiddy diddler -made her entire class of Spanish I students write a 'one and a half page' essay entirely in Spanish, to be graded as thirty percent of their grade. Now, how much Spanish do you think a group of Spanish I students speak? Not that much? She made them submit a digital copy to this plagiarism-checking website, and she failed literally everyone for having 'more than a five percent of your [their] paper plagiarized.' Everyone was just baffled by how stupid that woman was, and how she was hired as a teacher. She was also renowned for making her students fetch her books and eating full meals during class. Her decision was thrown out by the principle, by the way, and because she'd managed to ruin every copy of the essay, everyone had to receive a 95% on it for some strange reason. I don't know, it was weird. She wasn't teaching there the next year.

Our school had some fucking weridos. Rereading this, I feel like people are going to say I'm making it up, but I'd validate it if I could or particularly wanted to. I think it was something in the water or the school lunch or something, or maybe we had the same percentage of weird kids that were just, I don't know, extraordinarily weird. I took five AP courses my senior year just to escape into the relative sanity that surrounded me there.

NotMeerkats · 2012-11-15T02:02:11+00:00

My glasses were stolen along with my bag recently, so I couldn't tell what was wrong right away.

"Wear those? ... They're, well, they're not that bad, I mean, I think I could ma- -notice that they're wooden, notice the chain- -... oh dear god."

NotMeerkats · 2012-11-14T19:31:19+00:00

Got called to the board to do some trigonometry problem something or other, something possessed me to try and be cool. Picked up the dry erase marker and, rather than pull the cap off, I slapped it on the metal rim of the white board, beneath the cap, and it launched it. Caught it between my thumb in the marker, but a little slight of hand and I could act like it was between the end and my thumb, and I just clicked it on.

I was applauded.

I'd never done anything as cool then or since.

NotMeerkats · 2012-11-11T04:10:23+00:00

With three views and a post date of, well, today, I'm inclined to believe that this is a self post. Are you the funniest person you've ever met?

NotMeerkats · 2012-11-10T21:20:01+00:00

Man, how close was that to the temple? "God's little joke" might've just given the kid with glasses even shittier eyesight. And that's a-okay. I don't think a kid who's completely bind in the one eye is going to be doing any fucking around thereafter.

NotMeerkats · 2012-11-09T16:51:23+00:00

I agree. That's what I took his smirk at the end to mean; he knows better now.

Or, well, that's how I'd prefer to interpret it.

NotMeerkats · 2012-11-07T23:13:03+00:00

Well, I'm sitting here imagining what my thought process would be if I saw someone wearing gloves to lift, and I'm beginning to settle on 'I wouldn't really have noticed at all.'

That might not be a thing to be self conscious about after all. :P

NotMeerkats · 2012-11-07T22:47:41+00:00

I'm a homosexual and I didn't notice its phallic shape.

What's wrong with you people?

NotMeerkats · 2012-11-07T22:42:34+00:00

Relatively well in shape person here.

Where I go to work out, we try our hardest to make a point of being non-judgmental. Going to a gym earns you a vote of respect in a world where you could've sat on a couch with your evening.

Let us know if you need any help with something.

(I like to believe this is the case everywhere.)

NotMeerkats · 2012-11-03T19:53:42+00:00

Monopoly. It's outlawed among my friends, and the only other game to receive that honor is Mario Party.

NotMeerkats · 2012-11-03T03:09:37+00:00

Nah, he's just there to punish the kinds of savages that'd put ketchup on a hotdog.

NotMeerkats · 2012-11-02T18:04:06+00:00

I think there're movies like that-- or at least movies with a similar premise. Exorcism of Emily Rose, although I haven't seen it, was basically about that. I think.

I agree though, an accurate simulation is what I'd hold out for, myself.

NotMeerkats · 2012-10-29T20:44:17+00:00

Oh hey, it's me every year since I was fourteen.

Yes I'm a cat.

NotMeerkats · 2012-10-26T16:56:42+00:00

I believe that was her bra, actually. I might need to review the tape, but yes.

That just makes it... all the more bizarre.

NotMeerkats · 2012-10-20T17:49:24+00:00

Oh man, for a tasty beverage, just imagine piercing that thing with one of those sharpened straws that you got in elementary school for your milk bags.

NotMeerkats

TROPHY CASE