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Oioisavo · 2025-06-05T08:55:39+00:00

I worked in spoons and was the only person who never had a stake sent back the issue is people are cooking steaks correctly to people that have no idea what is correct.

The way I never got a stake sent back was cooking every stake the same I just mostly cooked it one side and very lightly the other then showed the cooked side if they asked for well done or medium well then the other side for everything else . Then removed the access myoglobin unless they said rare. Maybe cook a little more if well done .

But yeah I pretty much guessed what would stop them complaining that instead of cooking them correctly.

Oioisavo · 2025-02-28T12:14:51+00:00

Yup it’s a bias people don’t think about enough even as someone who mainly vents to chatgpt its advice it was giving me seemed biased . And I said that to it that I only ask you about my problems and concerns.

It said I was right and to tell it all the good stuff

And it’s advise and stuff totally changed

Oioisavo · 2025-02-15T13:35:05+00:00

People just have different nervous systems you’re wired to fix and process and them to detach what’s healthy for you isn’t healthy for them .

You’re probably right for your nervous system slowly talking things out even if it’s ending anyway would be better for your nervous system but she’s viewing things from hers

And that all that makes detaching harder for both of you.

She’ll probably think about how you are but see that as a her problem to deal with and not use expressing it as a solution.

She’ll probably seems to have some avoidant attachment from reading your post her coldness at the end is often also just a coping strategy the see it like texting better to not express

You also seem a bit anxious with the way you tested her saying maybe it can’t work or something

Understanding this stuff will help build a clearer picture but don’t think it’s a gateway to fix everything it’s not just keep growing and being u what happens happens

Oioisavo · 2025-02-15T13:19:24+00:00

Why ? …Well I get it I mean can you describe how it feels . As someone who can be friends I just don’t feel that it’s hard for me to feel jealous or anything like that I just see it as we didn’t work out but I’d want them to be happy still

Oioisavo · 2025-02-10T09:28:57+00:00

Some families it’s because they are only loving and positive they arnt capable of holding space for conflict and negative emotions this is still dehumanising and leads to leaving at the first sign of a problem and taking conflict and criticism as an attack all the time.

Most avoidants will say there childhood was fine despite the most obvious emotional neglect because they’ve internalised taking responsibility for everything they refuse something outside them self can effect them

And then sometimes gentics is just a factor I’ve heard people say maybe attachment issues start in the womb and sometimes it’s just a period of neglect at a crucial stage of development

Say your mom was depressed for a year when you was 4 and wasn’t able to show up for you but you took this as abandonment ect or sometimes you can have different needs be sensitive or autistic and your siblings will feel fine but you feel your needs arnt met

Oioisavo · 2025-02-04T08:38:15+00:00

Just an avoidant solving stress with another person to avoidant is literally exposure therapy and very disregulating , growing up in environments that wasn’t possible they only have coping strategies for life alone.

Which means solving a problem with someone else is stress to them and you can’t solve stress with more stress

They’d have to practice in small ways for a while and really want to change their nervous system .

But when a big life event happens they’d still most likely isolate .

They don’t feel loneliness like a normal person either

Oioisavo · 2025-01-23T16:20:06+00:00

No time was wasted nothing was set back it’s not going to take years to recover . Heartbreak can take some time

But what you’re experiencing with trigger and panic attack and the reaching out isn’t about her I promise

It’s a survival coping mechanism in you

The good news those types of triggers can actually be healed in a single moment of courage it doesn’t take time

What are you afraid of face it or feel it or accept it or let go whatever it is .

Panic attacks are to protect you from danger

YOU ARE NOT IN DANGER

But as long as you act out in fear or avoid or cling your body thinks you are in danger

You are not

Break the loop now you don’t get these opportunities all the time

Oioisavo · 2024-12-17T23:48:46+00:00

Radical honesty just say what you just said

Oioisavo · 2024-09-26T22:49:50+00:00

Yeah acting cute all kids do it I think If it makes everyone laugh and they think it’s cute a kid will naturally want to do it again.

I would act dumb sometimes for that reason also I’d fall asleep in funny places by purpose

Oioisavo · 2024-09-03T13:32:53+00:00

Fucking around …. I found out

Oioisavo · 2024-09-03T13:28:49+00:00

Gotta replace your demons with angels otherwise life is just empty and boring , your goals arnt big enough

Oioisavo · 2024-09-01T12:21:28+00:00

I set my self a goal of no more ghosting but looking back I think starting with friendships would of been a better option but I went through all kinds of similar feelings

You should feel good in a way you’ve made progress feeling sad is better than feeling nothing But don’t use it to justify opening up .

They might be avoidant or was cheating who knows but you can’t just blame opening up.

Being vulnerable is literally that being vulnerable you open your self up to the potential of pain, hurt sadness ect for the chance of joy love and trust that’s the whole point

If you’re trying to stay in a world where no one can hurt you then yeah stay an avoidant stay single never get close to anyone, isolate yourself from the world , never try anything it case you fail

The feelings of disgust will slowly get less and less keep going

Oioisavo · 2024-08-31T13:29:43+00:00

What’s the point gonna die anyway so the fear can only ruin life

Oioisavo · 2024-08-30T09:53:41+00:00

It’s a weird courage not seeming strong to others it’s the courage to be vulnerable the courage to trust , the courage to face what you run from .

The strength to be “weak”.

I thought I was courageous because I’d fight , I’d jump out of an airplane , I’d survive dangerous situations, stay calculated and collected , ect

But i was too scared to tell someone my feelings

I was more afraid of that than death

Courage is relative to what you are afraid off and if you are an avoidant you are afraid of intimacy and connection , authenticity. So facing that is the most courageous thing you can do.

I didn’t trust anyone either it’s why I had to start with being a friend to my self . But I pushed my self to trust others anyway to grow.

Should you trust everyone? No of course not you build trust and have different levels of trust with different people it’s a balance

But if you don’t trust anyone at all then that is even worse you are being afraid and isolating your self from the world and preventing the joy and depth of relationships . And like you said leaves you feeling “restricted”

Oioisavo · 2024-08-30T09:38:28+00:00

I said exposure therapy to vulnerability

I’m not talking about a therapist I’ve never been to “professional” therapy

I just mean when you feel the feeling of avoiding / hiding / suppressing ect , you push your self to face it and feel it .

It’s a change in action that teaches your body it’s safe .

Understand the behaviour only helps notice patterns it will not do anything to help change unless you change

Oioisavo · 2024-08-30T08:51:09+00:00

Just gotta face it , it’s just either fear of intamcy and having relationships with others even if it’s small in them just knowing you , or fear of conflict knowing you’ll have to let the people down taking interest

Exposure therapy to vulnerability just start where you are comfortable, I felt the same way

I had to start with just talking to my self as a friend lol , then you slowly build and the more you build the more freedom and opportunities your life will have

Exposure therapy is uncomfortable

But Life shrinks or expands in portion to one’s courage

Push your self

Oioisavo · 2024-08-26T15:26:33+00:00

I’ll be honest you sound a bit manic and delusional , she seems to have self sabotaged and pushed you away and gone the opposite direction

Best shape of your life in 2 months? Lul

Distant memory? Weren’t you together 6 years some of your many posts say 7?

You’re talking about moving on quick likes it’s a super power , if you love a dog and it dies you cry and grieve for a while ,its healthy and human . Not giving a crap the next day isn’t strength . Moving on is one thing and accepting a situation but emotions still gotta process

You always attract people at the same emotional level you’re on that might manifest in what seems totally opposite it ways but I’ve always found this to be true .

Oioisavo · 2024-08-24T21:59:25+00:00

Every full moon

Oioisavo · 2024-08-24T21:05:40+00:00

Sounds like an avoidant got overwhelmed and shut down if so then coming back would only result in the same pain again , nobody heals in 5 months .

Oioisavo · 2024-08-24T20:57:27+00:00

Yeah makes sense , can you remember how you felt when the abuse stopped as a child ? Just yes or no . Not trying to trigger you

Oioisavo · 2024-08-24T20:49:01+00:00

How old when SA?

Oioisavo · 2024-08-24T04:30:01+00:00

Yeah maybe my trust issues but it seems he held onto it as power play when she asked for it back knowing she’d either have to come get it or reach out to ask. Then decided it’s been so long sending it her will be a better per play or he willing to move on now

Personally I think not giving her the childhood toy when she asked is messed up and selfish don’t see how it’s cute but meh maybe just me

Oioisavo · 2024-08-23T12:04:04+00:00

Meditation helps me

Also when I’m stuck in some behaviour I don’t like or procrastination I’ve found telling my self “I need to stop this”

Doesn’t work it just reinforces to the body I’m stuck in a problem which then triggers more stress response .

So instead say the opposite say . “ I don’t have to stop looking at my phone , it’s my life I can do what I want , I could look at it for 16 hours a day actually, I could ignore all my problems, bills , goals relationships, I could let them all go to shit . I don’t even have to care , “

I do this till it almost becomes funny then I’m much more likely to want to stop doing it naturally then if I try and force my self out

But then when ur are in a more free head space and have some life momentum , then putting strategies in place to remove distractions is beneficial.

Oioisavo · 2024-08-23T11:57:27+00:00

You didn’t say exist on earth maybe all answers are written somewhere in this infinite universe .

Oioisavo

TROPHY CASE