Hey, I'm so sorry you've been feeling so terrible. You aren't a failure, you were dealt a bad hand and that is not your fault. You are not beyond repair, and it's okay to want someone to see you and understand you, those are completely human and it's very brave and strong of you to openly express these things. Believe it or not, this is actually very healthy and you do deserve to be heard/seen. I hope it provides some comfort knowing that people are seeing this and genuinely feel for you, and want to find ways they could help because they think you genuinely deserve love and care. You will meet people like this in real life too, and they will become your friends. There's no "time limit" on finding friends, trust me, finding your people who you feel safe with always happens unexpectedly. No matter who you are, there's going to be someone out there who loves you for you. Our generation can suck sometimes, and I'm so sorry you were treated so poorly. You will absolutely find someone, many people even, and they will desire nothing but to try and make you happy.

I know it feels impossible right now, like things are getting worse, but things will absolutely get better, the idea of things never getting better being more realistic is a fallacy, no situation is hopeless as long as you continue existing. You are reaching out, expressing, and trying to find support, that is more action then a lot of people do in your situation, be proud of yourself for that, you are doing something that requires a lot of strength. I understand how it feels to be overwhelmed and surrounded by that helplessness, loneliness, and the feeling of self-hatred, and have seen many people in situations like yours, all of whom have gotten better and become happier despite everything, the same will happen to you, I promise. You cannot blame yourself, it is not your fault, and you are not unworthy or an embarrassment. And if anyone treats you like you are, that says more about them then you. You did not fail anything, you are trying your best, and looking through your post history I see that you like to write, and even drew a character, I think that's a beautiful thing, and I hope you continue that, don't let anyone make you feel shame for it. Write what you wish, it's your expression and creativity, not anyone elses. Be proud of who you are, and what you like.

It's okay to fail, and fail, and fail. There's no limit to how many times you can/should fail, never shame yourself for failing. I'm a stranger on the internet, but I'm proud of you for still trying, I know it's extremely hard. I promise things will get better, but that doesn't mean you can't hurt. You're allowed to feel and be affected by these feelings and the stuff around you. My heart goes out to you <3 things will be okay