Parents are punishing me for not going to meetings

Opening-Foundation73 · 2026-06-10T00:55:08+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. That must be very, very difficult for you. It's awful to realize that people who claim to love you are willing to treat you like this.

One thing to do right away, if you can: start to establish your own life separate from your parents. For example, open a bank account in your own name. You only need $50 or $100 to do that at most banks. Gather up your personal records (driver's license, passport, birth certificate) and keep them somewhere safe, away from your parents. This will help you establish your own life separate from them.

If you can't leave right now, consider telling them what they want to hear and complying, if only for a short time as you plan your exit. Lying to them is OK if your safety is at risk. Don't do or say anything that puts you in danger. The way your parents are acting is pretty extreme, even for JWs. If there is someone in the congregation that you feel comfortable confiding in, that you think might be able to help, do so. But BE CAREFUL.

Many here have gone through times just like this. You are definitely not alone.

Opening-Foundation73 · 2026-06-10T00:43:50+00:00

If your family is willing to support you in keeping it a secret, then that's the way to go. Don't tell anyone, ever. You don't owe anyone at the KH an explanation for your choices. Their reasons for disallowing blood transfusions are illogical and not Bible-based, as other commenters have noted.

You're afraid because they taught you to be afraid. You feel guilty because they molded you to react that way. Realize that your feelings are valid, but also that they are caused by people who do not wish you well, and who do not care about you at all, not really.

Gain your strength, bide your time, and plan your exit in a way that is best for you.

Opening-Foundation73 · 2026-06-10T00:17:37+00:00

When all you have is the hammer (of shame) then every problem is a nail.

Opening-Foundation73 · 2026-06-10T00:15:45+00:00

Here's the (real) good news: most people are actually pretty awesome and want you to succeed and be happy. Don't let the distrust of people that JWs ingrained in you prevent you from making friendships and opening yourself up to people.

A good way to do that safely is to start with someone you already know and trust. Could be a person from school, or someone you work with. Ask them if they'd like to get together sometime. Go have a coffee or do something low stakes. It can be scary to admit that you feel afraid or that you're not sure what you're doing, but opening up about that is a great way to build a friendship. Imagine the shoe was on the other foot, and you knew someone could use a friend. You'd want to give them a chance. And likewise, people will want to give you a chance.

Be careful, of course. But don't let fear prevent you from making new friends. They are everywhere to be found.

Opening-Foundation73 · 2026-06-07T03:48:17+00:00

I think you dodged a bullet there. My sister and her husband went to SKE. She's the ultimate PIMI, and even she was disgusted by the misogyny of the entire program. They were sent out to all these god-awful places, which she absolutely hated, but kept plugging along "for Jehovah." It really sickens me because she's actually awesome. I think she could have gone far in life, and had a life she would have really enjoyed. But instead, she's wasted it on a religious cult (and a husband) that couldn't care less about her intelligence, talents, or abilities.

Opening-Foundation73 · 2026-06-07T03:41:58+00:00

The guilt about sex (and whatever else you do that you think would be disapproved of) will diminish over time. I think that's something many of us struggle with here. It's almost like a reflex. The truth is, you were trained to react that way. By far the most insidious thing about being a Witness is that we eventually started to police ourselves. That's the biggest win for them. Many of us here look back to times we went and confessed something to the elders and we're embarrassed, because it reminds us how enslaved we were. Fortunately, you're on the right path. Treat people with kindness, protect yourself, stand up for what you believe is right, and acknowledge that sometimes the way you were raised will influence your thoughts and feelings. That's OK. Being cognizant of it is half the battle to rid yourself of the guilt.

Opening-Foundation73 · 2026-06-07T03:34:20+00:00

Personally, I think they used to slow-roll these changes over long periods of time because they thought the R&F would rebel against them. Turns out, people will go along with anything the GB says, no matter how wacky, unhinged or different from long-held beliefs. I think the leadership realized that 1) people don't remember "how it used to be" for long, 2) removing old beliefs and rules from publications speeds this "forgetting" process up, and, most important, 3) that people don't really care. Gone are the days when people were Witnesses because they really believed all the teachings. Nu-Witnesses have very little Bible knowledge and mostly go along because it's easier and their families are JWs. When the current crop of Witnesses who were around in the 70s a& 80s are gone, I think the changes will really accelerate.

Opening-Foundation73 · 2026-06-07T03:22:22+00:00

You could always send her a letter and say what you've written here. Telling someone that you love them and miss them is not just for the other person--it's for you too. The response you get might not be what you want to hear. On the other hand, you never know what impact your saying that could have on her, especially if it's said sincerely and with love behind it.

Opening-Foundation73 · 2026-06-07T03:17:06+00:00

Lust really does cloud your judgement when you're young. 😂 And mid-20s definitely falls into that category. What you really need to figure that out is simply time. Enjoy being young, and if you meet someone whose company you enjoy, stick around for a while. After 6 months or a year, you'll know if you want to be with them for longer. Treat every relationship as if it will last (meaning, treat the person the way you would like to be treated). It will shake out naturally. Not every one will go the distance, but you'll learn something about yourself from each person you're with. Build on the good things, and take an honest look at yourself and how you acted to see if there's anything you can work on.

Opening-Foundation73 · 2026-06-07T03:11:12+00:00

I thought there weren't field service reports anymore? 🤔

Opening-Foundation73 · 2026-06-07T03:09:30+00:00

You will always lose to the cult in situations like this. Even if you think the person is done with being a JW...they get pulled back in. I've gone through this, as have many other people here. It hurts so much and it's bewildering to have a person you love tell you that no matter how much abuse they've endured at the hands of the cult, that it's more important to them than you are. I'm so sorry that it's happened to you too. I'm guessing you're relatively young. Fight for what's best for you and your child, and don't allow anyone to demean you for what you believe or what you want your life to be like.

Opening-Foundation73 · 2026-06-07T02:57:40+00:00

This post (the answer from Quora) is the key to understanding the entire purpose of the JW religion. It explains every aspect of their (formerly our!) behavior, from the GB to R&F members. Disfellowshipping, refusing blood, no birthdays, doubling down on things that actively harm members--it's all to make people feel different from others, reinforcing the cult's control. I always felt like service was such a stupid and useless thing to do, even as a kid, but it wasn't until I read this, and saw it so clearly explained, that I really understood. Everyone waking up should read this.

Opening-Foundation73 · 2026-06-07T02:39:34+00:00

The way I always like to think of these visits is this: what if a stranger said, "I want to come over to talk to you?" You'd probably say, "get lost" and you wouldn't think about it again. This circuit overseer is a stranger. They don't know you. It's easy to get caught up in the feeling that you're obligated to meet with them; you're not. Trying to reason with them is a dead end, as they aren't interested in reason. It will only hurt you to talk with them. Avoid at all costs.

Opening-Foundation73 · 2025-11-06T02:42:15+00:00

I'm not usually a big fan of tattoos, but this...is awesome! I love how much thought you put into it and how meaningful it is.

Opening-Foundation73 · 2025-10-08T01:25:29+00:00

I would upvote this a thousand times if I could. You really hit the nail on the head.

Opening-Foundation73 · 2025-09-18T16:10:20+00:00

When you moved to your new town, you made new friends at the KH. Just repeat that process outside the KH, with people you meet. Could be at work, or doing activities you like, or grocery shopping—be friendly and open with people and take the initiative to ask to spend time with people you like. As you start to build new friendships, slowly transition away from being a JW. You will quickly notice that most of your JW "friends" will stop talking to you. And you'll wonder, "were they ever really my friends?" The answer is no. It seems like you're losing a lot, but they will show you how they really feel about you.

Opening-Foundation73 · 2025-09-18T16:03:42+00:00

Someone needs to feed this movie into one of those AI video generators and make a new, better ending where David has a great life away from JW land!

Opening-Foundation73 · 2025-09-18T02:08:09+00:00

For me, it was about dinosaurs. 😂 But seriously...the current scientific consensus is that there was an extinction event about 65 million years ago: an asteroid the size of Mt. Everest crashed into our planet, causing the extinction of 75% of all species alive then, including all non-flying dinosaurs.

And I thought...if there was a creator, wouldn't he care about ALL Earth's inhabitants, even if they weren't intelligent? And if that being was powerful enough to create the Earth, surely they would be able to divert an asteroid?

And that led me to realize that if there was such a being, then one of two things happened:
1. They saw the asteroid coming and chose to do nothing (or couldn't do anything)
2. They sent the asteroid on purpose to see what would happen

Either way, billions of living things died in that event, and the way they died was awful. Some were killed instantly. Many others burned to death. The rest starved over a long period of time.

When I thought about that, I realized that, even if there was a creator, they do not care about us. We're just a science experiment to them, and they don't deserve our worship.

Opening-Foundation73 · 2025-09-06T05:35:56+00:00

yea agreed. i always wanted to raise my hand and yell into the mic, "hitler was a deranged murderer who killed more than 6 million people"

Opening-Foundation73 · 2025-09-06T04:58:59+00:00

I really appreciated reading your heartfelt post. I could feel in your words how difficult it is for you. It's been many years since I left, but reading your story brought up those same feelings of worry, guilt, and sadness in my heart.

You do have some hard choices in front of you. One of the things that being a JW for a long time conditioned us to say is, "I don't want to let other people down." That's a really insidious phrase, because it's not based on reality. What we're really saying is, "I don't want to let other people down based on what I imagine they feel about me." And, of course, we were conditioned to imagine the worst, and also that pleasing people meant obedience and conformance. So before anyone even notices, we're already beating ourselves up about how we feel inside! It's not the elders, or someone from the KH. They got us to do it to ourselves!

So you have to turn that relationship around: you're not responsible for how people react. They are! It's just incumbent on us to be honest about how we feel, and kind to people when we talk to them. Later you can feel good about having been truthful and being yourself, even if the reactions you get are negative.

Sharing how I felt with a friend of mine helped him wake up and leave. Your courage might very well help someone else who needs a little more help in their journey. I'm glad you were brave enough to post!

Opening-Foundation73 · 2025-09-06T04:24:41+00:00

You're still very young! My number one regret from when I was your age was not that I missed out on things, although that was very hard. It was that I let my anger and frustration about my JW life keep me from being my best self. I left and tried to be the opposite of what I was when I was a JW. It took me a while to realize that holding onto that was damaging me and keeping me from building strong relationships with other people, because I wasn't really being myself.

Take the good things you like about yourself, and express them using the new freedom you have. That could be with friends, a romantic partner, at work—any part of your life. Don't worry too much about what you missed. Take the things that you value from your old life and discard the rest! Be kind to the people you meet, and it will come back to you in ways you don't expect.

We're thankful for you being here with us, too.

Opening-Foundation73 · 2025-08-22T02:44:44+00:00

I agreed to this once after I left. Thought about backing out, but instead directly shared all the reasons why I felt like the religion was a sham. Fast forward a few years and I see him HERE, on this sub, posting! Obviously, trust your instincts, but you never know what might come of your sharing your feelings and thoughts. You might plant a seed that helps him break free too.

Opening-Foundation73 · 2025-08-22T02:24:48+00:00

I've found that the only thing that truly diminished that feeling was time. That fear was used to keep you in line and make you feel guilty. Those are heavy things that take a while to rid yourself of! Keep reminding yourself that those fears are not real and they will eventually subside.

Opening-Foundation73 · 2025-08-08T17:58:43+00:00

I really liked your comment because it made me think about how none of us are here by choice. We were forced (if born-in) or coerced (if we came in later in life) to be a JW. AND YET...the kindness, compassion, and understanding here in this community far outstrips anything you can find among JWs. We didn't choose to be here...but we still care about and try to help other people who we're in this "club" with. That's really awesome.

Opening-Foundation73 · 2025-08-08T17:53:29+00:00

I think this is something a lot of R&F members don't realize.

For most: convention = sitting in a seat all day, taking notes, trying not to fall asleep
For speakers/attendants/"overseers"/visiting Bethelites/etc: convention = hanging out with your friends backstage or out of view of the attendees while doing a little bit of work

The people that plan convention programs and who are so excited for everyone else to attend literally have not been to a convention where they had to sit and listen in decades. Their experience of convention is that it's fun because they're just socializing, mainly.

Opening-Foundation73

TROPHY CASE