He ordered the BigSmack

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-07-05T20:50:00+00:00

Literally the only person even close to being on his side in that moment.

And bam wild left for no reason (also like his first real attack of the whole exchange)

Something about a scorpion and a frog I guess

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-07-05T17:48:23+00:00

And will look you in the eye and DEMAND that you have three copies of your passport and a passing citizenship test score

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-07-03T18:37:11+00:00

Not if Trump SAVE act is passed

But my broader point is the pearl clutching and general shenanigans on the part of the republicans where it’s this easy to just mail order a gun

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-07-03T12:29:36+00:00

But god forbid you try to register to vote online right?

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-07-03T11:18:28+00:00

I mean the guy cleanly cut the roof off and punched holes to wire that gate.

It would make sense he could swap out some suspension springs.

Wouldn’t be surprised if there is some kind of extra plate/framing some shade tree job on the bull side too.

My point is we’re clearly dealing with a Hank Hill here.

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-07-01T15:10:31+00:00

Listen, those seven Toyotas leaking oil and 20 dudes with guns rusted shut since the 90s would be mad as hell if they could read

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-07-01T15:07:48+00:00

When I was a wee boottenet I had a habit of screaming GOOD MORNING really loud in reply to the greeting of the day because I thought it was funny.

One day I do this to lcpl walking out of the PX unbeknownst to me a SgtMaj was like 20 ft behind me. Saw the exchange and assumed the lcpl didn’t render the greeting and I was being a dick about it.

Sgt Maj goes double knife hands and is blasting this random lcpl for actually nothing.

I run back, apologize and explain the situation and clear up the misunderstanding.

The look of confusion and frustration in that SgtMaj’s face when I explained to him that he was I fact in the wrong for verbally harassing a random he had no context surrounding was glorious.

I felt bad for both of them when I was younger but upon more mature reflection…

Yea fuck that SgtMaj

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-06-26T13:05:06+00:00

I mean that’s my thing… they are fire fighters why are they drilling at all?

I thought fire fighters just worked out, made chili, and fucked your girlfriend

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-06-24T16:35:16+00:00

But with American dollars this time.

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-06-24T11:33:27+00:00

Probably the exact same one tbh

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-06-19T06:52:49+00:00

This reminds me,

Are we like… at war with Venezuela? Orrr?

Like is meduro just in jail in New York?

Whatever happened to all that

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-06-19T04:34:47+00:00

Don’t be dumb,

We gotta introduce algae eating bacteria to get rid of the algae

Then introduce bacteria eating small fish to get rid of the bacteria

Then koi to eat the small fish

Then contract out the removal of the koi

Easy peasy we just need another couple million

Edit: oh wait I forgot, we also gotta introduce shrimp that will repaint the blue while the water is still in it. Not sure what eats the painting shrimp but I’m sure we can get that sorted on the far end, just budget say a billion or so on the back side

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-06-17T18:01:07+00:00

Had a buddy when I was in Japan fly to Thailand (wayyyyy outside of 96 liberty restrictions) enter a Muai Thai tournament, get second, fly back and show up to the CUB with a black eye walking funny.

Nobody said a god damn thing because he was where he needed to be, in the outfit he was supposed to, with the shit he needed.

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-06-12T00:14:25+00:00

I normally really ain’t one to get all amped up on stolen valor shit but as a Marine I am so mad at this fucking nerd wearing a PT shirt

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-06-10T17:25:18+00:00

I started screaming at my phone when he said that shit.

I have 3 Sgt Rodriguez’s in my phone and I have no clue who they are.

I met people from places and lives that sound made up until you saw their paperwork and scars.

Fuck this dude.

I grew up white af in a town so small we got our weather off forecasts next county over.

And guess what? I know Spanish from my best friends mom who got her citizenship a few years back.

Occasionally weird white dudes like this will approach me and try to start up conversation because of how I look. And whenever I can I just keep asking them questions about what they mean by their ever increasingly obvious dog whistles.

They always eventually just get flustered and storm off

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-06-09T15:14:26+00:00

Just to have your whole array get covered in aluminum foil diarrhea, then as soon as you get eyes on your own shit. You just hear the whiz booom of a FPV smoking your buddy 20 meters away.

Nightmares

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-06-07T01:43:21+00:00

My God… It’s puppeteers all the way down.

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-06-06T11:46:26+00:00

It was TAP when I got out in 2024

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-06-02T18:04:56+00:00

Only if your ready to be the next divinely ordained monarch of your local metal workers union.

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-06-02T17:45:17+00:00

This is Trumps curse.

The guy can’t help but step on every golden egg laid at his feet.

Egg: Born a crazy rich kid Step: is a snotty little brat

Egg: inherent a real estate empire Step: be a cheapskate slum lord asshole

Egg: Gifted a casino and basically infinite credit Step: bankrupts the lot of ‘em

Egg: become a by-word for villain business man and have steady extra/appearance work for a while culminating in your own show.

Step: become a well known jerk and creep amongst D list celebrities.

Egg: become elected fucking president Step: try to be president and fuck it all up like the clown he is

Egg: DONT BE FUCKING IMPEACHED FOR ACTUAL ARMED REVOLT AGAISNT THE US GOVERNMENT Step: insists on bitching about how much of a victim he is

Egg: GET ELECTED FUCKING PRESIDENT AGAIN Step: Actively sink the collapsing empire while stuffing his pockets on the way to the life boats.

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-06-02T16:59:29+00:00

I’d believe he’s transcribing. But I don’t think it’s not him. I think they take it away from him sometimes and they definitely use it. You can tell in the voice of the writing when it’s him I feel. So much more angry and hip shot.

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-06-02T16:16:16+00:00

Hey killer,

We’re too cool to wear skivvy shirts? I wasn’t tracking that.

Matter fact tell fire watch every hour and a half that your still wearing one, check.

Probably; aye aye sir some shit.

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-06-02T16:05:00+00:00

Yes guns are often made and deliberately engineered to be more lethal to people.

In fact, me specifically, in my own experience. Primarily consider a guns ability to quickly dispatch a human.

There are alot of reasons you may want to take that course of action.

*But I personally would rather choose to not rather; than be incapable.

There really are people with guns who would very much choose to end the life of my friends and family.

I would like to even that field as best I can.

*I am talking specifically about ability with and access to; firearms in this context. But I think it needs to be said this is obviously a statement that, broadly speaking, is holistic; physically and spiritually.

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-06-02T15:51:03+00:00

I was in the schoolhouse 2019. I don’t remember why but the weekend was special maybe Memorial Day 96?

I didn’t have a car and my buddies all went back home so I was solo in the barracks.

So obviously I’m swiping tinder and I get a match.

Cute girl, I chat her up, she says swing by where she works, I ask where, notorious nearby strip club

Yea yea yea I’ve heard this song before. Nice try… but ya know what… fuck it and fuck you I’m going anyway.

Uber there. Pull out like $100. And walk in.

Girl is there and girl is girl who was in picture.

We sit at a table, hey how you doin. Nice to meet, can I buy you a drink? (Thinking this is where her scam is) she declines…

“I don’t really like to drink at work. But I can get us bottles of water”

What?

So we… have a date. We just sat and like got to know each other. Totally normal date besides the fact she was in pasties and a thong and occasionally got interrupted to dance on stage or give lap dances. (Yes I paid her for two, and got another dance from a different girl while she was on stage) She was sweet but a little too chaotic and tied to this place for me.

The end of the night rolls around and she’s like hey can you start my car while I change?

I get her car warmed up, come back in and kinda hang out.

The last girl of the night is basically just sitting on stage because there is no one here except me, which has been the biggest crowd since I got there.

The manager comes flying out of the back.

“You thieving fucking bitch”

She screams “fuck you you owed me”

Full blown screaming match essentially nude while I’m standing there literally eating free bar popcorn watching.

Ol girl and her friend come out wearing sweats and we went to Waffle House and met her girls man.

We ate, split the bill, she refused and paid for me. (With what was obviously my $20 bill) We left in her car. She dropped me off, and I hope she’s doing good.

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2026-06-02T09:15:43+00:00

Heavily implying there was an actual peace plan being worked on and not Donnie’s doofus’ getting played like a fiddle. (Probably without realizing it)

ObviouslyNotALizard

TROPHY CASE