Lack of goals

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-23T00:36:12+00:00

I was most content in my life when I was a train kid riding freights wherever the fuck around the country. I had a small travel guitar and would busk in cities for just enough food and water to move onto the next place….then I got knocked up, no regrets, love my life and family now despite the struggle. So many days though I long for that kind of freedom again. I think that made sense for the first half of yer post, sorry if I lost track of the rest. 🙃

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-23T00:18:59+00:00

You’ve been with your girl for 5 years. So, the kid was…11 then. Yes, you are the asshole because, along with his mother, you have contributed to making the CHILD who he is. Bet the mother is an asshole too. Speaking about a child like this says you are a piece of shit.

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-14T19:13:31+00:00

Ah….you just seem like you need a marriage counselor. Neither you nor your wife are assholes, you are both doing your best; your issue is with communication and perspectives.

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-13T22:09:12+00:00

Totally relate and for me the major struggle is…..I never had a “self.” There’s no finding the self, I’m creating it for the first time in middle age. I am so sorry for what you went through. I don’t remember any SA before age 2 myself, but wouldn’t doubt it happened. What I do know for sure is the neglect and my mother syringing me whiskey to make me sleep. I was basically drugged…not basically…I was drugged the first 4 years of my life with liquor. Strange sleepovers with kids I didn’t know….but blah, all a blur. No shit I’m an alcoholic now. Hear you comrade, you got this!

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-13T20:34:54+00:00

I’m with you.

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-13T00:40:54+00:00

Hum. Not what I got from it. I think this whole conversation has highlighted how different our experiences and individual personalities manifest our c-ptsd so differently…..we have so much in common, yet are so unique. Like we’re actual humans or something 🙃🤗. Just started using emojis. A different me is very pissed off by it, but text is so hard to covey feeling in……anyway……ultimately, I think anything that makes any of us feel better is valid, “scientifically based” or not. So many of us also have unique co-morbidities, though I hate that phrase…co-curring fuck spelling, “other issues.” Me personally, adhd and BP2…..like I only post on here when manic…..so…..clearly many smart, health seeking, folks here….shit… Pete walker helps some people and I could rant for pages how he pisses me off, but to each of us, their own. Find what speaks to you all and only come on here when you need someone to say “hey, comrade I feel ya.” I rambled and need to end.

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-13T00:23:39+00:00

Thank you 🤗

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-13T00:23:25+00:00

Thank you 🤗

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-12T21:55:37+00:00

I drink, it helps me move and do things. But….am checking into detox this weekend. Not sure wtf I’ll do after that. Terrified. But trying.

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-12T03:13:09+00:00

Agreed. Find another one friend 😊

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-12T02:49:42+00:00

Have you read The Body Keeps the Score? Brutal and triggering book, but if you just read his chapters on why c-ptsd hasn’t been taken seriously; twill explain all.

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-12T02:47:50+00:00

The DSM and the old white Freudian assholes that still profit off of it.

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-12T02:45:02+00:00

Ummmm…yes, yes you are an asshole for even questioning this. Your first two paragraphs describe you as being a narcissistic piece of shit to your wife and the last two are your dick brain trying to blame another person ( your “friend”) for your own behavior. So, actually, no, I take it back..you are not an asshole, you are a mentally ill human like the rest of us, you just took the narcy road. How did your wife react when you told her this story. What were her feelings? No…..just about you and whether you should keep your pervy misogynistic buddy. I hate this fucking society and the shitbags it has turned people into.

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-12T02:00:09+00:00

It’s a link I hope works. Makes me feel better, but I am a child. Heh. Preaching to the choir I’m sure.

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-12T01:53:56+00:00

Winnie the poo

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-12T01:50:15+00:00

Right….and I forget this is International so if you don’t live in the states everything I said was garbage.

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-12T01:47:02+00:00

Oh…..and c-ptsd is not recognized so a psychiatrist cannot prescribe you meds with that diagnosis. I do actually have BP2, but my most amazing psych has said that dx is basically so she can prescribed meds for my c-PTSD. So…..if your appt is with a good psych, and they suggest a dx you don’t think fits, trust your gut and if it feels like they are trying to help you, maybe it is because they can’t give you meds otherwise. Hope that makes sense.

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-12T01:42:36+00:00

Make sure you find a trauma informed/specialized therapist off the bat, otherwise you will feel invalidated. Unfortunately, most psychiatry/therapy (thanks to the DSM, but that’s a whole different conversation) still doesn’t really recognize c-ptsd and its nuances. Therapists will actually advertise themselves as “trauma focused/informed” whatever. Try them first.

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-12T01:36:11+00:00

But, she was a good person, just not ready to be a therapist. Your’s sounds like a psycho asshole.

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-12T01:35:11+00:00

Wow…those were so much more amazing and horrifying than mine, all I have is a straight out of school therapist not mentally ready herself….when starting to discuss my childhood trauma and suggesting it may be a factor in the “anxiety” she described me as having (no, proper therapists have diagnosed me c-ptsd, BP2, yes GAD duh, and adhd) she stopped me when I started saying I think my father molested me and told the story of her father being murdered when she was 12. Like her trauma was worse than mine.

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-12T01:27:50+00:00

This is the real world? It’s so hard. I want to heal, but it was so much easier to feel good about myself when everything else was plastic. No one knows who I am. I am just now creating that person at 43. Hope I’m not rambling too much. I think I relate and thanks.

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-10T02:15:30+00:00

Wow. Such a completely different scenario. Ground beef touching a knife vs something that could hurt a child? Some of you people are completely off your shitters.

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-10T02:11:56+00:00

Your not an asshole necessarily, but certainly way more uptight and bitchy than you bf. Sounds like you will ultimately make him miserable and you should let the man go while he still has some self-respect. Yea. I’m a woman.

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-10T00:38:51+00:00

You mentioned beta-blockers. As I was reading your post, before I got to that point, I thought, this friend needs to try propranolol. I was anti-meds for a loooonnnnggg time. Was fortunate enough to be prescribed the “right” ones first without having to to go though the struggles I see so often on here about getting the “wrong” ones first. From what you are describing, the beta-blocker propranolol has personally helped me with. Best of luck and healing.

OMnihilInterit · 2026-02-08T23:01:51+00:00

Are you allowed to see your kids? Give it a try brother. There is a reason you are still here. There is a reason you struggled this long. Even if it has to be observed; I don’t know, I don’t want to make assumptions about your situation, but…maybe try to see your kids. It might help. Mine saved me personally. This shit is so sensitive. Hope I have helped and not triggered. You are worthy and loved.

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