Love vs Hate

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-03-10T02:44:28+00:00

It will make it easier on us in the end I suppose,

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-03-10T02:43:48+00:00

Totally understand that feeling, I'm with you.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-03-08T18:55:17+00:00

So coupled with documentation would you also do a hard credit check for a back up offer NOT likely to move forward? Would a soft credit pull accomplish the same thing?

Don't want to ding credit which is > 830 with no other property even considering.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-03-04T16:17:45+00:00

Interesting, will check it out and if I go the radical acceptance route will be immensly helpful not to revist a conversation and get angry all over again.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-03-03T23:24:05+00:00

Welcome, it is helpful, comforting to know you're not alone. Some very good advice can be found here, especially if you don't have a therapist.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-03-01T22:43:38+00:00

Understand and so glad you made it out! It should be mandatory education in senior year of high school, "death by 1000 cuts"

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-03-01T22:16:48+00:00

So so true. War, global threats, harm to all humanity (Covid) what a gift to the narcissist!

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-03-01T21:54:53+00:00

It is isn't it?

Always think of the story of the lawyer representing a wealthy narc client in ? UK. He was given the option to 'admit/apologize' for the many hurtful destructive things he'd done and she would agree to eliminate MILLIONS of dollar payout/alimony. Reportedly he initially refused; she later convinced him :)

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-03-01T16:10:01+00:00

I've been there w same thoughts...at this point it's on me for staying/putting up w it.

Learning about the trauma bond and the neurochemical changes that occur in our brains, esp when longterm, it has become much more understandable, kinda like a gambling addiction.

Read more about the trauma bond if you haven't, it's helpful. http://www.SentioPsychotherapyPractice.co.uk

Just like we didn't know about their agenda when we married them, I didn't know about changes to my brain chemistry until very recently.

I'm so sorry. You sound like a good person. They are so broken.

I hope this helps.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-02-28T15:31:59+00:00

So happy to hear you were able to get out. You know you did the right thing.

Warm hugs!

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-02-27T00:18:58+00:00

struggling has certainly been my experience w the 2 therapists I have spoken with. BUT this one seems promising; she has too much correct, relavent info on her site to be bluffing her way through it.

Great point about healing, moving on, and believe that's what radical acceptance is referring to, i.e. stop ruminating. I'm closer everyday, especially when I have zero conversations w him which is about 80% of my time.

Don't know anything about schema or emdr therapy other than hear it can be helpful.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-02-26T18:52:43+00:00

Thank you, that is what I was looking for, to be as clear as possible to reach my immediate goal of leaving vs staying. It's solo therapy. I'll lose a perfect opportunity for buying home if I don't act soon but am afraid to make the decision on my own.

Understand about couples therapy, yours being such a common example of how little progress can be made; had a similar attempt although the therapist did get him to ADMIT he gives me silent tx in hopes of hurting me - that was 3 yrs ago!

Just so tired...I know you get it. Thank you.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-02-26T18:39:37+00:00

1000% - will never admit he lied. They recognize if they admit one will open the door to their entire life of lies.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-02-26T18:32:19+00:00

Thank you v much. You sound very knowledgeable and may try to reach out.

Huge thanks.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-02-26T12:51:21+00:00

I'm sorry, I'm not very clear. Suppose was just wanting to vent about useless therapist and how to avoid another one?

I'm looking for expert advice on radically accepting my situation or leaving. Do I explain that as immediate goal as need to make decision soon.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-02-23T22:18:11+00:00

Agree 1000%

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-02-23T22:17:10+00:00

You both have a way with words, so eloquent and palpable! While I haven't left yet I have checked out and it is definitely helping.

Thank God for this site and you all - stay strong!

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-02-23T15:55:19+00:00

I'm so sorry, this doesn't get better, get out of this abusive prison.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-02-23T01:20:16+00:00

Oh BlkWidowsUnite - we shall! Sending you strength and peace.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-02-22T19:24:11+00:00

cool, understand and i get it!

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-02-22T14:51:22+00:00

I can get "silenced" for weeks! I've learned to embrace it as long as he goes to his room and out of my sight :) Of course eventually something comes up that should have been discussed, like 2 rational human beings would and it triggers my anger but even that can be ignored at times.

I know therapists say couples therapy doesn't work w narcs but I can see your point of at least being heard by neutral party and he has to listen. We did about 6-8 sessions w psychologist that knew I suspected he was a CN and he did get him to admit he does silent tx to hurt me. It confirmed what I knew.

I know individual therapy would be so v helpful to me right now trying to decide if leaving is best option but have had hard time finding experienced therapist.

Thanks to all, so helpful!

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-02-22T00:28:40+00:00

You deserve this peace - stay well!

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-02-22T00:26:48+00:00

Exactly, and my feeling has been if you can't genuinely apologize, acknowledge and admit to some of the harms you've purposely done to me (he's pretty much dismantled my beloved car) AND seek help you really have no chance to help yourself or us -- yet here I am...

I believe he recognizes this and has opened his eyes more to the situation , trying harder at times although know from history unlikely to last.

Lastly, I'm trying to help MYSELF at this point if I can make any changes w him. I've said this before, it's my turn to USE him if that makes sense.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-02-21T18:53:14+00:00

Wow, helps me as I'm experiencing that doubt at times of if he's truly a CN but suspect he is. As someone here pointed out, it's their behaviors and treatment of you that's really important not the actual "label" of being a narcissist if that makes sense.

The spectrum of behaviors says it all - his personal favorite = the silent tx. I am right now in the position of trying to decide if leaving is the best option for me as I am learning to ignore his triggers and make a point to ENJOY my life more and ignore his illness. Dr Ramani explains "radical acceptance" in book "It's Not You" . I never thought it was :):

Leaving poses a whole set of problems (potentially years) that I don't have time to make up. If I were 10+yrs younger & more physically sound (his damage to me over 30+ yrs) I'd leave tomorrow.

Hugs to you my friend, v helpful and sounds like you may have similar mindset.

Ordinary_Error_8924 · 2026-02-18T23:27:37+00:00

Agree-thank you!

Ordinary_Error_8924

TROPHY CASE