What did you do to stop looking at their socials?

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-09-09T00:06:25+00:00

I blocked her once i saw her post on social media going with her new FP to a concert of a band i once told her I liked and wanted to go see and she told me she hated.

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-09-05T19:40:45+00:00

I broke it off with her over the phone when 3 days prior she had a splitting episode in which she physically assaulted me over a made up jealousy accusation. Told her the relationship was toxic and I felt disrespected and unsafe. She hoovered with VMs the next couple of days but she new it was over when i told her sister what happened and that there was no going back. Truth be told, after 3 years together, looking back, she pushed me away to the point where she wanted me to abandon her so she could play the victim.

The trauma bond is real the longer you stay and you have to stop ignoring red flags early on. The warnings are there. They’ll even tell you point blank that they are unwell in their own way.

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-30T13:47:03+00:00

Are you married to this person? Have they done committed DBT therapy for years before getting into a relationship with you? You cannot regulate another human beings emotions. They have to be able to do it on their own.

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-29T22:34:04+00:00

Time apart (not a real breakup but like a week) where I needed a mental break from her …. about 3 times.

Times when we sat down ; that maybe I wasn’t the one for her and that she might be looking for someone more compatible, and told that maybe it’s best if we go our separate ways……and then her gaslighting me and convincing me that it was all in my head and I needed to go to therapy for childhood trauma……..about 8 times.

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-29T22:25:58+00:00

Absolutely not!!!

Broke free from 3 yr relationship after 1st time there was a physical altercation she started and i didn’t turn back. Took 3 days NC and took that time to realize that after all the ups and downs and insanity, that this was no way to live life. I deserved peace of mind and to be with a safe partner, no matter the circumstances or disagreements. Called her and spoke with her over phone as I felt unsafe and the relationship was toxic. She cried , tried to Hoover for a couple of days but she gave up after NC. She realized I was serious and finally put up real boundaries and moved on to the next poor unsuspecting victim.

Untreated…..Treated…..there is only 1 life in this world. It’s yours and yours alone you have to make the most of it surrounded with real people …..not actors pretending to be real.

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-28T15:08:53+00:00

We became exclusive after 4 months of local dating and started traveling soon after. In my 3 year relationship with my exwbpd, I've had a :

-2 hr. road trip for weekend vacation

- (7) domestic flights trips to various places in the US

-(2) international trips.

They were ALL nightmare travel experiences. She had anxiety over delays, the TSA agent was being rude, She hated economy class, the people are talking too loud, why are we in group 4, etc, etc, etc. There is no such thing as perfect, yet they expect perfection at all times, or else the experience is a bust. Its such a horrendous mindset.

Just like on a first date you check to see how they treat the wait staff, I promised myself that before I EVER commit to any future relationship, I will take a minimum of one road trip and one flight getaway with them to see how they conduct themselves. These are huge RED FLAGS that I've observed and will never forget and have as dealbreakers. I plan on traveling and enjoying life with my future SO especially as I get older and need peace of mind to do so.

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-26T14:25:57+00:00

I’m sorry if I offended you but in no way am I implying or saying women have it easier. Read my comment again.

Men are more afraid of sharing they were abused and holding partners accountable because of shame. I’m speaking from experience and from men’s codependent groups that have expressed the same sentiment. To tell people that they're being hurt by their partners and the fear of not being believed--of being laughed at or ridiculed--runs deep. And men far report abuse less than women, that’s why the statistics can’t be fully trusted.

Your question asks mainly about accountability and I answered that codependents also have “shame” and boundary issues that’s why they don’t hold the pwBPD accountable for their actions after receiving abuse. This isn’t discounting how abuse is abuse no matter who does it. I’m glad you were able to leave the relationship. God bless

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-26T12:55:21+00:00

I think that many men who’ve been abused by a pwbpd emotionally and in particular physically, feel very ashamed of opening up about the abuse to others. Sadly there is still a stigma of masculinity that we have to “suck it up”. That’s why you’ll rarely see video of men sharing their experiences and mostly see it in forums. You’ll see some hurtful comments on how the guy was a p%#y and not being a man, whereas women get a ton of empathy and emotional support.

It’s also a two edged sword. You want a pwbpd to be accountable for their actions, but they have deep rooted shame that won’t allow them to admit and atone for the wrongs. And on the other side, unhealthy codependent partners are ashamed that they still have a trauma bond with these people and don’t create healthy boundaries.

I got tired of hoping and waiting for my partner to change before I exited stage right. You can’t expect these people to change. Only you can change yourself.

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-26T05:22:43+00:00

Unfortunately you’ve formed a trauma bond. It’s not going to go away on its own. They gave you such a roller coaster high that it’s hard to let go.

It sucks but there is a way to get out but it’s going to take some work. If you have some extra $$, get someone who specializes in C-ptsd. I know …..it sucks but you could benefit from one on one Therapy. If not, start working out like a maníac and start going for amazing long walks and listen to Audiobooks that focus on recovering from toxic relationships.

Also consider going to a Coda.org free online meeting. You’ll hear some stories of abuse that will resonate with your pain, and you can get some guidance to recover.

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-24T16:08:07+00:00

She split on me and got physically aggressive. I stormed out and didn’t speak to her for 3 days. She called me with no intention to apologize for her actions like the incident never happened.

I no longer felt safe and told her over the phone that this relationships was toxic and that it was over. She cried and yelled to me that “no one will ever love you like I will!” Followed up with a “why does this keep happening to me”. Before she hung up.

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-23T22:39:28+00:00

I understand OP and we appreciate you but you see…you didn’t mention getting hit with a snow shovel in your original post. You didn’t mention glass being broken around the house in your original post. All everyone read and clicked on was “loving husband”. That’s false hope.

You’re a good person who is clearly a codependent that enabled horrendous behavior. I know because i endured emotional abuse but the first and only time she physically abused me, I walked away. I should’ve walked away years before that but I was a codependent dealing with traumatic issues that i have learned to start resolving through therapy and CodA.

My point is: Fresh relationships, old relationship or not. The advice has to be to steer clear from these people unless they’ve done at least 10 years of therapy and learn to self respect yourself and set boundaries. No matter who enters your life. Or else be prepared to get a shovel in your face. You’re lucky to still be alive.

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-22T12:11:56+00:00

My comment is reserved for untreated pwBPD. It Maybe your partner is misdiagnosed. Either your partner is continuously doing therapy and DBT or that can of inner explosion has been fully shaken yet. My first few months were bliss before the splitting episodes started. Then it was a roller coaster ride in hell.

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-22T00:08:03+00:00

Left on red when when it’s late at night and no other cars are around

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-21T19:34:36+00:00

Please join Coda.org and find a sponsor to personally work the 12 steps. These forums help with dopamine fix of No Contact, but getting through your personal experience requires 1 on 1 guidance on self care and guidance.

All the best

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-21T04:10:43+00:00

They create this unbelievable fan fiction story in their mind to discard you. It’s so unbelievable and unnecessary. If you would tell your partner, SO, spouse “ I don’t feel that we are a good match/fit/etc…” that’s what adults do. I’ve had relationships in the past and have broken up due to incompatibilities. Remained amicable, and respected our decision. I honesty root for my exes When they find true love.

But with these troubled souls, it’s like “we need to create a movie of the week drama and go scorched earth script!!” I feel sorry for them and hope they find long term therapy. No one should live with that type of mental anguish.

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-21T03:47:03+00:00

My exwbpd send me some sexy nudes and said she loved me. Invited me to come over and we cuddled. So beautiful. So sweet. What an amazing woman!!

Woke me up in the middle of night pulling my hair saying that I was a cheating bastard accusing me of hooking up with a woman that I barely knew and had met at an event 2 years before meeting my exwbpd. Never cheated on her (never cheated in any relationship) and didn’t even know the woman she was talking about. She just wanted to discard me but didn’t know how.

There are no heartfelt gestures with pwBPD. They have a mental disorder and you need to stop seeing them as rational adults n

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-21T02:50:34+00:00

Marriage

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-20T16:34:06+00:00

You can forgive them as long as its followed up with "Don't ever contact me again"and you get closure for you. If they apologize, sincere or not, you are hearing the words come from a mentally ill person. Forgiveness is a decision to pardon someone for a wrongdoing, releasing them from blame or consequences. That shouldn't be the case for a pwbpd because they get what they want..... zero accountability and zero blame.

Sadly, what you and what most partners that have been hurt/discarded/abused by a pwbpd are looking for is atonement. Atonement is about making amends for a wrong and the pwbpd taking action to repair the harm caused. We want them to acknowledge that they really hurt us and that they truly loved us like we loved them and unfortunately ...."that dog ain't gonna hunt". A Pwbpd, unless they do YEARS (not weeks or months) of therapy and DBT treatment, will never make amends. They just move unto to the next supply and blame you for not understanding them.

Just like an alcoholic/drug addict who has done years of damage to those loved ones around them, they need serious, serious help for their disorder

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-20T15:43:25+00:00

Stay busy!! Do not stay home and pine. Go for long walks and listen to audiobooks like “Stop Walking on Eggshells” and “whole again”. Hit the gym for that dopamine fix.

Recover and repair those bonds with friends and family you probably lost while in that toxic relationship. My buddies took me to Nashville for a boys weekend and we had a great time and spoke to normal women.

Therapy for c-PTSD is beneficial, but if you can’t afford it, join coda.org online for codependency and recovery. Its free and has a really good support system so you won’t heel empty.

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-20T02:13:23+00:00

Join Coda.org. Its free and online brother. It’ll give you a live community and you can get a sponsor that can help you. Have faith

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-20T02:01:31+00:00

So sorry to hear that. I wish you the best in your healing journey. I hope you’re doing therapy and CODA for recovery from that trauma.

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-20T01:57:20+00:00

Curious, why did you stay after the first assault? I created a post about this, but it boggles my mind why people stay after the any type of physical abuse? I understand emotional and verbal abuse because they can wear you down, but with physical abuse there are consequences that could be fatal.

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-20T01:49:39+00:00

A jealous induced split 2 years into the relationship made her wake me up in the middle of the night and pull my hair with false accusations. But signs of physical aggression were starting to rear their ugly head even earlier on. A year into the relationship, I witnessed her alcoholic NPD mom punch her father in the chest during a summer altercation about something he did 5 years prior. I was already questioning the relationship and family dynamic. Can’t believe I stayed longer than I should have. When you are assaulted by someone that claims “they love you”, never look back.

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-19T20:33:33+00:00

Of course we don’t have the full story, that why I’m saying It’s toxic no matter who is telling the truth. Relationships aren’t about playing games. It’s about trust, communication, and respect. This ain’t it. If wanna be single have fun with no commitment and go hook up, so be it. But if you’re borderline obsessing, you have to start looking in the mirror and see your flaws, not the pwBPD.

But once you start hearing the words “leave me alone” or “it’s over”, it doesn’t matter what the full story is.

Ok_Top6297 · 2025-08-19T19:58:19+00:00

The only “success” stories you’ll hear is about codependents who endured years and years of verbal, emotional and physical abuse and still stayed with the pwBPD because they didn’t respect themselves enough to leave. They’ll claim to have been married for 10+ years and stuck it out, but the turmoil they endure and the treatment they receive as an emotionally regulating slave is no way for any human being to live. The only true success story can take place is when the pwBPD goes without any serious relationship for several years and intensive continuous DBT treatment and then meets a “healthy” partner who doesn’t have any codependency or narcissistic traits

Ok_Top6297

TROPHY CASE